shocking

[Eos]

my story starts out back in the begining of my sr year, the year started out great i had a crush on this boy in my math class... he was sweet, cute, and fun... i went to all his soccer games, and i though he would get the hint that i liked him but he didnt, lol, i finailly had the guts to ask him to the upcoming dance, it was for the choir and band members at my school so if i wanted him to go i would have to ask, because he was not part of the choir or band. i put it off till the last minute because i didnt want to be rejected, i wasnt he agreed to go with me, i gave him my number so we could work out all the details of how we were getting there and when and where it was, he called me later that night and we talked for hoursss. about a week later we went to the dance, we had a nice time and he finially showed that he was interested in me. he started stopping by my house and he called me every day (for a month) we never made it "offical". i wanted to, so it would come up every now and then. he was the boy i shared my first real kiss with, i was head over heels for him at the time so i didnt mind kissing him if we werent in a offical relationship. about a 2 months after the dance we were still hooking up and he called every night, untill one day he didnt... then the next day in school he didnt even look at me let alone say hi, i was freaking out i tryed to reasure myself that he had his own stuff going on so he'll call tomorrow. he started flurting with me in school again off and on, leading me on, for about a week, so that weekend i txted him i said "if u want it to be over then let it just be over" he said that he had alot going on and that he wasnt sure of anything anymore, thus i backed off. and so did he. i was soo upset i just wanted to stay home and cry, which i did. my best friend stayed with me and conforted me through the hole thing and she was extremly supportive that weekend. we had become closer then ever before even though we had been friends for a long time.

 

the next week, after the weekend of tears, a boy from my p.e. class asked me on a date. he seemed nice although, i didnt really no him that well he seemed like a decent guy. but still i was hessitent so i talked to my mom i said "mom hes nice but i dont really like him in that way" she said "go out and have fun whats the worst that could happen...", i thought it over and i was still rather blue about the last guy so i decided to go out on a date with the boy from my p.e. class, i thought i t would be fun and a nice way to get me out of the funk. we set up a time for our date but v.day fell a few days before and he wanted to hang out i said ok so we planned to watch a movie, when vday came i was supprized with a rose and a cookie cake. it was supper cute, 'he was really trying' i thought. my best friend said that this would be good for me and that she thought he was a nice guy, she hadnt met him yet but just from what i was telling her she thought he would be good for me. we went to his house and put in a movie we were talking and getting to know one another and he started trying to kiss me i stopped him and said we havent even gone out yet, he tryed getting me to kiss him but it was a no go, i did have a good time, and we had stuff in common, so i was kinda excited for our date, i didnt have the butterflies for him though, even though he was nice i just didnt really like him. more of a friend vibe. our date fell through. i had pushed off packing till the last minute and relized there was no time to go out on a date the night before my big trip to v.a. beach. i told him i was sorry and that we would go out right when i got back from vayk he was upset but he said that would be fine, he called and txted me all week, he new that i would be arriving back in the state super early around 2 or 3am so he offered to pick me up, so that my mom wouldnt have too, i thought that was great,i started to have a bit of a crush on him. he then started offering to drive me to school and home, which was pretty cool he lived the street below mine so it was nicer then taking the bus and i could start getting to know him and we finially went to the movies, we had a nice time. a day or too later he asked me to prom, i said yes. and we started our relationship. when ever we hung out if we were kissing i could tell he wanted more, alot more. he would try to take my shirt off or something along those lines and i would say no and he wouldnt stop so i would push his hands away, it was hard for me to do that because he was stronger then me, he would try to make compromises by saying he wouldnt take off my bra if i took off my shirt or the other way around, i said no all time to him but he jus wouldnt get it, it was a struggle every time i said no. [looking back on this i feel soooo stupid]

 

although he was a bit forceful he was still "kind" and i wasnt looking for anything serious and i was attatched so i didnt see a problem

 

it was cool, his bestfriend and my bestfriend were going to prom together, she had a f.buddie thing going on with him but he was away at boot camp and had a girl friend, they had been sleeping with each other for awhile, so i suggested to my best friend we all go camping after prom

every one was happy about it and thought it was a good idea, but first we had to get through prom and the dress hunt was on. they wanted to wear there class A uniforms which are a really odd shade of green so me and my best friend were going to find complimtry dress colors and HE said that he would take us to the mall to find a nice dress color to match. that was the first time they met, my bestfriend and boy friend. they got along rather nicely. it had only been a week in to our relationship i had gotten sick i went to the e.r. and they didnt no what i had, i felt like i was going to die, i was in sooo much pain. and the doctors couldnt tell me what was wrong, blood test after blood test and everything was negitive. i was out of school for a week, both my bestfriend and boyfriend called to see how i was feeling, everyday. by the end of the week i felt tons better and went to the mall with my mother, we found a prom dress store i fell in LOVE with a cream dress it went perfect with the green! i bought it.

that was on friday and by friday night my friend from choir told me she heard a rummor that my bf was cheating on me, with my best friend, i thought it was weird and because i was tired from the long day i went right to bed, i didnt believe it, i thought there was a high chance of him chetting on me only cuz i wasnt giving him what he wanted. and after only a week of being in a relationship i though it would be easier to break things off with me, then, he would be able to sleep with who ever he wanted. but i didnt believe my best friend would do that to me, never had that thought even crossed my mind. my best friend and i did everything together this couldnt happen. the next day a txt him i said that i heard a rummer. it wasnt a big thing to me and i just wanted to let him know what was being said about him he called me as soon as he could, but i was in the middle of something and couldnt talk i told him we would talk later and that it was no big deal. i was with a friend i hadnt seen for awhile and was late getting home by ten minutes and asked where i was and when i was getting back, i told him i would be home soon and that we would talk then he txted me within 5 minutes he said that it wasnt going to work out, and that he couldnt be with anyone who didnt trust him. i replyed that it wasnt that i didnt trust him it was i was going to tell him what people were saying. he said he wasnt sure... later around 9 he stopped by and we talked and cleared the air, he was kissing me and tryed to get more physical even then he pulled on my ponytail and asked if i would like it like that (meaning rough) then he said i should try it, i flipped out and told him to let go[prolly should have walked out then], he said over and over how he couldnt believe i didnt trust him, and "how could i think i could do that with my bestfriend" 2 hours of that! we said bye and i started getting out of the car he said "are we together?" i said with a laugh im not sure u broke up with me and then he said that i needed to get back in the car. "we needed to talk" i thought that was what we were doing but i guess we werent. he told me it was true. i laughed. he said "u dont believe me?" he reached for the phone called my bestfriend he asked how many times have we had sex, she replyed 5, then he hung up. i laughed a little, he asked if this would effect the relationship between me and my best friend, i told him that was none of his concern and got out of the car.

 

i took them both right out of my life. i now have alot of fears about friendship and trust, i learned that respect should always be given and trust is something that is earned. but on the other hand when is trust earn how do u no when someone can be trusted? when does it get to that point?

 

now i have met an amazing guy and he treats me right and respects me. i still have some fears about him being mad at me over stupid things or him finding one of my friends atractive. i dont want to lose him and at the same time im not sure how to go about the relationship thing, i dont want to bother him. i try really hard not to call him cuz he might be with his friends and i feel like i would be a bother. im starting to have strong feelings for him, how will i know if my past is getting in my way? and how do i make sure it stays in the past? [the inscurity things] i have no problems keeping those people out of my life. i feel like now i might be to quick to trust others. even after what happened i was still able to hold my head up high it just feels like now the floor is at eye level.

 

sorry for the length... i think i needed to get it all out at once because i have not been able to say it all to anyone, i feel to stupid about it. how could something or someone so pointless take away so much?

[honour and trust]

Well sweetie, grow tough skin because you will more than likely experience many more relationship issues as time goes on. My only suggestion to you is to be confident and understand who you are. If think highly of yourself and understand you then nobody can do it for you. Trials and tribulations prepare us for our next test and what you learned previously will help you with the next. Try and be fair to this guy but at the same time be who you are and be who you want to be. If there's something there, he should understand but always communicate with him if you are experiencing "a moment."

[Eos]

thank you!! it means so much to me that you took the time to read my beast of a story. im starting to get that it might be one of the close ur eyes and jump, hope for the best type of thing.

[verve]

From what I've read, you seem to be a good person with a strong set of morals.

 

We all get let down by others in our lives and we have bad relationships before we find the right person. Its important you don't let these bad experiences affect your future, think about what has happened and learn from them. Don't let things that have happend in the past affect your happiness because they have happend now and can't hurt you further unless you hold on to them. Let them go and move forward.

 

And remember your new man hasn't done anything wrong, I'm a believer in giving people a chance until they prove they can't be trusted. Don't be overly trusting and have you wits about you but dont' assume he's going to be like the loser who cheated on you.

 

Good luck with things

[torranceshipman]

You sound like a really sweet girl with good morals and an equally good head on your shoulders! Unfortunately everyone will run into a jerk at some point (usually quite a few times!) in our dating lives but the key is to do exactly what you did - walk away immediately when you see that the person has disrespected you. Well done for how you handled the other things....it's a really tough thing you got through there, with your BF and boyfriend cheating on you and so close to prom, and you handled it without drama and in a really great way...I know, it always really hurts when these negative things happen or when you get your heart broken but try not to let past R's affect current ones negatively (easy to say, I know, sometimes hard to do!). Just keep on handling things how you have been, and I think you'll be fine!