A fine mess I've gotten into with 2

[mortensorchid]

I have a new bf these days. We had met for the first time at a Christmas party, we met again just a few weeks ago. Now, we are an item. I think at least. It's just been a few weeks.

 

Last night I went to the bar after classes. There I met up with a man I had a thing with last summer. He blew me off. We ran into each other last spring and we were hostile towards each other. Last night, we made up. He asked me to come back to his place to listen to some soul music. Which we did. And then ... You know. He asked if he could see me again, I told him I have a bf now. Didn't stay over his house.

 

He left his cell phone in my car, I went back to return it to him. Spent the afternoon with him.

 

He asked if he could see me again, I reminded him that I have a bf. He said he's an emotional mess now. I agreed with him. I don't think I should see him anymore.

 

Am I bad for doing this? I gave into my wants and needs. We're only human, I know. But, he was there. So was I. Am I bad?

[theobserver]

Clear lack of impulse control, little respect for your new boyfriend. Are you bad?

Good, Bad all perspective all that is true are acts in shades of grey depending on the moment.

 

What I personally can suggest, do cut contact with this OM who has come back into your life, it seems he's happy having you as a side squeeze even though you have told him several times you have a boyfriend would you really want to be with a man like that who clearly can not respect boundaries if you were to date him what's to stop him kissing other women because he feels the need to.

 

As for your boyfriend, well you dropped the ball, you barely mentioned him other then static "I told him I had a boyfriend... he's new" so yes it's new fresh and you've already broken the trust (don't give me that new age we never had the exclusive talk. Unless you met on a dating site) decide if you really want to be with your new bf though your actions have clearly suggested it's not long term for you, tell him what you did and break it off. Set him free.

 

Be happy with yourself and stop being an easy ride. Learn to atleast break it off with someone you declare your boyfriend if you decide to ... "you know" with someone else.

 

Best of luck. *spanks* bad girl.

[luvstarved]

Well what is done is done. What is not done...don't do. Unless it is ok with you if the new bf does the same.

 

I don't think it is "new age" to reserve exclusivity to mutual agreement...but...having said that, if you see yourself wanting an exclusive relationship with the new bf, then it is wiser to start practicing it now.

 

You aren't even sure he is your bf. Clearly you have not discussed your relationship and until then, technically you are free to do what you want. But consider what you do really want, and how you might feel if the shoe were on the other foot. For all you know, he spent the afternoon with an emotionally challenged ex fling, too.

 

If you want a relationship in which you can be with multiple partners, that is your prerogative, but whatever relationship you have with the new bf will work both ways.

 

When you do figure out the nature of this new relationship, I do not think that you need to disclose this fling unless there is some potential health risk to the new bf. I would not volunteer this information but would be honest if asked outright, personally.

 

And if you have a history of giving into spontaneous urges and asking questions later, then it is only fair to him to let him know that, too. Or getting counseling if you want to stop yourself.

 

I am not saying that you do or don't, lots of people have silly flings when they are not committed. It's not the end of the world. I am just saying that you need to look at yourself and what you want, and who you need to be to get it...

 

I'd also make a clean and permanent break with the fling, as friends or FWBs, if you have any exclusive intentions with new bf.

[twice_shy]

I have a new bf these days. We had met for the first time at a Christmas party, we met again just a few weeks ago. Now, we are an item. I think at least. It's just been a few weeks.

 

Last night I went to the bar after classes. There I met up with a man I had a thing with last summer. He blew me off.

 

So here you were, you have a bf, and you were trying to gain the attention of this other man.

 

 

We ran into each other last spring and we were hostile towards each other. Last night, we made up. He asked me to come back to his place to listen to some soul music. Which we did.

 

 

And your bf was where exactly in your mind at that time?

 

 

He left his cell phone in my car, I went back to return it to him. Spent the afternoon with him.

 

 

Why are you spending ANY significant amount of time with another guy if you have a bf? maybe you should tell your bf you were spending time with another guy and that you were fulfilling your "needs" of wanting another man.

 

Then maybe your bf will have a backbone and decide he won't put up with behavior like that and breakup so you won't have to.

 

 

He asked if he could see me again, I reminded him that I have a bf. He said he's an emotional mess now. I agreed with him. I don't think I should see him anymore.

 

Am I bad for doing this?

 

yes

 

 

I gave into my wants and needs.

 

And what wants and needs are those, getting male attention? Hoping something happens with someone other than your bf?

 

Instead of going out to a bar and going to another guy's house, how about spending your time with your bf and tending to both your needs AND his?

 

Of course not, that would be too boring wouldn't it?

 

 

We're only human, I know. But, he was there. So was I. Am I bad?

 

yes

[twice_shy]

Be happy with yourself and stop being an easy ride

 

OUCH!!

[Bryanp]

How would you feel if your new boyfriend was screwing another woman behind your back? Do you understand what it means to be in a relationship and be an item? Why don't you be honest with your so-called new boyfriend and tell him the truth that you have been having sex with another guy behind his back and allow him to decide if he wishes to remain an "item" with you.

[syz]

yep you need to tell your bf, especially if you didn't have safe sex, then he especially has the right to know. You have *needs* and I'm sure your bf has the same needs. If he doesn't and wants to just be with one woman you need to tell him so he can find that.