Reflections of the Cheating EX

[BackonTrack]

Ah man, I just re-read these post today...

Man I don't know what I am doing making excuses for my ex.

 

I don't know what she wanted from me, I think she's just a whore.

She liked ****ing new people, I don't know.

 

Anyways wiseone1 about your question about my current relationship.

The girl is nice, not what I want but she'll due for now, I think she has already fallen in love for me, damnit, she's going to be hurt when its all said and done.

 

I feel sorry for her, but then again I think she knows I am not going to stay, I think she's just riding it out to see where it takes us.

 

One last reflection,

It appears somewhere along the course of my relationship, my ex must of figured I wasn't the guy for her, she didn't tell me though, instead tricked me, began banging another dude, grew bitch, naggy, somewhere along the line decided to choose the OM, prehaps he was more her type, not sure I don't know but she couldn't tell me, so she pretended, I started to mature, appears she re-open the book on me, i didn't know it was closed, then i found out & it was officially the end, but it wasn't we dragged it out for another month and that drag-end ended up with me going mad, driving by her house & her saying stop harassing me, so what i have come to realize, it was never about me, I don't feel as if I did anything so wrong as to justify having a full-blown affair on me, maybe I am over-stating these things, maybe it wasn't an affair, maybe she just ****ed the OM, off & on, when I went away, decieded to move forward with him, when I return, things probably weren't air tight with this new dude so she pretended to be in a relatioship with me until the point when she fell in love with this dude, then instead of breaking up with me, just stayed awayed, until finally i grew upset and broke up with her which is when she started to come around more, open the book back up on me, etc etc etc blah blah, i don't know jack ****.

 

that whore, i want to hear her side of the story as to why she did it, why she didn't stop and why she didn't come back. I'll be sure to ask these questions if I should see her in the future and if only she attempts to talk to me which is very, extremely damn near imporoable to happen. But I want to know all the details, everything, I wonder if she would ever have the courage to tell me

 

damn I regret going mad & driving by her house, calling her 3-4 times demanding she break up with me in person then sending her an email saying sorry, damn i wish i didn't do that, i really wish i didn't do that, at the time i was telling myself i should do that, but i did it anyway, it gave me closure, forced closure, oh well, damn i should of tuffed it out.

 

Its funny, when I was walking outside in my parking lot, I asked my friend about the last time he spoke to the ex and what he thought, he goes "Well, I don't remember what she said exactly, but from what I know, she seem happy & she moved on with her life and she's on the mentaility like, 'don't ever contact her, she'll contact me if she wants too'" then I started to laugh to myself and say, **** that whore, i ****ed with her a long time, and said, maybe I did treat her bad, I don't know. I was happy. I didn't really care about her feelings though, I never cared about that girl, only when she was with me, then when she wasn't out of site out of mind, but she was with me all the time for a long time, thats not true, i'm llieing to myself, i really cared about her, but why do i feel as if I treated her bad. LOL, I did, I would always confuse her mind, never took her serious either, damnit, I didn't know I would fall in love with that female, I never knew, I loved her, I never knew how good she made me feel inside, I didn't know, did I mess up on her? Na, she ****ed up.

 

ahh whatever it was long time ago, i should bury this now.

Thanks folks

[nopainnogain]

 

that whore, i want to hear her side of the story as to why she did it, why she didn't stop and why she didn't come back. I'll be sure to ask these questions if I should see her in the future and if only she attempts to talk to me which is very, extremely damn near imporoable to happen. But I want to know all the details, everything, I wonder if she would ever have the courage to tell me

 

 

 

Even if she did tell you ,you wouldnt accept the truth because you dont trust her anymore. See,I wanted to ask questions and I did.

 

I got a bunch more BS that made me more insane in the membrane.

 

My point is,even if you know ,it wont help. Most likely will lead to more questions and fighting.

 

Upon my reflections I think my ex had the mentallity of a male. She grew up in a houshold of dudes and when I met her she showed me her address book which had just one female friend,rest were guys. Looking back she probably banged all those fools too:sick:

[nopainnogain]

I guess one mans trash is another mans treasure.

[BackonTrack]

Even if she did tell you ,you wouldnt accept the truth because you dont trust her anymore. See,I wanted to ask questions and I did.

 

I got a bunch more BS that made me more insane in the membrane.

 

My point is,even if you know ,it wont help. Most likely will lead to more questions and fighting.

 

Upon my reflections I think my ex had the mentallity of a male. She grew up in a houshold of dudes and when I met her she showed me her address book which had just one female friend,rest were guys. Looking back she probably banged all those fools too:sick:

 

 

I don't know what to say. It look like we had the same type of chick, the difference though is your relationship lasted 4 years before your ex started to show her true colors. It looks like you went longer & farther than me with your EX, I am so happy that your situtation isn't mine, I think I would of been totatlly destroyed.

 

In a way, I am happy talking to you in the sense that I know I dodge a bullet, in another sense I am sad for you because I was only with mine for 1.4 years, Really only 9 good months. Its like your me, but the version that went farther & lasted longer, I don't know how your coping, I am sad that you had to go through this.

 

If there is anything I can learn from this experience is that I must communicate better with the person I am with. Me and my EX never sat down and had the exclusiveness talk, we never had define roles for each other. I thought my EX knew, hell she knew, she choose to ignore it, she confused herself, I don't care what anyone tells me.

 

All I can say is, I have learn a great deal about this experience, I want to contact my ex, I really do. I haven't spoken to her in months, I want to know what she's up too, I want to know if I can hit it again. Damn, but I'm not going on. I wonder how long this NC is going to last. I wonder if its going to be like one of those things, where someone waits for the other person to make the first move, or one of those things that just best left burried in the past, and if we have a chance encounter, we have a chance encounter, otherwise we are not in each other's life.

 

Or its going to be one of those things, where iot goes on for so long, I am just going to forget about her and not think twice about her. So far everyday for the past 5 months she has been on my mind, not so much as before, but everyday she's on my mine, a little less as each day.

Its going to be a while before I forget her completely, maybe another 4-5 months. Wow,its going to take about 10+ months to get over her.

 

Thats crazy, my last girlfriend I dumb her, didn't think about her after that for like 8 years until I got dumped. I wonder if she even thinks about me, I doubt it, she has someone, then again, she had that dude for 6 months but still kept coming around, still loved me, didn't move on until I found out & cuss her out, then when I would talk to her on the phone, she sounded so deseperate, I mean desperate, I could hear it inher voice, she wanted to come back, I didn't tell her to come back though so I know she still loved me, then she u-turn, told me to **** off, after I broke down, after I told her lets work it out.

 

All I'm saying is, I don't know what I'm saying. I have no more sorrow, no more grief, no more hurt, no more sadness, no more angry, I have nothing left within me to so now its like, ok I just have to accept the situtation and keep moving forward, focus on what I have, as opposed to what I don't, and just live life.

 

Thats what I'm doing, I have found someone to keep me company, I am keeping her at a distance at the moment, its not the same. Its just not the same.

 

I don't know what else I can say, I have said it all, i can't reflect more on this relationship, there is nothing more to learn, all I can do right now is just thug it out, I have to just carry on until the day when I no longer think about her on a daily basis.

 

I think thats the last battle I have to fight, that battle is going to be the hardest, if it is indeed true that I must find another person to replace the memories I have of my ex, then Thats going to take a very long time though.

 

I mean being without her is not so bad, its ok. At the end of the day, I can live with her in my head, atleast its not like before when I use to hear her voice calling me, her voice was so deafing, it was so loud, I can't hear it anymore.

 

Despite all I have learn, despite my growth as a person, despite it all, I honestly regret this relationship. The things she was so FEARFUL OFF, is what she did to me. I just want to bury this, I just want bury it and forget about it.

[nopainnogain]

 

All I'm saying is, I don't know what I'm saying. .

 

LOL

 

Anyways. Yeah ,be lucky you didnt get married or have kids. Im glad we didnt because she has major baggage, she needs to be medicated sooner or later. She just to clouded in the fog.

 

Coping- staying busy,eating good,funny movies,dating,positive ppl,stacking chips,close with family(trying),posting here,music,reading,hobbies,working on my classic 1970 trans am.

 

You sound a lot better. Its been a long time for me but I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

patience my friend

[tommiw]

Na, its the past. I already had her. There are better women out there.

I'm not that desperate, but we would make a good couple. She compliments me, if only she wasn't a whore, things would of worked out, secretly though between me and you, if no one would ever find out, i would take her back.

 

I love the whore, I like the whore, but she's a whore. I can't marry the whore, or show the whore off, she'll end up ****ing one of my friends

 

She doesn't have a moral compass of whats right or wrong. It wasn't ingrained within her growing up as a child, things that should bother her, doesn't seem to bother her + she's easily influenced and easy to manipulate, she would of been my downfall in life.

 

wow exactly like my ex and my case.

[nopainnogain]

I love the whore, I like the whore, but she's a whore. I can't marry the whore, or show the whore off, she'll end up ****ing one of my friends

 

This is seriously hillarious.

[BackonTrack]

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[BackonTrack]

I am not sure why I am updating this post, prehaps because in some small way I would like to think other people are in similar situtations or maybe someone is going through the same problems that I went through during my relationship.

 

My relationship with my ex was doomed from the start, we were both two different people, yet we we were both the same.

 

For a time things were good until my ex wanted more and really never came flat out & told me. All I really remember is that I had plans for her to move in with me, to get us an APT, I don't know what happen but I woke up 6 months later with a new life, the same life but different n without her.

 

Upon reflection, I realized my ex tried to talk to me, she gave me about 6 or 7 warnings through a 2-3 month period before she started ****ing the OM. Since then I have went out with a few different females, I noticed that I didn't really learn much, everything I thought I learn, I already knew and was applying them with my EX. The main difference is that now, I know what I can or can't do when it comes to the person your in a relationshp with. You can bascially do what you want.... until the other person stops you.

 

So in about 6 months, I haven't heard from the EX, some say its because she doesn't care, I think personally its because she forgot about me, not per say she doesn't care but out of mind out of sight. Me on the other hand, I am doin find & well, for a few months I was really messed up, I don't really remember what happen, I just now as of today, I am in the place I was before everything happen.

 

I honestly don't believe I will see this ex again in life, we just live in two different worlds, I can honestly say that I hope she finds happyness in life without blinking at eye. Other than that, I can careless about this particular female, I won't sit here and badger her, it doesn't make any sense but what I do know is that I believe cheating is within her nature. I am glad I dodged the bullet, its kind of ironic, I believe she feels she dodged a bullet as well, as she was trying to get pregnaught from me for several months.

 

So what now? No big deal, for those of you who are really messed up, the only healer to a broken heart is time.

 

In hindsight, I realized that I kept my ex at a distance for a VERY VERY long time, she stayed anyway, she even tried to do little things to make us closer, I didn't want to go there with her, I just kept her at a distance, appears she grew upset & left me.

 

U know someones, when I am driving or alone, I have flashbacks, not notsologic per say, but I think to myself 'WOW, this girl loved me", then I brush it off & carry on my day. I don't know whois fault caused the demise of this relationship, I think it was a combination of both of us, but she cast the death kneel by havin the affair, in fact I don't even understand why she kept coming back, I think it was because she didn't want to let go, but I forced her, Called her all sort of names, cursed her out, fired her, but even then that wasn't enough.

 

She didn't deciede to write me off until she seen me sweating, until I called her one day, broke down in tears, but thats the past, so lets focus on the future.

 

I have a friend, I knew her about 2 years, I know she's inito me, I was with her yesterday, it felt good, it felt like I was in a relationship with her, she's different than the ex, she's not stupid, has life experience, I don't think she's a whore, I don't think she will cheat on me, she's assertive, I think I could love her, it might take lots of time, but I think I can do it.

 

I don't like her, I lust her, I want to have sex with her, its not a strong attraction, but I can work with it, I felt the same way about my last ex, I ended up falling in love with her, the thing I did notice though about this whole experience is that I am able to instantly determine which girls I can fall in love with. Its rather strane, when I am talking to a female, I get a strane sensation run through my mind, it triggers the eraseal of me thinking about my ex instantly.

 

U know, I think I know why this relationship failed. I didn't let my EX in, I didn't express my feelings to the EX, she wanted a reason to stay, I didn't give it to her, so she began the affair, she then wanted a reason to stop, I didn't give it to her so she left me. My brother put it best to me when he said,

 

[

Yo son at the end of the day chase money **** bitches they fall into

place after you rich anyways.The name of the game is never let them see

you sweat. When everybody gets comfortable its nature to test the waters

to see what you can get away with. If this chick is dumb enough to not

recognize a good dude when she's next to him. That's not a chick that

can make smart decisions for herself so who's lost is it. Remember you

got something that a lot of niggas don't have and probably never will.

Every chick got a pussy so if that's what she's given away let her get

****ed. And learn the hardway ]

 

He told me this 6 months ago, It never sank into my brain until I looked at his email yesterday.

 

So thats about it folks, its a wrap on this situtation.

Time to focus on my new girl, I am glad I took the time out to heal, I am glad that I had friends to get me through this, mostly female companions who kept me company so I wouldn't feel alone. I don't think they realized how much they helped me, I never showed that I was down. I would hang out with them, then go in the bathroom & start tearing, I was realizing that I was forgeting my ex, I was realizin that they were replacin her memories. I don't have any more tears to shed, I bleed her out my system.

 

I have come to realize, in time, I will forget about her, like she never existed. I am not even sad writing that last statement, its just the reality of the situtation.

 

I'm out folks, to all those struggling, I was there, I've been there, I know what your going through, time is the only healer. Time & keeping busy doing things, friends, hobbies, excerise, just developin a new routine without your ex. Thats all......

[nopainnogain]

My brother put it best to me when he said,

 

 

Yo son at the end of the day chase money **** bitches they fall into

place after you rich anyways.The name of the game is never let them see

you sweat. When everybody gets comfortable its nature to test the waters

to see what you can get away with. If this chick is dumb enough to not

recognize a good dude when she's next to him. That's not a chick that

can make smart decisions for herself so who's lost is it. Remember you

got something that a lot of niggas don't have and probably never will.

Every chick got a pussy so if that's what she's given away let her get

****ed. And learn the hardway

 

 

 

Your bro is a cool dude. Only if you would of read that 6 months ago lol.

Just like scarface, first comes the money,then comes the power , then the pussy. we had it all backwords.

[BackonTrack]

still not over it, i'm back to being annoyed now that i'm thinking about her.

damnit man, this **** won't go away, been 5 months

 

i just want to forget....

i drunked text her few days ago, i think this set me back....

[BackonTrack]

Everyday for the last 6 months, roughly about 150 days, I have been waking up with the ex on my mind.

 

Directly after the breakup, I would awake, I would look to my right and reach for my ex, the bed was empty, my head would begin pounding with a daunting realization and I would say to myself 'how did you let this happen, I cannot believe you let this happen.'

 

This contiuned for about 1-2 weeks followed by panic attacks, breakdowns and random flashbacks of us that would make me collapse to the floor, in addition to hearing her voice calling me, a loud call, it was deafing, maddening, it was almost un bearable.

 

After about 1-2 months, it would not be so extreme, I would fight myself to think about something else, distract my mind bey reading a book first thing in the morning or excerising, this did not diminish the prospects for reconillation though, In these 1-2 months, I had hope she would return.

 

As time kept going, I started to doubt that she would return, but every morning like clock-work she would be on my mind, it came to a point where I would get annoyed that I was still thinking about her.

 

Fast forward about 3-4 months, a total now of roughly 6 months, I would think about the ex everyday, as soon as I awaoke, then it became 10 minutes after I awoke, 1 hour, 2 hour, No I woke up today and I didn't even think about her. I went the entire day, her thought was not in my mind until about 5 minutes ago which is when I realized, I forgot her.

 

I'm pass my struggles now, the healing process is now complete.

[nopainnogain]

Everyday for the last 6 months, roughly about 150 days, I have been waking up with the ex on my mind.

 

.

 

The feelings after the breakup are equivelent to being in jail . Ive never been in jail but I watch shows on discovery channel like locked up. So I can imagine. But we are not in jail ,so that thought alone for me helps me realize that it could be worse. There are people in worse situations. We can get out there and do whatever we want. And one thing we shouldnt do is dwell in the past especially over some dumb broad

[BackonTrack]

Its been about 7 months since the break. Wow almost a year ago. I still didn't forget about what happen.

 

Now I'm like ****, I lost my **** buddy. I loved having sex with that girl. I wonder where everything went wrong. Actually I know, I neglected her, stop talking to her, took her for granted but she never left until one day I found out she was cheating and broke down. Have not heard from her since.

 

During my healing, I was fighting the emmotions, shacked up with a few rebounds, gave me a temporary confidence boast, but as time passed, I realized it wasn't the same, I realized I would have to go through this healing process on my own.

 

So now 6 months later, I've emerged, fixed, whole again. Everything is the same except I don't have on demand pussy. I loved ****ing that girl. I have to start over from scratch again, damn its going to take allot of money and time to rebuild what I had before.

 

The relationship was so long ago, over a year since she started cheating, over 7 months since we officially split. I don't remember it anymore. I only have images in my mind, like snap-shots followed by memories of laughter n fun.

 

Then a dark cloud appears n I get turned off and everything fades to black. Right now I am wondering, if she wanted back in life right this second, what would I do.

 

These feelings of disdain and disgust are taking over, I'm started to not look at the ex in positive manner. She honestly is starting to repulse me. Its not a feeling of hate, but more like something diseased.

 

I am here talking as if I had a choice in the manner.

The honest truth of the situation is, I've been broke up for about 6-7 months now, nc for about 6, n I'm still not over it. Granted the feelings are now gone, but the memory is still alive.

 

The events that occurred are still being played in my mind, like a old projection tv, that fades in and out of focus. Its been 7 months, but it seems like yesterday n it seems like so long ago.

 

My relationship was the past, is the past, Its almost been a year and it still bothers me.

 

Lets see how i feel next month.

[BackonTrack]

Well Now is Next month.

I might as well put one final post about this situation before I block this site completely from my life and never look back again.

 

I don't really have anything to write as I have said everything multiple times.

Not sure how I am going to close this chaper in my life.

 

The best I can say is

 

a) listen to what your girlfriend tells you (really listen)

b) follow your gut and instincts.

c) always try to think of activities u can do together

 

Took me a while, about 8 months to get over it completely. Funny I just woke up today, I could not remember her name.

 

It was just February, now its almost October. I was lost in the fog for a while. Not sure what happen to me. My mind must of been messed up.

I wasted almost a year of my life getting over her, she wasn't even worth it. Everything Stopped.

 

I'm backed up in bills now, time to get focused again. Took a big hit when she left, financially and mentally. Didn't realize she had such a big affect on me. I wonder what happen to us. I loved that girl. That relationship was sort of like a trailer of what it is like to be with your wife. I didn't know what I was doing, I wingged most of that relationship. In the end though, ewww, she hit me with a atom bomb, took a while to recover.

 

It could of been faster, but I just let time do its thing. Didn't fight at all.

 

Later Folks. Time to block this site now.

Thanks for the help.