highfive Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 My wife and I are in our mid-forties, married 20 years, 2 children. Over the years our relationship has changed to the point that I am usually the one to initiate intimate contact. She usually always responds, so I am OK with being the initiator. As per my other recent posts, we are very good friends and I love her dearly. To keep the passion alive, over the years I have tried all the usual things (romantic dinners, romantic destinations, full body sensual massages, music, candles, taking care of her first) but lately I have found that it takes a lot more work to get her aroused, and sometimes she falls asleep before I can take care of her . What am I missing? What should I try next? Any tips? Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 My wife and I are in our mid-forties, married 20 years, 2 children. Over the years our relationship has changed to the point that I am usually the one to initiate intimate contact. She usually always responds, so I am OK with being the initiator. As per my other recent posts, we are very good friends and I love her dearly. To keep the passion alive, over the years I have tried all the usual things (romantic dinners, romantic destinations, full body sensual massages, music, candles, taking care of her first) but lately I have found that it takes a lot more work to get her aroused, and sometimes she falls asleep before I can take care of her . What am I missing? What should I try next? Any tips? Your wife may be pre-menopausal. She should get to a dr to see about her hormonal levels. (One thing I've found for myself --- is that romance is great, sensuality is wonderful, but talking to each other for awhile in bed before anything else commences helps me relax after a days work - and will make me feel more desired and desirable than just about anything). Also, I like making out . Link to post Share on other sites
Author highfive Posted August 7, 2008 Author Share Posted August 7, 2008 Your wife may be pre-menopausal. She should get to a dr to see about her hormonal levels. Yes, you could be right about perimenopause, but I don't think she would respond well if I were to suggest getting her hormones checked. To be more clear, I guess the main issue is that when I am giving her a massage, she takes much, much longer to get aroused. Does anyone have any massage tips to speed up / increase arousal? Link to post Share on other sites
Rorocher Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 If anyone had a correct answer to that, they should patent it and get rich. People are different and bodies are different, what turns A on may repulse B. You just have to get to know your wife and find out what gets her motto running. And the best way to do that will be to ask her. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmasMuse Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 Its not that uncommon for people's libidos to drop some in their 40's You could always talk with your heathcare provider too, they may have some tips. Link to post Share on other sites
Syrrah Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 My wife and I are in our mid-forties, married 20 years, 2 children. Over the years our relationship has changed to the point that I am usually the one to initiate intimate contact. She usually always responds, so I am OK with being the initiator. As per my other recent posts, we are very good friends and I love her dearly. To keep the passion alive, over the years I have tried all the usual things (romantic dinners, romantic destinations, full body sensual massages, music, candles, taking care of her first) but lately I have found that it takes a lot more work to get her aroused, and sometimes she falls asleep before I can take care of her . What am I missing? What should I try next? Any tips? Before the massage why don't you try watching something she may find arousing this is different for different women, soft porn, a romantic movie with her favourite actor then try the massage. Also try "The joy of sex" it has some great tips and positions to try different things, it's not the karma sutra so you don't need to be super athletic to get all the poses . Or you could try a fantasy night, both of you write down things that arouse you and put them in a hat, pull one out of the hat and you both agree to act it out without judging the other or laughing at them. This will give you better insight into some of her new fantasies and you both get to enjoy them. Try different things, see what you both enjoy, changing things around keeps it fresh and stimulating. Hope this helps some. Sy Link to post Share on other sites
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