I want to STOP being jealous

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So in the 10 years i have been with my wife (married 6yrs) she has cheated on me once a few years ago. I was addicted to online games and not giving her the attention she needed, however that does not justify her cheating on me. But I do take responsibility for what I did, and I have since then quit playing online games for the most part... Not because she made me, but because I know that I cant control myself. I get drawn in and addicted, then once that happens anytime I am not at work I am playing the online games and not paying attention to her OR our three kids...

 

So anyways enough with the background! I just figured that was important to the question I have.

 

We BOTH* not just me, get really jealous when the other talks to anyone of the opposite sex other than simple "encounters" like people we work with. But we agree* that there is NO reason anyone of the opposite sex should be calling us or hanging out with us at all unless its like double date or something. Like if one of her friends invites her to a party thats going to have any guys there, I am invited period, and same if I were to go to a party if it has any girls their shes invited period. Ect..

 

So anyways, lately I have been getting a bit over jealous maybe... Her sister does NOT like me at all.. And we just go over an "almost divorce" and we both were talking to other people durring this break up, but now we are back together..... And everything seems to be going well... we both realized through the break up we dont want anyone else... (she started the break up, and she also is the one that initiated getting back together) So I know that if there was still any other guys in the picture she wouldnt of chosen on her own free will to get back with me.......

 

BUT... her sister a couple of times since we have been back together (2-3 weeks) has invited her over like around 9-10pm at night, and she tells me that shes going to her sisters house for a while and im not invited..... she stays for anywhere from about 1-3 hours both times.. First time she said she would be back in an hour (10pm-11pm, and did not get home til like 1pm ...... I was really upset and she acted like there is no reason she should have to call me and tell me she is running late....

 

She has admited that her other sister agreed with me that she should of called me out of respect to let me know she will be a bit later so i dont worry......

 

And most importantly... I dont feel that there is ANYTHING AT ALL she should EVER go do that I am "FLAT OUT NOT ALLOWED" to go to....

 

Am I wrong?!

 

Is there ever a time that its okay for her to go somewhere and tell me NO i cant come? cause I would never do that to her... If I was going somewhere and I told her NO you cant come... I would probably be doing soemthing I should NOT be doing otherwise why the hell couldnt she come?!

 

Now, while I dont agree with it... if it was a girl party or something... Im at least able to "accept" it and not be to mad about it... but even goign to an all girl party w/o me I would feel is bull shi* that theres nothing at all she shoudl be able to tell me "NO YOU CANT COME" .... Maybe im to controling? And Ive told her that I do think I am to controling and I want to get help... I want to learn where the line is and that is part of why im posting here... i want to know what other people think... would you be mad if your WIFE said she was going somewhere even just her sisters, but you cant come?

 

Oh and another thing... Her sister AND her best friend are both cheating on their boyfriends, I know because ive been around when it was happening plus they talk about it in front of me!!!!!

 

So anyways My wife loves me enough to agree to not do it anymore if it upsets me.. but im scared of causing her to resent me for it..... I mean weve been together 10 years and ive always been like this... and shes always been willing to do whatever it takes to make me happy just like im always willing to do whatever she wants to make her happy......

 

meh sorry for such a long post i guess i just needed to vent...! Anyways I really want to learn the line of whats "over jealous" and learn to control myself to not pass that line but its really hard cause im like programmed to get jealous or something... i cant simply tell myself "i have nothing to be jealous of" and it just go away... ive tried i still get jealous! its hard to control!