Will you take him back if he gets divorced

[OWoman]

Will you take him back if he gets divorced and his free to be with you?

 

No, I'll continue taking him forward with me.

[White Flower]

No, I'll continue taking him forward with me.

Now that is the sweetest reply.

 

Sorry I've been away. And it looks as thought I missed a lot in this thread because a great deal of it has been deleted. Must have been heated!

 

I recently told me sister about exMM and told her that if he did D and asked me to marry him I could only agree to an open M because I don't think he could ever truly be faithful to only one person ever. She told me that eventually I would want him to be with me and only me and regret signing up for an open M.

 

Any thoughts on this? Does any other OW feel that there MM could be truly faithful to them and them alone?

[LostGirl811]

Now that is the sweetest reply.

 

Sorry I've been away. And it looks as thought I missed a lot in this thread because a great deal of it has been deleted. Must have been heated!

 

I recently told me sister about exMM and told her that if he did D and asked me to marry him I could only agree to an open M because I don't think he could ever truly be faithful to only one person ever. She told me that eventually I would want him to be with me and only me and regret signing up for an open M.

 

Any thoughts on this? Does any other OW feel that there MM could be truly faithful to them and them alone?

 

to be honest....i don't know. it's funny, because i do believe that he has not hooked up with anyone but me and his wife since he's been married, but sometimes im not sure if its because he wants me, or because im available and he knows what to expect with me (eg- i wont go tell his wife, i dont demand he leave his family, etc etc)

 

ive never had a conversation with him, not lately anyway, about us being in a relationship. he's very avoidant about emotional issues, always has been. the couple of times i met his wife, she's said the same thing. god knows why she decided to divulge that to me but whatever she'd had a few glasses of wine.

 

anyway, i guess i'd have to have a serious conversation with him regarding what he thinks he's missing in his marriage now, and why he thinks he wouldn't feel that way with me if we got together. until then, i just don't know.

[OWoman]

Any thoughts on this? Does any other OW feel that there MM could be truly faithful to them and them alone?

 

My MM is very much a one woman man. He had checked out of his M long before I came along, and the fact that he was unaware of OWs hitting on him throughout his M (including some who subsequently admitted as much to him, once they knew about me) underscores his completely broken radar and lack of interest in this. He genuinely doesn't look at - or even see - other women when we're out: even when his son says, look at that hot woman! he looks around uncomprehendingly, trying to figure out what his son might see as attractive when all he sees are dogs.

 

WF I wouldn't stress too much about this issue. If he loves you enough to meet your requirements, he'll love you enough to be faithful to you. But you need to decide for yourself what you are and are nto prepared to accept in a R - if sharing is a deal-breaker for you, then tell him outright. If you're happy to share, and he's happy to share you, fine. But there's no point in agreeing to something that you're not comfortable with.

[jj33]

Now that is the sweetest reply.

 

Sorry I've been away. And it looks as thought I missed a lot in this thread because a great deal of it has been deleted. Must have been heated!

 

I recently told me sister about exMM and told her that if he did D and asked me to marry him I could only agree to an open M because I don't think he could ever truly be faithful to only one person ever. She told me that eventually I would want him to be with me and only me and regret signing up for an open M.

 

Any thoughts on this? Does any other OW feel that there MM could be truly faithful to them and them alone?

 

I used to wonder about that. Hence the fear of him hitting on nurses when I went to the store.... but in retospect am not so sure it would have been a real problem. But its not an issue so havent given it more thought.

 

You know him. You know whether he is generally honest or whether little white lies roll off his tongue like raindrops in a thunderstorm.

 

But as OWoman said would be very very clear its a deal breaker. No sense in accepting something that doesnt make you happy. If you are still sharing after he leaves, then you are no better off than you were in the A. Youve just swapped places with the wife.

 

If you believe that men cheat to fill a gap in the marriage and no one person can be someone else's entire world even in the best of marriages,

the question is what will he do to fill whatever gaps there are in your R if he leaves?

 

Will he take up a hobby (knitting perhaps) or will he find another person to fill the gaps (and knit with them...).

[White Flower]

LOL, great replies ladies. My question was really focusing on whether most OWs felt their MMs would be faithful to them after leaving and the open M was just an idea. Honestly, I don't think my exMM would have gone for that idea. He's always telling me I'm 'it' for him. He would want me to think I'm the only one.

[OWoman]

My question was really focusing on whether most OWs felt their MMs would be faithful to them after leaving .

 

Well, mine was faithful to me all along, before leaving - which I guess was easy enough as he felt physically repulsed by her and was completely unable even to fake any form of arousal in her presence.

 

My dad has been completely faithful to his xOW (now W) since they got together (and before, also - he and my mom moved into separate rooms long before they finally split up). And of friends that have gotten together with their OPs, I can't think of any that have involved unfaithfulness. But then, maybe I just know boring people?

[MizzBlue72]

I don't think I would.

[GreenEyedLady]

LOL, great replies ladies. My question was really focusing on whether most OWs felt their MMs would be faithful to them after leaving and the open M was just an idea.

 

If I had any doubts, I wouldn't be where I am today.

 

He "gets" it. He sees what he has done. He's a different man today than when I met him. And our love grows more, and deepens more, every day.

 

GEL

[blueberry]

and his free to be with you? Just curious as to know how many of us would....for me I'm still on the fence.

 

 

Probably not.

 

Afterall - the way you win a man, will ultimately be the way you lose him.

[joybean72]

Mine was the same way....till he cheated. (AGAIN) I am his second wife (Serial cheater apparently)...hope it's not the case with you guys. I am getting the whole story now...it makes me sick actually. I REALLY hope this is not your cases though. Not saying this to be mean....just wish I woulda known better my own self!

[wildsoul]

Afterall - the way you win a man, will ultimately be the way you lose him.

Yikes. That's a strong negative belief to carry around.

[Lookingforward]

Yikes. That's a strong negative belief to carry around.

 

yup...I couldn't even come up with a response to that one lol

[White Flower]

Probably not.

 

Afterall - the way you win a man, will ultimately be the way you lose him.

I think that depends on the man, really. If he is a serial cheater then you are so on target. But, if he was really out there searching for Ms Right, then I disagree. Sometimes we do just marry the wrong person.

[OWoman]

the way you win a man, will ultimately be the way you lose him.

 

if that's so, that would apply equally to everyone else out there. So those women who "won" men through their looks would lose them through their looks - even if they retained their looks into old age? Those who "won" men through being loving, kind, wonderful people will lose them because they're such loving, kind, wonderful people? seems a little bizarre to me. All it's saying is that nothing lasts and there's no point to love or romance or anything beyond a one night stand...

[Lookingforward]

As I've said in a prior post somewhere - not if he crawled naked over broken glass to beg my forgiveness.

 

Well okay maybe if he did that I'd at least listen LOL

[RecordProducer]

Women suffer so much because of men (and vice versa, but we're all girls in this room). It's just so sad that we - reasonable, otherwise smart human beings - are being victims of the most irrational feeling in the world: infatuation. I even refuse to call it love, because we are in love with them today and can't stand their guts tomorrow, so it's not love. I am not an OW, but my marriage is falling apart, so I feel whatever you feel in a different way.

 

I am starting to wonder if loved and lost is really better than never loved. I mean, one day you're a normal person craving love; the next day you fall in love, the sweet period lasts very shortly and then the crap starts and you turn into a miserable, emotionally crippled creature who spends years suffering in the relationship, then a year or two recovering from the pain. And just when we are back on track, when we invested so much work into returning to normal, we want to fall in love again?

 

This made me know that he either had to love me enough to leave the wife, or let me go, so I asked him to make a decision ... and he let me go.

Your story is so sad, I could feel your pain. Yet, it's a typical loveache and it too shall pass.

 

Just not sure I would ever believe anything he said to me.

Yet, I still love him...

This is the kind of idiots that love turns us into. We know it but can't fight it with our brains. Every woman could replace the first sentence with something bad about her guy and add "Yet, I still love him..." And the worst part is that we fight for/with/over them because they hurt us and we still love them.

 

In some jurisdictions if a man has been supporting his wife it can mean that he will owe more as the OW's income can be taken into account in determining how much he need to live since he is splitting living expenses.

What if the OW doesn't work and has kids? Will he pay less child support or alimony to his ex-wife?

 

What if they didn't end up divorcing but he lives with you permanently?

Why would they be married to their wives permanently but living with another woman?

 

Before i ended the A - I was prepared to leave my M for my xmm.

 

He took NO action when i left,

You left your husband because of MM? Do you regret that decision? You don't sound like you do, but I still wonder.

 

I am sure she wasn't happy either.

I know you're happy with him, but I would have wondered why his wife doesn't complain about losing him. As they say, one man's trash...

 

He left me when our 2nd child was 6 weeks old for his married co-worker!

I dream of the "family" life I so desparetly wanted years ago. Part of me feels my little children, ages 4 & 3 deserve me to try again.

There is no family! He is not family material. Would YOU have left him with two babies to go screw some guy? When you asnwer "yes" to this question, I'll tell you that you deserve each other. But your answer is NEVER. So shut up and be happy you're rid of that slime-bag.

 

My head says, if he hasn't made the effort to even talk to you, then don't look back.

 

Your head is wise!

In the end, who will benefit if we DO work things out? All of us...

Things don't work out. People work them out. And he is not the kind of person who makes things work. It was more important for him to dip it in the co-worker's vagina than to be there for his family when he was most needed. Your kids are used to separated parents; if you get back together now and split again later, they will suffer. You should only let him back in your life if he is remorseful, begging you for forgiveness, and offering some guarantees (displaying serious change in behavior). He doesn't want to even talk to you and you think you can make things work? Please, do yourself a favor and get that garbage out of your head.

 

sigh... I wish I knew what he wanted, or something...

When you don't know what he wants, trust me - he doesn't want you. Because if he did, you would know.

 

Have you told your husband about the Affair? Doesn't he have a right to make a decision about his life, and who'd he like to spend it with? Like it or not, he has that right, don't be selfish!

Yeah, SnowWhite, I agree. Go tell your hubby: "Dear hubby, remember the seven dwarfs we met in the forest? I slept with all of them. Just thought I'd let you know. You aren't mad at me now or something, are you?"

 

Men can be such idiots when they choose to be.

Or when we choose them to be!

 

You can be a loving parent even if you're not married to the kids other parent. People go through alot in life, and generally speaking, just because your parents are divorced, this is not the sole factor to f**k a person up. If they really get screwed up, let's be honest, there were other things that happened along the way.

I agree that you can be a loving parent if you're divorced. But what if a MM enjoys living with his kids and he has a so-so marriage, and he's aware that the OW will not be such an angel once they start living together? And if on top of that he feels that the OW won't easily accept his children, marrying her would seriously damage his relationship with the kids. When you have kids, your kids are marrying the person you're marrying, too. My parents divorced and my mom married a creep who ruined my childhood. I learned from her mistake and when I re-married, I ended up finding a guy who's great for my sons, but not for me.

[GreenEyedLady]

I know you're happy with him, but I would have wondered why his wife doesn't complain about losing him. As they say, one man's trash...

 

Is another's woman's treasure...

 

So true..

 

She didn't care if he worked OT....

 

She didn't care if he wasn't home, for days upon days, and even months...

 

Well, let me tell you I CARE AND THAT **** AIN'T HAPPENING...

 

The biggest difference is that ours is a R, and I have expectations that doesn't include monetary compensation...I expect that our R is an active one and those expectations are realized...

 

I'm lucky/blessed that my mate and I are compatible...

 

His XW didn't marry until later (much later in life) and really only wanted a baby...Not a husband...

 

So, I don't feel guilty at all. She got what she wanted and I got what I wanted.

 

GEL

[RecordProducer]

I just met a couple who started dating while married (I picked that one between the lines ). They were both unhappy with their marriages. They've been together for 15 years and obviously are crazy about each other. I don't know if they have a happy marriage, but the love and commitment are there. So, things do work sometimes.

[blueberry]

I think that depends on the man, really. If he is a serial cheater then you are so on target. But, if he was really out there searching for Ms Right, then I disagree. Sometimes we do just marry the wrong person.

 

 

 

Err yes - that's probably a better way to word it!

[blueberry]

if that's so, that would apply equally to everyone else out there. So those women who "won" men through their looks would lose them through their looks - even if they retained their looks into old age? Those who "won" men through being loving, kind, wonderful people will lose them because they're such loving, kind, wonderful people? seems a little bizarre to me. All it's saying is that nothing lasts and there's no point to love or romance or anything beyond a one night stand...

 

 

OK ok - that's a little OTT! I hear what you're saying (and I agree), but I'm positive you understood *exactly* what I meant!

 

(or shall I fetch you an axe for that hair? )