Patience Posted August 8, 2003 Share Posted August 8, 2003 I love my boyfriend very much, but sometimes I get jealous... It's not because I think he's going to run off and cheat on me, but just over some stupid things that happen... Like last night. He was noticabely turned on by a simple commercial!! I don't get that... He's not turned on when I walk around the house in my bra and underwear! I mean don't get me wrong, we do have a great sex life, but it usually takes more than me just simply walking by to turn him on. I knew if I asked him about this he would just blow up at me and think I am just being stupid, so I tried to hold it in, but he kept asking so I finally told him...just as I suspected he blew up and we ended up arguing about it. He said that it didn't happen, but I saw it with my own 2 eyes!! It doesn't help that he's going to a bachelor part this weekend. As I said, I don't think he would do anything, but just the thought of him and all his buddies sitting there in their canoes oggling every girl that goes by and making their remarks about her makes me sick. I'm not saying he shouldn't find anyone else on this earth attractive, but I don't know if he should be that turned on over a commercial either?!?!? How turned on is he going to get if a canoe full of girls goes by him?? If anyone has any advice on this I would really appreciate it. I really want to talk to him and get this smoothed over before he leaves for that bachelor party.... Thanks.. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted August 8, 2003 Share Posted August 8, 2003 Surely you know that the sexual response is not a controlled response. We are animals. We are designed to reproduce so if there is a stimulus (and, unfortunately, something 'new' can be more stimulating than the same old, same old), brain will send signals to the arousal system. Just because you're attracted, or even aroused, it does not mean that you are immediately going to dump the people you love and boink whatever's in front of you, however. It's pretty unreasonable to expect him to not be turned on. It isn't unreasonable to expect him to not act on being turned on. And it all boils down to trust. He didn't get 'turned on' on purpose to hurt or spite you and you being mad at him for it is unfair. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patience Posted August 8, 2003 Author Share Posted August 8, 2003 The thing that I have a hard time handling is, I'm not saying I'm not human, I may get turned on by a steamy sex scene in a movie, but not by a commercial. I can understand getting excited about some things, but I just have a hard time seeing why a 30 second commercial can have that much affect on a person. It's not like there was a bunch of naked people running around, and it's not like he was all horned up because he never gets it, we had a "great" time the night before. One of the best we have had in a while. Anyway... The part that really sucks is, Deep down I know I'm being unreasonable, but I don't know what to do about it. I don't now how to stop those feelings... I don't want to be like this. I know it's all in my head and there has to be a way to turn it off, I just have to figure that out. We have had other issues, and we have managed to work them out and I know we can figure this out too. I honestly feel this is the last thing that is hanging us up from moving forward in our relationship. I'm sure I sound like I am contradicting myself, but that is really how I feel and I don't want to feel this way anymore...Any further advice would be appreciated!! Thanks... Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted August 8, 2003 Share Posted August 8, 2003 I don't have a list of all the newest resources for this, but you'll want to read some Albert Ellis. I have 'A Guide to Rational Living' which is pretty old. If it isn't still available for sale, it should be in a library near you. Ellis explains why 'you feel as you think' and how to change the thinking patterns that make you feel bad such as this one. As for whether or not a short commercial could or should turn someone on, there's a theory of 'imprinting'; certain things become 'imprinted' in people's minds to be sexually arousing (this is one theory of fetishism). If it wasn't the commercial itself, something in the commercial might be one of the 'imprinted' items for your bf. Remember Pavlov's dogs? It is good that you realize you are being unreasonable. Give Ellis' stuff a try. Maybe somebody who has successfully used a similar therapy can chime in with a more recent resource based on the same theories. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patience Posted August 8, 2003 Author Share Posted August 8, 2003 I will definately check that out!! Thank you very much for your help!! Take Care! As moimeme said, if anyone has any other resources for me to turn to, please let me know... Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts