Author CaliGuy Posted August 10, 2008 Author Share Posted August 10, 2008 I think you all feel the same about each other. These women are continuing to want to know what's new in your life, and you are equally obsessed with them and their motives. Seems like no one in the equation is able to let go... So, to answer your question, I guess you would be best qualified, since you are putting just as much energy into them, as they are into you. Jilly the only real thing that bugs me is "Why?" Why, after being told to stop, do they continue to try and poke around? To be honest, other than my racing stuff and music clips (stuff I've covered/sung, etc) the blog and photos are the only thing that is really of private nature and even then, what I post there is mostly stuff only my family or friends would want to read anyway. You know, the typical work and fun stuff (like going to MotoGP, snowboarding, etc). I do not, under any circumstances, write about any of the women I am dating nor do I post any photos of them. Most of my private life remains private. I wouldn't post that stuff for the world to read. So from my perspective, I am perlexed at what is so fascinating about the site? If you don't race, there's really not much there to see to be quite honest. Yet, like moths to a flame, they keep coming back. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 Jilly the only real thing that bugs me is "Why?" If you had the explanation, would it change something for you? Do you honestly think you'll ever get an explanation, or are you just obsessing for the hell of it? Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 Jilly the only real thing that bugs me is "Why?" Why, after being told to stop, do they continue to try and poke around? To be honest, other than my racing stuff and music clips (stuff I've covered/sung, etc) the blog and photos are the only thing that is really of private nature and even then, what I post there is mostly stuff only my family or friends would want to read anyway. You know, the typical work and fun stuff (like going to MotoGP, snowboarding, etc). I do not, under any circumstances, write about any of the women I am dating nor do I post any photos of them. Most of my private life remains private. I wouldn't post that stuff for the world to read. So from my perspective, I am perlexed at what is so fascinating about the site? If you don't race, there's really not much there to see to be quite honest. Yet, like moths to a flame, they keep coming back. And my return question is why are you still equally obsessed with them and their activities? It seems like you have put a LOT of energy towards blocking them, trying to figure out their mindset, etc. Probably more than they have in trying to access your site from time to time. Cali - we often don't know true motivations, and we are not meant to. Who REALLY cares why they are still looking at your site? We could hyopthesize for days and I could offer you 5 top reasons why they are still looking, but why bother? I think the larger issue here is the amount of time and energy you are still putting towards something that you say doesn't matter, when clearly it does. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted August 10, 2008 Author Share Posted August 10, 2008 If you had the explanation, would it change something for you? Do you honestly think you'll ever get an explanation, or are you just obsessing for the hell of it? Maybe it's because from my side of the world, this doesn't make a lick of sense. I don't proclaim to know what they are thinking or why they are doing this. I got a half-baked answer from the first Ex. She said she was bored. LOL. Ok, so assuming I buy that, what do YOU do when you're bored? I'll entertain myself with friends, music, working out, golf, wrenching on my bikes or what not. I'm not gonna site there and check up on an ex 2-4 times a week, that's for sure. So I guess the answer is no. And I realize no one is going to have a sure answer. It just bugs me, that's all. Yes, I am venting here. The reason behind their visits fascinate me but I don't lose any sleep over it, if that's what you're wondering. Maybe like Art says, if I was dating seriously I wouldn't care. But while I am single I probably have too much time on my hands. That reminds me. My bike needs a valve adjustment. I guess my Sunday afternoon is spoken for. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted August 10, 2008 Author Share Posted August 10, 2008 And my return question is why are you still equally obsessed with them and their activities? It seems like you have put a LOT of energy towards blocking them, trying to figure out their mindset, etc. Probably more than they have in trying to access your site from time to time. Cali - we often don't know true motivations, and we are not meant to. Who REALLY cares why they are still looking at your site? We could hyopthesize for days and I could offer you 5 top reasons why they are still looking, but why bother? I think the larger issue here is the amount of time and energy you are still putting towards something that you say doesn't matter, when clearly it does. Well, let me rephrase that again. It matters only in the this context: "If I am not good enough to pursue a long term relationship with, why bother checking up on me?" Again, both have boyfriends (in the case of the first ex, a fiance). If I was dating right now, the last thing on my mind (if at all) would be either of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 "If I am not good enough to pursue a long term relationship with, why bother checking up on me?" What's this "good enough" nonsense?? You can be completely incompatible with someone for a myriad of reasons, and therefore not be able to be in a romantic, committed relationship with them, and yet still (1) care about them, and (2) be curious about what they're up to. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 Here's what I see. You're presenting all this as if it's their problem you want everyone to help you figure out. But that's a decoy, because their problem is irrelevant. Whatever the problem they have is irrelevant, because that's all on the other side of the logs you're checking. They could be browsing your site for any of a thousand unknown reasons. The question I have is why the decoy? The real problem is in you. You don't have to worry about this at all. You could just as easily be in a state of mind to smirk or shrug when you see that they have visited your site. Or you could feel good about it. Instead you treat it like a big mystery that is causing problems for you. Well, what's the problem? This has no impact on your life at all. No more than if they happened to drive past your house once a week. It's a public street, and your house is on it. It's a public internet, and your site is on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 Well, let me rephrase that again. It matters only in the this context: "If I am not good enough to pursue a long term relationship with, why bother checking up on me?" Again, both have boyfriends (in the case of the first ex, a fiance). If I was dating right now, the last thing on my mind (if at all) would be either of them. Like I've been saying, Cali, and I guess it's not resonating - lol, so for one last shot, and then I shall leave this thread, and perhaps others can offer something more... This ISN'T about their motives, it's about why you care so much, and why you continue to obsess and put so much energy towards it. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 That reminds me. My bike needs a valve adjustment. I guess my Sunday afternoon is spoken for. I need a valve adjustment as well.. my wife is out of town Caliguy.. go back and read your threads about this girl when you first started posting as C*OC.. Your very first thread... Then tell me she rejected you... you rejected her..they always want what they cannot have... That is why she looks at your page.. you rejected her... Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted August 10, 2008 Author Share Posted August 10, 2008 Like I've been saying, Cali, and I guess it's not resonating - lol, so for one last shot, and then I shall leave this thread, and perhaps others can offer something more... This ISN'T about their motives, it's about why you care so much, and why you continue to obsess and put so much energy towards it. Because until I understand something, I will continue to ask questions. It's why I am so good at troubleshooting problems at work. I will work tirelessly to answer the "who, what, where, why" questions. Yes, I know what you and Johan and everyone else is saying. Nobody likes being rejected and perhaps I am not completely where I should be confidence and self-esteem wise or maybe I wouldn't give a flying flip. There's just something that doesn't make sense about rejecting someone, especially the way this last one ended and still going to the site. Star Gazer made some sense of it though. Yes, I am quite sure they still care. I thought perhaps by letting them know I don't appreciate their visits they'd honor the request, that's all. Maybe others are right. Now that they know it bugs me, they're doing it just to p*ss me off.... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 I've got one word to cover what appears to be the entire issue. Respect. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted August 10, 2008 Author Share Posted August 10, 2008 I need a valve adjustment as well.. my wife is out of town Unless you have two wheels, 4 cylinders and 16 valves, NEGATIVE GHOSTRIDER Caliguy.. go back and read your threads about this girl when you first started posting as C*OC.. Your very first thread... Then tell me she rejected you... you rejected her..they always want what they cannot have... That is why she looks at your page.. you rejected her... I don't remember rejecting her, other than asking for my ring back. Two months later she took the other guy's ring. And remember, she sat on my ring for two months with no answer. When I asked her if she had thought about it she said "I need space...." WTF?! And when I asked her if she even tried the ring on during those two months she said "Nope. I took it out once or twice to look at it but I never tried it on." D'OH! I'm still confused. When did I reject her? By telling her to stay away from the site? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted August 10, 2008 Author Share Posted August 10, 2008 I've got one word to cover what appears to be the entire issue. Respect. Mutual, self or "dis"??? Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 I think they could also look because they have been told not to ... Who likes doing what they are told lol, not many women!!!!!! I think this is a complete insecurity issue, these girls dumping you has damaged your ego and self esteem and the fact that they are still interested in you enough to look at your web site is making you feel better and I believe that you started this thread to get confirmation that you are not a useless boyfriend/person after all! I could be wrong and if I am I apologise! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 Mutual, self or "dis"??? You feel they disrespected you by not considering you "good enough" for a relationship. Now you've asked them to leave you alone and they continue to disrespect your wishes. Have you considered taking back some of that respect by shutting them down hard? I know this is against your beliefs of turn the other cheek but sometimes, it's actually worth it for your own self-respect. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 Oh and another things Cali, it is 100% true that if you had good things happening in your love life right now, this web thing would not bother you a dot and you would not even be checking the IPs Oh and I think you are a lovely (if a bit deep) man and you have not met the right one yet and that is the only reason you have not met 'The One' yet! Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted August 10, 2008 Author Share Posted August 10, 2008 I think they could also look because they have been told not to ... Who likes doing what they are told lol, not many women!!!!!! I think this is a complete insecurity issue, these girls dumping you has damaged your ego and self esteem and the fact that they are still interested in you enough to look at your web site is making you feel better and I believe that you started this thread to get confirmation that you are not a useless boyfriend/person after all! I could be wrong and if I am I apologise! Honestly Lishy, no matter what I say regarding this, many will not believe me when I say that all I want is for them to go away. When someone rejects me, regardless of the reason, I really do believe they relinquish any and all rights to my personal life. I don't know anyone who hasn't experienced some sort of damage to their ego and self-esteem when dumped. Heck I freely admit it hurts me, especially when I didn't see it coming. Maybe I am just naive like that??? Maybe it's because as I said before, when I dump someone (and trust me, I've been the dumper as much as I've been dumped) I truly let them go. I don't stalk, I don't follow up, I don't call. I just disappear from their lives for good. I think that is the fair and reasonable thing to do. Long before I knew about NC, I was practicing it from the dumpers point of view.... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 I'm still confused. When did I reject her? By telling her to stay away from the site? Sorry.. it was your second thread not the first that you rejected her on... Go back and reread it.. I quoted a portion of it after you rejected her.. I'm trying not to dig up the past.. just go reread the thread.. the title says it all... That is why she hangs on to you... Well, she dumped me! But not because of what happened, but she used her "golden parachute". "I need to be with someone who loves God as much as I do..." I understand people have an attachment to religion, but she wasn't living her life like and ideal Christian and if the Christian life is so great, why didn't she lead by example and show me?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted August 10, 2008 Author Share Posted August 10, 2008 You feel they disrespected you by not considering you "good enough" for a relationship. Now you've asked them to leave you alone and they continue to disrespect your wishes. Have you considered taking back some of that respect by shutting them down hard? I know this is against your beliefs of turn the other cheek but sometimes, it's actually worth it for your own self-respect. I'm not sure I follow other than the one main suggestion of PW protecting the site. I *think* I can PW protect just the blog and personal photos while leaving the racing and music stuff open to the public. You have my attention, TBF (not that it's hard for you, *evil grin*) Oh and another things Cali, it is 100% true that if you had good things happening in your love life right now, this web thing would not bother you a dot and you would not even be checking the IPs Oh and I think you are a lovely (if a bit deep) man and you have not met the right one yet and that is the only reason you have not met 'The One' yet! You know, another thing that has been bothering me lately is I am 39, single and never married. Everyone says I am a great catch and for the most part, I have buried the "door mat" nice guy in me. I've learned to love and respect myself. I am just having a hard time with accepting the fact that rejection still taste bitter and at my age, I'm starting to be less attractive in the open market. Yeah, I take damn good care of myself and I look years younger than I am. Maybe more so, I still have yet to discern the good apples from the bad ones and continuously choose women that are not right for ME. They may be right for others, just not me. And thanks for the compliment. Yes, I am deep -- and maybe that's the turn off? Maybe I need to shut those emotions and questions down and just learn to let things like this go... Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted August 10, 2008 Author Share Posted August 10, 2008 Sorry.. it was your second thread not the first that you rejected her on... Go back and reread it.. I quoted a portion of it after you rejected her.. I'm trying not to dig up the past.. just go reread the thread.. the title says it all... That is why she hangs on to you... I'm still not "tracking" here, Art. Are you saying that my faith is it? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 I'm still not "tracking" here, Art. You cheated on her... that is a pretty good sign of rejection.. and I understand that you never told her but she dumped you anyway.. Well.. she must've felt something was amiss and did the premptive dump... In the end you are still the one who rejected her... Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 You're presenting all this as if it's their problem you want everyone to help you figure out. But that's a decoy, because their problem is irrelevant.. I agree with you. Also, I don't get the blocking and "don't go to my site" thing either. I mean, is a public site and people should be able to go wherever they want. Is their right. Why do they go? Well, because if he makes such a big deal, they must feel like there is something going on in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 I'm not sure I follow other than the one main suggestion of PW protecting the site. I *think* I can PW protect just the blog and personal photos while leaving the racing and music stuff open to the public. You have my attention, TBF (not that it's hard for you, *evil grin*) I was just reading what A_C wrote. Before I make any further suggestions, it might be worthwhile to hear him out. This isn't a perspective that occurred to me since I wasn't around when it originally hit the fan. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted August 10, 2008 Author Share Posted August 10, 2008 You cheated on her... that is a pretty good sign of rejection.. and I understand that you never told her but she dumped you anyway.. Well.. she must've felt something was amiss and did the premptive dump... In the end you are still the one who rejected her... Ok well a couple things. a: She doesn't know about that. But she cheated on me first. I just didn't find out about it until a few months later. b: The more I remember, the more I know that we were disconnecting and I suspected something was up. A little alcohol, a show in St. Louis and a hot babe all over me and the next thing I know I didn't care. I don't think that is it. I think maybe the ring had something to do with it. And the fact that I told her "You realize once you give this ring back, that's it right? You won't see me again." And other than the funeral and her stalking me at the track once, she hasn't. That was just over two years ago that she gave the ring back. But let me say one thing. I could give a flying flip about her. It's the most recent ex that is bothering me simply because I *have* to see her every single day even though we work in different departments and I can easily avoid having any interactions with her. I love my job, she hates hers. I wish she'd quit Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 I'm sticking to my previous post a while back.. you need to get laid... . I think you need to pull your manhood into a decent port before this DSB kills you .. deadly sperm buildup Link to post Share on other sites
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