Some questions about cyber stalkers

[Lishy]

I'm sticking to my previous post a while back.. you need to get laid... .

 

I second that motion!

[CaliGuy]

Haha, well I'm checking out my black book here and.... zip.

 

Sorry. I'm not the kind of guy that keeps a list of suitable "ports" handy.

 

And judging by some of the women I have met here lately, that's not going to change. I'm just at that stage in my life where I see no point in meaningless sex.

[Lishy]

Na you dont need just sex, you need to meet a girl who will treat you and love you the way you deserve.

 

You will meet her but in the meantime it would not be a waste of time for you to work on your self esteem and forgetting about IP checking until you feel good about things and can just shrug those girls off!

 

You will do it!

[johan]

Well, you can always revert to the standard "fake it til you make it" strategy, CaliGuy. Just be sure to make it at some point.

[CaliGuy]

Na you dont need just sex, you need to meet a girl who will treat you and love you the way you deserve.

 

You will meet her but in the meantime it would not be a waste of time for you to work on your self esteem and forgetting about IP checking until you feel good about things and can just shrug those girls off!

 

You will do it!

 

Yeah. It's Saturday night, I have a big ol migrane (I'm trying to cut out caffeine in my life) so I don't think I'll be meeting anyone anytime soon.

 

TBF, SG, D-Lish, et all. None of them want to come to Sunny San Diego.

[CaliGuy]

Well, you can always revert to the standard "fake it til you make it" strategy, CaliGuy. Just be sure to make it at some point.

 

I thought by ignoring her at work I was faking it. I will not deny I miss some things about her but the simple fact she is with another guy now is enough to make me stay away.

 

Why the hell would I want someone who doesn't want me or sees value ine me? I swear that is why I don't understand the stalking.

 

She may miss some things about me, but none of those things can she find on my web site....

[Lizzie60]

It's hard to understand..

 

I read your response to my post.. and it reminds me of LS in a way.. some posters hate me with a passion but still read each and every one of my post.. and say they 'ignore' me..

 

Maybe it's the 'love-to-hate' syndrome..

[CaliGuy]

It's hard to understand..

 

I read your response to my post.. and it reminds me of LS in a way.. some posters hate me with a passion but still read each and every one of my post.. and say they 'ignore' me..

 

Maybe it's the 'love-to-hate' syndrome..

 

I don't hate you Lizzie. I'd even like to see you without the top on sometime, lol. I kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid. I kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid.

 

I listen to everyone's advice, no matter how much I dont want to "hear" it.

[Lishy]

Yeah you are one of the few who do not get on their high horse when told something you do not want to hear. Infact I love how you take all comments on board and think about it, even if you do not agree with it

 

You are a top dude and one day you will know why you went through all this heartache!

[CaliGuy]

Thanks Lishy. Had a long discussion with a LSer last night about this. Got a few things to think about but I think we're all on the right track....

[Lishy]

Thanks Lishy. Had a long discussion with a LSer last night about this. Got a few things to think about but I think we're all on the right track....

 

I am glad you have it more sorted - well done you!

[CaliGuy]

I am glad you have it more sorted - well done you!

 

The thing that keeps happening with me is the last part of the "door mat" nice guy that I need to let die is "broken people." I tend to end up with women who are insecure or have other issues. Lately I've been getting better at passing these women up for more confident and put together women.

 

With this last ex, I knew that I should not have moved forward, but I did anyway thinking she might improve. She never really did and I should have bolted when I realized it. Now that I can identify what the root cause of the problem is, I can fix it.

 

There is some self-satisfaction knowing they both can't let me go completely, I would never deny that. It doesn't mean they are good for me (they are not) nor does it mean they want to get back together.

 

If they did, they'd be emailing me like crazy, lol. And neither is. They're just checking up on me more often than I feel is normal. Can't remember the last time I searched for info on an ex.

 

Maybe that's just me....

[Lishy]

It is your cpoing mechanism to blank ex's out completely and for others they cope by looking in on you from afar... Neither is right nor wrong

 

Alot of your feelings stem from insecurity and low self esteem (like most of us) and that is what you need to get a handle on

 

We all love attention and there is nothing wrong with that until it gets to an obsessive stage

 

But I know one day we will never hear from you agagin because you are happy and content!

 

Ps .... It would never have worked out with the 22 year old so dont feel bad about it!

[Art_Critic]

Can't remember the last time I searched for info on an ex.

 

How about the last time you looked in your logs

 

CG.. you are not a doormat guy..

You seem to be attaching a significance to their hits to your webpage..

 

There is no significance that relates to anything other than idol curiosity..

 

There certainly isn't anything wrong with them hitting it.. it is your version of facebook or myspace..

 

Your latest ex I think is hitting it because you are ignoring her at work.. you and her seem to have a few unresolved issues between you both.

They may be work issues but it still seems unresolved,.. maybe she is hitting your page to see if you have moved on.. maybe not...

 

In the end it is you that can't accept that they hit your webpage..

 

Have you thought about turning off your logging for a month or so.. maybe then you will see their hits differently..

[Art_Critic]

By the way.. I have always liked the way you put it all out there for LS'rs.. the good and the bad..

 

You never hold back about what you post even though you know there will be flack going from the peanut gallery..

That kind of attitude is rare and will be one of your best traits to give another in a relationship..

[Lishy]

By the way.. I have always liked the way you put it all out there for LS'rs.. the good and the bad..

 

You never hold back about what you post even though you know there will be flack going from the peanut gallery..

That kind of attitude is rare and will be one of your best traits to give another in a relationship..

 

I agree with this 100%.

 

Not only do you put it out there but you take anything negative said to you on the chin and I have never seen you be rudely defensive - It is a quality I really admire, dont lose that!

[Trialbyfire]

than idol curiosity...

Is this a Freudian slip?

[shadowplay]

This may sound harsh, but I feel like you need a bit of a wake up call on this.

 

Why does it matter? Why does it affect your life if they look at your site?

 

When you put something out there in the public domain you relinquish control over who sees it. For some reason this reminds me of the tale of the baker who made the people pay who passed his store and stopped to smell his bread baking.

 

It's natural for people to want to check up on exes. Doesn't mean they have any lingering feelings for you or are obsessed. It's just curiosity. I know because I've checked up on exes that I no longer cared about. It's sort of like googling an old classmate. When somebody's been in your life for awhile, even if you no longer care about them, it's natural to want to know what they're doing without you. The more you try to block them from doing this, the harder they'll push.

 

At the end of the day, why do you care?

 

I think once you no longer care and stop checking you'll know you've totally gotten over them.

[CaliGuy]

How about the last time you looked in your logs

 

CG.. you are not a doormat guy..

You seem to be attaching a significance to their hits to your webpage..

 

Yes, I do. I just don't understand why....

 

There is no significance that relates to anything other than idol curiosity..

 

There certainly isn't anything wrong with them hitting it.. it is your version of facebook or myspace..

 

Your latest ex I think is hitting it because you are ignoring her at work.. you and her seem to have a few unresolved issues between you both.

They may be work issues but it still seems unresolved,.. maybe she is hitting your page to see if you have moved on.. maybe not...

 

She is obsessed (the 22 year old) with photos from the race I went to a few weeks ago, particularly with a photo of me and a gorgeous friend of mine. There are no work related issues as we're in different departments and do different things (I am an Engineer, she is a clerk -- not that there is anything wrong with what she does, she just hates her job).

 

In the end it is you that can't accept that they hit your webpage..

 

I can accept it. I am obsessed with knowing "why" people who don't feel I am good enough to maintain a relationship with can't seem to stay away. That's really it in a nutshell. I am moving on with life and having a good time. I am not angry or depressed nor am I feeling sorry for myself.

 

I am, in the best way I can describe, complexed and fascinated with this behavior so much so that I think it's effecting mine!

 

Have you thought about turning off your logging for a month or so.. maybe then you will see their hits differently..

 

Not until you mentioned it, no, but that may be a good idea...

 

By the way.. I have always liked the way you put it all out there for LS'rs.. the good and the bad..

 

You never hold back about what you post even though you know there will be flack going from the peanut gallery..

That kind of attitude is rare and will be one of your best traits to give another in a relationship..

 

Thanks Art, I really appreciate that. I know that I am human and make mistakes. I am acutely aware that my heart interferes with my brain when it comes to making decisions for myself. Giving advice to others is easy. It's black and white to me as my heart isn't invovled.

 

Once my heart gets involved, everything gets fuzzy and I need the smack of reality in my head that you and many others on LS loving give me. I may not say it very often, but I do love and appreciate you all for your help

[CaliGuy]

This may sound harsh, but I feel like you need a bit of a wake up call on this.

 

Why does it matter? Why does it affect your life if they look at your site?

 

As I stated before, I can't relate to this behavior. When I dump someone, that is it. I have moved on emotionally and I have no desire to "keep tabs" on them or find out what they are up to.

 

The fact that this is being done to me is hard for me to understand. And given my fascination with figuring things out, I have a deep inner desire to know why.

 

When you put something out there in the public domain you relinquish control over who sees it. For some reason this reminds me of the tale of the baker who made the people pay who passed his store and stopped to smell his bread baking.

 

Ok, I understand that. But to give you another analogy, what is the difference between them doing this online or say, sitting in their car outside my house. That too is public domain as well. Does it mean they should be doing that? Does it make it right?

 

It's natural for people to want to check up on exes.

 

See that's the thing. It's not natural to me at all. I don't do it. When I'm done with someone, I'm done. That's it.

 

Doesn't mean they have any lingering feelings for you or are obsessed. It's just curiosity. I know because I've checked up on exes that I no longer cared about. It's sort of like googling an old classmate. When somebody's been in your life for awhile, even if you no longer care about them, it's natural to want to know what they're doing without you. The more you try to block them from doing this, the harder they'll push.

 

Ok, once every few months or once or twice a year I could understand. In the case of the first ex, she was hitting it 2-3 times A WEEK before I told her to stop. When she started again it was every Monday.

 

The 22 year old, it's 3-5 times a week, EVERY week. Only she's looking at photos of me, me with friends, reading the blog, clicking the "contact me" page. She knows my email address, why the heck would she click there?

 

Do you see what I am saying? I don't disagree that an occasional checkup is normal, but the rate at which they both hit my site says much more than just a casual interest in how I am doing.

 

At the end of the day, why do you care?

 

What I care about is simply why they do it.

 

I think once you no longer care and stop checking you'll know you've totally gotten over them.

 

I think if they checked only 3-4 times a year I would agree with you....

[Jake Barnes]

I have a confession to make...

 

I clicked on your profile on this site a couple of months ago.....and just yesterday...well...I did it again

[Jilly Bean]

Yes, I do. I just don't understand why....

 

I think it's because you're looking for validation. You haven't moved on as well as you would like, and you need someone to tell you they are looking at your page because they still want you.

 

I don't think this is about any kind of genuine desire to KNOW, because you are smart enough to know that short of asking them why they are logging on, you will never know the real answer.

 

Still, it is YOU who is obsessed with them and their activities, not the other way around.

 

As SP said, we all check up on ex's. I google guys from 10 years ago, or check out ex's myspace pages. NOT because I want them, or care to see them or talk to them, but just because once you connect with someone, you often have a little stock in how their lives turn out. This is why classmates.com has made a lot of money - lol. SAME thing. I wouldn't think an ex from HS checking our my profile on there means anything more than wondering what I am up to.

 

But, YOU are the one who can't move on, Cali. As much as you think it is these women, it is clearly you who isn't able to get on with your life.

 

You post over and over that once you are done, you are done.

 

"When I'm done with someone, I'm done. That's it."

 

So, if that is the case, can this thread end, and you can go on with your life and NOT care one iota about who checks out your website and forget about their motives, or are you going to continue to perpetuate the drama for yourself?

 

Hmmm....

[CaliGuy]

I think it's because you're looking for validation. You haven't moved on as well as you would like, and you need someone to tell you they are looking at your page because they still want you.

 

I don't think this is about any kind of genuine desire to KNOW, because you are smart enough to know that short of asking them why they are logging on, you will never know the real answer.

 

Still, it is YOU who is obsessed with them and their activities, not the other way around.

 

Never said I disagreed with that. The reason I do isn't to wonder if they want to get back, it's simply to find out why. And maybe you're right. Maybe I do need to ask them why.

 

As SP said, we all check up on ex's. I google guys from 10 years ago, or check out ex's myspace pages. NOT because I want them, or care to see them or talk to them, but just because once you connect with someone, you often have a little stock in how their lives turn out. This is why classmates.com has made a lot of money - lol. SAME thing. I wouldn't think an ex from HS checking our my profile on there means anything more than wondering what I am up to.

 

My question to you is how often do you do it. Once, twice a year max? If you're not doing it 3-5 times a week then we're talking apples and oranges here. The frequency of the visits suggest more than just a casual interest in how someone is getting along. And that is what bugs me. If you dump someone, why do you need to poke around on their site 3-5 times a week looking at the photos, reading the blog, going to my contact page or about me page, etc.

 

My family goes once a week. My good friends too. My casual friends check it maybe once a month at most. Do you see the pattern difference here? These visits are anything but "casual"....

 

But, YOU are the one who can't move on, Cali. As much as you think it is these women, it is clearly you who isn't able to get on with your life.

 

It'd be a lot easier to move on if I knew the motivation as to why they do it.

 

You post over and over that once you are done, you are done.

 

"When I'm done with someone, I'm done. That's it."

 

You didn't read what I wrote. I said that's when *I* do the dumping. With these two, they did the dumping. When *I* dump someone, I am done.

[CaliGuy]

I have a confession to make...

 

I clicked on your profile on this site a couple of months ago.....and just yesterday...well...I did it again

 

I would care if you were a Cubs fan. But since you're a SoX fan, NOPE! muahah.

[Jake Barnes]

I would care if you were a Cubs fan. But since you're a SoX fan, NOPE! muahah.

Just wait until we release our secret weapon in the post-season against the Angels