Got her # and supposed to hangout, didn't pick up the phone..now what?

[Mydish1]

So the story goes, I'm a regular this place with a waitress.

I remember the first day we talked a lot and I knew she was very interested, and she kept coming over. Well I was going through this phase where I wasn't in the mood to date anyone, so I never bothered asking her out. Though everytime I show up she usually greets me and sometimes I say bye or she comes over and says bye to me when I leave, and sometimes we talk if she's not busy working. There were a couple times where I made her nervous/feel intimidated around me, but I try to avoid that now. For example, a couple of times I spoke a little too fast for her to understand and she wound up excusing herself..she's new to the US, so her english is ok but not great.

 

So I finally decided to ask her out all this time the other night, got her # and she even agreed to hangout today. I know she works throughout the night and sleeps during the morning/day. Well I wound up calling twice and to no avail I just left a voicemail. Have not heard from her at all so far.

 

Honestly I'm not mad in any sense that she didn't pick up the phone./hangout like we agreed...though since I am a regular at the place I go to and don't like to make things awkward, should I pretend like nothing happened or should I ask why she didn't pick up the phone?

 

What do you guys think about her intentions/interest?

[Suiyobi]

If she's new to the US then you might want to take things a little slowly and more carefully... I mean, you already intimidated her just by merely talking fast. I think she is interested but just not in line with how the dating game goes here in the US.

[Mydish1]

If she's new to the US then you might want to take things a little slowly and more carefully... I mean, you already intimidated her just by merely talking fast. I think she is interested but just not in line with how the dating game goes here in the US.

 

Yeah I know - Just heard back from her and told me she overslept and would have to go into work within 2 hours. but I guess I can't entirely blame her for it because I never did set a time for us to meet up, but just that I'd call her to hangout.

 

But honestly thinking about it, it may not be worth the trouble. Because I work during the day and she works during the (late) night. Which doesn't leave much or any time to do anything on weekends.

[Jilly Bean]

I never did set a time for us to meet up, but just that I'd call her to hangout.

 

If a guy asked for my number, then told me he would call me to "hang out" and not set an actual date with a time attached, I wouldn't take your call either.

 

If you are going to try to date women and behave like a schoolboy, then expect the same treatment in return.

 

Now, if you are interested in her, then I suggest you call her and ask for a SPECIFIC date. Like lunch, or dinner, or drinks, or a walk in the park. BUT, set a time, and set expectations.

 

This "hang-out" business conveys indifference and something terribly casual and dismissive.

[Mydish1]

If a guy asked for my number, then told me he would call me to "hang out" and not set an actual date with a time attached, I wouldn't take your call either.

 

If you are going to try to date women and behave like a schoolboy, then expect the same treatment in return.

 

Now, if you are interested in her, then I suggest you call her and ask for a SPECIFIC date. Like lunch, or dinner, or drinks, or a walk in the park. BUT, set a time, and set expectations.

 

This "hang-out" business conveys indifference and something terribly casual and dismissive.

 

Yeah I know what I did, it was late and I was tired that night so I didn't put much thought into it when I asked her out. I admit it was dumb on my part.

 

Later today I called her back and she didn't pick up the phone. But I left a vm, saying to call me back maybe we could try Sunday and figure out a good time and place to meet up. This scenario is awkward for me because she has strange hours and I don't want to cut into her sleeping schedule. I wouldn't want to set a time she can't adhere to because it conflicts with her lifestyle.

 

Honestly she hasn't called me back. I figure I'll ask her out again properly when I see her next week...and even apologize. Or should I just send her a text now and apologize?

[Jilly Bean]

I left a vm, saying to call me back maybe we could try Sunday and figure out a good time and place to meet up.

 

This is still wrong. You are still conveying casualness and passive indifference.

 

You need to call her and ASK HER OUT ON A PROPER DATE.

 

This mean, you call and say, "I'd love to take you to dinner. Do you like Italian? I know a great place. If not, we can always do Mexican or whatever you like. What nights work best for you? I'm pretty open this coming week."

[johan]

Jilly might have a point. Not sure.

 

But next time you go where she works, don't act like it's awkward for you. Just be the same as you always are. You shouldn't expect anything from her at this point. So don't get wound up if she doesn't respond in the way you want her to.

 

Jilly might be right in that the only way you're going to find out for sure is to make it real. On the other hand, a girl who is interested in you will accept a casual date and hope for more.

[Suiyobi]

As the saying goes, you're gonna have to "man up", Mydish1. Just like what Jilly Bean's saying, you'll have to ask her out on a date. If the cosmos are in your favor then she'll accept. The worst thing that could happen is that she'll say no, or in my case, a girl once told me that our first dinner together wasn't a date. (Ouch, that still hurts below the belt even to this day.) But in the end, by doing this you'll get a preliminary sense of where you two are heading as far as a relationships are concerned.

[Jilly Bean]

On the other hand, a girl who is interested in you will accept a casual date and hope for more.

 

Not necessarily. If I sense a guy is casual about me, and I really like him, I may blow him off entirely if I sense friend zone, or something far more casual than I would like.

 

But, Im needy. lol

[Mydish1]

This is still wrong. You are still conveying casualness and passive indifference.

 

You need to call her and ASK HER OUT ON A PROPER DATE.

 

This mean, you call and say, "I'd love to take you to dinner. Do you like Italian? I know a great place. If not, we can always do Mexican or whatever you like. What nights work best for you? I'm pretty open this coming week."

 

I've let myself go badly, because the past few months I was dating this girl that wanted to date my casually. That girl never really cared what we did but it was ok for her that we hung out or did things on the spot. She never had expectations so I fell into a habit.

 

Well frankly, what you're suggesting is hard to do because with this girl she doesn't pick up her phone. I have to ask her within a week now because weekdays will be impossible. So I screwed up 2x, what are the odds she'll take me seriously when I ask her out for real next time?

[Suiyobi]

Well if anything you're probably just overthinking it. Relax and ask her when the opportunity comes.

[Angel1111]

On the other hand, a girl who is interested in you will accept a casual date and hope for more.

 

If I were interested in a guy and he asked me out like that, my interest wouldn't hold a candle to my disappointment over his lack of class.

[Angel1111]

Well frankly, what you're suggesting is hard to do because with this girl she doesn't pick up her phone. I have to ask her within a week now because weekdays will be impossible. So I screwed up 2x, what are the odds she'll take me seriously when I ask her out for real next time?

 

It would show that you care enough to figure out what might be going wrong and fix it. And it would show persistence without being pushy. Very few things impress a woman like persistence. It's the exact opposite of 'casual' and 'dismissive'. Having to plan ahead to go out with her is just part of the package.