Why are women so Catty with each other?

[vonerik012]

So out of the thousands of times I have noticed women putting other women down, talking behind each others backs, be overly critical of women on TV, not being able to get along with their mother in law, gossiping about the missing friend, being judgmental about clothing and style, gossiping about other women at work, hearing women say they prefer guy friends, etc, those were just my perceptions looking for that? And men interact in the exact same way, yet i just never picked up on it?

 

Nobody is saying everyone woman is the exact same. But they are generally different than men. Obviously.

 

It's like me making that "Women generally prefer taller men"

 

Then someone replies with ..

 

"No, thats not true! My friend married a short man!", or "Men like women with large boobs! so?"

 

The replier would come off as being defensive and missing the larger point.

 

Exactly collector.. Anyone with eyes can see this..

[Taramere]

That's what I believe, too, Tara, but posters, drawing on their interpretations of personal experiences, disagree. Are women really "catty" towards other women or is this gender prejudice merely a loaded interpretation of an unpleasant gender-neutral interaction?

 

Cattiness, for me, is when a woman condones and encourages misogynistic thinking because she thinks that misogynistic thinking might in some way benefit her. Apologies to everyone who frequents the Other Woman section, but that's where there's most evidence of that kind of cattiness. Inevitably so, given the high emotions involved.

 

Whether it's a betrayed wife being portrayed as "dowdy, frigid, overweight, boring in bed, no ability to make intelligent conversation..." or the other woman being portrayed as an a-moral, heartless, manipulator, that cattiness is about women dehumanising other women in an effort to make themselves feel okay for a minute or two.

 

That may be what this thread is really about. Helping women to find other methods of managing conflict - whether that's internal conflict, or conflict they're having with other women. Methods that don't involve deriding other women by boxing them into the various misogynistic stereotypes that are bad news for all women. Doing so in an attempt to distance our sweet selves from those stereotypes, but achieving nothing more meaningful than to perpetuate negative thinking about all women.

[grogster]

Cattiness, for me, is when a woman condones and encourages misogynistic thinking because she thinks that misogynistic thinking might in some way benefit her. Apologies to everyone who frequents the Other Woman section, but that's where there's most evidence of that kind of cattiness. Inevitably so, given the high emotions involved.

 

Whether it's a betrayed wife being portrayed as "dowdy, frigid, overweight, boring in bed, no ability to make intelligent conversation..." or the other woman being portrayed as an a-moral, heartless, manipulator, that cattiness is about women dehumanising other women in an effort to make themselves feel okay for a minute or two.

 

That may be what this thread is really about. Helping women to find other methods of managing conflict - whether that's internal conflict, or conflict they're having with other women. Methods that don't involve deriding other women by boxing them into the various misogynistic stereotypes that are bad news for all women. Doing so in an attempt to distance our sweet selves from those stereotypes, but achieving nothing more meaningful than to perpetuate negative thinking about all women.

 

Great post, Tara. I couldn't have said it any better myself, and didn't.

 

Why "catty"? Why not "doggy"? Aren't our feline friends being maligned, defamed, insulted? Perhaps PETA can rush to the defense of our four-footed friends.

[Taramere]

Great post, Tara. I couldn't have said it any better myself, and didn't.

 

Why "catty"? Why not "doggy"? Aren't our feline friends being maligned, defamed, insulted? Perhaps PETA can rush to the defense of our four-footed friends.

 

Nobody ever attributes dodgy motives to dogs. They're far too blatantly desperate for acceptance and affection for that kind of thing.

 

Cats, on the other hand....they have a few things in common with women. Popularly perceived as a-moral creatures, when really they're no better or worse than any other animal. Engaged in the business of surviving and enjoying life as much as they can. Yet they can't even stretch out and enjoy a bit of sunshine without people staring and attributing all kinds of Machiavellian motives and scheming to them.

[grogster]

Nobody ever attributes dodgy motives to dogs. They're far too blatantly desperate for acceptance and affection for that kind of thing.

 

Cats, on the other hand....they have a few things in common with women. Popularly perceived as a-moral creatures, when really they're no better or worse than any other animal. Engaged in the business of surviving and enjoying life as much as they can. Yet they can't even stretch out and enjoy a bit of sunshine without people staring and attributing all kinds of Machiavellian motives and scheming to them.

 

Well, women are evil.

[The Collector]

Dogs are pack animals, are easily trained and trust easily. Same could be said for men. Cats tend to be more difficult to please, suspicious of other felines and liable to scratch your eyes out for no reason. Hmm.

[Taramere]

Dogs are pack animals, are easily trained and trust easily. Same could be said for men. Cats tend to be more difficult to please, suspicious of other felines and liable to scratch your eyes out for no reason. Hmm.

 

Cats are individualists. They keep themselves clean, and are good hunters. They're alert and perceptive. If they scratch you, there's a reason for it.

 

If you could understand their language, they'd probably be happy to explain - and, indeed, may already have attempted to explain gently (in their own way) that it makes them angry when you pick them up and kiss/cuddle them while a neighbouring enemy, concealed in the hedge, is observing scornfully. Pisses them off when you stare fixedly into their eyes and make yowling sounds at them. Crosses a boundary to swing around a bag which you've placed them inside. Then there's the matter of ungratefully chucking out the frog breakfast they were good enough to catch for you. Cats have good cause to be angry.

[The Collector]

Also cats are rubbish drivers and can't catch frisbees.

[Taramere]

Also cats are rubbish drivers....

 

Whereas you always get that safe, fuzzy "I'm in good hands" feeling when the taxi driver turns round to ask "where to, darlin'?" and you find yourself staring into the face of a golden retriever.

[The Collector]

Hong Kong Phooey could drive. And maybe Cujo at one point, I can't remember.

[Mary3]

Any person who blindly trust others, without using their minds to understand and come to it's own conclusion, is asking for it.

 

I think I read this from a psychologist : " Never trust anyone 100%~ completely.

 

Now me being one to give trust up front , this took me a~back. It feels very true that you should never give 100% blind trust to someone . Keep some of that trust for your heart lest they try to steal /destroy it...

[Mary3]

I HAVE heard this from an alphamale testosterone laden guy : " Yeah I put in 17 hours a day and he is weak and whines when he only works 8 hours . I am better than all the other guys on the site . That guy needs to shut his mouth . He does not know who he is dealing with. That MF'er will never be as GOOD as me "

This was heard from a guy. So whats that masculine guy vs guy bashing all about ?

[Citizen Erased]

Also cats are rubbish drivers and can't catch frisbees.

 

:lmao:

[vonerik012]

I HAVE heard this from an alphamale testosterone laden guy : " Yeah I put in 17 hours a day and he is weak and whines when he only works 8 hours . I am better than all the other guys on the site . That guy needs to shut his mouth . He does not know who he is dealing with. That MF'er will never be as GOOD as me "

This was heard from a guy. So whats that masculine guy vs guy bashing all about ?

 

Thats a good example. Men are direct. He feels he does the best job, and he states that. Nothing more, nothing less. It is all about work.

 

I think women cannot act in this direct manner, because they were not raised to be aggressive. So they find passive aggressive ways to exclude others, or resolve conflicts. This might include the silent treatment. More manipulative. You rarely hear a woman directly state "I am the best employee here! I do a much better job that Sue!" Then end of story...

 

You might hear " Sue is always causing drama, did you see that she was late 2 days in a row? Did you hear how she talked to the customer? Do you see the clothing she wears to work? I don't trust her. Sue is always sucking up to the boss. Did you see the face Sue made when I asked her a question? Do you see how unorganized Sue's desk is? Sue is always asking me to fill in for her. Sue blah blah blah "

 

It almost becomes an endless obsession, where as the above guy said his case directly, and moved on 5 minutes later.

 

I have male employees and see how they act. Working women I have dated endlessly complain to me about other girls at work. I can tell the difference.

[Trialbyfire]

I think I read this from a psychologist : " Never trust anyone 100%~ completely.

 

Now me being one to give trust up front , this took me a~back. It feels very true that you should never give 100% blind trust to someone . Keep some of that trust for your heart lest they try to steal /destroy it...

Wish I could have chatted with this psychologist before blindly trusting my ex-H.

[Taramere]

Thats a good example. Men are direct. He feels he does the best job, and he states that. Nothing more, nothing less. It is all about work.

 

I think women cannot act in this direct manner, because they were not raised to be aggressive. So they find passive aggressive ways to exclude others, or resolve conflicts. This might include the silent treatment. More manipulative. You rarely hear a woman directly state "I am the best employee here! I do a much better job that Sue!" Then end of story...

 

You might hear " Sue is always causing drama, did you see that she was late 2 days in a row? Did you hear how she talked to the customer? Do you see the clothing she wears to work? I don't trust her. Sue is always sucking up to the boss. Did you see the face Sue made when I asked her a question? Do you see how unorganized Sue's desk is? Sue is always asking me to fill in for her. Sue blah blah blah "

 

It almost becomes an endless obsession, where as the above guy said his case directly, and moved on 5 minutes later.

 

I have male employees and see how they act. Working women I have dated endlessly complain to me about other girls at work. I can tell the difference.

 

Are you confident that you're immune from confirmation bias?

[Taramere]

Having said that (previous post) I've just remembered that this thread sprang to mind last night when I was watching a tv show. "Undressing the nation". It's hosted by two women, Trinny and Susannah, who teach women how to dress in a more flattering way. This episode was devoted to plus size women who find that high street stores don't cater to them. The programme talked about campaigning to encourage mainstream shops to cater for the larger figure.

 

The show aired continual negative references to slim women. Constant comparisons were made between the flatteringly termed "fuller figure" (over size 16 UK - size 20 US) and "size 10 stick insects" (size 6 US). Various comments implied that slimmer women are less healthy/suffering from eating disorders/obsessive etc. Bizarrely, even slim women, eg one of the presenters, and some of the designers who featured on it, were joining in with the mockery of "stick insects".

 

One women said something along the lines of "the average size of a UK woman is 16 - so those size 10s are the freaks. We're normal!"

 

The average woman is 5 ft 4. Size 10 (UK) for that average woman is a reasonable dress size. It's perfectly possible, barring some kind of glandular disorder, for a woman of average height to be a size 10 without having any kind of eating disorder - whereas a woman of that height who is size 16 plus may well have a bit of a problem with compulsive eating.

 

I don't suppose many size 10 women watching felt either convinced or wounded by the suggestion that they are freaks - and perhaps that's why that brand of cattiness is considered okay. The targets of it are likely to shrug it off as being a misguided attempt, by the people who employ it, to comfort themselves.

 

On the other hand, that kind of self-comforting cattiness may inhibit or discourage the changes that could actually improve the health, happiness and life of the person employing it. Like a lot of cattiness, it seems more like insecurity projected onto others.

[JooSee]

I'm so glad I posted this.

 

The dialogue has been extremely eye-opening for me, and I've already sensed a change in my own catty behavior. I am soooo much more aware of how I look at/treat other women. I now say to myself, when the judgement arises in my head, "delete this negative thought. You dont know her. She is a woman who has the same issues/insecurities as you do," and I can say its been a wonderful change within myself.

 

I'm sure there will be times when the bitch comes out in me, but at least I am more aware. And that is the beginning.

[Taramere]

I'm so glad I posted this.

 

The dialogue has been extremely eye-opening for me, and I've already sensed a change in my own catty behavior. I am soooo much more aware of how I look at/treat other women. I now say to myself, when the judgement arises in my head, "delete this negative thought. You dont know her. She is a woman who has the same issues/insecurities as you do," and I can say its been a wonderful change within myself.

 

I'm sure there will be times when the bitch comes out in me, but at least I am more aware. And that is the beginning.

 

Seconded. It's a good thread, JooSee - thanks for starting it. I think cattiness tends to be a form of subtle aggression coming from that conflict between the desire to be polite and co-operative, and the desire to stick up for oneself. Neither are bad things, and I think most people just want to find a balance between the two. Which isn't always easy.

 

PS my brain went into rot. Size 16 UK isn't size 20 US as I mentioned. It's size 12 US.

[Trialbyfire]

Women = cattiness

Men = passive aggressiveness

 

Same difference if you view it rationally v. emotionally. Sites like LS tend to bring out the worst of this type of behaviour since direct aggression is highly discouraged. Myself personally, I think both should be highly discouraged on an equal basis or left alone, on an equal basis except for the baiting/reporting style passive-aggressiveness. This style of behaviour should be considered a bannable offense.

[Mary3]

I have heard that most men dont want to date overweight or obese females.

 

I also heard its harder for obese males to get some positions in company's versus if he were of average weight.

 

This also applies to short males being overlooked over taller men who might get the position.

 

So not sure if its biased or personal preference that most don't enjoy a heavy partner.

 

I like bigger guys though. Normal size males dont do much for me..Think football player size

[vonerik012]

The stick figure example is a good one..

 

Women often times might ask "You don't want to date a stick figure do you?"

 

Which is displaying their contempt for normal healthy women. If this woman comes across any women she perceives to be "stick figures" most likely she will have an instant dislike for them.

[tom123]

Hi,

This is john,womens are most understandle persons in the world,in friendship mostly womens are catty with other

=================================================

john

 

Alcoholism Treatment

[brightskies]

Unless you are a best friend or close friend, women seem to be very catty and judgemental with each other. How can this be explained? We seem so competitive, judgemental, and fair weathered with women aquaintances or total strangers, and it bothers me. I just want to know why we do this to each other. Anyone ever notice this?

 

Funny you say that. My current occupation puts me in situations where I'm primarily around men, and I've observed that men are equally catty as women! Sometimes even more so. Straight men or gay men.

 

This idea that women are "more catty" is a negative stereotype that I've since discovered is undeserved. Both sexes can be equally competitive, fair-weather, and judgmental, and both have claws.

[Taramere]

This idea that women are "more catty" is a negative stereotype that I've since discovered is undeserved. Both sexes can be equally competitive, fair-weather, and judgmental, and both have claws.

 

I agree. I also think that some men have a particular tendency to enjoy stirring up drama and upset amongst women. Whether that's so that they can prove a pet theory, or whether it's a schadenfreude thing - who knows? A guy I used to flatshare with liked to express superior amusement about female drama and politics....yet when he fell out with any of his friends, Jesus. Watch out, ladies!

 

One time, in particular, he woke me at 3am, and I was subjected to the sight of several increasingly angry texts from one of his friend - the last one saying something along the lines of "never drink in the same bar as me again. I don't want to c ur face again, cunt." As I read this, still half asleep, he was jabbering on furiously and very close to tears (admittedly he'd been drinking) about some argument - the details of which I can't even remember.

 

When I sympathised then pointed out the times he'd laughed about the trivialityof his girlfriend falling out with her friends, or me complaining about some insensitive comment a friend had made, he just stared blankly - then said very angrily "but this is serious!"