Back together..what now?

[Maggie]

I receievd advice about a month ago, and it helped a lot, thank you. I'm in need of some follow-up advice.

 

My boyfriend and I took some time apart (at the 6 month mark), with him claiming he needed to get back some of the freedom he felt like he lost hanging out with me so much. But assuring me that it wasn't to see other girls(I believe him) So I said fine, do what you think you have to.

 

After 3 1/2 weeks of not seeing each other and no phone calls (he did let it slip to a couple of mutual friends that he missed me)we decided to go for dinner and a "talk". Ugh.

 

So I had it set in my mind that it was probably over. How could he care about me and not talk to me for 3 weeks? But he already had his mind set that it was just a break he took and wanted to get back together and work out any unresolved issues from before.

 

Ok, sounds good to me, but I said we have to take it very slowly because I don't feel entirely comfortable with the thought that he might do this again to me.

 

Now here's the problem.....he hasn't called me since then! Is he taking this "slow" thing to extremes? We've talked briefly at work, but no phone calls, nothing....

 

I don't think it's my place to be trying to win back his affections, this whole thing was his choice. Does that sound childish?

 

Comments, advice, knock some sense into me ? Anything might help. Thanks

[Tony T]

When you really care about somebody, you don't take nearly a month off just "to get some of your freedom back." This guy is jerking you around big time.

 

There are a number of possibilities. 1. He's trying to get to know someone else and is seeing just how it will go before he sends you on permanent vacation. 2. He just doesn't want to see anybody right now and he's trying to let you down gradually. 3. He's trying to teach you that he needs some space in a relationship. 4. He is too immature to settle down at this time and is just confused about the whole issue.

 

This is simply not normal behavior in a relationship. At worst, he could tell you that he feels closed in and needs a little space. This is NOT a storybook romance and this is NOT the way love operates between two people who really care about each other.

 

You have to ask yourself if you want this kind of guy in your life over a long period. You also have to ask if there are any other guys who might make you feel a lot more special and important in their lives...important enough not to have to take a vacation from you.

 

I think you deserve a whole lot better. Go find you a guy who will shoot straight with you and enjoy all the good things you have to offer without insisting on paid leave. When you're in a theater watching a great movie, do you bolt in the middle of it to go relax somewhere and come back to watch the second half a month later? I think not.

[Shirley]

I receievd advice about a month ago, and it helped a lot, thank you. I'm in need of some follow-up advice. My boyfriend and I took some time apart (at the 6 month mark), with him claiming he needed to get back some of the freedom he felt like he lost hanging out with me so much. But assuring me that it wasn't to see other girls(I believe him) So I said fine, do what you think you have to. After 3 1/2 weeks of not seeing each other and no phone calls (he did let it slip to a couple of mutual friends that he missed me)we decided to go for dinner and a "talk". Ugh.

 

So I had it set in my mind that it was probably over. How could he care about me and not talk to me for 3 weeks? But he already had his mind set that it was just a break he took and wanted to get back together and work out any unresolved issues from before. Ok, sounds good to me, but I said we have to take it very slowly because I don't feel entirely comfortable with the thought that he might do this again to me. Now here's the problem.....he hasn't called me since then! Is he taking this "slow" thing to extremes? We've talked briefly at work, but no phone calls, nothing.... I don't think it's my place to be trying to win back his affections, this whole thing was his choice. Does that sound childish? Comments, advice, knock some sense into me ? Anything might help. Thanks

 

Hi!

 

He's messing with you. He probably enjoys the fact that he has this much control over you and loves that feeling of power. And there's no way that you can ever "win" anyone's affections. Start going out and having fun dating again. And don't do it to get back at him, it's not revenge. You need to be good to yourself, and have fun meeting people and enjoying their company. Your happiness depends on you, not someone else. Go out with people you enjoy being with who also enjoy being with you.

[Maggie]

The truth is like a slap in the face, but I think I knew already what I should do. I was just hoping that there was some secret guy "thing" I didn't know about and he would suddenly turn into a great guy after getting some space.

 

So these wonderful guys that people keep claiming are out there (I'm not so sure I actually believe they exist) and will treat me right...where are they?