Does The Sex really Stop between MM and W when they tell you it does?

[2sunny]

from experience - i will tell you that if you find the strength to leave - and leave for good - you will be feeling so much stronger, better and purely RELIEVED!

 

you will be proud of yourself and gain your self respect and self worth back. you will feel free!

 

we all want this for you... please keep that counseling appointment.

[honour and trust]

In some cases, the WS is looking for a confidant with the OW, someone they can be honest with and share their secrets.

 

So if the WS is looking for a confidant, what does that mean or prove? Is that better or something?

[You'reasian]

Most people call it strength - and it may be. But it was also just a matter of being sick of it and realizing that it was not fixable and it had nothing to do with me. Probably the thing that had the most impact on me was reading a book about abuse that was written by a man who studied thousands of abusive men, and talked about the conclusions he drew from his studies. Those conclusions flipped a switch for me.

 

Also, after my ex blew his stack at me at a family gathering, I knew it was the end of the road. My family was horrified at how he spoke to me and my nephew geared himself up to beat the crap out of him if he made one move toward me. Not only was I completely embarrassed by my ex's behavior but I was also amazed at how much I had gotten used to the way he acted. I will never, ever forget the look on my sister and cousin's faces - long after it happened. They looked as if they had been struck in the face. I remembered that it had once affected me that way and somewhere down the road I had gotten numb to it. He and I were already separated at that point. I filed for divorce shortly after that and never looked back.

 

 

Sorry for the late and random entry but after reading this and many other stories like this, I've decided that as a smart, kind, considerate and motivated man (per my gf words, as I am too humble) that there's not a woman really worth marrying...

 

I understand you are a woman and you've been through something that you absolutely do not deserve, but you chose this man. You chose this man over another one, I would assume, unless you weren't looking or were making yourself unavailable.

 

Reading stories like this has made me wonder - should I become the raging jerk that every woman marries, then divorces? Play the game to get what I want and then drop it quick when I lose interest?

 

No.

 

Instead, I've decided to raise the bar. Not just a little - alot.

[crystal_lostheart]

Your waking up. Good! Just hold on to this feeling until you have truly left him alone. You know in your heart that this R is headed downhill fast.

 

from experience - i will tell you that if you find the strength to leave - and leave for good - you will be feeling so much stronger, better and purely RELIEVED!

 

you will be proud of yourself and gain your self respect and self worth back. you will feel free!

 

we all want this for you... please keep that counseling appointment.

 

Thankyou all so much again. This is really helping me. I feel like I am waking up- the pain is horrible - consuming. I am for sure keeping that appointment. It is next Friday- I wanted earlier but couldn't get in which made me feel a little anxious. But I can hold out til then. She has come highly reommended for situations like these. This forum lately has been my saviour with all the support.

[johan]

If there's one thing you can be sure of, when the cheating husband has told you the sex has stopped you'd better believe it. The word of such a man is golden.

[crystal_lostheart]

Wow Crystal I am so sorry to read this, SO sorry. It seems like typical behaviour that hot and cold jekyl and hide thing of a mental abusive behaviour, that is what keeps the victim hooked. Just when you think you have him figured out and you can start to resent him he does a 180 on you and pushes all the right buttons and reels you in again. This sick cycle he has you on has got to be broken.

 

Look on the bright side Crystal, you can see this you are aware and someone is looking out for you and letting you see these signs so that you don't make a blind mistake. You have no major commitment to this man at this point other than what your heart is telling you. You have a support system here of people that care about you, and you can turn here whenever you need us. You need to build up your strength and the more you do that the more you will see clearly what lays infront of you.

 

Please go through with the therapy even if it sucks the last little peice of life out of you, make yourself do this. Your health is #1 and your wellbeing is the most important thing you will ever have no man is worth all this torture you are putting your poor body through.

 

 

TC thankyou thankyou - having the support here is great. It truly is. At work, although I have friends there and people are lovely to me - because he is my boss - I feel like I can trust nobody and at times can feel very alone with this -in most cases or all cases i guess- OW are not usually looked favourably upon. People who are not directly in a situation like this - just don't understand. They can't. I honestly am looking forward to the counselling session. I really am - I think it is a stepping stone for me in finding a way to make my life so much better.

[White Flower]

Look at his personality and you will find your answer. My guy said he felt like he was having sex with his sister. Then he said it only happened between 4 and 12 times per year. Then he said she couldn't handle the duration and after that they started using Viagra. Hello? Viagra makes it last longer so tell me why she would want him to use it if she can't handle duration?

 

He was a very passionate man who was addicted to sex. Yeah, he was doing her and he was enjoying it!

[aloneatnights]

mine said he had it once a month, twice if he was lucky. also said she was out all the time. made me wonder if she was having an affair too? so i had to plant that seed.

[Angel1111]

Sorry for the late and random entry but after reading this and many other stories like this, I've decided that as a smart, kind, considerate and motivated man (per my gf words, as I am too humble) that there's not a woman really worth marrying...

 

I understand you are a woman and you've been through something that you absolutely do not deserve, but you chose this man. You chose this man over another one, I would assume, unless you weren't looking or were making yourself unavailable.

 

Reading stories like this has made me wonder - should I become the raging jerk that every woman marries, then divorces? Play the game to get what I want and then drop it quick when I lose interest?

 

No.

 

Instead, I've decided to raise the bar. Not just a little - alot.

 

I get where you are on this but try not to be such a hard case about it.

I was the worst critic of women who stayed with these guys. It was all like a joke to me, it wasn't even real. Well, life taught me a lesson and I can't judge women about it anymore. But I can tell them how it is and that's probably why I'm so blunt when I talk about it.

 

The responsibility for the woman comes in once she realizes what kind of relationship she's in. I was only married to this guy for 4 yrs and we only lived together 2 yrs of our marriage. So, it didn't last that long - but in many respects, way too long. Now, I can spot these guys from a mile away and I wouldn't give them 2 seconds of my time.

 

What you may not know is how these guys come across as the most charming, respectful, and kind man a woman has ever seen. Why do you think she falls for him in the first place? And when the table turns, she never sees it coming, and then will spend a lot of time trying to understand it. This is her downfall.

 

If you're really a nice guy, then I think that's great. I have always liked nice guys and I appreciate them even more after my experience with the jerk. But I thought the jerk guy was a nice guy, too. That's the piece of the puzzle you may be missing.

 

I have raised the bar quite a bit, too. I wouldn't be with someone like my ex for more than the 2 seconds it would take me to exit the room. I have no interest in understanding him, explaining myself, or wanting to know his reasons. All I would care about is getting away from him.