DesiBaby Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 My story is very rare to some people but still true. I have been in a long distance relationship with a guy from Europe for many years. We see eachother 2-3 times a year but most of the time he's there and I'm in America. I have never cheated on him in fact, he's my very first boyfriend and only so far, I am 23 years old. I know him since I am 15. I am not attracted to men here in America but I can't get a guy out of my head, who happens to live in the same country as my boyfriend, and he happens to know him. I think of the other guy most of the day...every song i listen to I think of him...I smile and I see him everywhere...I wish I didn't...but it feels good thinking of him. I don't know what to do....I feel bad for thinking of someone else, but I'm a human being, and this is hard, having nobody close when I need an embrace. .....I've never had an indiscretion except in my mind. My relationship with my boyfriend is ok, but sometimes I get annoyed by him....things are getting quite monotone between us....we lost the spark.... .....ahhh I just needed to let it out....i hope someone will answer.... Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 You're very young to be spending your time pining for someone who lives thousands of miles away and who you never see - worse, the guy doesnt even seem worth it if you feel you lost the spark! I'd leave the new guy as a harmless crush in your mind, end it with the current boyfriend as you never see him and you're not as into him now anyway, and go out and start dating boys who live in your State! And have fun! Your youth is the best time to enjoy life, enjoy cute date nights with our boyfriend, go to the movies, hang out, do sweet stuff together...those are special moments/memories and maybe you are wasting all that right now, by being with a guy you never see and who you arent so into anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
theobserver Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 Long Distant relationships need to be full of passion which I'm sure you had but they also need an underline substance and trust because once that spark is gone you need that base substance to keep you both interested especially because of the distance. Communication is to be kept whenever able and visits should be long. Short p2 week visits for every few months just doesn't cut (in the case of being in a different country) it for some people and unless his job can allow 6 month stays etc then it's really hard to mantain the relationship the mind will wander as well as attraction to others. You might be lusting over this other man but you could be setting yourself up for the same problems all over again not to mention he may have no interest in you. I would personally suggest you have a hard think on if you're ready for a long term relationship aswell as if you can handle a long distant one. Then have a talk with your boyfriend and perhaps break it off in the most civil matter so you can both be set free. I'm not going to say limit yourself to people in your state/country but just be aware of what you can handle. If you truely just want to avoid males brought up with typical american attitude and mannerisms perhaps look for foreigners now living in america looking for love but of course be safe and never doubt the possibility you might just fall for a yank around the corner. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DesiBaby Posted August 14, 2008 Author Share Posted August 14, 2008 I want to save my relationship, but I can't control feeling attracted to this other guy. And he also feels attracted to me. We have been having long conversations the last few days, of sexual content and even thought I feel good about it, later I feel so bad....because he and my boyfriend know eachother....they work together. If I go back to his country, I am afraid to see him again, and try to act normal when my boyfriend is around will be hard. I dont think I want to see him again, the other guy...yet i cant get him out of my head. I dont wanna hurt my boyfriend.... Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 It seems like you are transferring your affections from one geographically unavailable man to another. Or perhaps it's just that you are transferring your need for attention from one unavailable man to another. Perhaps you should consider why you prefer men who cannot ever be with you fully. Are you afraid of being with a man who lives near you and can see you all the time? Are you afraid he might not like you if he were with you all the time? Whatever it is, there's a reason why you are only attracted to men who live far away and will never really be with you, and that reason has nothing to do with the men you meet - it has something to do with you. You should try and figure that out instead of just blindly following one long-distance crush after another, or you will end up alone (and with many pissed off guys in far-off countries if you screw them over with their friends). Link to post Share on other sites
Author DesiBaby Posted August 15, 2008 Author Share Posted August 15, 2008 Ahhhhhhhhhh I knowwwwwww!!! I just really want an exotic guy from a foreign country and I want to save my relationship, but I'm falling into these games with other guys. I'm driving myself crazy but there is nothing I can do!!!!!! ..... Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 15, 2008 Share Posted August 15, 2008 Ahhhhhhhhhh I knowwwwwww!!! I just really want an exotic guy from a foreign country and I want to save my relationship, but I'm falling into these games with other guys. I'm driving myself crazy but there is nothing I can do!!!!!! ..... I'm sorry, but that just isn't true! You can stop flirting with the other guy, you can focus on your bf, you can break up with your bf, you can get off the computer and talk to real guys in your neighborhood. You're just throwing your hands up and saying you can't do anything, but you can. You choose not to. You may not have entire control over your feelings, but you DO have control over your actions. Link to post Share on other sites
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