How do I move things forward? Is this girl bad news?

[lazlow99]

Hi, I’m new to the forum and just looking for some advice really. I’m a 20 year old and not very experienced with relationships (although I’ve had a few brief flings or whatever). I’ll try and keep this as short as possible.

 

Anyways, I was out of town for a couple of weeks and I met a girl and we hit it off right away. It came out of nowhere, and neither of us were looking for anything as it wasn’t that kind of environment . She’s really outgoing and flirty, and although we’re the same age she’s had a lot more experience with relationships than me. Even though she had a bf at the time (they were on and off and having problems), I really fell for her, and I know she really liked me in return. So we got pretty close, however she told me one night that nothing could happen between us because she wanted to try with her bf and she didn’t want to get my ‘hopes up’ for nothing to happen. But later that night she told me that she wanted to kiss me, and we ended up doing that pretty passionately until she made me stop because she got emotional about cheating, which was fair enough.

 

After that night we were a little distant although still cool, and I backed off a bit, but we still saw each other all the time because we were with the same people. On the last night she started flirting with another guy, not heavily, and I wasn’t sure if she was trying to make me jealous, or if she was just being herself because she’s a naturally flirty person, or if she's just a straight up playa. She did mention briefly that I’d not been talking to her, and I explained it was because I didn’t want to get too close for us to not see each other again. She said she felt bad because she thought she’d made me jealous. Anyway, in the morning before I went home, she joked saying ‘how would I live without her’ etc. So we went our separate ways, I texted her asking if she was ok, and that was about it. I expected to not hear from her again, and I accepted that although I felt a little down about it.

 

But the story doesn’t end there! She texted me a few days later out of the blue saying that she had broken up with her bf, and I suggested that we should meet up, and she agreed saying we’ll sort something out soon. So we talked on msn a week later and I asked her out and she said ok, but when it came around to the date she couldn’t make it (for a fairly legitimate reason). So for various reasons I couldn’t arrange another date, and I didnt hear from her and decided to not chase after her. Then we talked the other week on msn, and I decided to just have a normal ‘how are you?’ type chat. She made some flirty comments and I did the same back, then SHE suggested that we meet up. We decided a date even though she said she might be busy, however when it got around to the day I texted her and she said that she couldn’t make it. I was a bit pissed because I could’ve done with finding out the night before or in the morning, rather than finding out after I texted her mid afternoon, cause it made me feel like she wasn’t bothered about seeing me. So I said, ok, just text me if you want to do something next week, and she said ok and sorry.

 

At the moment I don’t know whether she wants to see me again or not. She’s had plenty of opportunities to let me go or whatever, and she asked me out on her own accord, but the fact that she seems to make little effort when it comes down to it makes me feel pretty confused. I don’t want to chase after her and keep asking her out for her to say yes then not bother, but then at the same time she has shown interest in me by making flirty comments like ‘I’m not coming and visit you then lol’ (cause I joked about living in pretty rough area) and I do really like her and want to see if anything could happen between us. Like I said before she's a flirty and outgoing person, does she just like the attention of someone wanting to go out with her? Has she got me in reserve in case no one better comes along anytime soon? Or am I just being paranoid? I don't think she's a man eater because she would've slept with me otherwise, I don't think she wants me to just leave hear alone because she has shown an interest in me still when she could've just stayed 'chatty/friendly' on msn etc. I'm normally pretty good at figuring people out, but I can't do this with her.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read anyway, any advice would really be appreciated as my friends aren’t interested in my stupid girl problems and don't know much either. Please, what should I do!?

[paddington bear]

hi, I'm new here too, noticed you'd no replies...I'm in similar situation, so probably of no use to you but....

 

She knows you like her, so she feels confident that you will still be there when she makes her mind up what she wants. I would say something along the lines of 'I'd really like to meet up with you, and I'm sorry you couldn't make it those other times, but really if you promise to meet me and then cancel yet again, I won't be asking again' - that puts the ball firmly in her court, instead of you chasing her, she has to make the decision to meet you or not and know the consequences of her actions, if she doesn't stop messing you about, she will lose you.

 

Hope it all works out for you

[lazlow99]

Yeah, I read your post and noticed the similaraties. What you said sounds about right. Its difficult to understand why some people play these games, because I would never do that to someone. I'm not a push over at all, but I guess because I come across as being ''nice'' and I consider other people, some people think they can walk me through hoops...it's happened once before and I got messed around. Although this is no where near the same as last time, I don't appreciate being put on a back burner very much. If it doesn't work out, then its a learning experience. I'll just do what I've been doing, keeping in touch once a week or so and just being cool. I will mention that I'm not going to be cancelled on again at short notice though.

 

Thanks for the advice anyway! Why can't people just be straight up about these things? So annoying!