Dream guy - how do I approach this?

[Walk]

I had a crush on a bass player once... happened to be an old friend of mine too. Anyway, during crush phase I went to one of his gigs alone. It went really well. I waited til intermission/half time (whatever you call it) and he came over and said Hi and stuff. Talked the entire time his band was on break, and then he went back and played the last half of the performance. Afterward we went and got food.

 

I think you should let your guy friend know you're planning on attending in a brief and casual message. Then go enjoy the show on your own. (I always have a hell of a good time going to things by myself.) Wait til intermission and if he's not too swamped with other people go up and talk to him. That's assuming he hasn't bee-lined it to your seat first chance he gets.

 

It'll go great. Stop over thinking it.

[LoveLace]

I had a crush on a bass player once... happened to be an old friend of mine too. Anyway, during crush phase I went to one of his gigs alone. It went really well. I waited til intermission/half time (whatever you call it) and he came over and said Hi and stuff. Talked the entire time his band was on break, and then he went back and played the last half of the performance. Afterward we went and got food.

 

I think you should let your guy friend know you're planning on attending in a brief and casual message. Then go enjoy the show on your own. (I always have a hell of a good time going to things by myself.) Wait til intermission and if he's not too swamped with other people go up and talk to him. That's assuming he hasn't bee-lined it to your seat first chance he gets.

 

It'll go great. Stop over thinking it.

 

Thanks so much. I hope it goes like that for me too! I have definitely been to see local music alone...just never when I had a crush on someone in the band..lol. If I see him talking to people I won't want to interrupt...but I have a feeling that's what I'd have to do in the case that he doesn't notice me in the crowd.

 

Sometime before the weekend I'll send him a short message, that he'll be playing in my 'hood so I'll be there...that way he might actually keep his eye out for me...

[paddington bear]

good luck, let us know how it goes!

[LoveLace]

I got a message back from him today, responding to my last one that said I'll try to come to a show soon (I kept it vague). His reply said "that sounds fabulous", to come say hi and we'll have a drink like the old days!...Soo it certainly doesn't seem that he's weirded out by any of it, at least...I'm glad he was more specific with the invite, cuz now I won't go feeling as though I don't know what the h^ll to do. Now I at least know there will be a foundation to start from!...Course, it could end up being just a good time like the "old days"...so there's really nothing to lose.

 

I do remember when friends and I used to catch an old band of his almost weekly. He would always come over to us during a break, have a drink, and come back again later and sew on. A few times, we'd all hang out more afterwards. That's the kind of scenario I'm hoping to see repeat itself, with me! Other times, I'd run into him accidentally, and it would be just the 2 of us b.s.'ing for a couple hours. ..but trying not to get my hopes up TOO much, and just look at it as catching up with an old friend....however, I'd think he's catching on to my interest a little by now?

 

I'm going to wait until tomorrow, then write him back and give him heads up about seeing him Friday night...

[LoveLace]

Oh yea, another thing is that I recently got in touch with a mutual friend of ours that lives overseas. After the 1st message exchange with Clay, I mentioned it to her (when she still lived in the States, they had a brother-sister like type of friendship). She replied that they are still great friends and talk on the phone regularly (She is in a relationship of her own though, just to be clear)...I responded to her that I can't believe he is single and that I would pinch myself if he was mine! She hasn't written since...but I can't help but wonder if she dropped the hint to him about it, since they communicate often...probably no way of knowing that for sure.

[Kamille]

You definitely should follow your instincts on this but, now that he knows you plan on catching up on his show one of these days, I don't think you need to contact him and tell him you are attending Friday's show. It is up to you, but I just feel that he would be more thrilled if you just showed up then if he knew you were attending.

 

He already told you to go talk to him during the break, so go to the show and walk up to him at a moment when he's not too busy during the break or after the show.

 

Avoid putting all your eggs in one basket though. I'm a bit weary of all the attention this guy is already getting from you - and he hasn't even asked you out yet!

 

I've always found going out alone is great for meeting new guys as it makes you more approachable. Why don't you keep your focus on going to enjoy a good show, seeing an attractive friend and perhaps meeting a few other guys?

[LoveLace]

You definitely should follow your instincts on this but, now that he knows you plan on catching up on his show one of these days, I don't think you need to contact him and tell him you are attending Friday's show. It is up to you, but I just feel that he would be more thrilled if you just showed up then if he knew you were attending.

 

He already told you to go talk to him during the break, so go to the show and walk up to him at a moment when he's not too busy during the break or after the show.

 

Avoid putting all your eggs in one basket though. I'm a bit weary of all the attention this guy is already getting from you - and he hasn't even asked you out yet!

 

I've always found going out alone is great for meeting new guys as it makes you more approachable. Why don't you keep your focus on going to enjoy a good show, seeing an attractive friend and perhaps meeting a few other guys?

 

 

Yea I don't totally think it's all that necessary to tell him I'm going on Friday...especially now anyway. I may or may not tell him, I'll just fly by my pants on that one.

 

But I wouldn't say he's getting any more "attention" than I'm getting from him. We've equally exchanged messages, and that's it. The reason I said I should get to a show is because I'm on summer break, and I've never seen this band before (even though he's been with them for years, and I'm the only person I know who has never seen them). I've been trying to get to a show of theirs for quite a long time now...not because of him, but because of their reputation for rockin', and anyone who knows me, knows I'm a chick who likes to rock out! So, I AM already focusing on the good show and the people I might run into there, with him as an added bonus...I'm excited about the whole picture. If it was going to be at an establishment that I'm unfamiliar with, I wouldn't be able to feel so comfortable with the idea. It's in my neighborhood where I know a lot of people and such, so yea it's going to be a nice Friday night in general.

 

I just might feel silly if he's playing and I don't run into anyone I know to talk to (it's not a 100% guarantee - I'm in my 30's and the crowd will mostly be 20's). I'm no stranger to making friends, but if I'm sitting there alone, I'm always the weirdo-target and I hate being stuck with one of those...if anything makes me reluctant to go alone, it's that!

[LoveLace]

So I was out with a girl friend last night, the same one who already has like 10 guys drooling over her and usually when we go out the guys are all over her where ever we go. She's my music buddy, and I couldn't hide it from her about getting into touch with Clay. I told her about the show Friday night, and at 1st I said I really want to go by myself. Then she suggested bringing a date with her...and she's excited about me and Clay (even though nothing has happened really). She's also just very excited about the band because she loves them.

 

I figure if a date is with her, I should be safe from "he only wants my friend"- syndrome; plus I'll have someone to talk to and dance with if Clay is busy playing; it just sounds more fun in general, than going alone. But she still said she understands if I want to go alone. I don't think her idea sounds bad, though?

 

2 more days, we'll see what happens...I haven't written him back and I don't feel the need to tell him I'll be there...

[Kamille]

I think you generally have the right attitude with this guy but I'll clarify what I meant by paying him too much attention before he even asked you out. What I try to do when I find a guy attractive is not analyze his actions until we start dating each other. (In fact, I vow to stop analyzing a guy's actions even when we do start dating). I find trying to figure out how to get a perticular outcome with a guy a complete exercise in futility... Not only that, it generally puts me in a weird head space where I feel like a gawky teenager again. If a guy wants to ask me out, he should ask me out. In the meantime, I will enjoy flirting with him. And whatever other guy strikes my fancy. (I love men).

 

So the attention comment wasn't so much about whether contact was equal, it was more along the lines of Yes, definitely, you should plan to go to the show to bump into him again (sounds like blissful fun and a great show anyways) but once you've got your bumping into 'dream guy' plan worked out, stop any analysis of the situation that isn't : Friday night will be fun.

 

Because let's face it, Friday night will be fun, no matter the outcome.

[LoveLace]

I think you generally have the right attitude with this guy but I'll clarify what I meant by paying him too much attention before he even asked you out. What I try to do when I find a guy attractive is not analyze his actions until we start dating each other. (In fact, I vow to stop analyzing a guy's actions even when we do start dating). I find trying to figure out how to get a perticular outcome with a guy a complete exercise in futility... Not only that, it generally puts me in a weird head space where I feel like a gawky teenager again. If a guy wants to ask me out, he should ask me out. In the meantime, I will enjoy flirting with him. And whatever other guy strikes my fancy. (I love men).

 

So the attention comment wasn't so much about whether contact was equal, it was more along the lines of Yes, definitely, you should plan to go to the show to bump into him again (sounds like blissful fun and a great show anyways) but once you've got your bumping into 'dream guy' plan worked out, stop any analysis of the situation that isn't : Friday night will be fun.

 

Because let's face it, Friday night will be fun, no matter the outcome.

 

 

Darn right it will be! My girl friend and I are both very excited to see the music, and she's excited for me. Today I shopped (yay!) and found a sophisticated, but sexy thing to wear (that's also how I view Clay). Perhaps I am dressing to impress (him), but the cool thing is, I don't anticipate he'd be the only guy looking my way...after all I'm going to be dressed in my own style and comfort too...I'm tempted to message him that I'm bringing friends to the show Friday, but I probably won't, because I don't want to pressure him to think he'd better pay a lot of attention to me or something...surprises are always cooler anyway right? We could play it off as though we are "running into each other" again lol; but I won't be shy about telling him I knew he'd be there, if he asks anyhow. As far as analyzing, that shouldn't be too hard to do if I wanted to, because Friday night I'll either make a connection with him, or I won't. I'll be here the next day to say so...thanks for your thoughts!

[shadowplay]

I don't want to make you feel bad, but I don't think he's interested. I just want you to prepare yourself. If you think you won't be too hurt if you discover he's not then go for it.

[LoveLace]

I don't want to make you feel bad, but I don't think he's interested. I just want you to prepare yourself. If you think you won't be too hurt if you discover he's not then go for it.

 

As long as I at least have a fun night, I can't see myself feeling too disappointed. If he isn't interested it's okay as long as he isn't an a^^hole, which I know he isn't. That makes the whole idea of seeing him harmless to me. And I've never thought of him in this way before; it's kind of sudden to me, so perhaps that could make a difference. I didn't even go looking for him, I stumbled across him by accident online. When something like that happens so naturally, I can't keep from wondering what else could come of it.

 

It doesn't mean he's interested, but he thinks classier than My Space, if it came to asking a girl out, or even asking for her phone number. That's just how I know of him to be. Or should I say, he's a little more mature than that; not that My Space is immature, I love it, I just don't think a few short myspace messages are going to give him that idea. Especially since we haven't seen each other in a long time; I can say I'm a lot more attractive now than I once was, and more grown up. So maybe he wasn't interested in me then, there's no telling if he could be in the future. After seeing and spending time with him, that's what I see sparking his interest much more than myspace messages. That's how I'd rather it happen anyway, if it happened at all. Nevertheless, it's going to be fun and wonderful to see the guy, and see him play. He's not the kind of guy that makes you walk away feeling sad, because he's just that admirable.

[LoveLace]

Well I'm hacked off. My girl friend who said she would bring a date with her, just told me her date isn't going now. But she still wants to go. What am I supposed to do, be ignorant and tell her not to?

 

I already spend nights being ignored while she gets drooled over by all the guys. Clay probably won't be an exception and he won't even see me as an option, other than as a friend that came to "catch up". So I don't expect anything exciting to come out of this at all. Though it'll be nice to see the music.

 

She also said she will go for "a little bit". I went shopping and everything, thinking it was a big night out, and now it's for "a little bit". I guess I can always stay if she leaves. But then I'll get what I always get, and the guys will come up to me saying "Where'd ---- go?"

 

Yay.

[2sunny]

Well I'm hacked off. My girl friend who said she would bring a date with her, just told me her date isn't going now. But she still wants to go. What am I supposed to do, be ignorant and tell her not to?

 

I already spend nights being ignored while she gets drooled over by all the guys. Clay probably won't be an exception and he won't even see me as an option, other than as a friend that came to "catch up". So I don't expect anything exciting to come out of this at all. Though it'll be nice to see the music.

 

She also said she will go for "a little bit". I went shopping and everything, thinking it was a big night out, and now it's for "a little bit". I guess I can always stay if she leaves. But then I'll get what I always get, and the guys will come up to me saying "Where'd ---- go?"

 

Yay.

 

that is exactly why i recommended going alone.

 

just uninvite her! tell her you think you'd like to go see him on your own. that doesn't leave it open for discussion - and you have no explaining to do to her!

 

having her there alone would only be to your demise.

[LoveLace]

Well, 2 girl friends ended up meeting me there.

 

We walked past him during a band break. When he saw me he said, "you look great!" and we chatted a few min. While he played, one friend kept saying "he keeps looking at you", "he just looked at you"..that kind of thing, over and over. For every little break he had, he was sitting next to me, having a cigarette and talking. When the show was done, he sat down with us. The other girl friend said before she left "I can tell he is soo into you"...I said really? It took several of those comments for me to believe it...while he played, we made eye contact many times.

 

He and I said we'd do a shot together, and we did. But at the end of the night, when I was leaving, he said, "this is goodbye" and we hugged, and I gave him a cheek kiss. Then he said, "Hey--that one shot we did, you know that wasn't enough"...I agreed and said "well you know how to find me now" or something along those lines.

 

He knows how to contact me on My space. I figure because of that, no reason to throw my phone # at him right? All I know is, from what my friends observed, he was into me. So what to do from here? I had a good time with you the other night? Nothing? I want to trust that what ever my friends claimed to see, was really there...

 

I'm giddy..