is there a guy for me out there?

[Carrie]

Hi!

 

I'm guessing I'm not the only one with the following concern. What it is is the following: I'm finding it harder and harder to beleive that there is a guy out there for me. I mean, not that I'm Miss Picky, that's for sure. But, I've been in a few relationships in the past and we never really "clicked". I'm scared that I'll end up with a nice enough guy but he still won't be all I'm looking for. Is it too much to ask to want a boyfriend who is musical, poetic, funny, an animal freak, comes from a good family, is sweet and sexy? It seems like either guys are all or none of these things. Plus, I'm so shy that even when I see a potential boyfriend infront of me, I chicken out. I'm not ugly or anything, my friends say I'll make an excellent catch someday. I guess I just have to be patient. Any advice or coments would really help me out. Thanx.

[Tony T]

Well, you answered your own question....

 

"Is it too much to ask to want a boyfriend who is musical, poetic, funny, an animal freak, comes from a good family, is sweet and sexy? It seems like either guys are all or none of these things."

 

So you find that some guys have all of these traits...I quoted you above exactly.

 

Your concern over whether you will ever find the right life partner is not unlike that of many others.

 

Fact is, we change what we are looking for in a mate as we grow and mature. As a teenager, a girl's dream may be a guy on the football team who drives a nice car. As a college student, she may fall for someone who has the same major and who has a great future ahead of him.

 

In their mid-twenties, some women only hope for a guy who is halfway decent who will accept the three kids they had out of wedlock.

 

Now to your question. Just as sure as the stars shine above, you will fall in love one day with a guy who will likewise fall in love with you. He will probably have reasonably the characteristics you want. But all the ingredients will be there and you will be happy.

 

This will only happen when you cool your jets, stop worry about it, and live your life one day at a time. And it will happen when you absolutely least expect it.

[Shirley]

Hi! I'm guessing I'm not the only one with the following concern. What it is is the following: I'm finding it harder and harder to beleive that there is a guy out there for me. I mean, not that I'm Miss Picky, that's for sure. But, I've been in a few relationships in the past and we never really "clicked". I'm scared that I'll end up with a nice enough guy but he still won't be all I'm looking for. Is it too much to ask to want a boyfriend who is musical, poetic, funny, an animal freak, comes from a good family, is sweet and sexy? It seems like either guys are all or none of these things. Plus, I'm so shy that even when I see a potential boyfriend infront of me, I chicken out. I'm not ugly or anything, my friends say I'll make an excellent catch someday. I guess I just have to be patient. Any advice or coments would really help me out. Thanx.

 

Hi!

 

First, you need to stop thinking about wanting a boyfriend and a relationship. Go out with anyone you are attracted to or interested in meeting. Enjoy people's company. Don't look for certain qualities, rely on the feelings you have when you're with them. That is all that matters. And if you see someone you are attracted to, try very hard to just go up and introduce yourself. The fear of rejection is the only thing that stops you, so you have to stifle that fear and go meet him. Men have this fear of rejection also. But for so many years, society has said that it was the man's job to pursue, so unless they stifled their fear, they would never date. So they were forced to stifle those fears. Force yourself to stifle yours.

[Sula]

I hate to sound cliched, but you always find love when you least expect it.

 

I had recently come out of a horrible, emotionally abusive relationship last spring. before then, I had had a string of awful boyfriends and was recovering from a date rape that happened in January of last year. After a horrendous breakup that involved lawyers and restraining orders, i didn't want anything to do with men. I trusted none of them, I felt like there were no men out there who were what I had dreamed of as a little girl.

 

Then I met a man who was persistent and gentle and even though I denied that I liked him, I started hanging out with him. We were dating for three months before I admitted to myself that we were dating. Now he's my fiance.

 

So you see, patience is the key. Keep on going with your life. You don't need a relationship to be happy. And when you're finally settled into being single, a bomb will drop right in your lap and turn everything upside-down. I promise!

[MaRcouRiuZ]

Dear Carrie. I'm not sure i can add much to the above reply's, but the more people you hear it from, the more likely it is that you will believe what's said.

 

When I was in Highschool (i'm 18 now) I have often found myself in the same worries as you are in at the moment. Would I ever find a girl who likes me? Why am I not as cool as those other guys? Why am I so shy? But when there was an oppurtunity for me, I was so scared to take steps that I did nothing at all. If I look back I can picture a lot of girls trying to get in contact with me, or who liked me at least. One particular girl was giving hints for months, but even when it was the other taking action, I didn't know how to deal with it.

 

Like the others said: Love comes when you least expect it. Last summer holiday I met the most fantastic woman on earth. The only problem was the 450 miles that is between us, wich is even more for us Europeans (I'm Dutch, she's Danish) than for US citizens.

 

So we're not together (I was crying in my tent two days after I met her, because I knew she could never be mine) but I learnt a lot from it. I guess the most important is the selfesteem. Another cliche: You have to love yourself before you can love another. It's true. Other people also will come to you more easily when they see that you believe in yourself. Nobody has to be shy. I was shy, but it is disappearing. I know now that I'm not only sweet and romantic, but also goodlooking and attractive. As I'm starting to realize that I am getting more and more attention from girls.

 

Again: Shyness can be unlearned. If you see a nice guy try to talk to him. I wouldn't mind a nice girl to pursue me, and little others would. Take in mind that everybody likes (needs actually) contact with others, and will be happy that you take the first step. Isn't crazy when you're in front of that great guy and you look at each other, and smile, but both of you don't say a word? Your both thinking: "I wish the other said something nice" In fact you know what the orher wants... But you're afraid to speak.

 

Try to say something next time, and you'll have at least a nice chat.

 

Try not to ask for too much when looking at guys. The personality matters more than all the rest. Of course you have to have some matching interests, but a set of requirments doesn't help you. You can't describe the partner of your dreams before you have met him or her.

 

I hope this helpes you.

 

MaRcouRiuZ

Hi! I'm guessing I'm not the only one with the following concern. What it is is the following: I'm finding it harder and harder to beleive that there is a guy out there for me. I mean, not that I'm Miss Picky, that's for sure. But, I've been in a few relationships in the past and we never really "clicked". I'm scared that I'll end up with a nice enough guy but he still won't be all I'm looking for. Is it too much to ask to want a boyfriend who is musical, poetic, funny, an animal freak, comes from a good family, is sweet and sexy? It seems like either guys are all or none of these things. Plus, I'm so shy that even when I see a potential boyfriend infront of me, I chicken out. I'm not ugly or anything, my friends say I'll make an excellent catch someday. I guess I just have to be patient. Any advice or coments would really help me out. Thanx.