(boy)friend??

[CGrace44]

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. I met him as a freshman in college (he was a sophomore at the time). At the beginning of my freshman year, I was hanging out with people who live completely differently than I do. They drank and partied almost every night and so I realized that they weren't the type of people I wanted to be hanging out with. By the time I realized this though, it seemed like everyone had found their niche--everyone except me. And that is when I met my boyfriend.

 

We got serious pretty fast, even though I repeatedly told him and myself that I was not looking for a relationship (I had a looonnnngggg high school relationship that ended a few months before). But continued hanging out with him and his friends because I felt like part of the gang.

 

Last year at school the two of us hung out (most of the time just the two of us) all the time. He is my best friend. But there is the problem--he is just my best friend. I feel terrible that I know how much he cares about me but I can't say "i love you" in return. I don't think that I could ever love him that way.

 

I don't want to hurt him but I know we aren't right together. I do love him but I'm just not in love with him. I have been tossing the idea of breaking up with him around in my mind because sometimes all I do want is to curl up in his arms. Other times we fight and I convince myself that I need to end this relationship. But then he apologizes and I melt and I put it off.

 

At this point I am entering my junior year of college. He is pretty much my only friend at school (which incredibly sucks) and I am tossing the idea around again. I have already tried to break things off and just be friends (twice!!) but during the conversation we both melt into tears and say we will fix the things that are wrong with our relationship. But I don't think there is anything to fix. I think I don't love him like that and I can't...but I've also proven that I can't break up with him. HELP!!

 

Please respond with ANY suggestions or comments about my relationship. It is too difficult to talk to my friends and family about this so I would really like to hear so other voices besides the indecisive/confused mumbo-jumbo going through my mind.

[Mag]

So if im reading this right, you are currently BF/GF with this guy but you dont feel that you are right for each other in the romantic sense. Tried multiple times to end the relationship and remain friends? but never works out because its too painful?

 

You also say you love him but its more of the love you would have for a brother correct? If im hitting the nail on the head, just suck it up find the willpower to do what you feel is the right move in this situation. Its going to be hard if you choose to break off the relationship. I believe people who where previously in a relationship can remain friends after the relationship has dissolved.

 

Whatever your decision you need to form a resolve, whether or not you wish to continue the relationship, and stick with it. The best decisions for yourself aren't always going to be the easiest.

[Lauriebell82]

I'm confused. The first half of your post talks about how he is your boyfriend and you guys got serious really fast. Then you go on to say that he is "just my best friend" and you were just "hanging out." Plus you aren't in love with him. How did you get serious really fast then?

 

Does he think you are in love with him? I mean does he realize that you feel this way? It appears as though you may be leading him on, and that isn't something that someone does to their best friend. I agree with Mag that you should just suck it up and break up with him. You are just prolonging the pain that you are both going to feel (and yes you will both feel it) but leading him on to think that your relationship is something more than it really is, just isn't fair. I'm sure you know everything I am saying already, but if you are looking for someone else to tell you, than thats what I'm doing. Break up with him and remain friends. (if he is willing to do that).