Pregnant and husband left me

[darger]

Touche, I know what you're saying, some money is better than no money. And plus that money belongs to the child. My husband made $0 in income last year. This year he will most likely report a few thousand. He plans on going back to school next year which means he will make no money again. Should I still go to court for this?

 

Actually I'm afraid I might have to pay him alimony (I didn't think about that).

[Touche]

Touche, I know what you're saying, some money is better than no money. And plus that money belongs to the child. My husband made $0 in income last year. This year he will most likely report a few thousand. He plans on going back to school next year which means he will make no money again. Should I still go to court for this?

 

Actually I'm afraid I might have to pay him alimony (I didn't think about that).

 

I don't know what court in the land would award alimony to a man who is leaving his pregnant wife. No way. Plus from what I gather alimony is rarely awarded anymore. You should check with a lawyer on that though.

 

I don't think with a new baby on the way, he has the option anymore of making "no money." How will he support himself..let alone his child? You said he's leaving. His plans of going to school full-time might have to change whether he likes it or not.

 

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds like you really deserve better. You sound like a strong person though. Don't let him just walk away from his responsibility like nothing happened.

 

It does sound like you're beginning to understand that this isn't about punishing him but about making him accountable and stepping up for the benefit of your child.

 

I wish you nothing but the best. And I hope the coming months aren't too difficult. I wouldn't be mean or anything but nor would I let him think he can just walk away scott free.

 

I'd wish him luck and tell him that your lawyer will be in touch. Hold your head up high and do what you need to do for yourself and for your child.

 

And again, please talk to a lawyer. Many will talk to you initially without charging a fee.

 

Also, I'm sorry if you've answered this already but how long are you married?

[darger]

Touche, thank you for your support. I've been married for almost 2 years. When I first met him he was happy, working, looking forward to having a family. After marriage he became despondent and quit his job to "find himself" and ends up in therapy for alcoholism. When I asked him to talk to me he just said he reached a point in his life where he realized that helping other people is his goal in life. When he got his first job after a year off, he donated half of the earnings to charity because he said I made enough money and we don't need to have more than what we need. I just kept telling myself, here is a forward-thinking man, I should be altruistic like him, I felt bad I never thought about donating to charity.

 

I guess I give the impression that I'm not to aggressive in making him assume responsibility and you read into that. In all honesty, I am just tired. I'm tired of fighting for very basic necessities.

[Touche]

Darger, you're welcome. I just hate that you're going through this. I know how hard it must be.

 

No offense but your H sounds a little "out there." The addiction aside, I'm serious. It's like he's just not all there.

 

Well, he's going to do what he's going to do. Just be glad that you're finding out now that it won't work out.

 

My first marriage lasted barely 3 years and now I'm married to a wonderful man for the last 13 years. You still have a chance at happiness.

 

In the meantime, I hope you have the support of your family. And now you have your LS family too to help you get through things.

 

It's going to be ok. You'll be fine. Just take one step at a time and try not to get overwhelmed. You can't control everything he does of course but you can make him step up to his responsibilities to this child, at least financially. And hopefully, later he will step up as a real parent.

 

Hang in there, ok? And please do talk to a lawyer.

 

By the way, I love the part about that he figured out that he wants to help people in his life. What about charity beginning at home? How about if he starts by helping to take care of his own child? You might want to point that out to him. If he doesn't willingly help out then you can add "hypocrite" to his list of bad traits.

 

Anyway, you'll be ok Darger. I do sense a strength in you. (Although you seem weak when it comes to your H right now.)

 

Keep posting, ok?

[pelicanpreacher]

Touche, thank you for your support. I've been married for almost 2 years. When I first met him he was happy, working, looking forward to having a family. After marriage he became despondent and quit his job to "find himself" and ends up in therapy for alcoholism. When I asked him to talk to me he just said he reached a point in his life where he realized that helping other people is his goal in life. When he got his first job after a year off, he donated half of the earnings to charity because he said I made enough money and we don't need to have more than what we need. I just kept telling myself, here is a forward-thinking man, I should be altruistic like him, I felt bad I never thought about donating to charity.

 

I guess I give the impression that I'm not to aggressive in making him assume responsibility and you read into that. In all honesty, I am just tired. I'm tired of fighting for very basic necessities.

 

Does this guy have a mouse in his pocket or is he speaking French?

 

No darger, his donation, though superficially generous, was only made because he knew that you would still put a roof over his head, food in his stomache, and clothes on his back. Your husband is a parasite ... nothing more and nothing less. Now out in the big bad world on his own will help him to quickly realize that there are no free rides and very little sympathy for a man like him. You see a good person deep down but I think most would see him as a lazy, shiftless, good-for-nothing, alcoholic, neer-do-well! I think you better wrap your mind around the notion that, not only will you have to be this child's mother and father for the forseeable future but, you'll also have to struggle through this experience all by your lonesome.

 

If your husband comes crawling back after his binge of enlightenment though you have got to set some strict ground rules requiring that he get gainfully employed, contribute his fair monetary share to the care of his child, remain clean and sober, and support himself on his own two feet from now on for your chuck wagon days are over!

 

You've got a kid on the way so you'd better toughen up quick, fast, and in a hurry!

[Mr. Lucky]

My husband made $0 in income last year. This year he will most likely report a few thousand. He plans on going back to school next year which means he will make no money again. Should I still go to court for this?

Darger, he doesn't have to make excuses for himself when he's got you to make them for him. He plans to go back to school and make no money? I don't know what your plans are for the hours from midnight to 6:00 am in the coming months but they won't involve much sleep. He should also be adjusting his plans accordingly and you should expect nothing less from him...

 

Mr. Lucky

[SingleDad]

SingleDad, I understand your point of view. He may not have made a great husband, but I always wanted him to be the dad. I thought that instinct will take over and he would be a great influence to the child, because it is his child. I'm merely taken aback that someone, whom I had great confidence was a deep down good person, would walk away.

 

Often instinct doesn't just take over. Many men do not connect right away. I did my duty and loved my child from birth... But I really didn't connect deeply with my daughter, until I see her run to me and give me a great big hug and we could communicate with each other.