Ptolomea Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 After bickering with my boyfriend for awhile on and off for the past few weeks, he finally confessed to me that he cheated on me with this girl a few weeks ago at a party. He wasn't intoxicated or anything of the sort. He doesn't do those things. It was with the girl that I didn't trust and I knew she was sneaky. Women's intuition, I suppose. But I knew something was weird about her and I never liked her...and for the fact that she lied about Brad cheating on me with her in the past. Anyways, this is what he told me happened: There were a bunch of people at her house because she had a party. He wasn't feeling good, so he laid down on her bed and waited for his ride from a friend to tell my bf they were leaving. She came into the room, took off her clothes and began taking his clothes off. They kissed a little bit. She tried to get him hard but it wasn't working. He told me he couldn't take it, so he ran into the bathroom and started puking. That's all that happened. No sex, just nudity, partial blowjob, and kissing. apparently me and him had a fight that night and he was really mad. I don't remember what fight, he says he doesn't either. I don't even know anymore. He told me that since then, he hasn't seen her at all. He also promised me he would never talk to her ever again. I'm heart broken. I have no idea what to do. Regardless, I am still in love with him and I care about him. Our one year anniversary is coming up in less than two weeks. I was also suppose to meet his mother (finally) today because she just moved here. And now I feel like total garbage for telling his mother I can't see her. So I told him to tell her what he did because I don't want to look like I don't care. I told him to tell her also because he told me that she said to all of his other girlfriends that he didn't cheat. I have never been this hurt before. I don't know what to do. I have so much other stuff going on in my life and I just can't take it. I want to forgive him but I'm not going to tell him that, now. I want him to see what it's like without me for a week or so and then see what's going on with him. My friend also suggested me using that week as a trial period for the same thing. See what it's like not being around him/not talking/ etc. We are not broken up but he is sincerely sorry. He was crying on the phone to me when he told me and I just ran out of my house when I found out. I was crying so hard and I was screaming and sobbing. I walked down to the local plaza at 2am in the morning and cried my eyes out with him on the phone. He tells me that anything he can do, he will do to get me back. I'm his world and his glue and without me, he will crumble and I know I am. I do anything and everything for this kid. I go out of my way to go the extra 20 miles. I am in love with him. I heard the sincerity in his voice. He even told me he felt disgusting and showered so many times. He's been wanting to tell me but I've been taking accelerated college courses and he didn't want me to fail them because of this. ..and he was probably right. Right now, I'm a wreck. I can't eat, I puked so many times, I keep going through fits of being hysteric and then numb. So again, this happened weeks ago and I've had sex with him and done other things obviously and I just feel so dirty now. If I was back with him, I would want to start from scratch. He would have to gain my trust and I'm not doing anything sexual with him for awhile. To also put into the mix. He has crohn's disease. Which is insync with your stress level and what you eat. He also was kicked out of his house and he's living with his aunt about 30 minutes away. He use to live a few minutes away down a few streets. Now we see each other about once a week. We fight more than we use to but I know it's because of the distance. We're going to school together in the fall and I really don't know what else to type anymore. I need advice, please. Thank you so much. and I just keep hearing "once a cheater, always a cheater"...and I want forgiveness to be an option. Link to post Share on other sites
Nevermind Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 1. Is Brad your boyfriend's name? So did this happen more than once? 2. This: There were a bunch of people at her house because she had a party. He wasn't feeling good, so he laid down on her bed and waited for his ride from a friend to tell my bf they were leaving. She came into the room, took off her clothes and began taking his clothes off. They kissed a little bit. She tried to get him hard but it wasn't working. He told me he couldn't take it, so he ran into the bathroom and started puking. That's all that happened. No sex, just nudity, partial blowjob, and kissing. is bull****. Why did he go to the party without you? Why did he use her bed? Was there no couch, no chair, no floor? They kissed. That is consentual. A blowjob? Same. Getting naked and undressing somebody else doesn't happen in 2 seconds either. Face the truth: he had many opportunities to not let anything happen and he used none of them. 3. This: apparently me and him had a fight that night and he was really mad. I don't remember what fight, he says he doesn't either. is called gas-lighting. Oh, boo boo. You had a fight, that you don't even remember? That's no reason for anything. All he tries to achieve with that is putting the blame (partially) on you. Don't fall for it. On the plus side: - he told you. - he respected your class work. I really don't know. Taking time off is a good idea. See what it's like to be without him. Don't make it a week. How about a month? To be sure. If he is sorry, he will wait. Link to post Share on other sites
theobserver Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 As you mentioned yourself it's going to take him a lot to regain your trust. Now unless you've always been the argumentive couple (some people are just like that minor arguments daily) then obviously the increased arguments are due to his betrayal. He should be doing everything in his power to get back your trust and to let you know this shouldn't happen again . It's all well to be crying on the phone but where's the action? However I can understand the situation with school. You might both live further away now but there's both many things to do and that could be done to keep the contact and to heal together. As for once a cheater always a cheater wellll I tend to agree but that's my personal opinion. I believe strongly in monogamy and I don't understand how he could get himself in such a situation forget the "she couldn't get me hard" such a bizzare comment, so he lets her try for god knows how long before he decides this is wrong so strange. Yes it's cheating, he made he decision he shouldn't blame it on an argument and no matter how bad to whole idea he would cheat/allow it as some sort of justified payback screams a lot about his personality. You will never ever look at him in the same light again. Also who knows if his version of events are true what if he initiated but just couldn't get a stiffy so made up this cover story. Listen your young, I can't tell you what to do only you can decide what's best for you BUT it's not to late to call it quits and move on. Things happen for a reason you've been shown a side of him you didn't know was possible now you've been givena choice to leave or stay. Use it wisely. Link to post Share on other sites
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