My Affair Made OUR Marriage Great

[bish]

YES THIS AFFAIR (n: something that concerns or involves one personally) MADE OUR MARRIAGE GREAT....

 

For YOU it made it great. And he may be turning around. But this affair will leave him a life long scar.

 

So while it may be great for YOU, deep down with him, it more than likely isn't so. He may be busting his ass to keep the M for whatever reason, but I guarantee you, this is not "better" for him.

 

 

WELL, I AM JUST THANKFULL THAT HE DID FIND IT IN HIS HEART TO FORGIVE ME AND GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE. AND THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS.

 

No, its not all that matters. So far you still don't grasp what we have been saying. Everything hinges on how it turns out for you.

 

If he forgives you, but carries this pain around and is constantly reminded of you getting it from another man, is him forgiving YOU still all that matters?

[Owl]

Bish,

Not everyone carries around that pain for the rest of their lives after the affair.

 

When the marriage truly recovers, the pain DOES fade, the betrayed spouse really can and often does HEAL. They don't think about it everyday, they don't carry a load of pain around with them. Does it hurt on the occasion when they think back to that time...YES. But, part of recovery is when you get to the point where you're not dwelling on that time, you're not living in the past.

 

Instead, you're focused on the wonderful present instead. Like the OP here has tried to point out. Same in my case.

 

Would her H consider the devestation and pain he went through as a result of her affair "worth" the improvements in his marriage? That's up to HIM to decide and answer. You can't do it for him, no more than the OP or I can.

 

Just because YOU never recovered, doesn't mean that others can't, if things work out and the couple makes all the needed changes.

 

My marriage is better now than it was prior to my wife's affair. Was it "worth it"? I don't know. I wouldn't go through it again, given the choice. BUT, I don't dwell on the past, and live in the moment...and my moments today are darned good.

 

Make sense?

[MiVatoPorVida]

For YOU it made it great. And he may be turning around. But this affair will leave him a life long scar.

 

So while it may be great for YOU, deep down with him, it more than likely isn't so. He may be busting his ass to keep the M for whatever reason, but I guarantee you, this is not "better" for him.

 

No, its not all that matters. So far you still don't grasp what we have been saying. Everything hinges on how it turns out for you.

 

If he forgives you, but carries this pain around and is constantly reminded of you getting it from another man, is him forgiving YOU still all that matters?

 

BISH, apparantly u are not reading my postings right. I know I hurt my husband, I know he will never forget, I know it is hard for him, and i am not proud of what i did. YOU BISH are forgetting the point I am making across.

 

BOTTOM LINE and HOPEFULLY FINAL LINE: I Love my H... I love him with all of my heart. WHat I did to him, no one ever deserves. THis man loved me and trusted me with all of his heart and I just took his heart in my hand and crushed it till all the blood dripped out. ANd it hurts, it hurts me some much to know that I can never take back what I did. I don't blame him, cause i know it was my decision to have this affair. I just wish that he would have listened and told me how much he loved me when I was bringing the problems to his attention. I would have not even gave the OM and second look. But when my H wasn't there and the OM was, it made it easy for me to fall and break down. I know my marriage will never be the same for me or for my H... I honestly don't want it to go back to the way it was, because I was not happy, but I will go back in a minute if i could so that I could reverse the damage I have caused my H. I am still upset and angry for what I did.... as for my relationship with my H.... it is getting back on track. It is "BETTER", than it was before. We communicate more, we or more compassionate towrds each other, we can laugh and smile. During his phase of resentment.... he told me he couldn't live and be with me. After talking about it and not giving up, he told me, "he does love me and does want to be with me... and whatever it takes, we are going to make it work". ANd this is coming from him..... so although he is hurting inside... it was his decision to stay with me and make this marriage work. I am just doing everything I need to do, to make it work as well. I am giving him all my love and attention and giving no reason to doubt me any more. Hopefully one day, I will earn his trust again, and his complete love, until then i will fight for it.

[bish]

Bish,

Not everyone carries around that pain for the rest of their lives after the affair.

 

Not saying he is going to be sitting there 20 years from now curling over like his gut hurts.

 

But once in a while he will think of what she did and will be a little depressed from time to time.

 

Can he move past it? Sure, but never completely I don't believe.

 

 

When the marriage truly recovers, the pain DOES fade, the betrayed spouse really can and often does HEAL.

 

And I can see that, to an extent. But now one of them is a cheater, and the other will always remember that. There will be some inner turmoil for him. Mabye not so much that it just consumes his every thought, but here and there, it will come back.

 

 

They don't think about it everyday, they don't carry a load of pain around with them.

 

Thats pretty much my take on it. But they will have it consume there thoughts once in a blue moon.

 

 

Does it hurt on the occasion when they think back to that time...YES. But, part of recovery is when you get to the point where you're not dwelling on that time, you're not living in the past.

 

Instead, you're focused on the wonderful present instead. Like the OP here has tried to point out. Same in my case.

 

Would her H consider the devestation and pain he went through as a result of her affair "worth" the improvements in his marriage? That's up to HIM to decide and answer. You can't do it for him, no more than the OP or I can.

 

 

Still, the point is being missed. She is thinking about what this has done for HER. Its all about her. Sure she came back and backpeddled a little after we caught her saying she was the perfect wife.

 

 

Just because YOU never recovered, doesn't mean that others can't, if things work out and the couple makes all the needed changes.

 

I recovered just fine. Only it took divorcing the cheater for that to happen.

 

 

 

My marriage is better now than it was prior to my wife's affair. Was it "worth it"? I don't know. I wouldn't go through it again, given the choice. BUT, I don't dwell on the past, and live in the moment...and my moments today are darned good.

 

Make sense?

 

Makes sense, but I still think there is a better life out there for you.

[Owl]

I disagree. There's nothing wrong with my life right now. Its AWESOME.

 

How could YOU know if there's something better out there for me or not, having not lived the life I'm in right now?

 

That's not an attack...its a question I wanted to let you think about.

 

I'm happy. My marriage is great, my family is doing well...I don't see any myself being happier with someone else.

 

If I spent all my time thinking and concentrating on how I felt when all of this stuff was still going on...yes, I'd be miserable.

 

But that's not at all where I'm at.

 

There's a HUGE difference there.

[MiVatoPorVida]

Bish,

Not everyone carries around that pain for the rest of their lives after the affair.

 

When the marriage truly recovers, the pain DOES fade, the betrayed spouse really can and often does HEAL. They don't think about it everyday, they don't carry a load of pain around with them. Does it hurt on the occasion when they think back to that time...YES. But, part of recovery is when you get to the point where you're not dwelling on that time, you're not living in the past.

 

Instead, you're focused on the wonderful present instead. Like the OP here has tried to point out. Same in my case.

 

Would her H consider the devestation and pain he went through as a result of her affair "worth" the improvements in his marriage? That's up to HIM to decide and answer. You can't do it for him, no more than the OP or I can.

 

Just because YOU never recovered, doesn't mean that others can't, if things work out and the couple makes all the needed changes.

 

My marriage is better now than it was prior to my wife's affair. Was it "worth it"? I don't know. I wouldn't go through it again, given the choice. BUT, I don't dwell on the past, and live in the moment...and my moments today are darned good.

 

Make sense?

 

THANK YOU SO MUCH OWL.... FINALLY, MY POINT OF VIEW IS FINALLY SEEN AND UNDERSTOOD. THANK YOU. YOU PUT IT VERY WELL. AND I'M HAPPY FOR YOU AND YOUR MARRIAGE, SO NOW I KNOW THERE IS HOPE. mY HUSBAND DOES TELL ME NEVER TO DO IT AGAIN, CUZ NEXT TIME HE WONT BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT.... BUT I GUARANTEE THERE WILL NOT BE A NEXT TIME....

[dazed.1]

Listen, I am not one to condone cheating, but really who is, I'm sure before this happened if anyone ever asked her about cheating she would have said hell no.

 

People make mistakes, and there is nothing that can be done to undo those mistakes, so what is she supposed to do? She is trying to work on her marriage and I think that is very good. She can not change the past, so now she is trying to work on improving the future. No one knows what her husband is feeling, but don't they deserve to try and work on the marriage? Maybe things will get better from here, I'm sure that is not impossible if he has the strength to forgive her. Some people can not move on, but some people can. Right now they are trying and really what else can anyone ask them to do?

 

OP I know how it must feel to have done something that you can never go back and change, something that could have taken away everything you hold dear. Be thankful that he stayed, go see a therapist for some MC, do everything you can do and that is the best you can do.

[MiVatoPorVida]

Listen, I am not one to condone cheating, but really who is, I'm sure before this happened if anyone ever asked her about cheating she would have said hell no.

 

People make mistakes, and there is nothing that can be done to undo those mistakes, so what is she supposed to do? She is trying to work on her marriage and I think that is very good. She can not change the past, so now she is trying to work on improving the future. No one knows what her husband is feeling, but don't they deserve to try and work on the marriage? Maybe things will get better from here, I'm sure that is not impossible if he has the strength to forgive her. Some people can not move on, but some people can. Right now they are trying and really what else can anyone ask them to do?

 

OP I know how it must feel to have done something that you can never go back and change, something that could have taken away everything you hold dear. Be thankful that he stayed, go see a therapist for some MC, do everything you can do and that is the best you can do.

 

I am very thankful and blessed that he decided to give me another chance and work on our marriage. Because basically it was his call ... our future was in his hands. I messed up... and he could have told me right then and there that it was over, no questions asked. And I would have no choice but to respect his wishes. But I am so blessed and greatful that I have him as a husband. I will never know how he is feeling... and beleive me, when he is sad or mad... he does let me know. But if he tells me he loves me and he misses me and heis alright... then I can only go by what he tells me.

[couchmonkey]

MiVatoPorVida, I am going to attempt to be nicer in this post. It appears as though you have mixed feelings on the affair and for your husband. You need to sort these out with a marriage councilor. You will also need to share with your husband and have him share with you your perspectives on your marriage, past, present and future.

 

The reason that I think you are having mixed feelings is that, in the case with your husband, you both appreciate his current positive behaviors towards you but still harbor resentment for his past behaviors. This is very important because it highlights how you identify with the affair. Although you appear to have some remorse for having had sex with another man you still allocate positive feelings toward it. This is because it resulted in your husband correcting the behavior that you felt such resentment for. I am not trying to justify your husband's past actions but you should be careful of using his past actions to justify your own. Even just a little bit.

 

Many of us are trying to help you distinguish the difference between "My affair made my marriage great" and "becoming aware of each other's needs is helping us work toward a great marriage". Your affair was a catalyst, a final straw. Make it or break it but it didn't make it by itself. The affair was not a good thing for your marriage it was the final odious act that made the two of you look at your marriage. From their you chose the route to fix it but that is a different event. So, no your affair did not make your marriage great. It only revealed how desperately it needed to be fixed. The decisions you have been making since then are helping you move in that direction. Remember the difference otherwise you threaten the success of your future endeavors. Your not quite out of the woods yet.

 

Since it has been incredibly difficult to explain this single idea to you I am going to use a historical reference.

 

In World War 2 Japan attacked the United States. The United States retaliated with a nuclear strike. Afterwords the United States helped Japan rebuild. Eventually Japan would move to the forefront of the World's science and technology. It developed a capitalist system and has a healthy economy. Now the United States and Japan have a healthy relationship via trade relations.

 

It just sounds wrong to say that "Dropping a nuclear bomb on Hiroshima improved Japan/US relations". In reality it was the reconstruction efforts and sharing of ideas that gave the two governments a healthy relationship. Not the bomb.

[Owl]

I think she gets it, but that's a great analogy, Couchmonkey.

 

I completely agree with that example.

 

And something that the OP should consider...for most BS's, learning of their spouse's affair was as devestating as the bomb on Hiroshima.

 

Which is why she's getting feedback that is so deeply emotional. Her thread title does generate that initial "gut response" from most BS's. Myself included...it was once I read the posts that I understood the point she was trying to come from.

[PandorasBox]

I get what the OP is saying, but I also get what others are saying too.

 

I think had the title been worded different there might not have been quite so much confusion on replies that people just weren't understanding. Nothing to do about that now, but just go with it.

[bish]

I disagree. There's nothing wrong with my life right now. Its AWESOME.

 

How could YOU know if there's something better out there for me or not, having not lived the life I'm in right now?

 

Its just an opinion based on the way I see things. If you see them differently, then whatever works for you.

 

That's not an attack

 

Neither is what I said.

 

 

I'm happy. My marriage is great, my family is doing well...I don't see any myself being happier with someone else.

 

If it works for you, then so be it. I just can't see myself being happy with someone that opened her legs up to another man over someone that hasn't.

 

But thats me.

[bish]

THANK YOU SO MUCH OWL.... FINALLY, MY POINT OF VIEW IS FINALLY SEEN AND UNDERSTOOD.

 

And thats all that really matters isn't it? YOUR point of view.

 

Forget what can and is more than likely going on in your betrayed husband's mind.

[MiVatoPorVida]

MiVatoPorVida, I am going to attempt to be nicer in this post. It appears as though you have mixed feelings on the affair and for your husband. You need to sort these out with a marriage councilor. You will also need to share with your husband and have him share with you your perspectives on your marriage, past, present and future.

 

The reason that I think you are having mixed feelings is that, in the case with your husband, you both appreciate his current positive behaviors towards you but still harbor resentment for his past behaviors. This is very important because it highlights how you identify with the affair. Although you appear to have some remorse for having had sex with another man you still allocate positive feelings toward it. This is because it resulted in your husband correcting the behavior that you felt such resentment for. I am not trying to justify your husband's past actions but you should be careful of using his past actions to justify your own. Even just a little bit.

 

Many of us are trying to help you distinguish the difference between "My affair made my marriage great" and "becoming aware of each other's needs is helping us work toward a great marriage". Your affair was a catalyst, a final straw. Make it or break it but it didn't make it by itself. The affair was not a good thing for your marriage it was the final odious act that made the two of you look at your marriage. From their you chose the route to fix it but that is a different event. So, no your affair did not make your marriage great. It only revealed how desperately it needed to be fixed. The decisions you have been making since then are helping you move in that direction. Remember the difference otherwise you threaten the success of your future endeavors. Your not quite out of the woods yet.

 

COMMUNICATION.... That is what I said we have been able to do. I keep mentioning that our communication has gotten so much better. We do tell each other how we feel without yelling and shutting each other up.

 

still allocating positive feelings for the A or OM.... no, just REGRETS. SO I am not sure where u got the idea, that I am having positive feelings for the A/OM. My intention was never to sleep with OM, I saw it more as an EA.... things just got out of hand.

 

Yes, his behavior towrds me has alot to do with the A.... I think in any relationship, the partner's behavior has to do with it. You wold not find me here saying... "OH YEAH, I HAVE THE MOST WONDERFUL MAN, AND WONDERFUL LIFE AND MOST PERFECT MARRIAGE AND I AM ALWAYS FULLFILLED, AND I AM NEVER LONELY, HE ALWYS SMOTHERS ME.... BUT YET, I WENT TO GO F*** OM CUZ I JUST FELT LIKE IT.". Then I would really deserve to be called every bad name in the English and Spanish Language. But it was a forbidden mistake that I should have controlled better.

 

Only the LORD what my future has in store.... as I said before, I don't know how my H is going to feel in a year, in 5 yrs, or in 20 yrs..... I can only except how he is feeling now and take advantage of his forgiveness.... and if HE DECIDES TO END IT LATER, then I will have to deal with it THEN.

[MiVatoPorVida]

And thats all that really matters isn't it? YOUR point of view.

 

Forget what can and is more than likely going on in your betrayed husband's mind.

 

 

BISH.... I THINK YOU HAVE BIGGER ISSUES THAN MINE. aS i TOLD YOU BEFORE, IF YOU NEED SOME SUPPORT OR GUIDANCE, POST UP A THREAD "MY W HAD A, AND I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET OVER IT.... AND I TEND TO FEEL ALL OTHER WOMEN ARE THE SAME AS MY W".... GO ON BISH... I WILL LEAVE YOU SOME POST AND OFFER MY ADVICE.

 

tHANKS FOR YOUR OUTLOOK THOUGH, IT MAKES ME APPRECIATE MY H EVEN MORE.... HOW HE IS MORE FORGIVINGAND HOW HE REALLY LOVES ME.

[dazed.1]

I am very thankful and blessed that he decided to give me another chance and work on our marriage. Because basically it was his call ... our future was in his hands. I messed up... and he could have told me right then and there that it was over, no questions asked. And I would have no choice but to respect his wishes. But I am so blessed and greatful that I have him as a husband. I will never know how he is feeling... and beleive me, when he is sad or mad... he does let me know. But if he tells me he loves me and he misses me and heis alright... then I can only go by what he tells me.

 

 

Yeah and that is good, open communication about feelings and yes that is all you have to go on. Keep on dealing with one thing at a time and things will work out for the best. Good luck to you and your H.

[bish]

BISH.... I THINK YOU HAVE BIGGER ISSUES THAN MINE. aS i TOLD YOU BEFORE, IF YOU NEED SOME SUPPORT OR GUIDANCE, POST UP A THREAD "MY W HAD A, AND I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET OVER IT

 

I'm over it, I got rid of her.

 

 

.... AND I TEND TO FEEL ALL OTHER WOMEN ARE THE SAME AS MY W"

 

I don't feel all other women are the same as my X. I told you what is more than likely going through his mind. But you either didn't care, or didn't want to hear it.

 

I have been in your husband's shoes and I feel for him.

 

 

.... GO ON BISH... I WILL LEAVE YOU SOME POST AND OFFER MY ADVICE.

 

And as I have stated before, you are not qualified to give advice on how a BS should feel. but its a moot point really. I have moved on. Like I said, only way to get over what a cheater did to you and truly move on, in my opinion, is to get rid of the cheater.

 

 

THANKS FOR YOUR OUTLOOK THOUGH, IT MAKES ME APPRECIATE MY H EVEN MORE.... HOW HE IS MORE FORGIVINGAND HOW HE REALLY LOVES ME.

 

Too bad he doesn't realize how you think the affair was good for the M because of what YOU got from it.

 

So if he is in the fog and you are getting what YOU want out of it all, its all good right?

 

Good luck with that.

[EnigmasMuse]

Something that could be helpful since you all are both trying to move forward and being honest with trying to rebuild things, is to let your husband read your post and all of these replies. I truly believe if he loves you and is understanding and trying hard to work on things with you, he will understand your post.

[Untouchable_Fire]

still allocating positive feelings for the A or OM.... no, just REGRETS. SO I am not sure where u got the idea, that I am having positive feelings for the A/OM. My intention was never to sleep with OM, I saw it more as an EA.... things just got out of hand.

 

Only the LORD what my future has in store.... as I said before, I don't know how my H is going to feel in a year, in 5 yrs, or in 20 yrs..... I can only except how he is feeling now and take advantage of his forgiveness.... and if HE DECIDES TO END IT LATER, then I will have to deal with it THEN.

 

How could you respect a man that can't walk away from you after that?

 

Is he that poor and desperate? Is that really the best he can do with his life?

 

Why... why should he stay with you?

[MiVatoPorVida]

Yeah and that is good, open communication about feelings and yes that is all you have to go on. Keep on dealing with one thing at a time and things will work out for the best. Good luck to you and your H.

 

Yes, TY DAZED.... open communication is what we have now,and I believe that is what is helping us get thru this. And one moment at a time is the only way. I am just thankful that we have made it this far so far, and I really do hope that we can grow old together one day just as we had always talked about.

[MiVatoPorVida]

Something that could be helpful since you all are both trying to move forward and being honest with trying to rebuild things, is to let your husband read your post and all of these replies. I truly believe if he loves you and is understanding and trying hard to work on things with you, he will understand your post.

 

Actually Enigmas... he already is aware of these posts. He has read them... I don't have anything to hide. Every emotion that I have exposed on this post, he knows about. He tripped on certain people on here... and does undersstand what a few are trying to say, but as he just stated and I quote "i love my wife, and I am mad at what she did to me, but I chose to forgive her. She knows I will never forget and she understands that if i ever bring it up to her in the future, she should understand. But I am not going to let it run our lives. I admit, I did ignore her cries and as I look back, I didn't treat her the way i should have, but I came to realize how quickly you can lose a person you love, and she learned it as well. I will never agree with her decision to cheat on me, but I made my decision to forgive her and move forward with our marriage because I love her so much and I do see the shame and regret in her. But if God can forgive us for all of our SINS, why can't he forgive her for this one. Eventually, this hurt will pass, but I love my wife for who she is and all the sacrifices she has done for me. I am not going to let this win... if I truly didn't love her then it would be easy for me to let her go just like that.... and if i let her go now because I am mad....eventually I will be hurting for her, because I will come to learn that I let go the woman I truly love in my life. And call me a dumbassfor staying, but I really don't care and itdoesn't bother me, what bothers me is that u try to put out the negative and ignore the positive. And yes... I admit it too, our marriage has been great leately. Now that I communicate with my wife, I have come to realize how lovely she is, funny, sweet, and just hearing how her day went at work, it makes me feel blessed to have a woman like her."

 

Well, there you go. (I love you baby!!) <for my H. ("I love you to mija") from my H to me.

[couchmonkey]

Is English your second language? Because you really seem to be missing the point of my posts. Perhaps you don't understand the intricacies of the English language and that is what is causing such confusion over your stance. Did you understand the metaphor I used? Here's the metaphor:

In World War 2 Japan attacked the United States. The United States retaliated with a nuclear strike. Afterwords the United States helped Japan rebuild. Eventually Japan would move to the forefront of the World's science and technology. It developed a capitalist system and has a healthy economy. Now the United States and Japan have a healthy relationship via trade relations.

 

It just sounds wrong to say that "Dropping a nuclear bomb on Hiroshima improved Japan/US relations". In reality it was the reconstruction efforts and sharing of ideas that gave the two governments a healthy relationship. Not the bomb.

 

How about the point of my last post? Did you understand it? Here's the point:

So, no your affair did not make your marriage great. It only revealed how desperately it needed to be fixed. The decisions you have been making since then are helping you move in that direction.

 

In your CAPSLOCK ANGER POST you make two contradictory statements. They cannot coexist within a logical mind. From your return post:

 

statement 1:

YES THIS AFFAIR (n: something that concerns or involves one personally) MADE OUR MARRIAGE GREAT.... I DON'T NEED TO REPHRASE THAT... CUZ IT IS EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN

 

statement 2:

LOOK, THE REASON I LEFT A POST HERE TO BEGIN WITH WAS NOT TO JUSTIFY THAT AN AFFAIR IS RIGHT, BUT TO CLARIFY THAT HAVING AND AFFAIR IS NOT THE ANSWER TO A FAILING MARRIAGE.

 

You disagree with yourself. The first statement says that the affair improved the marriage, making it a solution to the problems of the marriage. However, the second statement says the affair was not a solution to the problems in the marriage, meaning it did not improve the marriage.

 

So which do you believe? Do you stand by the statement that the affair was a solution to the problems of your marriage and thus reaffirm the title of your thread or do you understand that the affair was actually one of your marriage's problems and the credit of improving your marriage belongs to you and your husband being kind to one another?

 

statement 1:

"My affair was a solution to our marital problems" = "My affair made our marriage great"

 

statement 2:

"My affair was not a solution to our marital problems" = "My affair did not make our marriage great"

 

Which one is it?

[herenow]

I haven't read this whole thread, so I'm sorry if this has been said already.

 

My H had an affair, an now my marriage is better that it has ever been. In reality, the affair was the most hurtful and painful thing he has ever done to our marriage and in no way did the affair help us.

 

The affair did serve as a way to get us both to look at the fact that our marriage was in trouble, and more important to question why it happened in the first place. Other than that, the affair was a horrible experience that I don't wish upon anyone.

 

Why did our marriage work? Because we were both committed to fix our lives as individuals and then we made the choice to work on our marriage, in that order. We separated for a while and during that time, I gained the strength I needed to know that I would be fine and my kids would be fine if we got a divorce.

 

I gave my H a second chance because he showed me that he was willing to do anything it took to fix himself and our marriage. It took a commitment from both of us and a willingness to take responsibility for out parts in why our marriage was in jeopardy.

 

There is no way that I will take any responsibility for his affair and he has never blamed me, but that doesn't mean I wasn't responsible for my marriage.

 

My H's affair did nothing but cause pain for everyone involved. So, I respectfully disagree with the notion that an affair can help a marriage.

[Darth Vader]

Wow..she is a trip:lmao:.

 

Well lets just hope for your sake your H doesn't read this thread. Gosh..how hurt-full that could be to see the inside workings of your selfish brain.

 

 

Agreed.

 

Nope you read it wrong..... He said this to me. "It will make him a better person so that he won't go back to his ways and so that I dont have reason to go out and do it again. (so that I don't have a reason to do something like that again) And after he made that statement, I assured him and still assure him that I will never do nothing like that to him again. He is working hard on making things right for us.... I have always done everything I was supposed to do in this marriage... cook, clean, kids, wife, laundry, work...etc. He was the one that never aprreciated, nor treated me the way a wife is spposed to be treated. ANd I still do everything I am supposed to as a wife.

 

She really is selfish! It's all about her, how she feels. She is blame shifting! And Bullcraping us!

[bish]

Wow..she is a trip:lmao:.

 

Well lets just hope for your sake your H doesn't read this thread. Gosh..how hurt-full that could be to see the inside workings of your selfish brain.

 

Maybe he needs to read this. Then maybe he'll see what he is really dealing with....someone who feels she is reaping benefits from her affair by getting him to act the way she wants. Its nothing less than emotional extortion.