Would you be suspicious?

[redfathom]

My husband works graveyard (9pm to 7am) he called me this morning at 6:30am and told me he had to work late to finish some reports so he would not see me before I left to work.

 

I just got a call from him, that he was finaly home and was going to sleep. He said after a few hours he lost productivity because he was tired which is why he was at work eight hours after the end of his shift. He then said he did not finish his reports and has to go back tonight to finish them. I asked him how much overtime he was going to put in for and he said five hours. So I asked him why he did not come home when he lost productivity to begin with instead of "wandering" around the office (as he put it) and he said he should have.

 

Does this seem weird to anyone else? He spent three hours "wandering" around the office to only go home eight hours after end of shift and he still did not finish his reports.

 

Maybe I am being silly, but something does not seem right...your thoughts?

[droptopt/a]

umm not really u shoudnt worry sometimes i get stressed out and just hang out in my garage if he keeps doing it then worry if he starts doing it more often u might have a problem

[Ronni_W]

He spent three hours "wandering" around the office to only go home eight hours after end of shift and he still did not finish his reports.

Can easily happen -- one keeps hoping to that the needed dose of motivation will show up in the NEXT minute...and it doesn't. Then you spend the following 8 hours feeling guilty about those first 3 unproductive hours, and hoping that the needed double-dose of motivation will show up in the NEXT minute...and it doesn't. Meanwhile, the guilt only added to the non-productivity and the stoopid reports still aren't done.

Finally, your subconscious mind kinda figures it out and you go home...and you likely don't even know what the heck happened. But you do feel all outta sorts about the whole mess of it.

 

At least, I've experienced many days like what I just described. Could be the same for him, could be different.

If it starts happening too often for your liking, suggest that he meet immediately with a stress management counselor.

[stoopid_guy]

Should you be suspicious? Probably not, especially if it's the first time.

 

Is he supportive? Does he think you're supportive? Do you smooch frequently? Does he feel wanted? Does he make you feel wanted? If the answers are "yes," you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

[Rorocher]

My husband works graveyard (9pm to 7am) he called me this morning at 6:30am and told me he had to work late to finish some reports so he would not see me before I left to work.

 

I just got a call from him, that he was finaly home and was going to sleep. He said after a few hours he lost productivity because he was tired which is why he was at work eight hours after the end of his shift. He then said he did not finish his reports and has to go back tonight to finish them. I asked him how much overtime he was going to put in for and he said five hours. So I asked him why he did not come home when he lost productivity to begin with instead of "wandering" around the office (as he put it) and he said he should have.

 

Does this seem weird to anyone else? He spent three hours "wandering" around the office to only go home eight hours after end of shift and he still did not finish his reports.

 

Maybe I am being silly, but something does not seem right...your thoughts?

 

Does your gut tell you something is off? Does he have a history of inconsistent behavior?

 

Those are two things I tend to watch out for.

[PandorasBox]

If he is working overtime, it should show on his paycheck stubs. Write the days down that he says he is working overtime, like I said it should show in his check. If there are no overtime hours or pay for those extra working hours, then that is when I would be suspicious.

[redfathom]

I wouldn't say this is the first time this has happened and we do (obviously) have trust issues due to things that he has done in the past.

 

He woke up at 2:00am this morning and we started talking, he was very affectionate and said he really missed me yesterday and he could tell that I was upset. He said he would try to make it up to me.

 

I asked him some questions, and he was vauge. He said he lost track of time, I asked him how he could lose track of hours. He also said that people kept telling him to go home and come back to finish the report and finaly a supervisor told him to leave, which he did an hour later (per him). He said he ate breakfast at 8am and then lost track of time, but that he was at work the whole time working on the report. Also, according to him he did not eat anything after 8am (when he got breakfast) until he got home at 3:00pm (so he did not eat for seven hours). I don't know if I am more upset because I am suspiscious or because of his lack of carelessness and responsability.

 

I told him he just made him self look irresponsable at work because he was there for eight hours after shift ended to "finish" a report that should have taken him four hours to do. I told him, that just makes him look like a slacker.

 

Then at 3:00am he went to work to finish the report and did not get home unteil 5:45am. So to me it looks like he spent 10 hours working on a report and he said he is only going to put in an overtime slip for 4-5 hours.

[JackJack]

Wow he must really be dedicated to his job and getting something finished.

 

The only thing I know to tell you is, to keep a watch on it, and if its happening alot, then I would think something might be off. I think the thing that would be a concern is the losing track of time thing, and not being able to account for lost time I mean, its possible, I suppose.....

 

You said he was going to put in a overtime slip for 4-5 hours, well what happend to the rest of the time? If he worked say, 8-10 hours over he should put in for that, if he worked more than what he is putting in for, he is cheating his ownself out of money.

[redfathom]

I asked him about putting in for more time and he said, that 4-5 hours was a reasonable amount of time it should have taken to do the report.

 

I guess I wil have to monitor it. He did feel bad. The weird thing is he just got tested to see if he is hydraglycymic (sp) because when he does not eat he get's faint. So I find it irresponsible that he did not eat for seven hours.

[Rorocher]

I asked him about putting in for more time and he said, that 4-5 hours was a reasonable amount of time it should have taken to do the report.

 

I guess I wil have to monitor it. He did feel bad. The weird thing is he just got tested to see if he is hydraglycymic (sp) because when he does not eat he get's faint. So I find it irresponsible that he did not eat for seven hours.

 

That's your gut telling you something aint right. I know the frustrating thing is not being able to figure out what. And if he has a habit of being shady and you already have trust issues, then I'll say just watch and wait. The truth always outs itself, it's just a matter of time.

[Ronni_W]

he just got tested to see if he is hydraglycymic (sp) because when he does not eat he get's faint. So I find it irresponsible that he did not eat for seven hours.

Yes...you do need to help him realize that it is HIS responsibility to be more aware of his physical needs about his diet, sleep, over-working, etc. Perhaps you can do it from position of caring and being concerned and wanting him around, fit and healthy, for a long, long time?

 

What might be happening, if only subconsciously, is wanting to "prove" to himself that he is NOT vulnerable to illness, that he won't "give in" to his condition, that he is "bigger and stronger" than it. Expressing frustration at his "carelessness" and "irresponsibility" will only add to whatever fears and anxieties he may be harbouring. Perhaps his doctor can help him realize that it is ineffective and unwise to ignore his health?

[BillWebb]

Often, when there are suspicions surrounding relatively innocuous things (like working late), our minds have picked up on other signals which add weight to our doubts and thoughts.

 

If you suspect that more is going on than he's claiming, you could very well be right.

 

Does he keep his cell phone bill private? Does he keep his username/password to your home computer private?

 

I can't know from this end if your suspicions are warranted, but you should keep your eyes open.

 

My first suspicion came when my ex completely replaced all of her underwear with new, lower-cut styles. On its own, that seems very innocent. However, even though it was the first "alarm" in my brain, I KNEW just from that (and was right). Our brains work very well at solving puzzles from lots of subtle clues.

[Ronni_W]

My first suspicion came when my ex completely replaced all of her underwear with new, lower-cut styles.

Seriously, I just did that a few weeks ago. I guess I'd better check how my SO interpreted it . But you are right -- it is important to trust one's Intuition on ALL matters.

 

Red, I got that you are more concerned for Hubby's apparent lack of interest/desire in maintaining his good health but, no matter what, of course you ought to follow-up according to what feels right for you.

 

Sending best wishes, as always.

[redfathom]

My H did just get new underware, black low cut, versus his white haynes(sp). Hmmmm....

 

Also, he just got paid and there was no overtime on his check (yesterday) and the OT was from the 12. He has since worked four hours of overtime, two other days. So I will see if his next check has 8 hours of overtime...

[JackJack]

My H did just get new underware, black low cut, versus his white haynes(sp). Hmmmm....

 

Also, he just got paid and there was no overtime on his check (yesterday) and the OT was from the 12. He has since worked four hours of overtime, two other days. So I will see if his next check has 8 hours of overtime...

 

Red, this doesn't sound to good.

 

Didn't he work more over time other days too for a longer time, but was only going to put in for a few hours?

[redfathom]

Yes, he worked about 10 hours, but only put in 4 hours of overtime, because he said he was distracted at work and slacking off. Then he had to stay late on Saturday he got home 2.5 hours later and again yesterday he got home 2 hours late. But he had to finish reports. It's not uncommon for this to happen, he is a police officer and they have to finish reports to process people and such. I am just now concerned because I do not see the overtime on this paycheck, but it may show up on the next one.

[porter218]

Yes, he worked about 10 hours, but only put in 4 hours of overtime, because he said he was distracted at work and slacking off. Then he had to stay late on Saturday he got home 2.5 hours later and again yesterday he got home 2 hours late. But he had to finish reports. It's not uncommon for this to happen, he is a police officer and they have to finish reports to process people and such. I am just now concerned because I do not see the overtime on this paycheck, but it may show up on the next one.

uh oh, this doesn't sound good. Does he have a history of cheating?

[redfathom]

Of looking yes, but not actually cheating.

 

He called a little bit ago and i asked him about his overtime and he said it will be on the next check, 8 hours total. So I will check that in two weeks.