Mustang Sally Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 If you no longer love your ex, and no longer have the feeling to want to be with them, would you take them back. Uh, no. Train done left the station. Lets say if they broke your heart a couple of years ago, and just all of a sudden came back, would you take them back if they begged or would you resent them for what they did and hold it against them If you are truly "over" them, then I don't think you would be resenting them. It would be moot. Done. Over. Fini. I only ever got back together with one person that I dated in the past. It ended up being as pointless the second time as it was the first. I did it more out of boredom and pity ( but it's true) at the time. Stupid, foolish girl, that I was. I was dumped (hard, too) by a guy the next year. I made a fool of myself trying to get him back for awhile. Eventually, time healed that wound. And after I was over it? I would have never gone back. In fact, I realized he actually did me a favor by moving on...it would have been toxic for me to continue on in that relationship. I laugh a bit at how crushed I was at the time, though. You'd have thought the world was ending! Ah, youth. If you still have feelings - even if they are harbored resentments - you are not over it. Remember what some wise person here once said: the opposite of love is not hate. It is indifference. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WiseOne1 Posted August 14, 2008 Author Share Posted August 14, 2008 Dang so no one really wants there ex back. Link to post Share on other sites
sunshinegirl Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Dang so no one really wants there ex back. Well your question presupposed that one had already gotten OVER their ex so... it's kind of natural or obvious to not want them back. But if you're not over the ex and they show back up? Obviously a different story. I had two exes come back before I was over them and I got back together... and both relationships ultimately ended disastrously with my heart torn into a thousand shreds. Link to post Share on other sites
Ingenue Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 I had two exes come back before I was over them and I got back together... and both relationships ultimately ended disastrously with my heart torn into a thousand shreds. It gives you pause to think whether second chances are even worth contemplating. Most of the stories I've read rarely end in happiness. There's a reason things are broken. Even if you try to glue it back, you still only have this fragmented relationship that's tenuously held together. Link to post Share on other sites
sunshinegirl Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 It gives you pause to think whether second chances are even worth contemplating. Most of the stories I've read rarely end in happiness. There's a reason things are broken. Even if you try to glue it back, you still only have this fragmented relationship that's tenuously held together. Yeah. The seeds of dysfunction had been there from day 1; the second chance merely gave the seeds a chance to blossom. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 I've never gone back out with someone I once loved after breaking up with them. I think you break up for a reason. It's weird you posted this- because an ex texted me out of the blue tonight and out exchange turned into him saying he misses me- haven't talked to him in some months. It does bring back butterflies a little... but we were a bad match at the time, and I wouldn't go down that road again, despite having some fleeting feelings that remain. I think it's about making a good choice regardless of feelings. It's knowing that putting yourself back in that position would end up fruitless at best, painful at worst. I am a firm believer that once it's done- it's done. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 If you no longer love your ex, and no longer have the feeling to want to be with them, would you take them back. Lets say if they broke your heart a couple of years ago, and just all of a sudden came back, would you take them back if they begged or would you resent them for what they did and hold it against them Once I'm over someone, it never comes back. I have taken someone back once for a second chance but there were still feelings on both our parts. As expected, it crashed and burned. Nothing had changed, regardless of what was said. I don't think it's about holding resentment. Once your feelings have gone, what would be the purpose to do so? Each time you break up, you lose more respect and trust in each other. To try to rekindle something with baggage attached, seems like an uphill battle. Why not find someone who you don't have negative history with? Link to post Share on other sites
KinAZ Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 They've always come back at some point with me. Don't know why, but they always did at least once. Generally, the few things that may have changed with them was nothing significant enough for me to be very interested. In my mind, they never did anything to redeem themselves, and would seriously have to impress me to peek my interest. Take back? I doubt it. Crying and begging doesn't mean a whole lot. If they in some way made up for whatever their offense was and can demonstrate how they've changed, then those old feelings might resurface. Otherwise, once a guy has blown it with me, it's blown. Link to post Share on other sites
frownyface42 Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 i think its entirely possible... my ex and i have had an on-off relationship for years and right now we are done. i do however feel there is "unfinished business" between us. i left because i was scared to get hurt and/or scared to hurt her again. it always felt we would be back together someday but that day hasn't come yet. i would always tell my friends that it would take us both being "over" each other before we get back together. when the day comes i can give her my all without having doubts... i think it could work. it will be a slow process... i wouldn't expect to jump right back into things, and i wouldn't expect it to happen anytime soon, but if its meant to be... it will happen. is that naive?? Link to post Share on other sites
bayouboi Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 I'd like to think I'd never take her back, but I sure would love to hear her cry and beg Link to post Share on other sites
Whey2Big4u Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 i think its entirely possible... my ex and i have had an on-off relationship for years and right now we are done. i do however feel there is "unfinished business" between us. i left because i was scared to get hurt and/or scared to hurt her again. it always felt we would be back together someday but that day hasn't come yet. i would always tell my friends that it would take us both being "over" each other before we get back together. when the day comes i can give her my all without having doubts... i think it could work. it will be a slow process... i wouldn't expect to jump right back into things, and i wouldn't expect it to happen anytime soon, but if its meant to be... it will happen. is that naive?? very well put.....i too feel like i have unfinished business with my ex. I have a feeling one day our paths will cross, but im not sure if its what i want to feel or if its just a feeling. its funny though most of our mutaul frined say that if we did get back together i would be the one to dump her the sencond time. I also agree that she would have to change drastically for me to truelly take her back......from wehat I hear her choices that she made are not in the best interest for her future (i.e change majors the last year of college from business to drama???, fail all her classes, and get drunk alot.) hmmm, i dunno what i would do.......i guess im still waintg for that person to enter my life that made me realize why everything else failed Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted August 15, 2008 Share Posted August 15, 2008 i'd never take any of the ex's back. BUT there are a few i'd like to just sit down with and talk about our lives. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted August 15, 2008 Share Posted August 15, 2008 If you no longer love your ex, and no longer have the feeling to want to be with them, would you take them back. Lets say if they broke your heart a couple of years ago, and just all of a sudden came back, would you take them back if they begged or would you resent them for what they did and hold it against them It's not a matter of resentment. It's a matter of learning from past mistakes. I'm no believer in going backwards. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted August 15, 2008 Share Posted August 15, 2008 Nope. No way, no how. Why?! She has proven to me she is a tramp. She doesn't love or value me. If she came back, I'd probably be a port (one of many) in her storm. Why would I reward someone who took me for granted with MORE of my time? There's gotta be someone out there better for me than an old re-tread. Now that what's I call good reason. Nice! Link to post Share on other sites
coffeemaker Posted August 15, 2008 Share Posted August 15, 2008 nope - not in a million years. if i'm over it, then it's 100% done with. don't look back, don't repeat the same mistakes. i don't really believe in 2nd chances. Either it worked the first time or it didn't. get on with it and find someone who will stick with you through thick and thin. Link to post Share on other sites
nowhereman82 Posted August 15, 2008 Share Posted August 15, 2008 I agree with bayouboi, i want to hear them beg and cry. hahaha Link to post Share on other sites
nopainnogain Posted August 15, 2008 Share Posted August 15, 2008 I agree with bayouboi, i want to hear them beg and cry. hahaha Id rather maintain my silence and distance Link to post Share on other sites
sveltskye Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 It depends on a lot of circumstances whether I would or not. I think it depends on how much history you have with them, how much time has gone by, whether they seem like they've changed, the reasons they (or you) broke up with them in the first place, the perspective you both gained from the time apart. My parents broke up and got back together a year later and are now 30 years into their marriage, so I'm not one of those people who claim that what's over is over and no one should ever reconnect. My most recent ex has made me feel terrible and I don't know if I would someday feel like giving him another chance if he came back regretful, but I do think it would be more possible than my ex before that. That has mostly to do with the fact that we only dated for 3 months and don't have a lot of history but did have a good time together (not much negative stuff besides the fact that he broke up with me). My ex before that however, there are more concrete reasons: he drinks heavily, and has slept around a whole hell of a lot since our breakup. I am friendly with him and completely over him, but I don't respect his lifestyle much and he would have to change a lot before I'd give him another chance if at all (and get a STD test). In the end, I don't think we had similar wants out of life. But that's not always the case. I think that if two people are going to get back together, the most likely way of it succeeding is if they have a long break and get some perspective, and if they have a long respectful friendship before they dated or before they date again. My parents did have that long friendship and similar core values. And my mom says that she was over my dad before he came back. But honestly, sometime I am amazed and awed at the fact that my dad actually had the gumption to realize that he wanted my mom that much and come back to vow for her. I don't know if I have the confidence that I'll meet any guy who will feel that way enough about me. Link to post Share on other sites
Habibti Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 Why would you want them back if you are over them? If you truly are, you would be with someone else and not even have the faintest interest in them. I kind of beg to differ. Here's why. I had an ex that moved back to town 7 years later. When we begin to talk things re kindled, but I had been in relationships and fallen very deeply in love since him. It always depends, have you moved on from the hurt etc? I think that's the biggest key. You may not always have re kindled feelings for an ex, but I think it's possible. Link to post Share on other sites
movingonandon Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 In determining whether to take an ex back, the "begging and crying" part is really key. Not because I would want her humiliated just for kicks, but because I need some proof that she is sorry and she really has changed. She did cal wanting to come back 2 months after dumping me for a moron, but she behaved as if this was no big deal, and that "in spite of hurting me, there is so much good" in her, so she wants to use that to start anew with me. So i told her "no way", and today she emails me that she was hoping that "I would feel her", blah, blah. I do still have feelings for her and would like to be back with her, but no - forgiveness does not work that way. You have to ask for it, beg for it, and make no assumptions if it willbe given to you. So, in this case, i am pulling the nail (the messed up love of my life), and move on (even if it means bleeding a lot in the process) Link to post Share on other sites
nopainnogain Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 Now that what's I call good reason. Nice! Yes . Cali guy doesnt F*ck around. He has rhyme to his reason. "another port in her storm " lol Link to post Share on other sites
memedixie Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 Hey, I'm in a mess because I gave in and went back to my ex boyfriend for another go at it. He pursued me, wooed me all over again. Then to make a long story short, when it started feeling really good .......POOF.........crap hit the fan and he said good bye, again. Now here I am to lick my wounds and heal. Why do we go back? Isn't once enough? Anyway you slice it, it sucks. Love does not always conquer ALL. Memedixie Link to post Share on other sites
Aleeed Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 The way we ended and the way shes been with me since the break, and finding someone like that - even though shes known him for 3 days, I don't know if I'd take her back, well not yet. We'd have to sit down, talk and work at it, which would be achievable, and then in time give it another go. I'd like to have that chance because I really love her and deep down she must still have feelings for me, lets just hope her and this fancy man crash and burn and she realizes what shes missing. Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 Nope, no way! No longer interested! Unless it was the most recent ex, in which case I'd marry him. Sigh. Link to post Share on other sites
ahhhchooo Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 I'd like to think I'd never take her back, but I sure would love to hear her cry and beg lol word to that!! Link to post Share on other sites
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