Oh my stars and garters, I think I may be a spinster.

[starchild]

So, I'm 26. I've only ever had one boyfriend, who I dated for four years (we broke up in '06). . .and that's never really bothered me until lately, because I don't really find myself attracted to a lot of guys, nor them to me. But my two best friends are now married, one has a baby on the way, and I just feel so left out. Like, if this were 1836 I'd be that cranky dowager aunt that hides in the attic.:-D

 

I've tried to meet guys all the traditional ways. . .through common interests, through clubs, through places like Match and Eharmony, and nothing has ever 'clicked' with any of these guys. There was a guy a while back with whom I had a great rapport, and he had seen my pictures so he knew what I looked like, but when we met offline. . .it just fizzled. He didn't call as often or write me the long, rambling emails that he used to, and so eventually I just felt silly being the one doing all the calling and let that die out. I'm ready to try again with meeting guys, but I'm just feeling a little discouraged.

 

I don't feel my standards are too high. I'm not looking for some handsome Prince Charming to sweep me off my feet, nor would I want that even if I could get it.

 

And I suppose I worry that my lack of experience will show more the older I get. I read an article a few weeks ago about mens' reactions to women when they find out they are still virgins into their 30's. I'm not a virgin, but I imagine that finding out someone has only been in one previous relationship would also be a little off-putting.

 

So, after all that rambling, I guess this is what it boils down to: has anyone else been in a similar situation? If so, how did you handle it? How can I give off the right 'vibe' to the menfolk?

 

Thanks.

[paddington bear]

any unmarried woman over the age of 21 is a spinster! that's the real definition of the word - so that means there's a lot of spinsters out there including me.

 

Don't worry about having had only one relationship, so what? If you meet someone you like and they like you, they won't care, in fact will probably be glad you haven't been 'the town bicycle' !!

 

You said 'I don't really find myself attracted to a lot of guys' - examine that, are you really just not that bothered, or do you mean that you're picky (without realising how picky you are), looking for the one who'll make your heart thud and knees wobble? (don't we all...sigh)

 

Reading between the lines, it seems to me that because your friends are settling down and having babies that you feel you should be somehow doing likewise, not because you really desire a relationship yourself right now.

 

The vibe you should be giving out: I'm 26, in my prime, happy and confident, flirty and fun, a 'let's see how this goes' attitude. In my experience if men sense any kind of desperation radiating from you they run for the hills.

[starchild]

You said 'I don't really find myself attracted to a lot of guys' - examine that, are you really just not that bothered, or do you mean that you're picky (without realising how picky you are), looking for the one who'll make your heart thud and knees wobble? (don't we all...sigh)

 

Thanks for your response! You bring up a good question when you ask how picky I am. I'd like to think that I'm NOT picky. . .but honestly, like I said, not many men show an interest in me, so I haven't really had much of a chance to test that theory. Maybe it's just a "they don't like me/I don't like them" situation, haha.

[paddington bear]

I said to a friend once that I feel like an invisible girl and she said 'of course you're invisible to guys, you don't look at them, you don't notice them, you don't smile at them'. Oh dear.

 

When I took some time to think about it, I realised she was right and am now practising just looking around me and am slowly becoming more noticed by guys and realising that there are men checking me out, whereas before I thought I was being totally ignored...maybe there's something similar going on with you?

[A.G.Doren]

I said to a friend once that I feel like an invisible girl and she said 'of course you're invisible to guys, you don't look at them, you don't notice them, you don't smile at them'. Oh dear.

 

When I took some time to think about it, I realised she was right and am now practising just looking around me and am slowly becoming more noticed by guys and realising that there are men checking me out, whereas before I thought I was being totally ignored...maybe there's something similar going on with you?

 

Used to happen to me. Then I read a book on flirting, now I notice men checking me out all the time.

[Amiss]

Confidence (not to be confused with arrogance:)) is very attractive in a woman. If you are constantly worrying about how others perceive you, it shows on your face! Eye contact is always sexy. Forget about being a "spinster" (a horrid, outdated,unsexy word) and remember you are a young woman with lots of options. Do you want to be married and a mother right now? Or do you think you should be married with children because your friends are? I don't know if you are American but people tend to settle down earlier than in the UK.