Neo Posted August 9, 2003 Share Posted August 9, 2003 The girl I have a crush on I used to be really cold and fairly mean to because I had been venting from a previous breakup... I had saved all the conversations I had with her at the time with fairly rude titles. However I stopped and we were really nice to each other and we both ended up liking each other, we went out to movies, hung out etc, everything was GREAT. Our relationship was really flourishing. Then she was on my computer. She found the conversations I had had with her, and the rude titles I had named them. After checking the Documents history I realized what she had been looking at. I came downstairs and she was acting extremely cold and detached, saying very little. I pretended at the time I didn't know what was up... she ended up leaving "having to go" and now she is ignoring me on the messenger. I don't know how to explain all this. There is no excuse for me being rude to her earlier in my life but I don't feel that way now. I've had SUCH a strong connection with her, and she I, but now that she's been re-reminded of my past conversations with her she may be VERY angry with me. How can I explain this to her? Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGirlNameKD Posted August 9, 2003 Share Posted August 9, 2003 If you really cared about her, you shouldn't have pretended that you didn't know what was up. You should have handled the problem right there. Just be honest with her and let her know what the situation was: that how you use to feel and what you use to do, it was immature, and that you apologize, after getting to know her, you don't feel that way about her anymore. Whether or not she accepts your apology would remain to be seen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Neo Posted August 9, 2003 Author Share Posted August 9, 2003 I didn't bring it up at the time because we had lots of friends over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Neo Posted August 9, 2003 Author Share Posted August 9, 2003 I just had a talk with her. I was entirely honest; she had every right to be angry at what I said about her... she was devastated that someone she thought was a close friend and highly respected could say those things about her. I was truthful, stating that, although there is no excuse for my actions, it was all venting of anger. I was treating someone I loved so badly. She stated that she was shocked... there was not much that I could do, she added. She logged off and I feel sick inside. Why do things like this have to happen... I do not deserve to live. I made her feel so badly and now I doubt we will stay close, ever again. What have I done Link to post Share on other sites
Author Neo Posted August 9, 2003 Author Share Posted August 9, 2003 She thanked me for my apology. However that was it. I think it may be over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Neo Posted August 9, 2003 Author Share Posted August 9, 2003 Is there any way I can change this? Is it finalized? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Neo Posted August 10, 2003 Author Share Posted August 10, 2003 If you've done something in the past that a woman finds out about and becomes sad about it, how can you manage to regain trust and/or cheer her up? Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonfly Posted August 10, 2003 Share Posted August 10, 2003 Neo, I think the solution is different for each person. It also depends upon what was done, and how it will affect the future of the relationship. I am unfortunately on the opposite side of this, feeling very sad for things done and said by my guy. I can't seem to get myself out of the rut I am in, and it may actually end the relationship. I've done all I can to forget and move on, but I cannot regain trust in him. As soon as someone can help you, maybe they will be able to help me as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Neo Posted August 10, 2003 Author Share Posted August 10, 2003 In my case I had said bad things about this woman to other people. Then my anger wore away and I started to like her very much. Our relationship was getting better until she found out I had said those things. I can't get her to believe that I didn't mean anything I said back then; that I have only positive, loving feelings for her. It is tearing us apart and I feel so heartbroken Link to post Share on other sites
Author Neo Posted August 10, 2003 Author Share Posted August 10, 2003 Her sister just accused me of feeling sorry for myself too much. Auugh! I need some analyzation from an outside source here. I have told this woman many times I didn't mean what I said, that I feel so bad for what I did. I told her to take as much time as she needed; that I will always feel positively about her/care for her, apologizing a fair amount. I don't understand... this is so confusing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Neo Posted August 10, 2003 Author Share Posted August 10, 2003 Anyone...? I am becoming desperate. I have no one to ask any of this to and I don't know what to do anymore in this situation Link to post Share on other sites
Author Neo Posted August 11, 2003 Author Share Posted August 11, 2003 If you've done something bad to someone, and you try to make up for it but get accused of feeling sorry for yourself, how can you fix it so it doesn't seem this way? I've apologized to a woman for bad things I've said in the past, told her to take all the time she needs, told her I never meant any of the bad things/etc yet I am still being accused of feeling sorry for myself Please help me with this... Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 11, 2003 Share Posted August 11, 2003 You aren't responsible for the craziness of other people. If you've apologized to this lady and she still says you are feeling sorry for yourself, tell her to get off of that...you simply don't want to hear it anymore. If she continues, stay away from her unless you enjoy being told you feel sorry for yourself. Also, ask her a question for me. Since when does apologizing to somebody mean you're feeling sorry for yourself??? DUH! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Neo Posted August 11, 2003 Author Share Posted August 11, 2003 This is again related to my previous problem. In the past I betrayed a girl's trust. Before we started getting close/developing, I said mean things. But now the girl found the mean things again and feels like sad/I have betrayed her. She still loves me but doesn't know if she can trust me. How can I prove to her that she can trust me? I have nothing but love for her, I want us to grow. I want to go back to how we were first. I don't want to "just become friends" or acquaintances because of something this ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
Starlight43 Posted August 11, 2003 Share Posted August 11, 2003 im followin this and i'll try to help ya...but how come you said mean things in the first place? and what exactly did you say? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Neo Posted August 11, 2003 Author Share Posted August 11, 2003 She had been helping me with a relationship with someone else named Jennifer, taking her advice etc, but it failed and Jennifer and I broke up. Thus I was somewhat irrationally angry with my friend for taking the risks she told me to. It was stupid of me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Neo Posted August 11, 2003 Author Share Posted August 11, 2003 After a couple has a *really* nasty problem but they overcome it, how can they avoid awkwardness afterwards? How can they become open with each other again/loving? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 11, 2003 Share Posted August 11, 2003 Not only was it stupid, as you say, but it was terribly rude and mean. Secondly, you're never, ever going to be more than just friends with a girl from whom you ask advice about relationships with other women. People act out of the kindness of their heart. They give advice that intelligent people are free to either take or discard. It was your total and complete responsiblity to either act on the advice if you felt it was appropriate or not act on it. She had no obligation whatsoever to give you advice, she is not a counsellor, and she did the best she could for you, I'm sure. That you did not appreciate that she even took the time to listen to your crap probably angers her. And that you would come back and be pissed at her because you could not pull off your relationship would make her more mad. Your relationship is not her responsibility and she is not in charge of your ex's feelings. I mean you really didn't think this one out at all. If you can't start appreciating what others do for you, whether it works or not, then seek counselling for what your parents should have taught you. Nobody owes you a thing. You probably got upset at her because, as many people, you had to put blame somewhere other than where it belonged. Learn to take full and complete responsibility for what happens in your life and don't put it off on other people. Your conduct in every way is YOUR responsibilty unless someone is holding a gun to your head. In that case, you are excused. Apologize profusely to this lady and then let time take its course. But if you expect this girl to ever be more than you're friend, you may be waiting for many centuries. You just don't ask a girl you're interested in for advice on how to stay with other women. Are you OK? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 11, 2003 Share Posted August 11, 2003 By talking things out and then being mature about the whole matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Neo Posted August 12, 2003 Author Share Posted August 12, 2003 I know, this had been my first relationship. You are 100% correct. And I disagree with your first statement however. We were on the verge of becoming more than just friends. Link to post Share on other sites
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