Girlfriend doesn't want to talk to me anymore.

[toself]

Some of you may have seen my "Worst birthday" post. If so, you'd know that tomorrow is my birthday. I should feel happy about it, and I do feel better than I did before reading your replies. Anyways, I still think a lot about the relationship with my girlfriend. We've been together for a bit more than 4 months now, but something strange (to me), has happened.

 

Some time ago, we both went away for a week or so, not seeing each other. Everything was perfeclty fine as we said goodbye to each other. I spoke a bit with her on the phone whilst away, and nothing seemed wrong. Until I came home. I called her the day after (when she had gotten home). First, someone else answered the phone. I could hear my girlfriend saying sarcastic or almost rude things to me, but I didn't have the chance to answer her (or talk to her at all). It hurt me.

 

I spoke to her about it later, but she didn't really wanna speak. A week or so have passed. We still don't talk too much, but I've tried everything I can to fix this. She keeps letting me down, and keeps saying she doesn't really wanna talk, OR even meet me at all. She rarely wants to share her thoughts with me (or anyone else), but I did get to know that her problem is our arguing. We argued quite a lot a month ago or so. Lately she has been talking about not seeing any point in the relationship going on, but we haven't really spoken together about that.

 

I do want the relationship to go on. I believe that we can manage to fix this. Mostly because nothing really made this happen, except she. I don't like blaming others, especially not her, but this time it feels right, in a way. Nothing was wrong, and then she suddenly became really distant to me just because we argued a month ago.

 

Like I said, tomorrow is my birthday. But, I don't really think she'll be treating me any differently tomorrow. If this was "any" girl, I'd most likely end this right now, but this girl is different. Everything seemed so right. I don't wanna throw that away.

 

What can I possibly do to make things right again?

[Ronni_W]

I believe that we can manage to fix this. Mostly because nothing really made this happen, except she. I don't like blaming others,

Something DID happen -- you guys argued. That would have to be her AND you, because it takes two to argue . So, you do gotta man up and accept that you are equally responsible for the current state of your relationship.

 

Don't make this about your birthday. That has nothing to do with it. You run the risk of feeling sorry for yourself (like somebody's victim) on your birthday, if you keep confusing other stuff that's going on in your life, with your birthday. Celebrate that separately.

 

The question for yourself is: what made you participate in the arguing? Even if you didn't start it, you kept yourself involved in it which really is as much part of the problem.

And if you were the one who started it most of the time, then another question is: what were the circumstances that got you so frustrated to the point of arguing with her?

 

Whether or not you guys get back together, it is important for you to have self-awareness about what triggers you to act and react in non-productive and ineffective ways. That way you can make positive changes that will help you have happier and more successful relationships in the future.

 

I'm sure you're aware that relationships and reconciliations don't happen just because YOU want them to -- BOTH people have to desire that. So, on your own, there is NOTHING you can do to facilitate getting back together.

 

The wisest thing to do is also going to be the hardest...give her some time and space. The more you try to do or say anything about "fixing" stuff, the more you are going to frustrate her and push her away.

 

Just talk about neutral topics...no high emotions, no neediness, no desperation. Then, WHEN SHE STARTS to be more receptive, talk about your awareness of your past actions and how you intend to improve it.

Assuming that she's ever going to want to get back with you (which is still just an 'IF' at this point), she will want to know that you won't use arguing as a way of communicating your feelings, dislikes, frustrations, etc.

 

She doesn't like arguing. If there is to be a reconciliation, you must be able to prove to her that YOU have enough self-management to not argue (even if she's the one who starts an argument, you still don't have to engage.)