Any truth to... Everything happens for a reason???

[bamagrl75]

Everything happens for a reason… How much truth is to that old saying???

 

I’m a bit confused on something going on in my life…

 

I have been with a man for the last 4 ½ years. We’ve had a lot of ups and downs. I loved this man deeply and know he loved me too. However… sometimes love just isn’t enough… sad but true. Several months’ back he broke up with me, I know he went out with other women… I found his receipts… though he told me he did not. I never went out with anyone during that time for fear he would never come back to me. Well I guess he had his fun and realized the grass isn’t always soooo green on the other side. We worked things out and for 2 months everything was wonderful. A week ago… we had an argument and like so many times before… he broke up with me. This time… I didn’t cry

 

Here’s where my questioning begins…

 

My high school sweetheart, which I have not seen or talked to but once in 11 years, called me. Oddly enough right when my boy friend had decided to take a walk again. He called needing a friend. His wife of 4 years had cheated on him, which totally ripped his heart out. I have been talking to him for the past week, both of us trying to figure out how to cope. It honestly has been nothing but a friend thing. It definitely has helped me with the NC and the same for him. There is nothing between us right now except for two people who are going through hard times and leaning on each other. When we dated we were young and he was actually my boy friend from 5th grade until after we graduated. We have a very long past. He was a great guy then and is a great guy now. I don’t know if I want us to be more than friends, but it’s starting to feel like maybe he does. My friends and family and his continually repeat… Everything Happens For A Reason. Everyone around us seems to think that there is a reason why we both got hurt at the same time… everyone thinks there is a reason his wife cheated and my boy friend left within a month of each other… everyone thinks there is a reason why he turned to me as a friend after all these years… everyone thinks this is a sign that we really were meant to be together. I honestly don’t know what I think!!!

 

So tell me… what do you think??? Is there any reasoning behind this... or just a simple coincedence???

[nowhereman82]

There is a song by Soul Position entitled Right Place Wrong Time....I think this is your song.

 

I couldn't envision anything healthy coming of you both rebounding on each other at this point in time.

[The Collector]

It is your fate to read this post telling you that there is no such thing as fate.

[GrnEyedGemini]

I really do believe, deep down, that things happen for a reason. Most things that have happened in my life, I can look back on now and say...ah...so that's why it had to happen that way. However, sometimes things happen that there seems to be no reasonable explanation now or ever. Maybe for you, this old saying would be more applicable:

 

"When one door closes, another will open."

[bamagrl75]

There is a song by Soul Position entitled Right Place Wrong Time....I think this is your song.

 

I couldn't envision anything healthy coming of you both rebounding on each other at this point in time.

 

 

I believe you may see it as I do. I guess there is always the possibilty of someone meeting/turning to someone new shortly after a break-up... I just don't see how it could work. I know it makes me feel better to have him (as a friend) to lean on and him too. And you know... if it was a month or so down the road... maybe... but right now I can't imagine being close to another man without comparing him to my ex... at least in some ways. I don't even know how to bring this up to him without it hurting him... he's been hurt a lot lately. I just hope if I keep a friendly distance... maybe it will all work out for the best in the long run ;-)

[coffeemaker]

I tend to believe that people come into and out of our lives for a reason or purpose - there have been one too many coincidences in my life to think otherwise. I would simply take it one day at a time, w/o to the best of your abilities any expectations. Just enjoy the interaction. Resist the temptation to read into it. You'll just set yourself up to be disappointed with unrealistic expectations.

[frd150]

It did happen for a reason...

 

Your breakup enabled you to re-connect with a friend who would understand your pain. In that your lucky ,reason is that when we got throught break-ups we are usually surrounded by well meaning individuals who either have no idea what we are going through or have just forggoten what it feels like. So the two of you are lucky to have found each other again.

 

Like it was said in a previous post nothing good (as far as a relationship) can come from this, at least not now. Its way too soon and besides it would seem to me that he is facing all the b.s. that comes with a divorce. Not exactly the environment for a new blossiming relationship.

[bamagrl75]

It did happen for a reason...

 

Your breakup enabled you to re-connect with a friend who would understand your pain. In that your lucky ,reason is that when we got throught break-ups we are usually surrounded by well meaning individuals who either have no idea what we are going through or have just forggoten what it feels like. So the two of you are lucky to have found each other again.

 

Like it was said in a previous post nothing good (as far as a relationship) can come from this, at least not now. Its way too soon and besides it would seem to me that he is facing all the b.s. that comes with a divorce. Not exactly the environment for a new blossiming relationship.

 

I never looked at it that way, but you are completely right about who we surround ourselves with. I do believe I am lucky to have him to talk to and for him to understand how bad and why I am hurting and I think he feels the same way.

 

As for this turning into something more than friends... that is what I'm afraid of. I want to be there for him and him there for me, I'm just scared he will want to take it to another level and this is something I'm not ready for. Yes... maybe in time, but considering what we have both gone through... In my eyes... it will take quite a bit of time for me to even begin to look at another man the same way I did my ex... even my friend.

[nowhereman82]

Now that I thought about it....I had a lot of things happen that I feel happened for a reason after my ex left me.

 

I had so many women from my past contact me within one month it wasn't funny. The timing was just really odd and it wasn't because they had heard what happened. Was just by dumb luck.

 

One girl I had always had big regrets with....we had a quick fling and there was some confusion and it never went anywhere. I finally got the conversation asking what I always wanted to ask. Kind of got some closure on my past finally.

 

So in a way I guess things happen for a reason but perhaps not for the reasons you think.

[Rooster_DAR]

Everything happens for a reason, it's a fundamental law but I'm sure you knew that already. As for predetermined fate or some magical intervention, those things are all just superstitious nonsensical ideas that humans have developed since our early existence.

 

It seems to offer some peace thinking that all of this (Whatever your going through) is somehow magically predetermined by some mysterious element, where as in reality is just how things turned out.

 

Cheers!

[nopainnogain]

One time I was at a bar and was ready to drive home but decided to walk home instead .I was ok to drive but didnt want to risk it. Sure enough there was a checkpoint I would of driven right into around the corner.

Everthing happens for a reason .

[frd150]

Sorry about the bad spelling in my previous post, its sorta my trademark:p. Spell check is my friend.

 

It seems to me that your being pretty rational about your re-connection but on the other hand I understand your fear. After the break up that brought me here I was contacted by a previous ex who I respect a great deal. Well, she was very supportive and caring but I got that "vibe" and the sensible side of me told me that it would not be right. Long story short I decided to limit my contact in a not so a-holeish way. It would have been for the wrong reasons. Im back to trial and error and enjoying it, Im sure Ill get it right eventually.

 

Oh and not being able to look at another guy... that will pass,just takes time.

[motive2002]

Everything? I don't think so. There are some events in my life that seem to have no reason for them at all.

 

I think it's a deeper way of saying "Learn from your experiences and allow them to give you new perspective."

That's all it really is. You can think the "universe" set you on that path, like my flaky, hippie, biker ex-girlfriend used to think, but I really don't buy it anymore.

[Whey2Big4u]

 

I think it's a deeper way of saying "Learn from your experiences and allow them to give you new perspective."

quote]

 

 

wow i never thought of it that way.........

 

well i would have never gotten where i am today if my ex hadnt left me,......well i cant say that, I would have gotten there along time from now, and certain opportunities that happened now, would have never happened then.

 

so yeah.....things do happen for a reason, but YOU have to make the right decisions when the opportunities knock

 

Life is about decisions and ever decision that you make will effect future ones

[Whey2Big4u]

like one of those make your own adventure books, except you cant skip to the end to see what will happen

[norajane]

My friends and family and his continually repeat… Everything Happens For A Reason. Everyone around us seems to think that there is a reason why we both got hurt at the same time… everyone thinks there is a reason his wife cheated and my boy friend left within a month of each other… everyone thinks there is a reason why he turned to me as a friend after all these years… everyone thinks this is a sign that we really were meant to be together. I honestly don’t know what I think!!!

 

So tell me… what do you think??? Is there any reasoning behind this... or just a simple coincedence???

That your bf broke up with you at the same time his wife cheated is a coincidence. In fact, you and your bf have broken up many times, so this is nothing new or even remarkable. This his wife cheated has everything to do with what is wrong between them in their marriage and has been wrong for a long time, probably.

 

Look at this board - look at how many people are also coping with the end of a relationship. Is it fate that you and they are all hurting at the same time?

 

Bonding over your respective failed relationships is hardly a sign that you two are meant to be together. It IS a sign that you're both needy and vulnerable and heartbroken right now...not a healthy start to a new relationship, especially since he's MARRIED.

 

Be his friend if it makes you both feel better, but stay out of his marriage. He's just been betrayed by the person he planned to spend the rest of his life with. He is going through all kinds of emotions and you don't want to get on that roller coaster ride with him. He may end up wanting a revenge affair, or may slip into an affair with you, but that doesn't mean he's going to end his marriage, nor does it mean you two are actually right for each other.

 

Save yourself more heartache and keep this platonic. He may end up wanting to go to counseling with his wife and work on their marriage. But, if he ever gets a divorce and gets his head together after the divorce, AND you are also emotionally healthy after your break-up, THEN get together. But now, you two are a train wreck.

[bamagrl75]

That your bf broke up with you at the same time his wife cheated is a coincidence. In fact, you and your bf have broken up many times, so this is nothing new or even remarkable. This his wife cheated has everything to do with what is wrong between them in their marriage and has been wrong for a long time, probably.

 

Look at this board - look at how many people are also coping with the end of a relationship. Is it fate that you and they are all hurting at the same time?

 

Bonding over your respective failed relationships is hardly a sign that you two are meant to be together. It IS a sign that you're both needy and vulnerable and heartbroken right now...not a healthy start to a new relationship, especially since he's MARRIED.

 

Be his friend if it makes you both feel better, but stay out of his marriage. He's just been betrayed by the person he planned to spend the rest of his life with. He is going through all kinds of emotions and you don't want to get on that roller coaster ride with him. He may end up wanting a revenge affair, or may slip into an affair with you, but that doesn't mean he's going to end his marriage, nor does it mean you two are actually right for each other.

 

Save yourself more heartache and keep this platonic. He may end up wanting to go to counseling with his wife and work on their marriage. But, if he ever gets a divorce and gets his head together after the divorce, AND you are also emotionally healthy after your break-up, THEN get together. But now, you two are a train wreck.

 

 

First of all… your post seemed quite rude. You might want to ask questions instead of assuming you know what’s going on, probably a real good idea before responding to a post with such anger.

 

2nd… I do NOT want anything more than to be friends with my HSS.

 

3rd … He IS divorced and has been for the last month! He contacted me after the papers were signed and delivered.

 

4th… I was never in his marriage, never talked to him while he was married and have never had any desire to.

 

5th... I am still IN LOVE with my bf(ex). I'm not a cold B***h that just jumps right out there... sorry to disappoint you!

 

You seem like an angry woman and in turn have offended someone you don't even know (me)... that's sad. It would probably be a good idea to read a post thoroughly and ask questions… before you decide to post s***ty comments. Especially all the crap about him being MARRIED and even my failed relationship! As if I’m some kind of home wrecker and just dieing to jump into something with someone new when I’m CLEARLY still in love with my bf. You know… rude is one thing… but being viciously rude over something you clearly didn’t understand… is just plain stupidity.

 

As you can see from the title of my post… It was a question asking “Any truth to... Everything happens for a reason???” I definitely was not asking for a lecture from you… it was the QUESTION you should have been responding to… not my life. People come on this site because they are going through something in their life… not necessarily bad. We get on here to talk about our hopes, fears, loves and love lost. So do I believe its fate that we’re all hurting at the same time??? No Sweetie… I do not… because NOT everyone on here is hurting. Some people are just NICE enough to be supportive to those who are hurting because they’ve been through the same thing. If you’re not going to READ my posts fully and pay attention to what they say before responding… just don’t bother reading mine. I've dealt with my share of BS... don't need it on here... thank you

[Ariadne]

First of all… your post seemed quite rude... You seem like an angry woman..

 

I don't think NJ was rude "at all".

 

(But she does have an issue with cheating, since she was on the receiving end of that).

 

Aside from that, you seem very emotionally immature to have any lasting relationship with anybody.

 

In your last post to NJ you are on the verge of freaking out: So do I believe its fate that we’re all hurting at the same time??? No Sweetie… I do not… because NOT everyone on here is hurting. Some people are just NICE enough to be supportive...

[bamagrl75]

I don't think NJ was rude "at all".

 

(But she does have an issue with cheating since she was on the receiving end of that).

 

Aside from that, you seem very emotionally immature to have any lasting relationship with anybody.

 

 

Geez... emotionally immature??? No I don't think so... but everyone has a right to their own opinion.

 

As for her having an issue with cheating... completely understanding. I have been through the same thing. When you go through something like that of course you will have issues with such. However... you do not have to jump to conclusions... you get the story straight first. I have a major problem with cheaters and that is exactly why I was completely offended by what she had posted. If she had went back and read other posts of mine... she may have realized this.

[norajane]

I'm sorry I offended you, but I find all these "everything happens for a reason?", and "do you believe in soul mates?" type of questions disingenuous. They are usually invoked only support of something one wants (if everything happens for a reason, that must mean we're meant to be together!!) rather than used reflectively (gee, if everything happens for a reason, why have I stayed in a bad relationship for so long?).

 

Yes, of course things happen for a reason. There is such a thing as cause and effect. Everything happens because of the choices we make.

 

But twisting coincidence and happen-stance into "it must be happening for a reason" just shows that you want to make it happen, or are open to it. If you do want to make it happen and he's divorced, fine, but at least be honest with yourself about it. If you don't want it to happen, it's easy, you just back off and don't let him think that you are interested in him.

[Rooster_DAR]

I'm sorry I offended you, but I find all these "everything happens for a reason?", and "do you believe in soul mates?" type of questions disingenuous. They are usually invoked only support of something one wants (if everything happens for a reason, that must mean we're meant to be together!!) rather than used reflectively (gee, if everything happens for a reason, why have I stayed in a bad relationship for so long?).

 

Beautiful, could not say it better myself.

[bamagrl75]

I'm sorry I offended you, but I find all these "everything happens for a reason?", and "do you believe in soul mates?" type of questions disingenuous. They are usually invoked only support of something one wants (if everything happens for a reason, that must mean we're meant to be together!!) rather than used reflectively (gee, if everything happens for a reason, why have I stayed in a bad relationship for so long?).

 

Yes, of course things happen for a reason. There is such a thing as cause and effect. Everything happens because of the choices we make.

 

But twisting coincidence and happen-stance into "it must be happening for a reason" just shows that you want to make it happen, or are open to it. If you do want to make it happen and he's divorced, fine, but at least be honest with yourself about it. If you don't want it to happen, it's easy, you just back off and don't let him think that you are interested in him.

 

I'm sorry for being rude in response. I have been cheated on and it killed me inside, so when you thought I was butting into someones marriage it really bothered me.

 

I completely admit that the thought of it "happening for a reason" has crossed my mind, but mainly because it was quite ironic. From the first time we talked... it has only been an "old friend" thing. He has only in the last couple of days seemed like he was wanting more. My loss has happened more recently than his... so I'm not even thinking about a new relationship. I have in no way given him any reason that there could ever be more. He knows that I'm still in love with my ex bf and that this has been extremely hard for me.

 

You were right about my ex bf's break-ups... there were several, but this is the first time in over 4 yrs. I have agreed to walk away without a fight. It's been 5 days of NC, today. I'm making it and taking it one day at a time, but this is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Which may be a good indicator as why I judged you so quickly... I apologize

[0hpenelope]

Hm...

 

The way I see things in light of "Lawrence-gate" is "Things happen." When I used to attach "for a reason" afterwards, I'm left asking "Well... why? What for?"

 

Even if I got the answer, I doubt I would recognize it even if it hit me between the eyes. Then I realized something else: no answer will ever satisfy. My "Aha!" moment for myself.

 

"Things happen." That's it. Simple - and has a G-rating compared to "Sh*t happens."

[bamagrl75]

Then I realized something else: no answer will ever satisfy. My "Aha!" moment for myself.

 

"Things happen." That's it. Simple - and has a G-rating compared to "Sh*t happens."

 

 

That was a great way of putting it ;-)

[Suonarelamusica]

Be sincere, and tell him your true feelings. Treasure the friendship you have, but don't rush into anything if you feel uncomfortable.

Although I learned the hard way that there is much truth to the cliche that you are more likely to regret the things you DON'T do, than the things you DO.