Author wittygirl09 Posted September 25, 2008 Author Share Posted September 25, 2008 I haven't told him yet but I love him. He's unearthed these weird emotions in me that I never even knew existed. The physical effects have subsided and the obsession is also starting to dwindle. I don't think I will ever "get over it" but I am starting to accept it. Don't let your emotions and irrationality get ahead of you. It'd be a waste of an amazing relationship. P.S. Counseling is amazing. Link to post Share on other sites
soconfused01 Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 whoa - you didn't find out by GETTING the STD?!?!? it's HPV, low risk, so I never have had symptoms but I got tested anyway. and to OP- congratulations! Glad to hear things are going well :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author wittygirl09 Posted September 29, 2008 Author Share Posted September 29, 2008 So I found out he engaged in some couple swapping with the first gf from his best friend last night. WTF!?!!?!?!?!?!!!? Link to post Share on other sites
soconfused01 Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 try to let it go, stop asking these questions. you can tell if he is a good person or not right? If you think so and he is a loving caring partner to you, that's all you need. I know it's easier said than done, but it's the only thing that's gonna work, besides dumping him. You're just dragging him through the mud and honestly, I bet you've caused him to think more about his past than he would have been doing if you didn't always talk about it. I feel like I'm talking to myself here, because I'm trying to let go of the same things. I've chosen to stick with my boyfriend but keep getting wrapped up in his past instead of trying to be a good partner for him. Now he thinks I think he's a whore and that really hurts him. Do you best to move past this, or it will only get worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wittygirl09 Posted October 1, 2008 Author Share Posted October 1, 2008 I actually have not been discussing this with him at all. It is all with friends and sigh... counseling. I am "battling this" internally. Link to post Share on other sites
athurmon Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 Please keep updating this thread with your progress. I am in a similar, but worse situation than the OP. I married my wife two years ago after meeting her at church, and we had dated for two years. We had discussed our past relationship history in depth, as I was divorced (my first wife left me after cheating on me for a period of 6 months, which I didn't find out about until after she left. I came home one day from work, and she had packed up the house and moved out, and I never heard from her again) and my current wife said she had been with one or two guys. Just found out from my wife that about three years before we met she used to sleep with married guys regularly. The only reason I found out is one of the married guy's wives just found out and was coming after her, so she had to inform me. So have gone through all the same things as the OP, including the feeling physically sick out of nowhere at random times. Of course my wife has tried explaining to me this is her past, how she has changed, would never do this again, regrets it, etc, but it doesn't help. As with the OP, part of it is the immorality I didn't know was there, but more so that this information changes how I see my wife and the type of person she is. So I would be interested in seeing how this plays out for the OP, as I am being told the past shouldn't matter, and yet it does. A lot. So am at the crossroads of whether to continue my marriage or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wittygirl09 Posted October 8, 2008 Author Share Posted October 8, 2008 It ended today. I dumped him, he was understanding. We're both destroyed and decided not to remain friends. As painful as it is, I am really relieved and feel like I did the right thing. I never have to think about him tag teaming his ex again. Link to post Share on other sites
onlyicansee Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 Man, it seems inevitable that relationships burn and crash due to the others past. I really am starting to think its impossible to get over this situation, and it seems like more often than not people are realizing this and getting out! I wish I could get out. My girl is way sluttier than what a lot of people are complaining about on here and it makes it that much harder for me to deal with this. In the end I know it will end out relationship, but I have not yet been able to end it. Link to post Share on other sites
soconfused01 Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 I'm sorry to hear that it couldn't be worked out wittygirl, but glad you feel relieved. at least you've learned a valueable lesson as to what you can put up with in the future. best of luck with the next one Link to post Share on other sites
hollyhohnson Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 I've just broken up with a girl after 3 yrs & have images in my head of her having sex with someone in the future, that I think about 24/7. What's that about?? Link to post Share on other sites
onlyicansee Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 Hollyhonson, I read your original post, and the fact that your girl has only ever been with you, and you are obsessing about something that has nothing to do with her or her past, is a completely and totally different issue than what myself, the op, or other people in this thread have stated. I can sympathize with you though. I heard of people going crazy because of their partners past, but always thought "thats crazy, how could you let something like that affect you", and it was not until my current relationship did I realize "oh **** it happened to me!". So, even though we are on different boats, both issues are just as valid. One thing you might want to try though, is reading on some literature on how to overcome jealousy. Link to post Share on other sites
AAlike Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 It ended today. I dumped him, he was understanding. We're both destroyed and decided not to remain friends. As painful as it is, I am really relieved and feel like I did the right thing. I never have to think about him tag teaming his ex again. but why did you REALLY dump him? was it the past or the present? Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 It ended today. I dumped him, he was understanding. We're both destroyed and decided not to remain friends. As painful as it is, I am really relieved and feel like I did the right thing. I never have to think about him tag teaming his ex again. I'm sorry Wittygirl. Do you think that you all will remain broken up? Does he know that his past is why you broke up with him? I broke up with my boyfriend last night but we are already back together. I always have trouble with the pasts of significant others. And it does seem to be the number 1 cause of deterioration of relationships...at least in my own experience. You will get relief now of not having to think about his sexcapades from the past. But no matter who you date in the future, there will probably be a few skeletons in his closet that will disrupt your peace of mind. Maybe what you can take from this is to tell a future SO to maintain a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. I tried to tell my boyfriend that in the beginning, but he still told me things I didn't want to know without me even asking. One of my friends who has been in a very happy and successful marriage for 14 years, told me that she still knows nothing about her husband's sexual past and he knows nothing of hers. I really think that keeping that information to oneself in a relationship is for the best! Link to post Share on other sites
Hagard Posted October 11, 2008 Share Posted October 11, 2008 You've done the right thing, Wittygirl09. You can't really torture yourself or your partner. It will be better not get into contact ever again because the ill feelings will likely flare up even after the breakup. Even for example thinking about him and thinking about things like "How could he do such things.. I can't even imagine doing things like he did, it would make me feel dirty, sick.. and etc etc". The point is he's different than you and so gave him the oppurtunity to find someone who's like him... Link to post Share on other sites
TruthCrushedToEarth Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 I sympathize with your feelings...I had a somewhat similar issue with an ex's past. In a nutshell keep in mind a few things: 1) It's generally a bad idea to ask about an ex's past. Short of them telling you they are a virgin, and that's not very likely these days, you are generally not going to be happy with any answer 2) While it isn't fair to hold a person's past against them, I do understand that irrational idea that they should owe you some sort of an "apology". Obviously, if you can be totally attached from the situation, you realize this is not right. That being said, sometimes things you learn change your view of people. Yeah in a perfect world you should be able to easily move past this, but it's not a perfect world. We all have our issues. Maybe I was a small person for my experience, but when I found out my ex had been VERY promiscious before we meet, I lost alot of respect for her. Was it judgemental? Yeah, but a wise man once said "you like what you like, and you don't like what you don't like". Some things bother some people more then others. Maybe a more free spirited person would have not had a problem, but it was a dealbreaker for me. Sound like it could be for you, too. 3) He's in a tough spot, but I don't think it's appropriate to joke away something that bothers you. If you care about a person and respect their feeling, you should be more considerate. If anyone should be making light of it, it's you if ever can move past it. I can understand his frustration b/c there is nothing he can do to change it, but he should avoid bringing it up at all costs. Resentment is a deadly emotion that is not easily overcome. My advice: at your age, move on. The chances of you ending up with this guy are remote, factioring in your age and hurdles you have to overcome. Don't drive yourself nuts. Start anew and be wiser for the experience. Link to post Share on other sites
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