Threesomes In His Past

[wittygirl09]

I'm going to start using this thread as a diary or blog, just to organize my emotions and thoughts.

 

When I met this guy, he was intimidated by me. He was shy, reserved, quiet. He was afraid to tell me how he felt about me, hold my hand, make a move, even ask me out on a date, put his arm around me at the movies, etc. And he told me he wasn't very experienced with girls/dating because he had been a nerd his entire life and just didn't know how to get girls. He said he was oblivious when girls were interested in him etc. And I believed/still believe him. These stories matched how he acts/his behavior. I find it attractive. You know how a lot of guys rant about girls who never go for the "nice guy"? Guess what, I'm a girl who ADORES nice guys. I have always stayed away from the "bad boy" types. I know some women find it thrilling but I just want an intellectual conversation and some cuddling. No social formalities, mind games, dealing with not getting called back, being used, etc. If he a guy knows how to flirt or knows exactly what to say too well, I start thinking "well if he does this with, how many other girls is he playing?" Sounds bad but I've seen one too many girls date players they thought they could "change." Maybe it is a female ego thing. I'd rather just go for the guy who is already changed/reformed or doesn't have the desire to sleep around etc.

 

Back to the guy I'm dating. After about a month, we became close VERY FAST. And so he opened up about his past relationship. Not out of the blue, I guess we both shared a little bit about our past emotional and sexual history, I asked questions, he answered them. Honestly. And that's where the mess began. I know he cheated, I am not justifying it or saying it is okay. But I guess I can symphatize, understand and relate to him. He was in a 4 year abusive relationship where the girl was very possessive, jealous, controlling, manipulative, and she cheated on him constantly. I know what that feels like, I was in a similar relationship for about 11 months during the beginning of college. I know people keep asking "why didn't he just get out of it?" Hell, I even ask myself why he just didn't get out of it? But I understand to a certain degree why he didn't.

 

I knew the past relationship I was in was bad within the first few months. I know I should have walked out. But I couldn't. Part of it was him constantly finding ways to get back into my life or causing more drama or making me feel worthless. I felt like it was a bigger mess to break up with him with all the drama that would ensue than just staying in it and having him telling me I wasn't allowed to wear this or go here and hangout with my friends. It was HORRIBLE. My ex thought I was cheating on him 24/7 due to his own insecurities. I got my chances to cheat and I was tempted but I didn't. Besides I transferred schools and the distance helped me get out of that relationship once and for all, even though honestly the guy will still email and text me here and there til this day trying to find his way back into my life.

 

The guy that I am dating now was invested in his bad relationship for 4 years as opposed to my 11 months. I think in his mind, he was being abused, didn't know or couldn't get out of the relationship so he got the opportunity to cheat and he did it. It hurts me that he did that, but I honestly feel like he wasn't using his rational mind and he knows that. I already went over the "once a cheater, always a cheater" and "two wrongs don't make a right" lecture in my head but he admitted he wasn't proud of his actions and they were an immature response to him being betrayed first. He said he strongly believes cheating is wrong, would look down upon it if any of his friends did it and feels he has changed since that time. I believe him. I feel that stressful, traumatic experiences can make you do out-of-character things because you're just not thinking straight.

 

Here is what does bother me about the whole cheating thing though. The second he told me about it, I felt shocked and betrayed and you know how insecure all women can be at times. The first question that popped in my head was, "Would you ever cheat on me?" He sounded really hurt and then said, "I don't know, I can't predict the future." WTF! I didn't know how to respond to that but confronted him a week later and said "I feel so disrespected that you could talk to me like that." So he apologized and admitted he was trying to justify his cheating in the past but ethically speaking it is never justified so he said "I guess what I meant to say is, if you ever betrayed me, I would hope that I would just break up with you as opposed to irrationally making poor decisions." I don't know if that is a satisfying answer or not. It hasn't bothered me since. I don't know why. Maybe I feel like he is a brutally honest guy and I like that. But part of it sounds like he knows cheating is wrong on a moral level but would feel it is moreso justifiable if he is cheated on/betrayed first. I don't know. What do you guys think?

 

Also when we first started dating (like the first week) he went to a wedding and said he kissed a stranger while he was drunk. We weren't exclusive but he said "Hey, I really like you and I'm going to be honest. I was really drunk at the wedding and kissed another girl. I don't even remember it and it isn't the kind of thing I do normally. I hope you're not mad and forgive me." It wasn't a huge deal to me, we had just met, we were casually dating, we weren't exclusive and he was honest to me right away.

[wittygirl09]

 

Here's some food for thought that might help you rationalize things wittygirl...you wonder if part of the reason that the threesome might have intrigued him at the time was that it gave him an opportunity to assert his "manliness" to himself...aka the "bragging rights" that he talked about. I mean, here's a guy that, according to OP, was relatively timid and inexperienced with women and seemed reserved in general, and on top of that he was in a relationship in which he was being treated abusively by a woman - in our culture that doesn't exactly make you Hulk Hogan. I mean, obviously this sounds kind of stupid but the impetus for a lot of college-age decisions is stupid, no?

 

 

AAlike ---

 

we have a very similar thought process as that is one of the theories I have as to why he did the threesomes. He told me that he didn't do anything past kissing until his later years in college so he got a "late start" which can always be a blow to masculine gender roles. Then he told me how didn't get that many girls, didn't know how to flirt etc. He also told me his ex cheated on him a lot, abused him and didn't let him get out of the relationship and I know that guys refer to relationships like that as being p*ssy-whipped. Also a low-blow to the male ego. And then he tells me about how all his friends are significantly moreso experienced than him in terms of how many partners, dates, sexual positions/acts they have tried. I guess even though in my eyes, he is VERY experienced, in his own eyes, he viewed himself as maybe a "loser" or less "masculine" or "cool" than his peers/friends. He always said he was a little socially awkward in high school and lacked confidence during the beginning of college. Maybe that's why "having every male's fantasy" fulfilled and being able to "pull off as a nerd" what most other guys don't ever get a taste of, makes him view it as a "bragging right."

 

BUT if this is his thought process.. maybe he is not as mature as I thought he was? Or maybe despite maturity, most guys think this way during college/early twenties because is it socially expected or acceptable?

[fubarred]

Just to give my opinion on one small part of this... going back to the first post, he stated that the threesomes are every mans fantasy.... well, I'll give him the part about a FMF threesome being most guys fantasy, but the MFM threesome is certainly not a fantasy that I have ever had. I'll be damned if I could ever get turned on by being in the same room with another naked sexually excited man... and then to watch him bang a woman that I considered to be my girlfriend... What was his actual interaction with the other guy during this thing?

[norajane]

BUT if this is his thought process.. maybe he is not as mature as I thought he was? Or maybe despite maturity, most guys think this way during college/early twenties because is it socially expected or acceptable?

 

Most guys fantasize about threesomes, threesome with blondes, brunettes, redheads, twins, midgets, whatever. I don't know how many of those guys would go through with it if given the opportunity, but it's not unusual that a young college guy like your boyfriend would.

[wittygirl09]

Just to give my opinion on one small part of this... going back to the first post, he stated that the threesomes are every mans fantasy.... well, I'll give him the part about a FMF threesome being most guys fantasy, but the MFM threesome is certainly not a fantasy that I have ever had. I'll be damned if I could ever get turned on by being in the same room with another naked sexually excited man... and then to watch him bang a woman that I considered to be my girlfriend... What was his actual interaction with the other guy during this thing?

 

Two things:

 

He said he did not touch the guy at all during the act, so I guess it was considered more of a "gangbang" or "tag teaming" or whatever you guys call it lol. He said he has never touched a guy in a sexual manner nor does he find them attractive/appealing. I don't know what exactly happened during the two threesomes or who it was it (friends, strangers, etc.) even though I am very curious, I think having the details would hurt me a lot more.

 

I thought the exact same thing in terms of every man's fantasy being "with two chicks at once." I have never heard a guy say "my fantasy is to bang my girlfriend at the same time as another guy." Initially I thought since both threesomes were his ex-girlfriend's idea and he was just going along with them to "try and experience something new", he may have just tried being open minded to the MFM so he could get a MFF out of it. But yesterday he said he has already accomplished TWO of the fantasies he had in his past. Meaning maybe he really wanted the MFM one too. I am afraid to ask if it was. He also said "threesomes are something some people do and some people don't" and it is something "you share with a partner." He also said "I don't know" when I asked him if he would ever do one in the future.

 

I guess that's what scares me. Maybe this isn't a phase for him. And BRAGGING RIGHTS?! Ugh. Seriously, do people expect me to be like "Oh great honey, I'm glad you have bragging rights now." It just sounds so immature and childish.

[wittygirl09]

Maybe some of you are right. This has been killing me since mid-June. I get better and then relapse back into depression and anxiety over this. I can't discuss this with him, I can't discuss this with friends, I am obsessively checking for advice on this thread but still feel like I am disgusted no matter how much mental or emotional progress I make.

 

He's okay with threesomes and considers them a fantasy to share with a partner, I consider them immoral and dirty and was stupid to even suggest trying one to get over it because I feel like I would lose so much self respect. His views on sexuality are really lax. He's okay with strip clubs and lap dances, he says he likes slutty girls (why is he with me?!), he sometimes encourages me to dress a bit more provocative, has no problem with me being intimate with girls even though he and I are in a committed relationship, he cheated in his past and never said "I would never cheat on you." He didn't say threesomes were a phase or just something he wanted to try once..

 

Maybe no matter how amazing I find him or how much fun I have or how much he puts me at ease, his past and views on sexuality will always bother me. And I mean, I'm 21, I can find other guys with a similar moral compass as myself right? Not everyone experiments sexually in college. Not every guy would have two threesomes. Or maybe there are some guys who did and consider it a phase now or something that they have grown past.

 

I am hurting so bad.

[AAlike]

hmmm...I've been giving this dude the benefit of the doubt, but some of the things that you've posted that he's said are starting to make me question that.

[Trialbyfire]

didn't let him get out of the relationship

This is typical cheater attitude. It's everyone else's fault that caused them to cheat. How in the world can anyone hold anyone in a relationship they don't want to be in? Unless his ex was an 8' tall amazon, built like a sumo wrestler, it's not going to happen.

[wittygirl09]

This is typical cheater attitude. It's everyone else's fault that caused them to cheat. How in the world can anyone hold anyone in a relationship they don't want to be in? Unless his ex was an 8' tall amazon, built like a sumo wrestler, it's not going to happen.

 

I must agree. She didn't "let him out of the relationship", "she cheated/betrayed me first" are not mature responses nor excuses.

 

And "I don't know, I can't predict the future" as well as the attitude that if I cheat first, he couldn't make any "guarantees" is a really messed up answer when I ask him if I can trust him. It's a fair question I believe.

[Shygirl15]

Once a threesomer, always a threesomer. Be prepared because trust me, sooner or later he's going to ask you for that.

[AAlike]

Once a threesomer, always a threesomer. Be prepared because trust me, sooner or later he's going to ask you for that.

 

hey a sweeping generalization! on this board? who knew?

[AAlike]

This is typical cheater attitude. It's everyone else's fault that caused them to cheat. How in the world can anyone hold anyone in a relationship they don't want to be in? Unless his ex was an 8' tall amazon, built like a sumo wrestler, it's not going to happen.

 

yeah, you are exactly right on that. I've been holding my tongue on that because I know that OP is fixating on the "shock" of the threesome right now and that needs to pass before she can really approach this without a clouded head...but if how he described this situation is accurate, then there is some suspect stuff going on here. some of the stuff that she's told us that this guy has said just seems not to make a whole lot of sense. Who the hell says "I can't predict the future" when asked if they would cheat on you? If there's anything that I would be wanting some "details" on, it's not the threesomes, it's the circumstances in which he was "forced" into continuing his relationship and how and why he "took a second girlfriend." I've heard about threesomes plenty of times, I've never heard anything like that.

[AAlike]

Witty I think that you are really conflicted right now:

 

To be completely honest, I always thought I was open-minded and not judgmental and wasn't against the concept of threesomes as long as everyone consented etc.

 

He's okay with threesomes and considers them a fantasy to share with a partner, I consider them immoral and dirty

 

see what I mean? I think that your obsession and watching threesome pornos and such is making you buy into the hype (don't ever equate real sex to pornos). it's emotional projection that is doing it to you.

 

He didn't say threesomes were a phase or just something he wanted to try once..

 

see, he's never going to renounce threesomes - and if that's what you need him to do, then yes, you probably should move on.

 

Let's put it this way - I had a girlfriend who felt about anal sex how you are currently feeling about threesomes and she got a little freaked out that i had done it on occassion with two previous girlfriends (not to the degree that you are, but still) and it bothered her for a while. I never told her, though, that I regretted it, or that it was "a phase" or something that I wanted to try once and would never do again, because that wasn't true (and hasn't proven to be true as I have dated girls since that enjoy it). It was simply a minor variant that i really didn't care about one way or the other - therefore, the best that I could do for her was tell her that I'd never ask HER to do it and that it's not something that even crosses my mind, and if we stayed together forever then I'd be 100% OK with never doing it. Why? because it's really not a big deal for me either way, I can get into it if the girl is into it, but if she's not I really don't care (plus, I wouldn't enjoy it unless she does anyway).

 

That's ideally how your BF should feel about threesomes, and in similar fashion, the best that he could do right now is simply say "I wouldn't want one as long as I'm with you." For some reason though, he hasn't done that, and that's what is pissing me off about him.

[bish]

So here's the deal. In April, I met this guy and we started hanging out. The first time we hung out, we ended up having lunch for 5 hours because we clicked so well and had so much to talk about. We both assumed the other wanted to "just be friends" but within a few hangouts, it was obvious we were dating. This is the first guy I am crazy about and I have had a few serious relationships and dated casually a lot. I've been dating since I was 13! I am 21 now.

 

He is everything I have ever wanted: smart, ambitious, funny, caring, down-to-earth, understanding, etc. I almost feel like he could be the one. The only problem is, when we first started hanging out, I kind of feel like he misrepresented himself. He constantly told me hadn't dated much or "hooked up" with many women. He said he wasn't experienced and didn't get many girls. He came off as very innocent and would constantly tell me how he lost his virginity and started drinking very late in life. I found this VERY attractive. I like that in a guy.

 

Ok, but what happened to the advice you gave someone else about it being none of anyones business who you were with in the past or the nature of their relationship when you told another girl:

 

"Your boyfriend sounds very insecure. You are not a hypocrite, he is omitting information about events that occur while he is WITH YOU. You are omitting things that are not his business about things that occurred BEFORE he was with you. As long as you are not cheating on your boyfriend or hanging out with your exes 24/7, I don't think it's fair for him to expect that you share your every intimate detail about your past with him."

[wittygirl09]

Bish --

 

Yeah but to be frank, look at the situation. The guy she is with lies to her about what he does while he is with her and does not talk about his past at all and on the same regard expects her to share everything about her own past. I think first of all, if she feels uncomfortable sharing the past and he hasn't shared anything about his, then she is not obligated to do so either. The expectations of sharing or not sharing a past should be mutual. If two people want to do it great, if one doesn't want to than that individual should not expect the other one to do so either. You can't expect from the other person what you do not give or have yourself. Secondly, though I (in my own personal relationships) prefer sharing past information and hearing about my current partner's history part of me is realizing (especially via these boards) that sometimes it's not the best way to go about things especially during the beginning stages of a relationship. I feel like I have read almost every retroactive jealousy post on this board and it seems like it stems from irrational emotions and thoughts stemming from a partner's past.

 

Also despite how people feel about sharing or not sharing a past (I feel it is a personal preference), it is never okay to flat out lie while dating to someone about things that are being done during the course of a relationship and sometimes omission can be considered lying.

[wittygirl09]

However, about a month ago, I confronted him and admitted that I was losing sleep over this and that his past really bothered me. Usually he is very understanding and listens and doesn't attack me but he got very aggressive on the phone and got mad because he said I was using his past against him and that if it bothers me that much, I should just dump him. I started asking questions about the threesome and he says he is ashamed of it in some ways because he is Catholic and it is a sin but he also says how he is proud of it because the "nerd in him" actually pulled off every male's fantasy and now he has bragging rights?! He also said that threesomes are something that some people do and some people don't and that he has no problem with them. He said he would never make me have one with him but he doesn't know why he did it in his past or if he could ever see himself doing one in the future.

 

He was already in a relationship, got a second girlfriend and then went along with the idea of both MFM and MFF threesomes with her. Why did he tell me he thought sex was a very emotional thing and it causes him to get attached if he could do things like this. And when I asked him if he could see himself doing it in the future: he said I don't know. He thinks threesomes are something you share with someone you're in a relationship. But if that's his personal view on them, why was he okay with doing it with his ex and why does he not want one from me? I'm not saying I want one, I just don't understand his reasoning.

 

AAlike ---

 

In my first two posts I guess I already clarified what he said in regards to threesomes and our relationship. He has always said he would never make me do anything I was opposed to or uncomfortable with. And when directly asked if he would ever want one with me, he said "No." Which confused me since as stated above, he said that he believed threesomes are something you share with a partner, especially an emotional girlfriend. Which made me ask why he was okay with one with her and not with me, and he said "I don't know."

 

I watched the movie "Chasing Amy" by the way. I guess the ending got my hopes all up and I was hoping for him to say something like "Because I could never do it with someone I actually care about/love/am in a relationship with." Or the whole "Because I could never share you."

 

Your example makes sense though. Maybe he is indifferent about threesomes aside from the fantasy and bragging rights comment. And his ex suggested one, since they were both turned on by the idea or he to the least wasn't opposed to it, he went along with them. He knows I am uncomfortable with them and doesn't want to do anything with me that would make me uncomfortable so he wouldn't want one with me. Or maybe he was just okay with doing it with his ex and doesn't want one with me from some unknown reason (I guess I am hoping he says something like "I feel differently about you" but those expectations are unhealthy and I know that."

 

You're also right about me trying to find some sort of excuse for his actions, I remember when I was asking him why he did it, he kept saying "I don't know, I wanted to try something new." and after a couple more questions, he started growing upset and said something along the lines of "I don't know, maybe it was an emotional band-aid for me and that girl." I think he was indirectly referencing how both he and his (second) girlfriend

might have been in abusive relationships and using promiscuity as an outlet?

 

Also, in terms of the abusive relationship, I don't have all the details about the cheating or what was/done said but he does have bite marks on his body and he told me she had physically stopped him from attending classes at times, I don't know maybe I feel really bad for him which is why I am not letting the cheating aspect bother me.

 

You're also right about the threesome thing, I just don't know my view on it anymore. I didn't know people did this in real life and now it's got my emotions all out of whack. I'm going through an identity crisis. I always thought I was sexually open, accepting, liberal, etc. But this has begun to make me realize maybe I am much more sexually conservative than I thought and it is toying with me and my views on my boyfriend.

[nopainnogain]

Wittygirl-

 

Your cute if thats you in your avator

anyways.

 

Your putting to much thought into this whole thing...JMO

[wittygirl09]

Nopainnogain ---

 

Thanks lol, that is me.

 

And also, I am a very analytical person. I guess it causes me to play hide and seek with my sanity when emotions are thrown into the mix. This is the first time I have been emotional in a relationship since high school.

 

I can't believe I am saying this but I think I may be in love. Like real love. Not the puppy love or misinterpreted infatuation kind. We haven't said it and I think I'd rather wait and get all this resolved before ever saying it though. Who knows? I may not even end up with him if I don't get my emotions in check.

[norajane]

You're also right about the threesome thing, I just don't know my view on it anymore. I didn't know people did this in real life and now it's got my emotions all out of whack. I'm going through an identity crisis. I always thought I was sexually open, accepting, liberal, etc. But this has begun to make me realize maybe I am much more sexually conservative than I thought and it is toying with me and my views on my boyfriend.

 

If it makes you feel any better, one of my friends had some threesomes in college, and he's been happily married to his wife, with three beautiful children for the last 15 years.

 

He had the threesomes because it was FUN, not because of abuse or whatever excuse you're trying to put on it to make it palatable to you. Just plain old experimentation while young with equally willing partners who also wanted to experiment and have some fun.

 

He doesn't regret the sex play, nor does he consider any of it immoral or dirty. But he also isn't the least bit interested in having any more of them.

 

Maybe you are conservative or whatever; at the same time, you have to understand that other people don't see threesomes as such a heavily weighted issue as you do, nor as significant. So if it's not significant to them (like your bf), you will only give yourself heartache if you try to apply your reasoning and moral filter to their actions.

 

It means a lot to you, clearly. It meant nothing to him. You either have to accept it as part of his past, or you have to move on.

[nopainnogain]

If you love as much as you say you do I dont think a threesome is a great idea.

 

But then again he has had one and it seems to bother you.

 

Ive never had a threesome but it would be awsome with 2 girls. I would never have a dude up in the mix.

 

I remember my ex told me about a dream she had about getting sandwiched between me and my friend:sick:

[bish]

Bish --

 

Yeah but to be frank, look at the situation. The guy she is with lies to her about what he does while he is with her and does not talk about his past at all and on the same regard expects her to share everything about her own past.

 

It doesn't matter what he expects of her and what she expects of him. How does that change your advice that her past is none of his business?

 

Doesn't that mean that your bf's past is none of yours?

[wittygirl09]

I disagree, it is situational.

 

I am not trying to apply a double standard. I just think that unless and until her own boyfriend is willing to open up about his own past, he cannot expect her to open about hers. Her past is not his business if he can't be man enough to open up about his own.

[Trialbyfire]

I must agree. She didn't "let him out of the relationship", "she cheated/betrayed me first" are not mature responses nor excuses.

 

And "I don't know, I can't predict the future" as well as the attitude that if I cheat first, he couldn't make any "guarantees" is a really messed up answer when I ask him if I can trust him. It's a fair question I believe.

So what happens if he suspects you of cheating in the future?

 

yeah, you are exactly right on that. I've been holding my tongue on that because I know that OP is fixating on the "shock" of the threesome right now and that needs to pass before she can really approach this without a clouded head...but if how he described this situation is accurate, then there is some suspect stuff going on here. some of the stuff that she's told us that this guy has said just seems not to make a whole lot of sense. Who the hell says "I can't predict the future" when asked if they would cheat on you? If there's anything that I would be wanting some "details" on, it's not the threesomes, it's the circumstances in which he was "forced" into continuing his relationship and how and why he "took a second girlfriend." I've heard about threesomes plenty of times, I've never heard anything like that.

Ambiguity on an issue of this magnitude always strikes me as an escape hatch.

[AAlike]

If it makes you feel any better, one of my friends had some threesomes in college, and he's been happily married to his wife, with three beautiful children for the last 15 years.

 

He had the threesomes because it was FUN, not because of abuse or whatever excuse you're trying to put on it to make it palatable to you. Just plain old experimentation while young with equally willing partners who also wanted to experiment and have some fun.

 

He doesn't regret the sex play, nor does he consider any of it immoral or dirty. But he also isn't the least bit interested in having any more of them.

 

Maybe you are conservative or whatever; at the same time, you have to understand that other people don't see threesomes as such a heavily weighted issue as you do, nor as significant. So if it's not significant to them (like your bf), you will only give yourself heartache if you try to apply your reasoning and moral filter to their actions.

 

It means a lot to you, clearly. It meant nothing to him. You either have to accept it as part of his past, or you have to move on.

 

Everything that you've said here is absolutely right - I mean, hell, my parents grew up in the 60's and they seem liberal-minded...who knows what they did (oh GOD what a terrible example LOL)...but I know that they're not currently hosting orgies. honestly, I look at a lot of casual sex/threesome sex/whatever else in a lot of cases as stuff that you do when you don't know what you're doing and are trying to make sex "hot" by stuff that you've read, heard about, or seen in pornos...or when you lack the chemistry with your partner that makes it awesome just on its own. if your sex is really good and you understand each other's bodies, you don't NEED "taboo" to make it hot...which is I'm sure why in his mind he could have had a twelvesome and it doesn't measure up to what he's got with you.

 

but the problem is that the issue has permeated her emotions, and when that happens you can't just "accept it" or "decide to move on" - like any other emotional issue, she's only going to get over it with time. and it sucks because I'm sure at this point she feels that she should just be able to make a decision and stop agonizing over it, but she's not going to be able to until her heart mends...and that's not going to happen until the obsessive period stops. it's a real catch-22 - you're obsessing over it to "figure it out" but all that you're really accomplishing by doing that is impeding yourself from getting over it.

 

Witty - what is going to be the main determinant of your relationship's fate (as it regards the threesome bit ONLY - not the cheating part) is going to be when you figure out if that line that you've drawn in the sand regarding threesomes is really a result of your belief systems, or if it's just a reflex byproduct of an unexpected emotional reaction (i.e. you telling yourself "if it's affecting me this way, I MUST have a problem with threesomes"). Once I calmed down, stopped obsessing, and somewhat got my heart under control, it was easy to figure out what it was for me...but I have had a much more sordid past than you have, it just didn't include any interest in threesomes. Had I HAD an interest in them, I'm sure I might have been in one myself...they just always seemed "icky" to me. but then again, so does eating red meat.

 

And that's basically it - if, after you've emotionally digested it, you come to the conclusion that it is indicative of a fundamental personality clash, then yes, as many others have pointed out, you may just not be with the right guy. However, if your stance on it eases with time, it will slowly fade into nothingness. Like I said, it will take some time. All that you can do for now is just try your best to stop obsessing and try and enjoy the other things about him. eventually you'll get your sanity back and I'm sure that you'll make the right decision for you.

[Shygirl15]

hey a sweeping generalization! on this board? who knew?

 

Chill. Just my opinion. It's okay to think otherwise though..