Threesomes In His Past

[MinusTwo]

I'm sorry if I'm repeating something that has already been said, but I briefly skimmed over the last 6 pages (too much to read through).

 

However, I think you are putting too much of a stigma on threesomes. Just because someone has a threesome does not mean they value sex any less then someone who does not have threesomes.

 

Personally, I was planning on waiting till marriage (weren't we all) and ended up losing my virginity to my ex-girlfriend of 5 years (when I was 18). I did so because I thought I was going to marry her. She cheated on me 3 times during our relationship (that I know of). After we broke up, I was quite upset and ended up having casual sex with different girls to help get over her. One of those times was a threesome. I was very drunk, and don't remember a lot of it, but it did happen. Do I regret? Not really, I was safe, and I'm clean. That phase of my life was very short lived. Now, I only have sex with someone who I'm in a committed relationship with.

 

A lot has to do with his age at the time. I don't think it makes him or myself a worse person for experiencing a threesome. I don't think I'll ever do it again, nor do I have the desire to do so. But I don't regret it.

 

The past is the past. What he has done before he was with you, shouldn't be held against him. Just my 2 cents.

[Grrlish]

Seriously? You have got to be kidding! How does having a threesome permanently stain someone as a polygamist? Tell me, explain that to me? I'm pretty sure you cant, because its not valid. Trust me, having a threesome is not going to taint someone, or prevent someone from being monogamous. That's ignorant.

 

Truth is, if your bf kept that to himself, you would never second guess him or question that about him. He probably has not done anything to deserve the kind of judgments you are placing on him: shame on you.

 

Yes, he should have kept it to himself. I, personally, don't give a rat's butt if someone had a threesome adventure in his younger life. I would think that they're stupid for telling me details of their sex life unless a) I asked and, b) they knew that I was asking out of true interest, not to dig up dirt on him (which I would never do...because as I already said, I really don't need to know the details of a man's sexual past, beyond safety).

 

But I said that I'd be concerned about his interest or ability to be monogamous because he 'acquired' a new girlfriend before he broke things off with a long-term girlfriend, and used a lame/loser/lying excuse for why he cheated on her.

[Grrlish]

I disagree, it is situational.

 

I am not trying to apply a double standard. I just think that unless and until her own boyfriend is willing to open up about his own past, he cannot expect her to open about hers. Her past is not his business if he can't be man enough to open up about his own.

 

It's really not necessary to discuss the details, is it? I mean, beyond discussions of sexual 'safety', what is the point of discussing the details?

 

I mean, yes, I would want to know if my boyfriend was the town slut but I think that I'd know it if he were, without asking him. He's in his early 40s and handsome, and used to travel around the country for work. Chances are, he's done things that I'd prefer not to know about. And chances are that he wouldn't be thrilled about some of my sexual exploits.

[Grrlish]

 

I can't believe I am saying this but I think I may be in love. Like real love. Not the puppy love or misinterpreted infatuation kind. We haven't said it and I think I'd rather wait and get all this resolved before ever saying it though. Who knows? I may not even end up with him if I don't get my emotions in check.

 

WG, hold your horses on these thoughts - especially the 'real love' stuff. You might not wind up with him if you don't get your emotions in check??These are not your emotions. These are your personal morals and beliefs, woman. Threesomes, strip clubs, and lap dances? I'm in the same boat as you are in regard to what I'm cool with, and none of these falls into that category. And you know what? I'm perfectly okay with the fact that these are my beliefs. If I meet a guy who believes differently, well, then he and I are probably not going to get into a long-term relationship, and I'm not going to try and change his mind about these things. Been there, tried it, doesn't work.

 

And as for real love, well, real love includes being on the same page, ethically and morally, because real love means that BOTH people are in love.

 

Maybe some of you are right. This has been killing me since mid-June. I get better and then relapse back into depression and anxiety over this. I can't discuss this with him, I can't discuss this with friends, I am obsessively checking for advice on this thread but still feel like I am disgusted no matter how much mental or emotional progress I make.

 

He's okay with threesomes and considers them a fantasy to share with a partner, I consider them immoral and dirty and was stupid to even suggest trying one to get over it because I feel like I would lose so much self respect. His views on sexuality are really lax. He's okay with strip clubs and lap dances, he says he likes slutty girls (why is he with me?!), he sometimes encourages me to dress a bit more provocative, has no problem with me being intimate with girls even though he and I are in a committed relationship, he cheated in his past and never said "I would never cheat on you." He didn't say threesomes were a phase or just something he wanted to try once..

 

Maybe no matter how amazing I find him or how much fun I have or how much he puts me at ease, his past and views on sexuality will always bother me. And I mean, I'm 21, I can find other guys with a similar moral compass as myself right? Not everyone experiments sexually in college. Not every guy would have two threesomes. Or maybe there are some guys who did and consider it a phase now or something that they have grown past.

 

I am hurting so bad.

 

I'm sorry that you are hurting so bad.

 

But, yes, you will meet men who have not experimented in ways that will make you uncomfortable. And, yes, I know that a lot of men that I knew at your age did things back then and 'got them out of their system'.

 

I'm not going to say that my boyfriend probably doesn't have some sexual fantasy that would make me barf but he's sure never going to ask me to have a threesome or make out with some other woman.

 

I think that there is a lot of pressure these days for young adults to be ridiculously accepting of all things sexual and to assume a non-chalant attitude about sex, in general.

 

Stick to your morals and you will have more self-respect. And you will not convince him to change his, so try not to waste much time on that.

 

Good quotes for you:

 

 

Everything else is secondary

 

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma -- which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

 

-- Steve Jobs

 

 

And:

 

 

Cherish your vision; cherish your ideals; cherish the music that stirs in your heart. The beauty that forms in your mind. The loveliness that drapes your purest thoughts...for, if you remain true to them, your world will at last be built.

 

-- James Allen

[wittygirl09]

I just hate the sick feeling. Every time it involuntarily enters my mind, I get this feeling deep in the pit of my stomach that makes me want to literally throw up. It's affecting every aspect of my life. You would think I would get out of the relationship for purely that reason alone but I just sincerely hope that it passes.

[MinusTwo]

Wittygirl - I'm currently dating someone who is pregnant with someone elses baby. I would gladly trade situations with you just kidding. But what I mean is, there are plenty of more complicated situations then your bf having had a threesome in his past. If you feel you can't get over it, then end it. I think things like this will bother you less as you get older.

[wittygirl09]

I have realized something today. I am dealing with a human. Not a Greek (or Roman for that matter) god. As humans, we have flaws, desires, we make mistakes, we disagree, we conflict in opinions, make poor decisions, are driven by shallow or meaningless motives. I am dating a guy who hasn't made the best decisions in his past. But that is my opinion, not his. And he is entitled to have made them because it all has to do with an intricate web of his upbringing, his desires, his needs, who he was at the time, who he was dating, the circumstances and situations, etc, etc. And yes, I wasn't with him at the time.

 

I'm going to put this all in the past, it would be so stupid to dump someone I care about so much, that I have invested so much time and effort in over something he did before he ever even knew I existed. This entire experience as painful as it was has taught me a lot about myself, him as well as emotions. I have never been so emotional or insecure in a relationship. But it has brought out a new side to me that I kept bottled up for so long. I almost feel like I am commitment phobic or fear things that cannot be answered by logic/rational and since my feelings for him were a threat to my normal thinking patterns, I was outraged by his past as a defense mechanism. i.e. "I can't love/like/care about him. He was a monster in his past."

 

But I am learning to care about him for who he is and not who he was or what I thought he was. And it makes me less intimidated. I have been in physical relationships in my past that are absolutely insignificant and meaningless to me now and it is quite obvious that he feels the same way. So it's something he ever wants to discuss or bring up with me, I am willing to discuss it. But he has had a delicate past and I'm not going to keep questioning it or bringing it up. Pain and anger makes us do things completely out-of-character for us.

 

I have also heard from many people that even the hottest or most taboo casual sex cannot compete with a true emotional, spiritual, and physical connection you have with a person. And that relieves me greatly. I care about him so much.

[AAlike]

I have realized something today. I am dealing with a human. Not a Greek (or Roman for that matter) god.

 

and that's a good thing, cause I went out on a few dates with Aphrodite last summer and man, you wanna talk about a ho! Plus I hear Zeus is a real cheapskate on dates.

 

anyway - I hope that it all works out and whatever you do decide, it seems like you're coming to a position where you can evaluate the relationship logically and that's a good thing. good luck.

[Alibi]

He said he doesn't regret it and that's what bothers me a lot.

 

 

Why would he regret it. At that time in his life he wasnt hurting anyone by doing it. The people who he was with then were ok with it, then so was he. By the way he sounds with his responses to you when you talk about it seems to be genuine, and he wouldnt have done it if he knew he was going to hurt someone he cared about.

 

I understand your how you feel about this. I found out that my H, when he was 21, he's now 34, slept with a stripper after watching her dance that same night. First why he would even be so stupid to tell me is beyond me but second, I was so appalled that someone I thought so highly of could do this. It made me lose respect for him as well. But people do things in life for the experience at that time, who knows, maybe he thought he would be the coolest guy to his friends. With time though, you'll realize that you'll forget about this little incident in his past life compaired to the happy one you guys will have together. After all that is more important right? The way he treats you now and who he is right now.

If I held everything my H did from his younger years to just a few years ago, then I would seriously need to consider medication. *smiles*

[wittygirl09]

I am back in DC. I spent the entire weekend with him plus we still make an effort to talk everyday despite the fact that he just started law school and I am finishing up my senior year of undergrad.

 

The more time I spend with him, the less I care.

 

However, the less I see him/the less time I spend with him, the more it wells up again. However the physical symptoms of feeling naseous, chest pain, etc have been eradicated.

 

Interesting points:

 

His best friend visited over the weekend and I shared how my boyfriend and I will check out girls on the street i.e. "She's a 7." "No she's more of a 9, she has a nice butt, etc." And his friend said that seemed really weird and proceeded to ask if we ever "brought girls home." My boyfriend immediately said "No, we do not do that kind of thing, we would never do that." in a serious and respectful manner and it made me feel like he really respected my wishes etc.

 

However, yesterday when we were leaving a restaurant, I made a comment about how some girl was checking him out and he said "Really? Was she cute? We could have brought her home with us." He said it in a joking manner but I got really quiet and said "That's not funny." and he couldn't figure out why I was so upset. That night when I got home my feelings of disgust, etc welled up again.

 

When I told my friend about it, she asked "Are you sure he was just joking? Maybe threesomes are just his thing." That obviously did not help at all.

[AAlike]

I am back in DC. I spent the entire weekend with him plus we still make an effort to talk everyday despite the fact that he just started law school and I am finishing up my senior year of undergrad.

 

The more time I spend with him, the less I care.

 

However, the less I see him/the less time I spend with him, the more it wells up again. However the physical symptoms of feeling naseous, chest pain, etc have been eradicated.

 

This makes sense - like I said, you are making him into two different people in your head, and spending time with "the good guy" dampens the thoughts of "the bad guy."

 

His best friend visited over the weekend and I shared how my boyfriend and I will check out girls on the street i.e. "She's a 7." "No she's more of a 9, she has a nice butt, etc." And his friend said that seemed really weird and proceeded to ask if we ever "brought girls home." My boyfriend immediately said "No, we do not do that kind of thing, we would never do that." in a serious and respectful manner and it made me feel like he really respected my wishes etc.

 

However, yesterday when we were leaving a restaurant, I made a comment about how some girl was checking him out and he said "Really? Was she cute? We could have brought her home with us." He said it in a joking manner but I got really quiet and said "That's not funny." and he couldn't figure out why I was so upset. That night when I got home my feelings of disgust, etc welled up again.

 

When I told my friend about it, she asked "Are you sure he was just joking? Maybe threesomes are just his thing." That obviously did not help at all.

 

Well, on the one hand, I don't really understand why he persists in making these jokes when he realizes what a huge soft spot this is for you...maybe he's trying to trvialize it or something, I don't know - but you'd think that he'd pretty much try and steer away from even mentioning it as much as possible.

 

HOWEVER - if you guys are really doing things like checking out girls together in a joking type of manner, then the "let's bring her home" joke is kind of a natural follow-up, don't you think? I mean, the checking out girls would seem to make him think that you're not all insecure and are fairly open-minded, etc. etc...maybe you're throwing some mixed signals?

[Hagard]

Have no fear, Hagard is here

 

Hey AAlike, I've found you (remember rottentomatoes)?

 

So i'm just one of those guys who's been in the same situation with a girl that ended up in a few threesomes, lied about it to boot (lied to me about things I would never dare to lie to anybody in my life) and after a long time I was so fed up with the situation, that we had to end the relationship.

 

Yeah the same disgusting feelings, waiting for a miracle to happen to set me free from the worst feelings in my life. Asking about it, pressing her to tell me things..blah blah blah... basicaly just waiting to come to the conlusion that if it even starts causing you trouble in your head it's better to move on....

 

Well I don't really want to be an ass but there's maybe only a 1% chance the feelings will ever go away. I'm sorry that's life and this problem is one of the least solvable things on earth (I've read everything on this, surfed through the entire web to read other stories like this.. maybe one case that has gotten a bit better but I suspect it got worse over time).

 

The rule of thumb for this whole dillema is : "if it starts, it's probably over" the next one "if the "feelings of being sick" do not start, then they can come later" (read about things they came after 10 years of living together and etc) and "if they don't start, maybe they will never come back".

 

As to the problem of a "threesome liking guy, always a threesome liking guy" I've read alooot of stuff about this and just the pure empirical evidence shows that this is true most of the time and people with time will suggest these things again - some people really love threesomes and gangbang that much. For example my friend since elementary school just 1 month ago told me that he woudln't mind having me in a threesome with his girlfriend. Before that he revealed to me that he already had a threesome

in the past and when I looked at him like "Wtf you whore" he told me " Baaah, I was young back then". Well looks like he's still "young" to suggest such thing and I told him some pretty bad things for suggesting a thing I would rather puke my intestines out than participating in it (yuck stuffing a girl with my precious tool after or before he was in there... yuck no thanks really). And no I would never do a threesome with two girls.. I never found it sexy, interesting or anything worth trying.

[Arcanum]

Have no fear, Hagard is here

 

Well I don't really want to be an ass but there's maybe only a 1% chance the feelings will ever go away. I'm sorry that's life and this problem is one of the least solvable things on earth (I've read everything on this, surfed through the entire web to read other stories like this.. maybe one case that has gotten a bit better but I suspect it got worse over time).

 

The rule of thumb for this whole dillema is : "if it starts, it's probably over" the next one "if the "feelings of being sick" do not start, then they can come later" (read about things they came after 10 years of living together and etc) and "if they don't start, maybe they will never come back".

.

 

Well that's really upsetting to hear when people like me are in this sort of situation and very much in love with our partners :(

[wittygirl09]

I wonder if retroactive jealousy does get better with time and age or if it is a direct reflection of a person's comfort zone/limits/values.

[dogtown]

Didn´t read all, so apoligies if I´m repeating.

 

Passing judgement over cyber space is difficult, but there is something that irks me about this guy. He played himself off initially as the innocent-I-don´t-talk-to-girls type and then this threesome stuff comes out later. Those two don´t add up at all and it makes me wonder if he figured out quickly the type of guy that you like and played up that image early on. Second, grading pedestrians is never a good thing with your significant other...it NEVER leads to anything good. I will respectfully disagree with AA here and say that if you do rate others then you better know not to take it to the next level by making comments like, ¨maybe we should bring her home?¨ Saying stuff like that would be the natural progression for the common idiot, not a classy guy. Especially, when you know that your SO is having a difficult time with the issue.

 

 

Would anyone here date an ex-murderer or ex-rapist? I think it is safe to say that we would all draw the line there. Then again, this is stuff in the past, right? That´s not them anymore, right? I don´t want compare rapists with threesomes (haha) but it does highlight the fact that a persons past does affect the way we think about them. For people to say things like, ¨it happened in the past, so forget about it¨ or ¨the past is the past¨ borders on the ridiculous. If we took that mentality in the work place or in international affairs we would cease to exist as humans. For some, threesome might be totally ok, for others it´s not acceptable...and that is OK. Where you choose to draw the line is your choice. It might take you a few relationships to figure out what you deem acceptable, because in every relationship you are going to have to figure out what really disturbs you and what really gets you going.

 

I´ve been through a similar situation and I am of the camp that things like this, can in many cases, be an indication of some bigger issues. I don´t know how long you´ve been with this guy, but if it is less than a year then you still have a lot to learn about him.

[Hagard]

I wonder if retroactive jealousy does get better with time and age or if it is a direct reflection of a person's comfort zone/limits/values.

 

Well with time you're able to supress it better. But it will never ever fade into non-existence. Everytime you'll think about it you'll feel pretty pretty bad and you might even have the "doubt" factor (which many many people have.. there's alot of stories which pass the 10 or even 20 year mark from which you can learn).

 

Dogtown : You said something about Aalike. Well he wrote me some private messages in late february this year and the problem seemed to be killing him pretty bad (just quoting, really... sorry AAlike.. we're here to learn and analyze.. aren't we?). The one thing I've seen with these things is that people like to say that they no longer are so destroyed from it but they are still pretty sick of it in reality. It's a sort of self-lie which even actually prevents people from making the "trade-off" (remember Aalike)?? I'm not saying AAlike is like this, but all those rationalisations and contradictory things he has wrote (I took a little look on his posting here) smell damn fishy.

[wittygirl09]

Just a random question:

 

For anyone who has ever been in my position or currently still is: what bothered you so much specifically about your SO having participated in threesomes in their past? Did the type of threesome specifically bother you (MFM or MFF?) Was it values? Loss of respect? Disgust with the act? The mental image of them doing it?

 

Just curious.

[Trialbyfire]

wittygirl, I'm surprised you're still focused on the threesome v. the far more important aspect of his passive-aggressive actions of cheating and his lack of remorse, victim-blaming attitude towards his ex. I wouldn't doubt she was a piece of work but no one can stop anyone from exiting a relationship.

[AAlike]

Dogtown : You said something about Aalike. Well he wrote me some private messages in late february this year and the problem seemed to be killing him pretty bad (just quoting, really... sorry AAlike.. we're here to learn and analyze.. aren't we?). The one thing I've seen with these things is that people like to say that they no longer are so destroyed from it but they are still pretty sick of it in reality. It's a sort of self-lie which even actually prevents people from making the "trade-off" (remember Aalike)?? I'm not saying AAlike is like this, but all those rationalisations and contradictory things he has wrote (I took a little look on his posting here) smell damn fishy.

 

OK so let me get this straight. Are you trying to "call me out" or something?

 

Anyway, yeah, when I was in the same desparate mode as OP, I found a post by this dude on another forum that said that he had gotten over the exact same situation, so I sent him something hoping that he could help me out or let me know what it was that "cured" him so to speak (this was back when I thought that there was some magic answer that would fix everything). He basically told me that he ended up finding out a bunch of other stuff that his former GF had lied about and it ended everything, which is understandable - and it seemed like he hadn't really gotten over the problem prior to that, so I was barking up the wrong tree.

 

So I'm not sure why he would want to show up six months later and imply that I'm pulling the wool over my own eyes instead of encouraging me and/or congratulating me...unless he's still bitter over his own ex or something.

[dogtown]

Dogtown : You said something about Aalike. Well he wrote me some private messages in late february this year and the problem seemed to be killing him pretty bad (just quoting, really... sorry AAlike.. we're here to learn and analyze.. aren't we?). The one thing I've seen with these things is that people like to say that they no longer are so destroyed from it but they are still pretty sick of it in reality. It's a sort of self-lie which even actually prevents people from making the "trade-off" (remember Aalike)?? I'm not saying AAlike is like this, but all those rationalisations and contradictory things he has wrote (I took a little look on his posting here) smell damn fishy.

 

Uh, yeah, I mentioned AA, but it had nothing to do with the tirade you just went on...which really doesn't even make much sense even after I re-read it a couple of times anyways.

 

Moreover, sharing exchanges in PM is lame as well.

[wittygirl09]

Everyone should stop attacking one another. Despite the similarities in the issues, we're dealing with entirely different individuals with different beliefs and varying circumstances. Just because one person can't get over it doesn't someone else can't either.

 

That being said, I am getting awfully close to raising my white flag.

[Hagard]

Chillout everyone.

 

Aalike : This is not an attack. As I said we're here to help ourselves but I can't help but to see you were quite contradictory (quite a bulletproof fact) by the time you've sent me the pm on the rottentomatoes (in comparison to your posts here just short time after the "pm" at tomatoes). That doesn't mean you're not ok at this moment. So I congratulate you if it's ok (if it's not... well that's your own problem.. you woudln't be the last or the first one to contradict himself when it gets to these issues).

Sometimes when you try to help people (Aalike this is not just about you.. many other people having these problems surf the web) if they need to be helped you can't sugarcoat things.

 

When it comes who gets over it.. the statistics are very very bad when it comes to persons who start having this problem. I'm not optimistic nor pesimistic.. i'm what you call "realistic". It really takes a different approach to life to stop having these problems. Some people are really immune to even the wildest sexual orgy pasts but the mayority is not really.

 

I wish Wittygirl all the power to make the best decision for her life.

[AAlike]

Chillout everyone.

 

Aalike : This is not an attack. As I said we're here to help ourselves but I can't help but to see you were quite contradictory (quite a bulletproof fact) by the time you've sent me the pm on the rottentomatoes (in comparison to your posts here just short time after the "pm" at tomatoes). That doesn't mean you're not ok at this moment. So I congratulate you if it's ok (if it's not... well that's your own problem.. you woudln't be the last or the first one to contradict himself when it gets to these issues).

 

my message to you was certainly more direct as, like I pointed out, I was thinking you could just give me a one-word answer and poof it would be gone like you had written in your initial post.

 

Some of my messages written on here during that time were me trying to reason through the problem myself, so perhaps that's why they seem in constrast to what I was feeling at the time, I don't know...but I certainly never wrote anything that wasn't authentic.

 

Sometimes when you try to help people (Aalike this is not just about you.. many other people having these problems surf the web) if they need to be helped you can't sugarcoat things.

 

When it comes who gets over it.. the statistics are very very bad when it comes to persons who start having this problem. I'm not optimistic nor pesimistic.. i'm what you call "realistic". It really takes a different approach to life to stop having these problems.

 

I agree that you can't sugar coat things, but I don't see how citing a low success rate is any more "helpful" - that's like hosting an NA meeting and starting it out with "well, most of you probably aren't gonna kick this habit, just so you know".

[XNemesisX]

I can really relate to the OP.

 

My ex had a MMF threesome before me and it made me feel so repulsed, sad, angry, and helpless. Unfortunately, the awful emotions never went away and eventually it played a role in the demise of the relationship. I'm not sure that a feeling like this can suddenly go away when strong feelings are involved. For the people that it doesn't bother: you are a better person than me.

 

The threesome was with his girlfriend at the time and his 1st cousin which made it even more disgusting to me. It was even weirder when I had to hang out with him and his cousin, visualizing what they did

 

I consider myself a pretty liberal person and do not judge anyone for doing things like that, UNLESS it is my SO! That may not be fair, but I can't seem to help it or control it. It's more of a jealousy thing than a moral dilemma. It makes me feel incredibly insecure and zaps me of my happiness when the mental images set in.

 

In fact, I would say that retroactive jealousy issues are on my mind more often than not. It is so bad that I often question whether the benefits of a relationship outweigh the cons - which is mostly comprised of retroactive jealousy (for me anyway). I can't believe there are so many other people with this problem too.

 

However, with my latest boyfriend I have a different reason for retroactive jealousy: I have actually witnessed him having sex with his ex-girlfriend before we started dating. He was friends with my ex-boyfriend and I accidentally walked in on them having sex. They didn't know I saw them. I actually would rather take the situation of dealing with the threesome rather than dealing with the mental image of my current partner having sex with someone else. Even if it was in the past, the image haunts me. It is not an imaginary image, I actually saw it I'm suffering from it.

 

I honestly doubt you will suddenly "be cool" with your boyfriends past and it will suddenly all be okay. You may have to accept that you will have these feelings and learn to live with it or move on. I don't understand why guys feel the need to give these details. Ignorance really is bliss.

[AAlike]

 

However, with my latest boyfriend I have a different reason for retroactive jealousy: I have actually witnessed him having sex with his ex-girlfriend before we started dating. He was friends with my ex-boyfriend and I accidentally walked in on them having sex. They didn't know I saw them. I actually would rather take the situation of dealing with the threesome rather than dealing with the mental image of my current partner having sex with someone else. Even if it was in the past, the image haunts me. It is not an imaginary image, I actually saw it I'm suffering from it.

 

 

so you saw this before you started dating him, and then entered a relationship with him, and are now jealous over it??