Byren Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 Ok, I'm gonna try and condense this down into a nutshell... it'll be a pretty big nut though I think... So, I've had feelings for a friend since I met her about 2 1/2 years ago and nothing had ever really come out of it in that time. We briefly went out following a drunken kiss, but that was about it. After this my feelings for her grew, but were ultimately wasted. In January these feelings for my friend were ebbing and through chance I met a new girl. She was beautiful, smart and talented and, me being desperate for someone, I was instantly swept away. We dated until April. It turned out that she still had feelings for her ex and is also going off to uni in september so didn't feel that it was fair to me to keep things going. I was pretty devistated, but my friend was, as she's always been, there for me. She helped me through the horrible break-up process and listened to my problems and such. I'd never seen her more as a friend as I had then. So, fast forward 3 or so months and we're closer than ever. Little over a month ago I was telling people that I could never see us as more than friends... One night while very drunk we were just chilling out and watching films on my bed... it reached about 3am and we'd both fallen asleep mid-film. When I awoke to adjust myself into a more comfortable position she also shifted her body to her side and edged a little closer to me. Eventually, slowly, we started to kiss. After a while we spoke and she revealed that she'd always had feelings for me. She went on to say that I'm so different from all of the other guys who endlessly flirt with her and that she's never had so much rapport and happy banter with anyone like she has with me. However, she rightfully suggested that things could be complicated since we now live in the same house together with 4 others (one of whom asked her out a few weeks ago and is another good friend of mine) Now, what I consider to be the REAL problem... Since then I've slept in her bed twice (no sex, but lots of caressing, kissing etc...) so these weren't just drunken ramblings... we even discussed how exciting it could be trying to keep us secret from other people. Anyway, at the begginning of this whole thing I still had feelings for the other girl, but they've mostly subsided so I can try and have feelings for my friend which, to be fair, have always been under the surface. HOWEVER... the feelings somehow don't feel as strong now, like it's one of those "you want what you can't have" kind of things. I've really wanted to be with this girl for so long, though she's probably the best friend I have and I don't want to screw it up... perhaps this is why my mind's contorting things? Can people in my situation have a realtionship together? She's beautiful, funny, smart and knows all of my ins and outs, like I know hers. There's nothing I don't like about her, and if there were I'm sure I'd accept it anyway. Why the hell am I having second thoughts on this?! =( Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 Aren't you a little worried that she suggested how much fun it would be hiding it from everyone in the house? Wouldn't you want the relationship public knowledge? I'm not one of those people who think the best relationships come out of being friends first (even though you once had a little thing). It's like you already had the best part of a relationship, the getting to know each other, already. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Byren Posted August 16, 2008 Author Share Posted August 16, 2008 It was me that actually mentioned how keeping it under the covers could be exciting, she just happened to react quite well to it. Also, I should have explained a little better... The only reason we'd keep it under wraps for a while would be to suss out how the other guy feels (my friend that asked her out), since things could become awkward if he were upset by the situation. When he asked her out she simply didn't want to get into a relationship with him, but to save his feelings she told him that she was worried that it was living in the same house that could make things difficult... which I guess in turn has made things difficult between her and me since it'd be very hypocritical of her to go out with me. The guy seems to have a new girlfriend every other month so she feels she's just a bit of meat in his eyes... I understnad what you mean about the getting to know each other part, but I'm still learning little things about her and I love spending time with her...I'm just a little worried as to why I don't feel quite as passionately for her as I did a few weeks ago. Link to post Share on other sites
paddington bear Posted August 16, 2008 Share Posted August 16, 2008 The expectation is gone, the thrill of the chase is gone. She revealed she had feelings, you know she's yours if you want her. With little effort on your part you've 'won' her and that might feel a little anti-climactic. According to the whole Mars Venus theory you are behaving like a typical man, knowing what you want, then having doubts, then bouncing back and so on. Maybe you need to tell her that while it's all lovely that you need a little time to adjust and for her not to worry... The problem with your housemate who asked her out can simply be solved by her saying 'I know I said it would be awkward as we live together, and I meant that, but also was trying to be kind, me and 'Byren' realised we have something special and so we're going to go for it' and so on. I think the fact that you suggested that you keep it a secret due to the housemate problem, is not just that, maybe just maybe it's a symptom of your indecision, that you deep down don't want to announce anything to the world until you're sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Byren Posted August 23, 2008 Author Share Posted August 23, 2008 You're totally right, paddington, in fact what you said reminds me of a story that explains this perfectly... There’s a Twilight Zone about a gambler who dies, and winds up in an ethereal casino. He starts playing, and he’s winning every time, and he’s sayin’ ‘Alright! I made it to heaven!’ Then time keeps on passing, and he keeps winning and winning and never losing… until he realizes ‘Sh*t, I’m actually in hell.’ Basically people don't just want things dropped in their laps, it takes away the worth of said thing... however, I don't seem to be thinking like that about her anymore. Since I originally posted this thread I've become more emotionally charged towards her than ever before, I think it all kinda clicked when she went away with her her dad last weekend and i realised how badly I missed her, even though it was just for 3 days! Apparantly she felt the same, while lying next to her she said: "is it wrong that I missed you this weekend?" Last night she also asked me if she could be my first (still a virgin at 21, woo!) and I told her that i'd love for her to be, but perhaps once we have this all sorted out properly. I was very indesicive about this whole thing, and there's still a little twinge that that's telling me not to go any further and risk screwing up what we have... But that's all, I'd be more than happy to let the world know that we're involed with each other =) Link to post Share on other sites
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