Am I just wasting my time?

[4dviceJunki3]

Hey there fellow board members! =)

 

It's funny but I thought I would never be posting asking for advice given that I prefer to be giving the advice all the time but I'm need of help for making a decision that I cannot seem to make.

 

Here is the story **WARNING** LONG STORY **WARNING**

 

(But please cause I need your help)

 

About one month ago, a friend of mine at work, set me up on a date with one of his girlfriend's friends. The four of us went out and had an awesome time; we totally clicked. Later on that night, I ended up having to follow her home because she had to drop off the company car which she had but she still wanted to hang out, so anyways, I followed her home, dropped it off, came back to my friends and hung out more. She was asking me all sorts of personal questions. I've been on dates before so I know when the questions become just a wee-bit personal like family and stuff, that usually is a sign of interest.

 

So anyways, I ended up going home that night and the very next morning, she wanted all of us go to have breakfast; so we did. Since I had dropped off the car last night and brought her back to her friends house and she spent the night, I ended up having to drive her home in the morning after breakfast again. So I did and we talked more on the way there.

 

We started the whole kissing deal and I spent the night I had her house a few times already but didn't make an attempt for ANYTHING. This started about 2 weeks ago and everything was going fine after that. Well, everything was fine but what I did not mention is that she still has, as so she says, "VERY MINOR feelings for her ex" that she says she wants to completely get over so that way she can pursue a serious relationship. We both want a serious relationship and we both understand that but she's kind of holding off because of her "minor" feelings; I on the other hand am ready for settling down and she knows that.

 

Anyways, recently we came to a mutual agreement to sort of take a step back from "us" until she finds out what she wants for herself. Well, I found out (cannot say exactly how but it doesn't matter), that she is sort of talking to another guy as well. When I confronted her about it asking all casually acting as if I didn't know but was interested to know if there was someone else, she completely lied to me and said NO!

 

Now, ever since then, I've backed off a bit but something about this girl fascinates me and I know it's only been a month and I don't have any actual feelings for her but I don't like the fact that she's keeping me in the dark. I mean, what am I to do? Wait for her to get over her feelings? This guy she's dating doesn't really come around that often. It's more of an online long-distance "hey babe" sort of relationship.

 

Recently I couldn't concentrate at work because it bugged the heck out of me knowing that she had lied to my face but it made me wonder, did she lie to me because she didn't want to scare me away because she actually wants something to happen with us? Is she scared that if she told me that she was dating someone else that I would say, okay then I won't step on your toes, maybe some other time? The reason why I think this is because I ended up texting her while at work and just really went all out saying that "I have a very bad gut feeling that you are dating someone else, PLEASE TELL ME and DON'T LIE TO MY FACE". I'm generally a very nice guy and would never do anything to hurt anyone and I really don't deserve to be lied to and she KNOWS that.

 

Anyways, she was at work too and I sent the text, I didn't look at my phone for a bit but when I did, I had 15 text msgs from her explaining her entire story. Let me put majority of the stuff she said to me:

 

She said:

"my ex is the biggest **** holding me back. Why do you think I'm all screwed in the head. Me having somewhat contact with him drives me crazy. I have learned the hard way and there are times when someone has the right to know things and there are times when they don't. I'm really sorry for any complications and I mean it from the bottom of my heart..I don't want to bring you down with my chaos. All i need is to figure out my **** and get it straight. I don't wanna start anything and have doubts and drama. Maybe you should just forget about me..LOL just kidding..you're not crazy and no you didn't screw up any chances with me. In fact, I'm the one who is screwing it for myself. Don't think you're a psycho please, because I dated one and it lead to this. Sometimes we as people have instincts (like the one you're having about me dating someone else) and it's okay. When we first met, I was not expecting anything..i just thought hey why not hangout..yes i was talking to someone at the time we met but you know who that was (her ex)..i brought it upon myself in hurting myself. when we started to hangout more i was like wow, I so deserve better and i think i have..but that is the question that lingers in my mind..i told my ex i could no longer continue this non-sense and i need to move on..nothing good is coming out of this nor would it ever be close to what we had..people come in and out of our lives for a reason...now there is a reason why you crossed mine..but i will soon know within time..YOU are the most amazing person i've ever met and someone like that, I see myself settling down, getting married and having a family with..but if I want to pursue that, I need to help myself before I can take those steps. I am no longer speaking to my ex and I have completed blocked him out and now i need to get rid of things that remind me of him and move on from there..****..now i'm cryingg"

 

that's what she had texted me after I said my instincts tell me that there is someone else in your life...i feel bad for her because she has lost both her parents and she needs a man in her life that could be there for her and i feel like i'm the perfect person for this; i trust myself with this. She's beautiful, and has such an awesome personality but the fact that she won't tell me the truth about talking with someone else..ahh..it kills me! I have never felt this way about a girl before because I'm usually the one to take it slow but something about her...ahh man..!

 

I don't know what to do, any suggestions? I'm open to all comments. Good or bad! =) Thanks a lot everyone for your efforts!

[Suiyobi]

We'll never really know what's going on with this girl, so then (giving her the benefit of the doubt) at this moment trying to pursue a romantic relationship with her might not be a good idea for the both of you, especially for her. If you care about her, you should allow her to sort out her life.

[4dviceJunki3]

Well guess what, just yesterday I had a talk with her and ended things.

 

I realized that there was someone else in her life, as well as her feelings for her ex. To me, this is a red flag so I just told her that I'll make it easier on her and i'll completely step out of her life. She needs time to figure things out for herself and I don't want to be one person to be there to create confusion in making a decision.

 

It hurts but I had to do what I had to do in order to prevent any problems in the future. If I tried to fight for her in the future, god knows who would have end up getting hurt; either her or myself. These are, I guess, some of the obstacles we have to deal with in life. The decisions we make will alter our future whether it is for the better or for worst; to me, it seems like it was for the better of our own.

 

She keeps texting me apologizing I don't know for what but I keep letting her know that she should not bring herself down and make it seem like it is her fault. We both played a big part in this entire situation and that we should look at it positively. There is a reason why someone would cross into your life; I guess she came into mine to make me realize that I may be overly-prepared (if there is such a thing) for a serious relationship. I may be a little high on the pedistal of relationships and maybe should consider coming down a bit so that I can see eye-to-eye with girls that I meet.

 

Anyways, thank you everyone for your support; remember that if you ever need advice or someone to talk to about anything, feel free to hit me up! =)