yes Posted August 10, 2003 Share Posted August 10, 2003 Anybody else out there feel like they cannot find a place where they don't feel like an outsider? I can find many places that accept me, including me being different, but I can't really find any place (group, subculture, whatever) where i don't feel foreign. There're many subcultures I like & enjoy learning about them, but they're still not "in me". So in the end... i guess i simply feel lonely. Probably nothing wrong with that... but to be honest, i envy these couples or close friends who seem to be "made of the same stuff" - they have similar backgrounds, similar reactions to things, and even if they disagree they can easily relate to how the other one feels... On a totally different note, which however doesn't deserve it's own post, - how do you deal with being irritated? when i'm in a bad mood, i get irritated easily & am often not-so-nice to people, which makes me feel even worse b/c i know i'm taking out on them smth that's not their fault... just reflecting, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
longlegzs80 Posted August 10, 2003 Share Posted August 10, 2003 I never fit in anywhere. When I used to go out, I would never fit in with the club scene. Another thing I feel very much like an outsider is my second job. I will be working in retail and I don't fit in there at all. FAshion is something I like but I don't know anything about it. But anyways, I can relate. I guess that is why I don't go out anymore. It is very lonely and that is what I am dealing with now. I have to agree that it is very depressing and is really sad to live like this. Being an outsider, not doing stuff that you might enjoy because you feel like you don't fit in or you just don't fit in. AS I said, I guess the only way I deal with that is not doing anything and living in my own little hole. It is really sad. I hate it and I can imagine that you do too. What are you going to do about it though? How do you overcome this problem of thinking your an outsider? As far as you always being irritated, I can agree with that too. I notice it alot on the road and that is where my anger and irritation is. But I find that I have always been irratated and angry, and I cover it up by eatting and bottling up my feelings. I know I am not helping you out, gee can I be more positive? But this is what I do. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 10, 2003 Share Posted August 10, 2003 I came to this forum early on because I had the opposite of your problem. I was never, ever irritated. Now, it's no problem reading certain posts and getting irritated as hell. As far as not feeling a part of anything, I think many people feel that way. They drink alcohol to drown out those feelings of alienation and loneliness but it only makes it all worse. Actually, it's only when you really get in touch with what you are feeling, the aloneness, that you can link with other people in a meaningful way. Don't be alarmed by your feelings and don't expect that any other person, place or thing can help you. You are one of the unfortunate or fortunate (I don't know which) people who has learned to face the reality that, at the close of the day, we are all alone. And when we die, we are in that box all by ourselves...forever. To the extent that you can be comfortable with yourself and love yourself is the extent that you will not feel so alienated. Have patience. You will attract others just like you to yourself as soon as you get comfortable with your feelings and not look for ways of escaping them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted August 10, 2003 Author Share Posted August 10, 2003 But what about these people who truly don't seem lonely? Are they simply happily kidding themselves into it? Those couples who know what the other one is thinking just by exchanging a glance, these friends who sense the others' condition without words?... Is all that their (and my) illusion? -yes PS Mild irritation is healthy, I believe. So congrats on coming out of your no-irritation-ever state. PPS to LongLegs: The way i deal with it is still get out and do things (except for RLLY crappy days - no point in being a sad donkey in public), even if sometimes uncomfortable. Sometimes, i feel like an outsider and try to leave, and at that very moment, the people around me pull me back in, and make me feel that i fit into the whole, after all! Talking to people also helps... sometimes a drink helps... sometimes working hard... sometimes some exercise... sometimes a good night's sleep is enough! I have an arsenal of things to pull me through my recurrent depressive periods, but I don't want to accept living like this my whole life - I'd like to make my depressive periods WAY less frequent - which is why I ask questions like the above. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 10, 2003 Share Posted August 10, 2003 YOU ASK: "But what about these people who truly don't seem lonely?" How do you know how other people feel??? Feelings, emotions are never constant. We don't constantly feel love, we don't constantly feel anger, fear, jealousy, loneliness, boredom...or anything else. Every person in the world feels a variety of emotions at different times. Most everybody gets lonely sometimes. It's just the human conditon. Nothing you can do about it. If somebody doesn't seem lonely to you, you obviously caught them at a time when they don't. That's OK. Best think is to stop being concerned about other people...you'll never succeed on knowing how other people are feeling at all times...impossible. Get a handle on yourself and aim to be a content as you can possibly be. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted August 10, 2003 Share Posted August 10, 2003 Anybody else out there feel like they cannot find a place where they don't feel like an outsider? Often. Especially when, as now, I have just moved to a city and don't know a lot of people. Places I go, friendships and groups are already established so truly I am an outsider. I also find it hard to find people who are interested in philosophy and in discussing some of life's deeper issues. I sometimes feel very much alone in wanting to relate to people with similar interests because there aren't many of them. how do you deal with being irritated? I try to keep my lip zipped. I try to remain aware if PMS or hunger might be affecting me. If the former, I take extra B6, if the latter, I try to get food into myself ASAP. But what about these people who truly don't seem lonely? Are they simply happily kidding themselves into it? I think a lot of people avoid introspection. They may have feeings of being unsatisfied but they haven't nailed down the reason. Link to post Share on other sites
BlockHead Posted August 14, 2003 Share Posted August 14, 2003 I understand how you feel. I have always felt like an outsider. In fact, I've been one my whole life. My dad knows my distant relatives better than me. I've been trying to figure that out for a long time. The best explanation that I could come up with it is that I have a personality radically different from most people, and these are just a few examples. Most people seem to 1. love things that feed their senses like new food, new clothes, new watch, etc. 2. enjoy sharing their experiences with each other no matter how trivial they may seem (smalltalk). 3. value conformity Most people seem to dislike 1. abstract ideas or theories 2. deep, almost meditative thought If you are anything like me, then you value what most people dislike, and you may dislike what they value. A lot of them seem to value conformity, and they will sometimes enforce it. It is a very different way of thinking. Personally, I think if you have a least one close friend, that is better than having a dozen acquaintances. Link to post Share on other sites
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