Gunny376 Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 There is no need to be in a relationship. Only want. That's the problem. Your want doesn't outweigh your fear or reluctance. When people are hurt, they sometimes prefer being alone over risking their heart and mental sanity for another. I don't want to be like that. I can be content alone or with someone. Can you? I've not been married for eighteen years, nor in a serious long term relationship for ten ~ BY CHOICE. Not because I'm afraid of committment ~ just been working on myself, my life, my happiness ~ all of those things that must come before finding happiness with someone else. If and when I get back into the "love" dating/mating game ~ I want to do so because I "want them becuase I love them ~ not because I love them because I need them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrustInYourself Posted August 19, 2008 Author Share Posted August 19, 2008 I've not been married for eighteen years, nor in a serious long term relationship for ten ~ BY CHOICE. Not because I'm afraid of committment ~ just been working on myself, my life, my happiness ~ all of those things that must come before finding happiness with someone else. If and when I get back into the "love" dating/mating game ~ I want to do so because I "want them becuase I love them ~ not because I love them because I need them. Actually taking a chance on someone comes before love, need, or want. Are you willing to take a chance? Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 I'm confused since there doesn't seem to be an expert where I am headed. Uh, yeah there is...YOU are your heart's expert. You need only trust in your Self. You will feel what is right, when it is right. But if you meant someone who's written a book about forgiveness, another LSer had posted about 'Forgiveness: A Bold Choice For a Peaceful Heart' by Robing Casarjian. I've only read excerpts, but seems like it may be worthwhile. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrustInYourself Posted August 19, 2008 Author Share Posted August 19, 2008 Uh, yeah there is...YOU are your heart's expert. You need only trust in your Self. You will feel what is right, when it is right. But if you meant someone who's written a book about forgiveness, another LSer had posted about 'Forgiveness: A Bold Choice For a Peaceful Heart' by Robing Casarjian. I've only read excerpts, but seems like it may be worthwhile. I surmised this as well. Thanks for the suggestion. I blaze trails daily. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrustInYourself Posted August 22, 2008 Author Share Posted August 22, 2008 My heart says to stop trying. Isn't that sad. I don't want her to hate me 5 or 10 years down the line. I want her to be happy. I'm willing to let go. edit. Rollercoaster emotions. I want to have a talk with her tonight about this situation. I'm not sure she's committed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrustInYourself Posted August 23, 2008 Author Share Posted August 23, 2008 I had my talk. She's committed. It was rough to talk with her at first, but I didn't go into this thinking this was going to be easy. I'm rushing things, so now I'm going to try and chill out a bit more. The night and the day after was pretty chill. We laughed, had some sweet funny moments. Enjoyed each others' company. She went to a friend's BBQ today and I'm here doing yard work, getting a tan, and lifting weights. Haha. Isn't that cool? Link to post Share on other sites
HeatherAngel Posted August 23, 2008 Share Posted August 23, 2008 Very Cool Indeed, my friend. VERY COOL INDEED. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Leon Posted August 24, 2008 Share Posted August 24, 2008 Keep up the good work. I'm sure it's hard trying to keep a straight head during all of this...but take it slow and have patience. There is no rush. Keep us updated and PMA (positive mental attitude). Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrustInYourself Posted August 25, 2008 Author Share Posted August 25, 2008 I'm freaking out. We are talking about buying houses, having more kids, moving to a new city, etc. I'm scared at how fast things have changed. It's exciting but scary. It's hard to imagine a month ago we were still considering divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
SingleDad Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 Wow - that is exciting and scary... even thinking about your ambivilance just weeks ago... great things are working out fantastically... I would still remain cautious and take things more slowly... move might be good idea - but I'd wait a year to two before having another child to be sure things stick. Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 Wow - that is exciting and scary... even thinking about your ambivilance just weeks ago... great things are working out fantastically... I would still remain cautious and take things more slowly... move might be good idea - but I'd wait a year to two before having another child to be sure things stick. I agree, do not have a child to save a marriage. Be confident it is a healthy marriage again before even considering it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrustInYourself Posted August 25, 2008 Author Share Posted August 25, 2008 We're not going to have a child, but the conversation has come up recently. I'm pretty sure we are on the right track. We are just going full steam ahead. I feel this urge to run to my man-cave! We have a counseling session tommorrow. I'm not sure how that's going to go. I'm fairly sure it will go okay because I've said everything I wanted to her already. Now she will probably just talk about her issues. Who knows. Link to post Share on other sites
nowhereman82 Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Slow it down bro If this is forever then no reason to rush. Do you feel that she is putting everything on the line and openly communicating? Does she know what it is that she wants? What she doesn't want? Has she made any personal changes? Are you ready to call her out on her bull**** or if she starts sliding again? Can you trust her to do the same? Can you do this in a manner that doesn't put the other on the defensive? Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Actually taking a chance on someone comes before love, need, or want. Are you willing to take a chance? Gunny is trying to help you. Why are you questionning his motives? If you don't like his advice, let it be. Gunny is good peeps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrustInYourself Posted August 29, 2008 Author Share Posted August 29, 2008 Gunny is trying to help you. Why are you questionning his motives? If you don't like his advice, let it be. Gunny is good peeps. My thread. Get off me, Luke Perry. Link to post Share on other sites
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