Joe22 Posted August 10, 2003 Share Posted August 10, 2003 How does a person go about finding the courage to just be themselves and just being able to say no and not worry if that upsets the person? Here's some details as to why. My whole life I've always been the type of person that if someone asks me to do something, more often than not I will say yes even though I want to do the opposite. I do so because I have this fear of upsetting them or making it seem as though I'm befriending them. It's almost like in my mind and heart I feel it's wrong to say no. For example, there is this person that her and I use to be the best of friends when was was younger after we met like 8 years ago. Things change since then, I'm now 23 and she's married with a kid. I still talk to her and such and her husband is a great guy and all, but what interests them doesn't interest me all the time. I'm more of a person that likes to be to myself most of the time, not because I'm depressed but because at the age of 23 I am more mature than most and I'm not longer into partying and drinking and what not. I enjoy working with my computer and such. But you know, being the best friends her and I once were and still being friends either she or her husband will invite me to do things with them. Like every now and then they like going to the lake to go jet skiing, I use to go to the lake with my dad every single weekend for like 13 years of my life during the summer. I no longer enjoy going to the lake, or swimming. I went once with them, but a while back they asked me again and I told her husband yes.. but I bailed out using my shoulder being extremely sore as an excuse to not go. They will both a lot of times ask me if I want to come over and drink beer with them. 99% of the time I say yes, because I feel if I say no it'll hurt her feelings and make her think I want nothing to do with her. But now it's to the point I'm blowing her off. Well that and plus they do not have a phone so it's impossible to get ahold of her. But like last week she asked me if I'd start walking with her, not a big deal and all but 1) I already have a walking routine which I got for exactly 1 hour every night at 10 and B) she wanted to do it at 8 every night. The thing is, I work for 8 hours and I get home at 5 so I really do not want to go walking that early and I don't like to interrupt my routine. My thing is I'm getting to the point I'm tired of saying nothing but yes to people. Yes this, yes that, yes I'll do this and that. But on the other hand I cannot bring myself to say no, to me it sounds wrong coming out of my mouth. I'm to the point that I'm tired of being this person that says yes to please other people. How do I take something that is negitave, such as the word no, and turn it into a positive thing? How do I get it out of my head that if someone says "why not come over and drink beer with us" that me saying "no" is ok? I need advice. My thing is, I want to start learning that it's ok to stick up for myself and defend myself. My whole life I've let people walk all over me, in a way that makes me look weak.. very weak. So now I'm trying to work on stopping that, to say "hey, I'm nice but I'll be damn if you walk all over me". Advice please. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 10, 2003 Share Posted August 10, 2003 I could spend a lot of time in discussion but I'm simply going to send you here for your first lesson ----> http://www.counsel.ufl.edu/selfHelp/sayNo.asp This is a problem a lot of people have at some point in their lives. The are people pleasers who screw themselves in the act of making others happy. What they don't realize is that the people they make happy won't even be around in a week, a month or a year....nowhere to be found. If you aren't going to look out for yourself and do what YOU want to do, nobody's going to do it for you. You're just going to have to learn some very kind and discrete ways of telling people to kiss your butt! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts