LoveLace Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 I'm posting this here because it doesn't exactly fit under "dating"... I've talked about the musician I"ve known for years and recently found out he's single; and he's a great catch; anyway he said for me to come to a show and say hi, get a drink together. So I took a couple of friends with me and we did just that. He sat next to me for every single break he had and we talked up a storm. My friends said that even while he was playing that he kept looking at me all night. I also made eye contact with him a few times. Anyway when leaving we hugged, I kissed his cheek, and he looked at me and said "ya know, that one shot wasn't enough"...well like an idiot I just said "Well we'll make up for that!", patted his hand and walked out (we were being rushed out becuz of closing time)... But what was I supposed to say to that? My friends said he was definitely trying to pave towards seeing me again, and I believe that too. I think he has a pretty hard time dating because his lifestyle requires working 6 out of 7 nights a week. Anyway, I just don't know what he meant by that really, because the bar closing, therefore he wasn't suggesting we do another shot right then. We don't have each others phone #'s. I didn't want to throw that at him without being asked. We are friends on my space. I just wonder, from a guy's stand point if possible, what the heck happened there? I know, its such a petty little thing to wonder about. But my friends said "he was soo into you"; well if that's true I guess only time will tell. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 Well, As a girl I can say that the guy was just looking for fans and admiration of his showmanship. And then being a pest with his: ya know, that one shot wasn't enough... You know how they throw those little things at you like they give a sht. I mean, why would he ask "you" to go to his show? He should be asking you on a date or for your phone number at the very least. Nah, that sucked. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 Who knows what that 'one shot meant'? It was an ambiguous comment and you aren't responsible for his not asking you out. He can use myspace to get a hold of you if he wants to. I advise you let him do the next move. Don't make excuses to get in contact with him. The chase is on. But, on another line, do you really want to get involved with a guy who has that kind of a schedule/lifestyle? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted August 17, 2008 Author Share Posted August 17, 2008 Well, As a girl I can say that the guy was just looking for fans and admiration of his showmanship. And then being a pest with his: ya know, that one shot wasn't enough... You know how they throw those little things at you like they give a sht. I mean, why would he ask "you" to go to his show? He should be asking you on a date or for your phone number at the very least. That's not exactly how it happened, I told him I would come to a show soon because I've never seen the band before, then he said that would be great and he invited the whole "let's have a drink" part of it; then it turned out to be a lot more drinking and talking than I expected. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 I told him I would come to a show soon because I've never seen the band before, then he said that would be great.. Ah, that thing again. Well, hopefully you had a good time. Good luck though, hope he contacts and asks you out or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted August 17, 2008 Author Share Posted August 17, 2008 Who knows what that 'one shot meant'? It was an ambiguous comment and you aren't responsible for his not asking you out. He can use myspace to get a hold of you if he wants to. I advise you let him do the next move. Don't make excuses to get in contact with him. The chase is on. But, on another line, do you really want to get involved with a guy who has that kind of a schedule/lifestyle? Yea, I have no reasons to contact him again. As for that last question, I can see how it would be different and perhaps more difficult than dating a guy with the typical 9-5 job. It isn't like he gets paid vacation or anything, so I'd have to be aware there might be a lot of things we couldn't do that other people could. From talks we've had in the past, I think it makes him feel lonely, however he loves his job...and he makes a LOT of money doing it...the band is the most high-profile in our city. Anyway, I'm neutral about it, but I'd be open to trying. The way I see it, if it's not one thing in the way it's another...I've dated guys with night hours before; ya just have to plan time together accordingly. But if its not a job, a guy has his kids on the weekends, or he lives with his parents...there's always something that creates inconvenience, it seems. Sometimes, it's MY schedule, which bounces back and forth between days and nights, between work and school...I think that's why I've always been pretty accepting of dating someone who can relate. But I certainly can see why people would be reluctant to date a musician. He was married once, and I think their conflicting lives had a lot to do with the end of it....with me, however, nurses' hours vary a lot, so it probably won't matter if I end up with a day job guy OR a night job guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted August 17, 2008 Author Share Posted August 17, 2008 Ah, that thing again. Well, hopefully you had a good time. Good luck though, hope he contacts and asks you out or something. LOL. You are funny sometimes; thanks we'll see; you know me and my self-esteem Ariadne, how it's on a roller coaster most of the time, so it's not too hard for me to think, I'm sure nothing is going to come of it... Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 LOL. You are funny sometimes; thanks we'll see; you know me and my self-esteem Ariadne, how it's on a roller coaster most of the time, so it's not too hard for me to think, I'm sure nothing is going to come of it... I don't think you have any problem with your self-esteem, is more of a problem of finding a darn bf. If I were you I'd given up already... So, good going at least.. you have some spirit for this stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted August 17, 2008 Author Share Posted August 17, 2008 I don't think you have any problem with your self-esteem, is more of a problem of finding a darn bf. If I were you I'd given up already... So, good going at least.. you have some spirit for this stuff. Nah, can't give up. That would be the worst thing for me to do, I think. I like to believe there is potential with anyone I'm interested in. And yes i end up being wrong most of the time; but I"d rather have that then surrender to a life of pure lonliness... Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 I have no clue about the guy's intentions. What I will say is this: When a guy has a difficult schedule - in a band and playing every night, an ER physician on call most nights, travels alot for work, has kids 50% of the time, whatever - it makes guaging his interest really, really difficult...you never know if you're not really seeing him because of his damn schedule or because of something about YOU. I'm not a fan. I try to seek out the "easier" prospects. That said, this guy clearly made an effort with you that night. Because I'm more forward, I'd probably use MS to contact him to see when/where he's playing next (bait), and let him take it from there (hook and sinker). Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted August 17, 2008 Author Share Posted August 17, 2008 I have no clue about the guy's intentions. What I will say is this: When a guy has a difficult schedule - in a band and playing every night, an ER physician on call most nights, travels alot for work, has kids 50% of the time, whatever - it makes guaging his interest really, really difficult...you never know if you're not really seeing him because of his damn schedule or because of something about YOU. I'm not a fan. I try to seek out the "easier" prospects. That said, this guy clearly made an effort with you that night. Because I'm more forward, I'd probably use MS to contact him to see when/where he's playing next (bait), and let him take it from there (hook and sinker). Actually, I don't have to ask him where he plays next, because it's all on the band's web site. That's how I knew where they were Friday night. However, I don't want to show up at another show any time soon, wouldn't want to seem like I'm weasling my way into the "groupie" thing...I'm sure he wouldn't mind though, hell, it's probably the best way to spend any time with him. I already messaged him on MS the day after seeing him, that is was great to see him, so I'm hoping he just figures out a way to step it up from there...and invite me to another show perhaps, or something like that. That effort you speak of, I wish I would have recognized that when it happened..but I didn't, so part of me thinks I'm late in trying to make more come out of it..I sit here and go, "DOPE!" like Homer Simpson...OMG do I want him...waiting sucks. I've always been bad at picking up on the good signals and letting them go right over my head; if my friends were not there to observe the situation, I never would have thought to the extreme that they did about his being into me. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 I don't think you should be beating yourself up because he is most likely going to get in touch with you. You missed out on one small, ambiguous, cue. It's great that he made an effort that night and spent so much time with you. You deserve it. That's how any prospect should treat you. All comes to worse, if he doesn't contact you within the next week or two (musicians= busy, we know that), then you might think of organizing another run in. I know we're having this "fixate" conversation going here and in SG's thread, ( and I'll probably be on here in the future writing about some guy who'll be the focus of all my attention), but the best thing you could do right now is stay chill, into your own thing, until you actually hear from him. Kind of like: if he calls great, if he doesn't, well at least you had a good time that night. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted August 18, 2008 Author Share Posted August 18, 2008 I don't think you should be beating yourself up because he is most likely going to get in touch with you. You missed out on one small, ambiguous, cue. It's great that he made an effort that night and spent so much time with you. You deserve it. That's how any prospect should treat you. All comes to worse, if he doesn't contact you within the next week or two (musicians= busy, we know that), then you might think of organizing another run in. I know we're having this "fixate" conversation going here and in SG's thread, ( and I'll probably be on here in the future writing about some guy who'll be the focus of all my attention), but the best thing you could do right now is stay chill, into your own thing, until you actually hear from him. Kind of like: if he calls great, if he doesn't, well at least you had a good time that night. LOL (about the fixate). And your so right about that 1st part. It isn't like major damage has been done. It ended up being what I secretly hoped for, but didn't expect to get - can't complain about that. Today I told a girl friend of mine about it, and she suggested maybe we go to a show in a few weeks...but if hasn't made a move by then, probably no point in it...other than for some entertainment anyway. In that case, I wouldn't bother to let him know I was there, but if he found me himself, that would be fine. Don't want to think so far ahead like that though, either. You are also probably right it could be more like weeks than days before I talk to him again. One of those things that comes with the territory of a musician...lucky for me, there's plenty in life to make time fly! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted August 18, 2008 Author Share Posted August 18, 2008 I messaged him Saturday, its marked as read but today is Monday. There isn't another show until Thursday, but he does have a sales job on the side (OMG he's wonderful). I keep remembering we have a mutual friend, who he talks with way more than I do (she lives overseas). I still don't know if she mentioned my comment to him...I'd pinch myself if I was dating him, what I told her recently. I also wrote her after I saw him, and very briefly mentioned it this time. Just said it was good to see him. The rest of the message was about other things. I'm pretty sure they will talk about me, in fact its inevitable. I just realized this today. So now I'm dying to know, of course, whats being said. She hasn't returned my last message but I know she's visiting the states right now; also how I know they will talk, for sure. Next time I talk to her, I'll want to mention it again and see if she gives any feedback. But is that a bad idea? Would that be using her?...those 2 are way closer than I've ever been to either of them. But I love her and have known her for a long time. Link to post Share on other sites
verve Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 You seem to be investing A LOT in this one guy which is probably a bad idea, if it doesn't work out you'll feel it more. Its better to go with the attitute, if its going to happen, it will and things will flow naturally, if not there will be plenty more opportunities there for me and people to meet. Keeping your mind positive and open-ended really helps things, it'll make you more at ease with him as well as you won't be compounding pressure upon yourself to make it go well (which usually doesn't work and you ended up stitled, nervous, over-analytical and screw things up). Good luck with things! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted August 18, 2008 Author Share Posted August 18, 2008 Well, I don't have a reason to contact either of them anytime soon, so there's really nothing to invest in anyway. I won't bring it up with our mutual friend unless she does 1st. That's a no-brainer, now I see! It's not that I want to invest too much too soon, but coming here helps me to think things through as they are happening, I invest a lot more HERE than into anyone else, lol. I've been off work the last 3 days so I've had time to think about it, that's all. Pretty soon, I won't have near as much precious free time. So I'm not in a hurry to, nor able to give someone tons of time. So yes, whatever happens will definitely happen naturally. Its possible that other things will happen to me in the mean time. And LS would probably be the 1st hear about it. he he. Tomorrow I could be here writing about a totally new person, ya never know with me.. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts