Early signs of girls you should stay away from!?

[lazlow99]

Anyway, I'm 20, and the last two girls I've been with ended up going cold on me for no reason, playing games and just basically messing with my emotions. The first girl seemed nice, and was very affectionate at first towards me and texting me all the time, then suddenly stopped contacting me for no reason, and went off with some other guy who she was with for a short time before moving onto someone else (who shes been with for a while but has cheated on and always flirts with other guys). Basically I decided she was a tease/attention seeker or whatever who used guys to get over her insecurities. A friend actually told me he could tell this the moment he met her, but me being young, naive and inexperienced fell for it. The next girl was the same, started off very affectionate and nice, seemed genuine, texted me all the time, then after a few weeks went cold, apart from the odd comment saying we should meet up, then backing out when I agreed.

 

Looking back there were a few similarities between them. They both approached me in the first place, were both attractive, had been with a fair amount of guys for their age, were very affectionate from early on, talked about how they are not attractive/claimed to be insecure, texted me a lot when we weren't together...and the second girl had a bf at the time who she bitched about all the time and said they were going to break up, and told me how he was 'angry' all the time and intimidating. Also they were deffinetly not 'easy' or whatever. On the surface they seemed kind, genuine, respectable and they were both pretty smart.

 

Sorry if this sounds pathetic to you guys, but I don't want to make the same mistake again. I mean, is there a name for this type of girl? Or is it me causing them to act this way? I really don't get why they played me like this. Is it an ego thing? Because of insecurities on their part? I mean, I'm always respectful to people and polite, not bad looking, and if I'm with someone I would never cheat on them or play them like that. Where am I going wrong?

[KinAZ]

While these girls were texting you all the time, what where you do it? Is it at all possible that you sent an "I'm just not that into you" vibe? Could it be that they took hints that you didn't mean to send and just backed away?

[lazlow99]

I though my post may sound that way, well in both cases we spent a lot of time together in person, and I always replied to texts and sent them texts seeing what they were up to etc. With the second girl I was very open about how I felt about her, and she seemed to feel the same. Then nothing. Thats why its so confusing. I'm pretty confident they knew how I felt about them anyway.

[monkey00]

Who knows what happened, maybe its you or maybe it's just them. There is a possibility that their insecurities just pushed them to seeking out other men.

[Lucasarts]

Well to me, they just sound like your typical attractive girl: indecisive, insecure, and easily bored.

 

Unfortunately for you, your the type of person every girl says they want, but not necessarily at the age they are. You're too nice, too polite, and at your age: too boring. You're predictable, and that's why these girls lose interest in you fast. They pursued you, and once they had you, they found out that you're no different than the other nice guys that they've met in their lives.

 

If you don't want to make the same mistake again, just don't be so willing and docile. Learn to be a bit rude, to be a bit arrogant, learn to tease them but not too harshly. At the same time, be nice as well, so they'll never really know what to make of your constant shifts in behavior. Girls like jerks because they don't know what to expect, but they also love a sweetheart at times to appreciate them for who they are. Having too much of one or the other leads to boredom or tiredness of dealing with it. Learn to balance your good and bad sides and you'll be a lot more successful and happy with your future potentials.

[xpaperxcutx]

Next time don't base things off texts. Unless she's talking to you at least once a day or a few times a week, you can't be too hung up on them. Also, they're not entitled to your feelings because you're not (officially) dating them. They have a right to date or be with other people if they don't feel any chemistry.

[lazlow99]

Well to me, they just sound like your typical attractive girl: indecisive, insecure, and easily bored.

 

Unfortunately for you, your the type of person every girl says they want, but not necessarily at the age they are. You're too nice, too polite, and at your age: too boring. You're predictable, and that's why these girls lose interest in you fast. They pursued you, and once they had you, they found out that you're no different than the other nice guys that they've met in their lives.

 

If you don't want to make the same mistake again, just don't be so willing and docile. Learn to be a bit rude, to be a bit arrogant, learn to tease them but not too harshly. At the same time, be nice as well, so they'll never really know what to make of your constant shifts in behavior. Girls like jerks because they don't know what to expect, but they also love a sweetheart at times to appreciate them for who they are. Having too much of one or the other leads to boredom or tiredness of dealing with it. Learn to balance your good and bad sides and you'll be a lot more successful and happy with your future potentials.

 

Thanks for the post, yeah I think I was probably trying to hard to be a nice guy rather than stepping back and being myself. Also because I'm pretty new to all this, I probably put too much focus on them and made myself seem too available. Its a mistake I wont make again, and I'm sure I'll get better with experience. I just had no real clue what these girls look for in guys, but you've cleared up a lot for me. Thanks again anyway!

 

 

Next time don't base things off texts. Unless she's talking to you at least once a day or a few times a week, you can't be too hung up on them. Also, they're not entitled to your feelings because you're not (officially) dating them. They have a right to date or be with other people if they don't feel any chemistry.

 

Well with the two girls I mentioned, I was with each of them a lot for a couple a weeks. With both of them I spent the majority, or at least a few hours a day with each of them. With the first girl there wasn't much chemistry, but with the second there was a lot. But I agree with the poster above, I did make myself to available and probably came across as too nice, I guess 'p***y whipped' would be the right way to describe it. Thanks for the reply.

[Rooster_DAR]

Well to me, they just sound like your typical attractive girl: indecisive, insecure, and easily bored.

/quote]

 

 

I could not agree more, right on target.

[Lost_In_A_Labyrinth]

ditto on that lucasarts

[CommitmentPhobe]

Well to me, they just sound like your typical attractive girl: indecisive, insecure, and easily bored.

 

Unfortunately for you, your the type of person every girl says they want, but not necessarily at the age they are. You're too nice, too polite, and at your age: too boring. You're predictable, and that's why these girls lose interest in you fast. They pursued you, and once they had you, they found out that you're no different than the other nice guys that they've met in their lives.

 

If you don't want to make the same mistake again, just don't be so willing and docile. Learn to be a bit rude, to be a bit arrogant, learn to tease them but not too harshly. At the same time, be nice as well, so they'll never really know what to make of your constant shifts in behavior. Girls like jerks because they don't know what to expect, but they also love a sweetheart at times to appreciate them for who they are. Having too much of one or the other leads to boredom or tiredness of dealing with it. Learn to balance your good and bad sides and you'll be a lot more successful and happy with your future potentials.

 

You're telling him to be rude and arrogant.... that's great advice if you want an idiot for a girlfriend.

[carhill]

I think I read the words "a bit" wrt rude and arrogant. Successful men, both in the world and with women, are usually single-minded and confident, and that can be received as rude and arrogant by certain people. Think about that. If you like the person, whoa, he's hot and on top of his game. If you don't, he's rude and arrogant. The "like" is the critical factor, and it isn't dependent on his intrinsic behaviors. We all know examples of this.

 

The OP's problem was simply that he was allowing the girls to run the show and not being his authentic self, as evidenced by his frustration. He was situationally altering his behaviors. Boy, I could write a book on this, entitled "The Lonely Empath"

 

Perhaps standing up for himself would be received by the ladies in question as rude and arrogant, but he's not responsible for their feelings, is he now, just as they aren't responsible for his frustrations, right?

[heartoutside]

I just went through a similar situation, still can't figure it out. But basically this girl and I went on 3 or 4 dates over a span of 2 months. We had a good time together, had a ton in common, almost too much! The only downside is she is 23 and I'm 29, and she is the youngest of 6, so she basically thinks the world revolves around her.

 

About a week ago she and I decided that we need to be on the same page as far as where we stood, so we went out to dinner to talk about it. And we got on the same page, we both wanted to see where things would go and the night ended with a long passionate kiss or make out session. And then us talking on the phone when she got home.

 

The next day I left town for business and a long day of work out town...I sent her text late that night and got very little response from her.

 

The next morning I went on the facebook and saw that she changed her status thing to say that she was stick of all this BS and then I noticed that she changed her relationship status from single to in a relationship....although it wasn't with me it was with another guy..

 

With some girls (and maybe guys) you've got to just except them as being insane and you can't blame yourself for being yourself. I'm a shy guy at first, it takes a little while for me to warm up to people, but when I do it, it's a party. And everyone who really knows me, knows that and loves me for it. So, while maybe you we're as arrogant or mean or as unpredictable as you should have been. Now you know...but at the same time you should have to change who you are if it means changing what you believe.

 

What sucks about this girl for me is I was finally comfortable with her after our last date because I didn't have any doubt where the relationship was heading...but I guess I was wrong. I could never really get comfortable before because I never knew where I stood with her, i would send her a flirty text and get no response....Sometimes we ignore the signs because we fear being alone....

[lazlow99]

I'm a shy guy at first, it takes a little while for me to warm up to people, but when I do it, it's a party. And everyone who really knows me, knows that and loves me for it. So, while maybe you we're as arrogant or mean or as unpredictable as you should have been. Now you know...but at the same time you should have to change who you are if it means changing what you believe.

 

What sucks about this girl for me is I was finally comfortable with her after our last date because I didn't have any doubt where the relationship was heading...but I guess I was wrong.

 

That sounds exactly like what happened with me. And yeah, I'm the same...a bit shy at first, but when you get to know me I'm not that person at all. I'm usually at the centre of attention or cracking jokes with my friends. I wont change who I am, I'm pretty confident and happy with who I am. The second girl was saying she wanted a relationship with me and wanted to see me again, then virtually nothing overnight. I do think I wasn't as assertive as I could've been though. But like you said who knows if that would've made any difference?

[heartoutside]

I do think there is a little truth to what people have said, IE the arrogance, being kind of a jerk..but at the same time being nice, and a good guy. It's a fine line to walk, and you can fall either way. When I first started dating my last girlfriend (who is the reason I found this site) i was a total a-hole to her. Well not a total a-hole, but basically exactly like previous posters here have said. A little of a jerk, but also a good guy. We were together for a little over 4 years, and I was a week away from asking her to marry me when she left.....

 

But the reason I think she was attracted to me was for several reasons, one, I wasn't looking for a relationship, two, when she and I got involved at first I simply only saw it as us just hooking up and treated it so, and three, from the start of the relationship, I could be myself. All these aspects affected my attitude and my outwardly appearance and created a guy who was much more attractive and confident.

 

I can tell you that never happened with this last girl....but at the same time, the reason I never got comfortable with her from the start was because she was always suspect, but I just chose to ignore that fact, and I shouldn't have....

[nopainnogain]

Signs of jelousy will make me run for the hills now a days

[blackwidow290]

this type of girl that you've described sadly sounds just like me. every guy I've ever been with has called me a player.. and I've had a hard time understanding it, cos I am genuine, very caring, and affectionate but I just get scared cos my feelings are overwhelming. I'm 20 btw. personally, I wish the guys Ive been with tried harder rather than left and called me a player. its hard enough getting dumped, but it's so much worse when ppl dont acknowledge and respect ur feelings. everyone's really complex, heart 2 heart talks and showing that u care are worth a shot.

[4dviceJunki3]

Honestly, I've had serious relationships with 3 girls my entire life and ALL 3 have "bounced" on me and left me in the waters; telling me that it wasn't anything I did and that I'm perfect. Well, if I'm perfect, then what the hell are you leaving for?

 

It's just sad to see this happen because honestly, there are nice guys out there like myself that just want to be with someone who is willing to give them the same thing they're willing to give, the world.

 

I seriously have doubted myself many times because of these past experiences and I have come to learn that you live and you learn. You cannot hold anything against yourself if you TRULY trust your ability to be loyal, honest, kind, loving, caring, etc.

 

A lot of these girls have been mistreated and just been abused in relationships so many times, that they feel the world owes them something and so they're out to get it. They will go from guy to guy screwing them over to make themselves feel better. Unfortunately, the nice guys will have to suffer for it.

 

I just recently broke things off with a girl I was talking to because she was talking to someone else before she met me. I told her that I hated dating multiple people because it gets complicated, feelings get hurt, and sometimes you just suffer from it. I found out she was dating someone else and I confronted her about it but she lied to my face. In one month of knowing her, I did so much for her and to have her lie to my face directly, I seriously felt like a fool. Felt like a fool to even consider having something with this girl. I had to end things yesterday with her because I just couldn't stand the fact that she kept lying to me when she didn't have to. Withholding information that she was better off just giving me for the better of our own. Now she feels like an idiot and is constantly texting me apologizing but I'm not responding. She doesn't deserve my time of day and I will make sure not to give it to her. I'm not a vengeful person but when you toy with someone's emotions, karma will catch up; i'm just helping speed up that process.

[heartoutside]

I'm in or was in a super similar situation....basically she lied to my face, and top'd it off with a passionate good night kiss to boot! And it's funny because I keep thinking that maybe I did something wrong, but what i've realized is she never gave off a positive vibe, or seemed to want to pursue anything, so I had every reason to doubt the situation. And I should have listened to my gut.

 

I mean basically what it boils down to is she was insecure about the whole thing and it had nothing to do with me not putting myself out there. I did that the last night we hung out and she basically just threw it back in my face 2 days later...

 

There are other ladies out there, and I have way too much respect in myself now to have to deal with some else's crap and not treat me with the same respect that I treat them....

[CommitmentPhobe]

this every guy I've ever been with has called me a player.. .

 

Erm maybe you are one

[Green]

I say don't let it get you down, and yeah be a little jerky with them. Or be really nice to them and get meaner as time passes they love that

[lazlow99]

Man, this girl is crazy!!! She spoke to one of my friends on MSN the other day and she asked if he'd heard from me, and he said 'yeah I speak to him all the time' and he asked if we'd been seeing each other etc, and she said ''yeah, I would do but HE keeps canceling on me'' wtf!!?

[GrnEyedGemini]

I used to be like that. I think it just goes with being young and not knowing exactly what you want. With the guys I would date, they did seem really into me from the beginning. At first I would be too. But then, in a few weeks, my feelings would just change...really..out of nowhere. Or maybe, I was just trying to force it and finally couldn't be forced anymore. I don't really know.

 

Yes, women are complex creatures. Yes, we understand that you men really don't understand us. But what you don't understand is...we really don't understand ourselves either. We have an up and down of hormones which affects our feelings and our thoughts. As much as you would like to think that it is just an excuse, you would never understand because you don't experience it. It really does screw with your head. We really aren't just crazy, although we do feel like it at times.

 

I know I could never understand why at first I would be really into a guy, then weeks later I didn't even want him touching me, let alone kissing me. Then, because I felt bad about how back and forth I was, I would just go NC. Lol. I know! Its horrible! But I didn't know what else to do because back then I was insecure as hell and didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings...face-to-face that is. It was easier to think "out of sight, outta mind."

 

I don't think she meant anything by what she did to you. Its just that she didn't feel anything and didn't know how to let you down about it. At least she didn't lead you on for months and months at a time then go NC.

 

I'd just chalk it up to no real chemistry. If there was, she wouldn't have left. I did this same thing to nearly every guy I dated before my current boyfriend. And with him, I knew the moment our eyes locked there was something special between us. The way I approached the first days and weeks of our relationship was COMPLETELY different from the others.

 

I understand you are confused and hurt, and I'm sorry for that, just because I've done it too. But, really,...if there was chemistry, then this wouldn't have happened. You may have felt it, but apparently she didn't. Just move on. That is all you can do. And there is no right type of girl to go for or to stay away from. We are all different and have bad things and good things about us. Just like you men.

[lazlow99]

Yeah I understand all of the above, and it makes sense. But still, why would she lie about me canceling on her all the time to one of my friends? You can't blame hormones for everything.

[GrnEyedGemini]

Yeah I understand all of the above, and it makes sense. But still, why would she lie about me canceling on her all the time to one of my friends? You can't blame hormones for everything.

 

 

I agree. No reason to lie.

 

Perhaps she was embarrassed about how it ended between you two so suddenly on account of her actions.

 

I didn't lie about it...but if I saw the guy or a friend of the guy I would walk the other way ...kinda avoid them like the plague so i wouldn't have to be confronted or be tempted to fib.

 

I know. It was/is immature, but then again young girls are very unsure of themselves and don't have the confidence to state what they really think/feel for fear of hurting someone's feelings, or for fear of being talked about or not liked.

 

Young men tend to have their immaturities regarding weird dating techniques too though. I think its just all inexperience, immaturity (not neccessarily bad...everyone is at that point of life), insecurities, and indecisiveness. Put together, it's a confusing mixture.

[nunyanunya]

@ lazlow. She couldn't really ask your friend, "hey, could you tell him to text me because i lied to him and i want to apologize." Its one of those white lies to get your friend to initiate dialogue with you about it, and if he repeated what she said verbatim to you, the message shes sending is, I feel bad and I want to make it better. Whether or not you do that is up to you. anywho....

 

The prevailing advice for us empathic, devoted guys is this. Girls our age aren't usually interested in what we have to offer, or at least, they aren't as interested in those things as they are in just having fun. I'm not calling girls players. I'm saying that girls are looking for guys like us, they just don't know it yet. That doesn't mean that the onus is all on them. Guys like us need to learn to focus some of that devotion and energy and effort on ourselves, and unfortunately it usually takes the kind of trauma of a stiff heartache a few times to get us to that point. That is part of maturing. I take it you're not the kind of guy that can go into a bar and pick up chicks? Neither am I, and trust me, that's not a bad thing. Dont beat yourself up much, because know that what you're going through right now is teaching you how to appreciate yourself, and its been said over and over and over, and Im still learning this myself, but confidence and self respect play a big part in the attraction equation. And you get confidence from learning how to love yourself and be yourself and be ok with that. So keep your chin up. Get up when you trip, dust yourself off, and when you're ready, keep going, and remember that you're important too, relationship or no.