Nikki Sahagin Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 Hello all! Okay - firstly so you understand a bit more about me. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We recently broke up for a month due to the fact that we were both jealous, possessive, clingy, insecure, lacked trust and failed to give each other space which often resulted in arguments over nothing. We met recently and both agreed that the time apart made us realise how much we do want to be together but that we need to take things slowly so that we can sort through our issues and end up making our relationship work rather than rushing in only allowing all the old problems to resurface. I am fully committed to putting in the effort to helping myself on my part to try to sort through my issues but I am finding it difficult. The fact that I lost him because of these reasons makes me realise how valuable this second chance is so I have no intention of screwing it up but I would really appreciate some help in how to help overcome or if not overcome, learn to cope and deal with niggling and obsessive boats of jealousy and possessiveness? Any help would be MUCH appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
Xillow Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 What exactly were you getting jealous and possessive about? And were there any specific reasons you lacked trust? Link to post Share on other sites
Javelin Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 What exactly were you getting jealous and possessive about? And were there any specific reasons you lacked trust? Yes, please answer those questions in detail! Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 we were both jealous, possessive, clingy, insecure, lacked trust and failed to give each other space There are a thousand different "labels" and words between what you describe, and what will help you to eliminate those attitudes and behaviours. At the end, it is about increasing your self-confidence and self-esteem; accepting that you are 100% worthy and deserving of all things happy and prosperous; about getting to a place of completely trusting your Self. Once you are aware of your own power, strengths and talents, and have forgiven whatever "flaws and failings" you now perceive yourself to have, then you will be able to be yourself and give of yourself without fear or insecurity, or worrying what others are doing, thinking and saying. coping.org is a good resource for self-awareness and personal growth. also: growingaware.com.au marriagebuilders.com is a great "relationship" (not just "marriage") site -- the 'emotional needs' and 'love busters' questionnaires can really help one gain clarity about what we want and don't want in our relationships (again, not just romantic/marriage -- you can expand the principles beyond that.) Good luck. You may find that a therapist can be useful when you hit a particularly challenging section. Also, it does require effort and practice to really begin to master your thoughts and attitudes...but it is worth it because you will be able to create happier, more successful relationships and experiences for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted August 19, 2008 Author Share Posted August 19, 2008 What exactly were you getting jealous and possessive about? And were there any specific reasons you lacked trust? Well initially he was in another relationship, not a serious or long one, but in one nonetheless. He liked me before he got into the relationship but I only ironically ended up liking him when he was in one with someone else and during this time we kissed a few times so I think we both felt we couldn't trust each other because of how our own relationship came about. So this is really where it all stems from and also little things between us such as I once slept next to a male friend at a party and I found a text from a girl on his phone saying she loved him. So really it's been little things which have led back to the way we started. We both get jealous and possessive about the other having male/female friends. He gets jealous of hugs and physical contact between me and others. I sometimes get jealous just to see him wander off to dance with his friends. So it is pretty bad but I am very willing to take the steps to get through this challenging and ugly emotion! Link to post Share on other sites
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