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When did you know you were ok to start dating again?

nowhereman82

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nowhereman82

nowhereman82

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Just hoping some people might be willing to share how they knew they were ready to start dating again after a break up.

 

Also perhaps share if you thought you were ready and started dating...then realized you weren't.

 

Again, looking for stories, not advice.

 

Thanks :)

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Pyro

Pyro

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Just hoping some people might be willing to share how they knew they were ready to start dating again after a break up.

 

Also perhaps share if you thought you were ready and started dating...then realized you weren't.

 

Again, looking for stories, not advice.

 

Thanks :)

 

When I realized that it didn't matter anymore what she (my ex) was doing and that I should worry about me and my life and not hers.

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nowhereman82

nowhereman82

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And the three people that responded, especially Leia, did your personal life seem fine and you weren't dating out of loneliness or because your personal life was boring as Leia stated?

 

Or was that all put on the back burner?

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Art_Critic

Art_Critic

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As soon as I shaved off my go away beard I knew I was ready :)

 

I think it all depends on the relationship.. I have had relationships where I moved on quickly and was dating almost as quickly as the next weekend and I've had relationships where I took off 6-9 months to regather and fix myself..

 

It just depends.. the long recovery rates that I have had I always worked some big project like finishing off a basement or building new decks or something like that to take up my time and get my mind off everything..

 

Then when I emerged renewed it was the women that needed to look out...:laugh:

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Pyro

Pyro

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And the three people that responded, especially Leia, did your personal life seem fine and you weren't dating out of loneliness or because your personal life was boring as Leia stated?

 

Or was that all put on the back burner?

 

For me it wasn't out of loneliness or because my life was boring. I have alot of love and compassion to give.:)

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stefspets

stefspets

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For me, I wasn't sure if I was ready. I had to go out and try, and get hurt, to determine that maybe I wasn't. I tried again, and discovered I was ok. It wasn't exactly a science.

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AriaIncognito

AriaIncognito

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I knew that i was ready when I was able to see another man and wonder if I liked him enough to date him.

 

You'll know when you're ready. I wasn't looking when I found my recent bf. I think when you least expect it, it happens. You're best just living life and trying to be happy single, and once you are, you'll get hit over the head by someone :-)

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Kristine

Kristine

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When I feel put together again. It usually takes me a while to want to start dating again. I usually start before I feel ready because time wise it's been forever (like a year).

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nopainnogain

nopainnogain

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For me it took 3 months. Around the time I could actually look at girls and not compare to my ex

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Kindle

Kindle

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You'll know when you're ready. You're best just living life and trying to be happy single, and once you are, you'll get hit over the head by someone :-)

 

Couldn't agree more !

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nowhereman82

nowhereman82

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I knew that i was ready when I was able to see another man and wonder if I liked him enough to date him.

 

You'll know when you're ready. I wasn't looking when I found my recent bf. I think when you least expect it, it happens. You're best just living life and trying to be happy single, and once you are, you'll get hit over the head by someone :-)

 

hate to say this but guys can't sit back and let it hit you over the head. Guys are expected to make the approach and to ask for the date. Only way its going to hit me on the head is if she falls on me from a higher floor or its a coworker...and I don't date coworkers.

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soda

soda

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hate to say this but guys can't sit back and let it hit you over the head. Guys are expected to make the approach and to ask for the date. Only way its going to hit me on the head is if she falls on me from a higher floor or its a coworker...and I don't date coworkers.

 

Ummmm...actually, you probably can wait for it to hit you on the head. I always have because I'm shy. I know that I'm probably generalizing, but women tend to be better than men about showing their interest.

 

In my experience, it's always been the woman showing me a "hey, we're connected" sign. For example, I met a woman who shared the same interest in types of movies that I do. When I went to her house to drop off a book that I had borrowed, she made a point of mentioning that a movie that starred an actor that we both liked was coming out. She suggested that it was a movie that we'd "both probably end up seeing."

 

Yeah, together...because I sealed the deal. Don't be so cautious that you're not willing to take a sign for what it is. She's not going to ask you to be her knight in shining armor. She's just going to hope that you man up when the opportunity presents itself...but she will make sure that you know that it has presented itself.

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ed-205

ed-205

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Wow, this is going to be a long one, I apologize in advance.

I think it really depends on your situation. When my Ex-wife left, I realized that all my serious relationships ended the same way. The women in my life simply decided they were done with me, cheated on me for awhile, and eventually moved on with someone else. Since the only thing all these relationships had in common was *me*, I decided to avoid all new relationships for awhile until I figured out what was wrong with me, and focus on my kids needs since I was now a single Dad. I took a full year before even asking anyone for a date.

The first girl was a single Mom herself. When I asked her out to have a cup of coffee, she looked me square in the face and said, " I'm NOT going to raise your kids for you!", which left me a little baffled at the time. Being a single Father can be a real show-stopper, because NO woman wants to raise another woman's children, even (especially?) if she has kids of her own.

The second, also a single Mom, asked me to go skating with her - with all our kids included! That sounded like a lot of fun, until she introduced me to her new boyfriend at the skating rink. Not that it was a great disappointment to me, but I would have felt a little less awkward if she'd mentioned something about him earlier.

The third date was set up by friends who assured me the girl really, really, wanted to go out with me. We made the date, I picked her up, and we went to dinner. She said she had a sinus infection, and needed to go home earlier than we planned to take her medication - sure. Later that same week, I stopped by to ask her for a second date, and she introduced me to her Fiancee! Why did she even say "Yes" to me in the first place, I wonder?

The fourth, and last, date was arranged by a mutual friend. I feel bad about this one, because it wasn't the girl's fault at all. In the middle of dinner, I simply realized that I was done. Not just with her, but with women in general, as if something inside me had just died. I just couldn't think of anything she could offer me that was even worth the price of her meal to me, let alone the lifetime's worth of personal problems and issues that *any* woman would bring into my life. I couldn't think of any way that having a relationship with *any* woman would enhance my life one iota, but I couldn't forget how much pain and misery they had brought me in the past. After dinner, I dropped her off at her house, and that was the end of it - I just wasn't ready then, and I seriously doubt that I ever will be, because that was about 18 years ago, and I haven't asked anyone out since.

Yes, I know it's a *ME* problem, and not an "All women are _________!" thing. I just don't care.

I am not proud of that, but I am well past the point of being ashamed of it anymore.

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ate_the_paint

ate_the_paint

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It's taken me a while. Within a month some other girl, more aggressive, moved in on me while I was still vulnerable and started to clamp down, but I slapped myself in the face and got out of that one.

 

Then a month later I picked up a beautiful brunette and we dated for a bit, but something was "off" with me. Couldn't quite put my finger on it, although I recognized it. Anyways, we mutually ended that one.

 

Since then I've been single for over two months, but that last girl really helped me move on because she had nothing I could compare to my ex. Different hair, different features, different lifestyle, different laugh, even different eyes.

 

After I dated this girl for a bit I realized that I was ready to get back in the game.

 

One last thing; when I learned that my ex is incredibly unhappy with the guy she left me for, and that he's taken her for all her money and her life is going down the tubes while my career is soaring, I dated a couple of hotties, and I'm really appreciating some of the aspects of being single...well, that helped, too!

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orangehose

orangehose

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I'm feeling ready now - it's been about 5 months since my last relationship ended. What has changed for me: the frequency of angry thoughts towards my ex declined. I also reached a new level of acceptance of the end of the relationship (my breakup had been sprung on me out of the blue).

 

Now, getting dates... is a whole 'nother ballgame. :)

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