nama Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 5 years ago (yes 5, can't believe it!) i ended up kissing my best friend which sparked a 5 year long affair. He kissed me a week before he was due to get married - it was only until then i realised how i felt about him. He had loved me for a long time but i could never se it. He helped me get through such a big thing in my life, we were both absued as children - there is a deep connection. Anyway none of that matters now - luckily he lives far away but we meet up a couple of times a year to have sex. The kiss created such a spark that being with eachother physically has become an obssession. The sex is incredible but also on a mental level we click. You're probably asking why didn't he leave his wife or not marry her? He won't and I don't expect him to. Its complicated and theres too much at stake. I loved this man but knew i could never be with him. And even though i knew we had no future i still met up with him. 5 years later I am bordering on hating him because the guilt has caught up big time. I feel like a whore and i suppose i am - i know what i've done. The thing is i am moving on in life and want to leave the past behind but he is my weakness and i don't know what to do. Its like he has a hold over me. When i speak to him i want to see him etc. He says that he is obssessed with me and will always want me. When i'm in a relationship he leaves me alone and wants it to work out for me. I have never cheated myself. I hate what i've done and will for the rest of my life. I need to get this toxic person out of my life before its too late. PLEASE HELP. Link to post Share on other sites
Krytie TV Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 Who's to say he's the toxic one? It comes down to choice. Until you actually decide to stop, you won't. It's not up to him to dictate your behavior, and you would stop if you really wanted to. What is the easy out you're looking for? Link to post Share on other sites
Amiss Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 There is no point saying he is toxic , you can't resist him etc He has a wife at home who rpobably looks after him and you-his bit on the side. You have happily had sex with him for FIVE YEARS. He didn't make you and he is only obsessed with the easy sex you have been giving him. Change your email ,mobile number etc and tell him it is over. You can't change what has happened but you can stop it happening again Link to post Share on other sites
wittygirl09 Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 He has been betraying his wife for 5 years. This man may be toxic but you are only fueling his toxicity by helping him cheat. Thusly, if you don't stop this now, you are the toxic one too. Also, there was too much at stake to break off his marriage but there is nothing at stake to cheat on his wife for 5 years? That doesn't make any sense to me. Link to post Share on other sites
AAlike Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 Nama - Do you have problems with addiction in other aspects of your life? I ask this because the relationship you've described with this guy sounds very much like how an addict behaves, right down to the feelings of guilt and lack of self-worth. In this case you seem to be "addicted" to this guy (not that uncommon, trust me) and seem to be using him as a sort of escape from your childhood traumas. my brother is a recovering heroin addict, and he describes his drug use in almost the same manner as you describe your obsession with this guy. in fact, when he first was trying to get clean and start dating, his relationship with his girlfriends was very much like yours with this guy. Even after they broke up and he knew that it wasn't feasible for him to see them again, he still obsessed...it's like he was obsessed with the release that they provided him, but not them themselves. I could be entirely off base, but what you've said shows signals of the same. Link to post Share on other sites
rproctor Posted August 18, 2008 Share Posted August 18, 2008 AA you make a great point, the OP really does sound as if she is "addicted". My question to the OP is, in the past five years have you had any relationships with other men, and if so were they monogamous? My advice, which was already mentioned, would be to cut off all contact and if needed change your contact information. You need to withdraw yourself from this toxic relationship. If you need, find another person to help you or something, but you have to stop contact with this guy, its the only possible way. Look at yourself in the mirror and realize you are better than this, and there are other men in this world who can give you what you truly want, along with the great sex! Link to post Share on other sites
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