this is gonna sound like a stupid question...

[HopeDiesLast]

told you so....im angry again today. ugh. so annoyed. i cant even talk to him like a human being. not even to say "maybe you're right. if we were still together we would have broken up anyway by now cus i would have done it." why cant i say that???? whats wrong with that text? does it make me look psycho?

im so f***ing annoyed today. just grow up!!!! thats it. growing up. woulda solved it all.

[LateBloomer]

Another storm coming it seems. Just hold on.

 

I'm finding that these storms may represent a peak of sorts, that once through will get a bit easier. They may last for a few weeks though.

 

There's no reason to communicate with him. To be honest, he doesn't deserve to know anything about your world or your feelings, given the way he checked out.

 

You can always save the text for some future (ie., a month or so) date and see if you still feel the same way.

 

I know it's very, very, very hard. There will be ups and downs as you know. But remember the storm. It will pass. If at all possible, try to *let* it pass. Also, very hard. Distract yourself, exercise, go out, do *anything* when the urge to contact comes.

[HopeDiesLast]

im so freaking angry LateBloomer. Seriously...i hate this. it shouldnt have happened. NOT HIM. i love him so damn much. this is killing me.

Yes another storm. Ugh this is so annoying. i miss him so much. how can he just shut me out? Maybe while im trying to forget, he is too. Maybe he will realize some day. or maybe he's just over it. ugh i dont think i can deal with hearing he's over it, so please dont remind me people!

[HopeDiesLast]

ahhhhhhhh i hate the storms. im so pissed off. HE NEEDS TO FIGURE IT OUT. MISTAKE. why cant i take my own advice?

[LateBloomer]

ahhhhhhhh i hate the storms. im so pissed off. HE NEEDS TO FIGURE IT OUT. MISTAKE. why cant i take my own advice?

 

But at some point you need to forget about what he's thinking and feeling. There's no way for you to really know. He may not even know, especially if he has issues he needs to sort out. He won't (can't) until he's ready. Some people never become ready to deal with their issues, which is sad.

 

YOU need to be the focus. Think of things you'd like to improve about yourself. Use the pain to motivate you. I went jogging last night and was literally screaming up the hill as I thought about the memories. My heart rate was at around 200bpm. It helped, a little. With every scream and every breath, I began to let some of the pain out. Of course it comes back. But I will go jogging again tomorrow. ;-)

 

Try not to dwell. See if there are times of the day it's particularly bad (this can happen w/ meds as they rise, peak, and fall too ... something to discuss w/ your dr. if you're on meds). Try and do something good for yourself. Not necessarily distract ... but sitting alone in front of a computer can be dangerous and leave you vulnerable to the storms, especially the lightning strikes. So rather than sit out in the field standing up, try to find some cover, or even run over to someplace where it's not raining.

 

The less you think about him, the better. I know it's hard, almost impossible sometimes. Have faith that if you keep holding on, it will get better. I'll bet you can see the "better" every once and a while. It's just so freaking slow. Consider yourself like a car accident victim learning to walk again. Today you took 2 steps. Tomorrow you may only take 1. Day after maybe 3. Day after that maybe 0. Ten days from now 5. Twenty days 10. Ups and downs all the way, but the long term average is up, even if slightly.

 

Also get excited, if you can, that you can now CHOOSE to put things inside you and in your life that you will be totally PSYCHED about, make you happy, and one day be out there as things to resonate with with somebody NEW and BETTER than your ex. Yes, there are men out there who have all his good traits, fewer of his bad, and EVEN MORE GOOD STUFF.

 

Hold on. It doesn't storm forever.

[stillafool]

told you so....im angry again today. ugh. so annoyed. i cant even talk to him like a human being. not even to say "maybe you're right. if we were still together we would have broken up anyway by now cus i would have done it." why cant i say that???? whats wrong with that text? does it make me look psycho?

im so f***ing annoyed today. just grow up!!!! thats it. growing up. woulda solved it all.

 

 

Stay strong, don't text him.

[HopeDiesLast]

I'm lonely i guess. its hard. im in sales- on my own alot. its easy to be lonely but thank you for your advice. This too shall pass, i know.

[Art_Critic]

Time for a new guy in your life...

[LateBloomer]

I'm lonely i guess. its hard. im in sales- on my own alot. its easy to be lonely but thank you for your advice. This too shall pass, i know.

 

Taking a break. Go to a Barnes & Noble and read a magazine. Starbucks. Watch coffee though, it can make you agitated and sometimes more anxious. But if you can take a break and be around people, that can help. Start a conversation with a stranger. Give a homeless person a $1.

 

Imagine like your whacking a hammer against a peice of granite. It will take 1,000,000 hits, but eventually the sucker will crack. Maybe you need a different hammer, or try hitting it from a different angle, etc...

 

Be versatile, try different things.

 

Yeah, talk is cheap. It's still hard I know.

[HopeDiesLast]

Time for a new guy in your life...

 

hes such a lazy, immature, unmotivated person and i dont even want another man. i want him. stupid, stupid, stupid.

[LateBloomer]

It's natural, natural, natural. You shared time and intimacy together. For most of us, those things don't just turn off like water.

 

Realize that when you say "stupid, stupid, stupid" it's an inner, self critical voice that at some point you should see as NOT YOU and that you learned it from somewhat.

 

You don't sound stupid. You sound introspective and compassionate. Cut yourself a break.

[Billie63]

Latebloomer is right.

And what you are feeling is perfectly normal - I think/hope I have finally gone past those feelings of anger but I rememer them clearly and like you, just wanted them to go away.

 

And they will... eventually

[Sassi75]

I agree with everyone, as hard as it is, your needing to stop the texting to him. Bottom line is that he does not want to talk to you, about anything. If he did, he would most certainly call you. He probably does not want to hear your voice because then that would make him have to deal with what has happened and the raw emotions of it all. Guys would rather run away and hide until that's all over and done with. Dealing with all of this is extremely difficult. Especially when it's someone that you loved so much. You wonder if you ever even really knew the guy you were with. I'm right there with ya.

[HopeDiesLast]

Sassi!!! How have you been? whats going on with you?

Thanks guys- i really need to know sometimes that im normal and not delusional. its so weird. i know hes gotta change, and most people dont. but i cant help hoping. hence my name on this forum, haha.

[LateBloomer]

You know, like meditating and NOT thinking about something can actually help you solve something you're thinking about.

 

By removing him from your world, you will a) get clarity b) feel better and c) be in a MUCH better position months down the road to see if you do REALLY want him. You have to be honest, right now your feelings are clouded.

 

A friend in AA told me they have a term for this kind of thing. It's called "euphoric recollection." It's where you only remember the good times and forget the bad.

 

I do it all the time, but have started to stop. For me, it's been about those lists: HerNegativeTraits and WhyWeCan'tBeFriends.

 

But it's different for everyone.

[Sassi75]

I'm here Hope--that's about all I can say. I did a weekend with the girls, and it honestly made me even more sad. Not sure why, but it did. Possibly because I had to go to a townhouse that was just a few down from Johns (he was not home though).

 

I screwed up once again and called John this past Sunday night. I was feeling SO bad, I just had to hear his voice. He picked up right way, and seemed to be happy to hear from me. Of course the conversation turned very emotion on both our parts. We talked or about an hour. He basically told me that he loves me very much, and misses me dearly but isn't sure that I would ever be able to regain trust for him. All that to me just sounds like excuses. If he truly loved me, nothing would stop him from being here with me and working all of this crap out. Before getting off the phone with him I asked him to please help me out,....I said if I get weak again and call you,..please don't answer. He said I can't do that to me. Then he started crying some more and told me how hard this is for him, and nothing is the same anymore. I said well John, it would be pretty simple to change all of this. He said, I'm not sure if that would be for the best though..... BLAH BLAH BLAH.

 

I had to go to the doctors to get pills to help me sleep. I've got another appointment next week to see if anti-depressants would help me out. Today is my first day back to work. I had to talk 3 days off simply because I could not get out of bed. I swear I feel like this is killing me.

[HopeDiesLast]

I'm here Hope--that's about all I can say. I did a weekend with the girls, and it honestly made me even more sad. Not sure why, but it did. Possibly because I had to go to a townhouse that was just a few down from Johns (he was not home though).

 

I screwed up once again and called John this past Sunday night. I was feeling SO bad, I just had to hear his voice. He picked up right way, and seemed to be happy to hear from me. Of course the conversation turned very emotion on both our parts. We talked or about an hour. He basically told me that he loves me very much, and misses me dearly but isn't sure that I would ever be able to regain trust for him. All that to me just sounds like excuses. If he truly loved me, nothing would stop him from being here with me and working all of this crap out. Before getting off the phone with him I asked him to please help me out,....I said if I get weak again and call you,..please don't answer. He said I can't do that to me. Then he started crying some more and told me how hard this is for him, and nothing is the same anymore. I said well John, it would be pretty simple to change all of this. He said, I'm not sure if that would be for the best though..... BLAH BLAH BLAH.

 

I had to go to the doctors to get pills to help me sleep. I've got another appointment next week to see if anti-depressants would help me out. Today is my first day back to work. I had to talk 3 days off simply because I could not get out of bed. I swear I feel like this is killing me.

 

SASSI- IM SO SORRY! i really understand. i do. how about a therapist? im going to one and i feel alot better getting out of there. im afraid of anti depressants so ive been trying to go without. im also afraid of anxiety meds so i tried yoga.

i think if i called Tony he'd tell me the same thing John told you. Im not stupid and i know him- he needs to do this by himself. and all i can do is not pressure him. give him time. i know its so so so hard. TRUST ME I KNOW. I am still fighting everyday not to call him. but thats your only hope! that your love was so genuine he decides by himself he wants to try again.

the sad part is that maybe hes not ready to try now, maybe not ever. but only time can tell you that. If you want to email me privately sassi, let me know. i dont think i have private messages on here yet! hang in there, im right there with u.

[Sassi75]

Hope - I've been trying to work with my insurance company to find a therapist that I would be covered to go and see. It's been a huge headache and I've basically given up. Yes, your right--both of our guys need to figure all of this out for themselves. Either they truly loved us which means they will be back, or they didn't and it was not meant to be. I just canceled our vacation today. All this money that cannot be gotten back. It's all just so sad. We still have keys and other items that need to be exchanged. Part of me wonders if he hasn't done that yet because he's not sure of his decision. But the reality he,..he's probably just been really busy with work.

 

I'd love for us to be able to email privately. At least we could check on each other to give support and to see what's happening! I had been wondering how you've been over the last few days. My email is: [email protected]

[HopeDiesLast]

just sent you an email sassi!