Nervous Wreck

[spookie]

Today my boss called me at the office from his vacation to tell me that he knew an great employee when he saw one and [my company] did not let great employees get away. He then congratulated me on the official full-time offer I received earlier in the day from HR. After years of living on the edge, curing myself with Vitamin C, medicine smuggled from Russia, and Mexican antibiotics, I'm going to have health insurance. It's kinda woah.

 

With a resume consisting of a GPA that is deceptively high at 2.3 and a half-assed stripping career, I'm proud of the way I wriggled into this internship and then this job by finding a company who wouldn't ask me for an official transcript. Especially in this economy. I didn't exactly lie to get hire... but I know my employers probably thought one thing when the truth was another.

 

I think it's this, combined with the fact that I have no self esteem where work ethic is concerned due to having done absolutely nothing in well over 8 years prior to landing this position, is why I'm in a constant state of paranoia when I'm at my job.

 

I am scared that I'm not working fast enough, efficiently enough, that my communication sucks, that I don't understand something easy, or that I'm making stupid errors. Everyone's done nothing but praise me, but I still can't get over the fact that I feel I shouldn't work there. When anyone walks past my cubicle, I reflexively minimize everything cause I don't want them to see what I'm doing lest they judge me for being too slow. I'm constantly stressed and I don't know what do to.

 

Does anyone else feel this way at work? How do I get over caring so much about not screwing up?

[Lady_J]

Ok i'm new here, but I have a couple things I want to say. First congratulations!

 

Second thing, there are all kinds of ways that people get jobs. Some above board and some below board. The most important thing is you have the job. How well you work and what you accomplish in your job is the next part and what people will remember. Not how or why you got hired.

 

So take a deep breath and congratulate yourself for how far you've come and then roll up your sleeves and get to work. Make sure you are clear on what your job responsibilities are, and start to formulate a routine that you will be able to follow. If you are unclear about something ASK. Better to ask now while you are still new, and are given a learning curve.

 

Also, you are not in direct competition with anyone else. You have a job and so do your coworkers. If you aren't performing at top speed according to your boss, that's what matters, not if you aren't performing faster than Sally in the next cube.

 

Accept your praise with grace even if you don't feel like you quite fit in yet. I think with time and as you complete tasks your confidence will grow.

 

And yes, I've had that feeling before. Done everything in the world to land a job and then get it and go ok wow NOW what do I do? It does pass but like I said before, with time.

 

Good luck and keep your head up...after all YOU got the job!

[Ronni_W]

Congrats, Spookie! That's great news.

 

Maybe you could ask yourself how things would look, if you WERE working fast and efficiently enough, and you actually DID understand things at least fast enough to get the job done quickly and efficiently, and if you weren't making too many stupid errors? How would you know that was the reality?

 

Cos I'm kinda thinking maybe...and this is just a guess...maybe it would look like a full-time offer and praise from your colleagues(?) And your boss called you WHILE HE WAS ON VACATION just to congratulate you personally, and let you know how highly he values and esteems your productivity and work ethic??? -- heck, not in my wildest, would I have guessed it could look like that!

 

That's awesome, really...he must have a LOT of faith and trust that he and HR have made a really excellent decision. And there would also be an inherent belief that you worthy of their faith and trust, as a person and as a worker. (In today's economy, they wouldn't have bothered, otherwise.) YOU are 'dah employee'!!!

 

Maybe they are making assessments based on "current-day Spookie" and not at all interested in, or anxious about "old Spookie" entering their workplace? (They're not judging you by those other 8 years or anything else...no need to do it to yourself.)

 

Again, congrats -- wishing you a long and successful career there.

[You'reasian]

Today my boss called me at the office from his vacation to tell me that he knew an great employee when he saw one and [my company] did not let great employees get away. He then congratulated me on the official full-time offer I received earlier in the day from HR.

 

I am scared that I'm not working fast enough, efficiently enough, that my communication sucks, that I don't understand something easy, or that I'm making stupid errors. Everyone's done nothing but praise me, but I still can't get over the fact that I feel I shouldn't work there. When anyone walks past my cubicle, I reflexively minimize everything cause I don't want them to see what I'm doing lest they judge me for being too slow. I'm constantly stressed and I don't know what do to.

 

Does anyone else feel this way at work? How do I get over caring so much about not screwing up?

 

Congratulations!

 

If you're getting the praise, keep up the good work and kick some butt! You seem like an accomplished woman in your own right.

[Walk]

I am scared that I'm not working fast enough, efficiently enough, that my communication sucks, that I don't understand something easy, or that I'm making stupid errors.

 

I reflexively minimize everything cause I don't want them to see what I'm doing lest they judge me for being too slow. I'm constantly stressed and I don't know what do to.

 

OMG you just described how I've felt since I started working as a programmer. I'm convinced I'm retarded when it comes to this stuff, that I'm working way to slow, that people are going to see my code and think "She has no idea what she's doing".

 

The 7 years prior to this I was a custodian and a receptionist. I either cleaned up poo, or people threw it at me (then I cleaned it up). haha

 

Now I'm unemployed (quit my last job) and all I keep thinking is "No one in their right mind would hire me". I'm stupid when it comes to programming. Even though every single boss I've had has been floored (in a good way) with my performance, I still don't feel qualified to do this work. Like I'm a faker and a scam artist trying to sell them a bunk product. That's how I feel when people interview me.

 

Anyway.. I can really identify with how you're feeling. And although I wish you didn't feel that way, its also nice to know I'm not the only one who feels that way.