so i sent her a gift

[muse82]

hey everyone.

 

So a little update.

 

My ex attended this sporting event last week.When she got home i texted her asking how it had been. We wrote back and fourth.She goes to bed and writes me: sleep tight, sweet dreams.I wrote back : sweet dreams are made of you..

 

This was Thursday and yesterday she moved to her new place.I wrote her today asking how it had been spending the night at her new place. She responded within an hour.. The last message i wrote her she havent replied yet and its been 2 hours..

 

I dont know but i am confused because one minute its a moving greeting and sweet dreams but she does not write me first.. Perhaps im moving to fast and she responds when she feels like it kinda signaling to me that she dont wanna talk... tired of this.. what are you guys take on this?

 

im lonely,confused, tired, sad and lost.. any good advice to cure that?

[sid3]

Well I'm not aware of an cure for that. Sme times it really does take meeting someone new to help us move on from the old. I know it sucks, but you should stop contacting her. She will not contact you first because she knows all she has to do is wait and she will be hearing from you. Yeah the dreaded n/c is where you need to be. Like the majority of the members will tell you, you need to start doing it for you. I hate having to tell someone they should give up and move on, myself included, but sometimes we choose to ignore what is best for our own hearts. It's strange how it works, but the pain usually starts to go away soon after the hope is gone. It's not my intent to write this post to make you feel worse, I can relate to how your feeling. I think at a certain point we have to tell ourselves enough is enough, I do not want to be unhappy anymore!

[sultry33]

sid is right.. step back and let her do some now

you are counting the hrs an that in itself is a bad thing..

[muse82]

sid is right.. step back and let her do some now

you are counting the hrs an that in itself is a bad thing..

 

i guess i am gonna do that.

 

to me she is confused. Just dont get why she gave me all the compliments and sent me that card. I mean if she wanted something to do with me she would write me and reply fast. When she does reply i am not gonna reply because i wont put up with being ignored.

Perhaps i should write her something along these lines: "I dont need a person like you in my life.A person who only drags people down. I am done being hurt by you.The game stops here!"

 

And if she writes me in a couple of weeks lets say, and i reply and we chat and she starts to ignore me again and pull back and then another 2 weeks or months and she is back again.It is how she wants it! What do i want?! I dont wanna be dragged around on a leash. I am so better than this and whatever problems she has wether its confusion, guilt or whatever is not my problem, i am capable of loving another person deeply and are able to change my life around.What has she changed?!

 

If i broke up with my GF and she was needy and pleading and all of that when i broke up with her and had a "hard time" getting "rid" of her then i would have second thoughts about re initiating contact some months later.If she was jelaous when i met my new GF and she went into a depression i wouldnt contact her without thinking that maybe she would want me back and maybe i would have a hard time "ditching" her if i didnt want her.I would think about her mental state and if me entering her life again would bring her some positive or negative.I would also have made it clear that i wasnt looking for a GF.

 

Anyways.. if she replies then i think that i am gonna write her back because i am not that kinda person who just ignores someone.I dont ignore my other friends. I am politely gonna write and then see if she writes me.If she writes me after more than 2 weeks then im deleting her number,facebook etc and its no contact.Then its dead.

If i had used all this energy on finding someone new then i could have been married now lol!

 

Oh and by the way.. she moved yesterday and i sent her this package with stuff for her new home..little things you always need..Shouldnt have done it i realize that now.Guess i was just high from the " sweet dreams" crap and wanted to make her happy, i know that her smiles are far apart sometimes and i guess i just wanted to bring a smile to her lips..

 

Whats the point in contacting me in the first place...

 

Do you guys think i am overreacting?

[sultry33]

i guess i am gonna do that.

 

to me she is confused. Just dont get why she gave me all the compliments and sent me that card. I mean if she wanted something to do with me she would write me and reply fast. When she does reply i am not gonna reply because i wont put up with being ignored.

Perhaps i should write her something along these lines: "I dont need a person like you in my life.A person who only drags people down. I am done being hurt by you.The game stops here!"

 

And if she writes me in a couple of weeks lets say, and i reply and we chat and she starts to ignore me again and pull back and then another 2 weeks or months and she is back again.It is how she wants it! What do i want?! I dont wanna be dragged around on a leash. I am so better than this and whatever problems she has wether its confusion, guilt or whatever is not my problem, i am capable of loving another person deeply and are able to change my life around.What has she changed?!

 

If i broke up with my GF and she was needy and pleading and all of that when i broke up with her and had a "hard time" getting "rid" of her then i would have second thoughts about re initiating contact some months later.If she was jelaous when i met my new GF and she went into a depression i wouldnt contact her without thinking that maybe she would want me back and maybe i would have a hard time "ditching" her if i didnt want her.I would think about her mental state and if me entering her life again would bring her some positive or negative.I would also have made it clear that i wasnt looking for a GF.

 

Anyways.. if she replies then i think that i am gonna write her back because i am not that kinda person who just ignores someone.I dont ignore my other friends. I am politely gonna write and then see if she writes me.If she writes me after more than 2 weeks then im deleting her number,facebook etc and its no contact.Then its dead.

If i had used all this energy on finding someone new then i could have been married now lol!

 

Oh and by the way.. she moved yesterday and i sent her this package with stuff for her new home..little things you always need..Shouldnt have done it i realize that now.Guess i was just high from the " sweet dreams" crap and wanted to make her happy, i know that her smiles are far apart sometimes and i guess i just wanted to bring a smile to her lips..

 

Whats the point in contacting me in the first place...

 

Do you guys think i am overreacting?

 

i cant say much as in a rush bt dont send highlighted bit

send nothing do nothing

 

just get busy... wait for her to do something.. no texts no nothing.. stay strong

if/when she replies then decide:)

[Angel1111]

First of all, I think your gift was great so stop regretting it. Gifts are never a bad idea. It says a lot about your character. But also try to weave into your character that when giving a gift, that it's from the heart with no strings attached. You did it out of love and kindness. No matter how that's received, you know why you did it.

 

I think you need to relax and give her the benefit of the doubt. If I had just moved into a new place, I wouldn't want to spend my time texting and may not even be paying attention to the phone because I just want to get everything livable. I would probably let the person know that but if I were really mentally exhausted, I may not. She may also be a little disappointed that you didn't offer to help her move - although that probably would've been inappropriate and she knows it - but it may be on her mind. The move may also be dredging up some old ghosts. She may be thinking that if things had been different between the two of you, she wouldn't be moving into a place by herself. Moving is extremely emotional and stressful, which sometimes makes it hard for us assess our feelings.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is to just chill for now. I know it's bothersome to feel ignored but that may not be what she's doing. And if she is, then you'll know soon enough. The next time you hear from her, find out what happened without sounding angry about it. Say something like, "Hey, good to hear from you. Hope everything is well. I was a little concerned about you when I didn't hear back from you the last time I texted", or something like that. See if she explains herself. If she doesn't, ask her directly - or say something like "I just worry that I'm bothering you and that you really don't want to hear from me. If that's the case, just let me know because I don't want to bother you. I was hoping we could meet up sometime soon but I'm not sure where you're at with that now."

 

If you continue to be centered - or at least sound like you are - during this time, it'll raise her level of respect for you, and she'll also realize that her feelings are important to you.

[muse82]

First of all, I think your gift was great so stop regretting it. Gifts are never a bad idea. It says a lot about your character. But also try to weave into your character that when giving a gift, that it's from the heart with no strings attached. You did it out of love and kindness. No matter how that's received, you know why you did it.

 

I think you need to relax and give her the benefit of the doubt. If I had just moved into a new place, I wouldn't want to spend my time texting and may not even be paying attention to the phone because I just want to get everything livable. I would probably let the person know that but if I were really mentally exhausted, I may not. She may also be a little disappointed that you didn't offer to help her move - although that probably would've been inappropriate and she knows it - but it may be on her mind. The move may also be dredging up some old ghosts. She may be thinking that if things had been different between the two of you, she wouldn't be moving into a place by herself. Moving is extremely emotional and stressful, which sometimes makes it hard for us assess our feelings.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is to just chill for now. I know it's bothersome to feel ignored but that may not be what she's doing. And if she is, then you'll know soon enough. The next time you hear from her, find out what happened without sounding angry about it. Say something like, "Hey, good to hear from you. Hope everything is well. I was a little concerned about you when I didn't hear back from you the last time I texted", or something like that. See if she explains herself. If she doesn't, ask her directly - or say something like "I just worry that I'm bothering you and that you really don't want to hear from me. If that's the case, just let me know because I don't want to bother you. I was hoping we could meet up sometime soon but I'm not sure where you're at with that now."

 

If you continue to be centered - or at least sound like you are - during this time, it'll raise her level of respect for you, and she'll also realize that her feelings are important to you.

 

Once again you are right Angel.

 

I feel kinda bad about the post because she replied after some time and said that she had been putting up curtains and getting her washer to work.She asked me what i were doing and that she had her sister over and were gonna watch some movies. I guess she fell aslep at some point because the texting stopped with my reply.I understand that moving can be very emotional. The reason i did not offer her some help is that we are 200km apart but i guess i could have asked anyhow.

 

The package i sent her she will be receiving later today.I sent her some.Dishwasher fluid,a pack of smokes, some candy,pink candles, cleaning cloths.Stuff that you always need. Everyone i talk to about it seems to think that its a great idea.

 

I hope she will appreciate it all.

 

I know you should do stuff like that with no strings attached, but yesterday was kind of a bad day. I really love your advice Angel and im taking it all to consideration.You have really good insight and i appreciate it.

 

So i am going to ask her if they are playing any good movies in her city and ask her if she wants to go with me to the movies as friends.

 

[nowhereman82]

mmm....laying it on kind of heavy dude.

 

Stop sending gifts! You are doing it for the wrong reasons. You reacted badly to her not responding right away which means you have expectations. You don't send gifts with expectations.

 

Personally I wouldn't ask her to the movies as "friends" because its a farse....you don't want her as a friend you want more...otherwise you wouldn't be reacting the way you are and posting here.

 

If you want to ask her then leave out the friend bit, I doubt she is that ignorant.

 

Even then....you live forever apart....she started a new life in a new place.

 

Sadly it's time to move on. You live too far apart to properly reconcile and if she had any reason to stay (you) she would have.

 

Read up on some more of CaliGuys "guide" posts

[muse82]

mmm....laying it on kind of heavy dude.

 

Stop sending gifts! You are doing it for the wrong reasons. You reacted badly to her not responding right away which means you have expectations. You don't send gifts with expectations.

 

Personally I wouldn't ask her to the movies as "friends" because its a farse....you don't want her as a friend you want more...otherwise you wouldn't be reacting the way you are and posting here.

 

If you want to ask her then leave out the friend bit, I doubt she is that ignorant.

 

Even then....you live forever apart....she started a new life in a new place.

 

Sadly it's time to move on. You live too far apart to properly reconcile and if she had any reason to stay (you) she would have.

 

Read up on some more of CaliGuys "guide" posts

 

I disagree.

 

She has always lived 200km from me. Why would she send me a moving notification?

 

I dont think we live to far apart to reconcile.Its 2 hours by train.

 

She lived with her mom the past year and just got a new place so its not like she is moving away from me.

 

Also i dont see everything as black and white as cali or alot of you guys. All the "if she wanted you she would be with you" "make her earn you back" "she only wants to boost her ego" " if she comes back shes yours and if she dont she never was" Sometimes you have to work for the things you want, to make people know that you love them.Sometimes insecurities makes us paralyzed and the idea of another hurt. I am the dumpee but i can understand why she broke up with me. I have to let her know that i will never hurt her again or take her for granted. If she laid it on the line and wanted to meet up she would make herself vulnerable.But if i ask then she will see that i have an interest in her and that i like her. Sometimes you need to be a man and make the girl feel like you would do anything in the world not to loose her again.

 

 

 

I just need to know that i have done everything i could to get her back even if it makes me look like a fool. Then i can let go, when i know i have done all i could. And sometimes its better to say to much than never say what you mean.

 

I would very much like just to see her again and if it takes "just as friends" to get there then im going that way. I know if she sees me again sparks will fly.We have a very strong connection.

[Angel1111]

Good, I'm glad I could help. I learned a long time ago not to jump to conclusions because no matter how things might look on your end, they could be completely different on the other end. Text messaging is particularly puzzling because when a person stops texting, you wonder what's going on. I think the person on the other end doesn't feel like they left you hanging so it doesn't occur to them to think you're hurt.

 

All I'm saying is that before you jump to conclusions, you need to hear it directly from the person. Don't substitute assumptions for fact.

 

I'm glad things seem to be going well. You sound like a really nice guy and I hope things work out for you. Please keep us posted.

[sid3]

I hope your situation works out for the best. It's my opinion that the advice posted was intended to save you further heartache. Ultimately doing what you feel is right is all that matters. Better to fail miserably than have regrets.

[muse82]

Good, I'm glad I could help. I learned a long time ago not to jump to conclusions because no matter how things might look on your end, they could be completely different on the other end. Text messaging is particularly puzzling because when a person stops texting, you wonder what's going on. I think the person on the other end doesn't feel like they left you hanging so it doesn't occur to them to think you're hurt.

 

All I'm saying is that before you jump to conclusions, you need to hear it directly from the person. Don't substitute assumptions for fact.

 

I'm glad things seem to be going well. You sound like a really nice guy and I hope things work out for you. Please keep us posted.

 

Yeah the texting can be very confusing sometimes.

 

Yesterday she got a note in the mail saying she can pick up her package tommorow. She said that she was very exited about what it was.

 

Today she wrote me that she got the package. Her message said this:

Hey, thanks for the package. You are so sweet and thoughtful:)It made me really happy:)

[muse82]

Yeah the texting can be very confusing sometimes.

 

Yesterday she got a note in the mail saying she can pick up her package tommorow. She said that she was very exited about what it was.

 

Today she wrote me that she got the package. Her message said this:

Hey, thanks for the package. You are so sweet and thoughtful:)It made me really happy:)

 

 

We texted back and fourth. And i was about to go to bed and i said sweet dreams and she said you to nighty night.Sleep tight.

 

I guess now would be a good time to ask her out i think.Well see how it goes.

[Angel1111]

I'm so happy for you! Things seem to be going very well. Yes, your gift made her really happy and made her think about how thoughtful you are. People don't say 'night night' to someone they're indifferent to. Ask her out and I'm sure she'll accept. Keep us posted on how things are going.

[muse82]

I'm so happy for you! Things seem to be going very well. Yes, your gift made her really happy and made her think about how thoughtful you are. People don't say 'night night' to someone they're indifferent to. Ask her out and I'm sure she'll accept. Keep us posted on how things are going.

 

I hope she will accept. It has now been two days since she got the package, bus she hasnt written me since. I am gonna ask her out, but i kind of hoped for a little text from her the following days after the package. But i guess her reaction says it all.