Lead on?? Did I have the right??

[Dunks]

Hello everyone..I'm not new to this site so I'm very familar with love shack its been awhile since I have been on here because things were good..but now I'm back with another heartbreak and trying to cope....

 

Well let's get it started... I had developed a friendship with this guy who one wasn't ready for a relationship because of his career and his son..Which I understood and thought I was gonna be smart in this frienship and NOT catch any feelings, but I did because I thought he was a honest person, and I felt so comfortable around him, but he wasnt my type in the beginning but he grew on me..Things were wonderful he said that with me things could lead to something else and telling me how it felt like we were together, and saying and doing things like he was my boyfriend and I was his girlfriend BUT WE DIDNT HAVE THAT "title"...Anyways with his career he travels..I didnt have a problem with it except when he would travel to go back to his hometown where his family and son is including baby mama..But I remember when we first began talking he could not stand his baby mama not sure why and didn't really ask..

 

But anyways he went home several times during the 7 months we were talking and it seemed like everytime he went home I was afraid and worried about him and his son's mother and other females..Because after the first time he went home and came back I took notice in him talkin to someone else through text and myspace and I asked him about it and her and he said she was cool..I left it alone but wasn't still sitting right with me...Then after that situation he like disappeared and was very distance but said things wouldnt change with us but he went ghost on me for 3 weeks!! I texted and called but nothing in return from him..Then he popped out of no where asking me to come see him and all that crap! Im like where have you been!? And he just said he been gone home for awhile and I was upset about it like wow you couldnt say anything after the times I called and texted????

 

So we got back to how we were in the beginning of our friendship but I notice some pics on his profile of him and his baby mama together..and I remember he told me that him and her were just friends and that he wanted to focus on his career and not on a relationship..I wasn't to fond of it but I was like I cant question him because we arent together and that is baby mama she will ALWAYS come first and will ALWAYS love her because of their child...Then he went home again for a Third time and I was like worried with what new thing I would see now..And sure enough he came back with more pics of him and her together and a pic of him,her and the baby together..Then on one of the pictures of him and her a comment was left by the baby mama's sister saying "2008 couple of the year!!!! hahahaha" Then I also seen the same pic in the baby mama's profile with the caption under the picture saying " me and my heart on his big day" And I knew automatically that she was talking about him and his big day because he told me about his big day when he got back...

 

Well I was tlking to him ealier and when I seen the comment I kindly asked "Are you single?" and he about lost it!! He said that I always seemed to have a question about his myspace page and that I was sick!! He made me feel like I just messed up because I asked about something I seen..So I tried calling and talking to him about it but all he did was ignore my calls and get ghost on me again for almost two weeks! Then he came out of no where and texted me to come over and like a fool I did! And we talked about the situation and he said he didnt mean "sick" like how I took it he meant as if I was silly, and that he wasn't even worried about the whole situation....

 

Well things went back to how they were that day for the next two days because I was leaving for out of town so I spent my last days with him...BIG MISTAKE!! When I left he seemed distant from me and when I called him before he was to leave out the country he didnt answer any of my calls but answered to me private & knew who I was when I said his name...

 

My questions are was I led on? And did I have the right ask him thoe questions???

 

I only asked out of protection of my feelings & self & to not be played or lied to or just be one of his chicks....

 

Adive for this GREATLY appreciated on what to do and how to get over this.... THANKS!

[paddington bear]

we all google and myspace people...but telling them about it could be interpreted as stalking or spying. I do it, but don't tell them I've done it : ) You had the right, it's a public space where people choose what information and pics they want the world to see, if he didn't want you or anyone else to see, well then he shouldn't have put them up there.

 

I'm guessing him saying he 'hated' his ex was probably because she hurt him so badly, but he was secretly still in love with her, so was trying to convince himself he 'hated' her to get over the rejection, reading between the lines it looks like the two of them are back together.

 

In his mind he's told you he wasn't ready for a relationship, he reckons you are a friend and I'm sure he thinks you overstepped the mark with commenting on any myspace pics and comments etc. In his mind, it's none of your business because you're 'just friends'.

 

I would advise that you stop messaging him, seeing him talking to him - you don't have to be nasty about it, he obviously knows you have feelings for him, just tell him that things seem to have changed with your relationship and it's best if you don't hang out for a while. If he bounces back to you saying 'I'm ready to be with you now' great, if not, then let him go (hard to think about or do, I know) - in my (limited) experience if a guy likes you he will tell you where he's been, what he's been doing, who he's been with and so you feel very safe and secure and don't have to resort to checking up on him through other means.

 

Somehow try to move on and find someone who you are physically attracted to from the offset and who hopefully has resolved whatever baggage he has from past relationships. You deserve better than to be hanging around waiting for someone to sort out their feelings, when you should be looking for someone who thinks 'wow! this girl is amazing, I want her'.

[Dunks]

Paddington Bear,

 

Thats the thing! I have this war in my head saying I shouldnt have never said or asked anything because we werent together it wasnt any of my business.. But I let my feelings get in the way and cause me to speak before I thought about what I was doing...

 

I was scared because I didn't want keep things going between us the way they were if he was talking to that other girl or back with his baby mama..I dont wanna step on any females toes or be in the way of him wanting to pursue someone else..

 

He said he doesnt look at me any different but I feel he does & is holding me asking about his page against me...

[Dunks]

More advice would be greatly appreciated...

 

A guy's point of view????

[Kindle]

Im confused by your post, you say you were not girlfriend / boyfreind but are you FWB or just freinds ??

 

If youre not BF/GF, then yes to me you overstepped the mark, and had no rights to quiz him about where he is or what he does if hes not with you, and he had every right to say he wasnt happy about it.

 

Perhaps its me, but i always take FWB as not to be exclusive.

 

If you cant handle that and want more and he doesnt, then its time to call it a day.

[nopainnogain]

More advice would be greatly appreciated...

 

A guy's point of view????

 

 

My ex told me to take a breatha

then she told me she loves me

I dont believe her

[Kindle]

I should say

 

I always take FWB not to be excusive unless its agreed at the start. Meaning you are both free to date others if you wish.

[Dunks]

Im confused by your post, you say you were not girlfriend / boyfreind but are you FWB or just freinds ??

 

If youre not BF/GF, then yes to me you overstepped the mark, and had no rights to quiz him about where he is or what he does if hes not with you, and he had every right to say he wasnt happy about it.

 

Perhaps its me, but i always take FWB as not to be exclusive.

 

If you cant handle that and want more and he doesnt, then its time to call it a day.

 

 

 

 

I never questioned him like that..I only asked about this other girl because I had no clue where our relationship was going because I was gettin the impression that he and I were getting to the next level in our relationship..

 

& Second, I only asked if he was single because I did not wanna try & compete with baby mama if he and her were working things out..I didn't wanna be in between them.. Ecspecially how things were going with us...

[Dunks]

I should say

 

I always take FWB not to be excusive unless its agreed at the start. Meaning you are both free to date others if you wish.

 

 

The only thing he said was that he wanted to be single right now and that was when we very first started talking..I didn't think over time we would get close like we did...But my feelings got involve when my mind kept telling me not to, and my stupid heart got in the way to where I couldnt control what I was feeling for him...& I thought he felt the same with me...

 

 

If you go back and re read my post then you might see what I'm saying here...

[Kindle]

So youre FWB ?

 

But you fell in love with him, and thought there was more to it than just being intimate with each other ?

 

I'm sure if he wanted to get back with his Ex, he would tell you point blank about it.

 

My main point still applies though, if you want more and he doesnt its time to back off.

[Dunks]

I backed off because I got control of my feelings..Yeah I will say it wasn't my business to ask but I was ONLY looking out for me..I DID NOT wanna step on any females toes if he was trying to pursue them..Did NOT wanna be in the middle of him and baby mama getting back together (i.e. They were back together during the time he and I was talking) So yeah I found that out from her page..but what was wrong with looking out for my feelings?? I asked to see what the deal was with he & I not to start any drama or be in the way of him with anyone... Yes I liked him a hell of a lot but I didnt want to get lead on anymore than I already was if he was taken or pursuing someone else... Didn't want that drama...

 

 

But Kindle that is your opinion on this situation of mine..

[Kindle]

I'm not here to argue with you, theres no need to be on the defensive.

 

You asked if you were led on, and had the right to ask those questions, and no, i dont think you did. Doesnt mean i dont understand why you did.

 

You obviously dont trust him with his ex or you wouldnt feel the need to snoop, im not saying youre in the wrong, we all snoop from time to time for reassurance, but as someone else said - we dont tell them about it.

 

Personally, i think youre jealous and youre using the not treading on anyones toes as the reasoning behind it.

IMO, you were probably swimming along nicely in his eyes, if he wanted to get back with his ex im sure he would tell you. If you want more and he doesnt, its better for you to walk away and let him chase you if he wants to as you will just get more hurt.

If you stay with him, just try and be a bit more confident about your relationship, and stop asking him for reassurance - thats prob why he doesnt want a *girlfreind* so he doesnt have to answer to anyone...IDK !