Mel_still_loves_dave Posted August 11, 2003 Share Posted August 11, 2003 My ex bf and I were togther for over a year..he was the love of my life and continues to be, we broke up about 3 months ago. We are each tohers best friend, we are very close still. He spend alot of time together and he tells me he still loves me. We still cuddle, kiss and all those things even though we are not together. I have discussed with him that I want to get back together, but he says its not what he wants right now. I love him so much and want him back so badly, he is my "one" my best friend, my heart and soul, my everything. How can I get him back...can anyone help me? Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted August 11, 2003 Moderators Share Posted August 11, 2003 Why should he want to get back together given you guys act, for the most part, as though you were still together. Only thing missing as I see it, is the need for him to make a committment. For some guys, that's hog heaven. All the pleasure, none of the work. LOL Stop the lovey-dovey treatment. In other words, behave as only close friends...not kissing friends, hugging friends, blah blah blah...for friends right now is all he "apparently" ((Curt winks)) wants. Out of morbid curiosity...who put the brakes on first time ? Curt Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mel_still_loves_dave Posted August 11, 2003 Author Share Posted August 11, 2003 I put the breaks on. Unfortunetly I listened to my friends instead of my heart. I guess you are right..he's getting all the good stuff without the work. Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted August 11, 2003 Moderators Share Posted August 11, 2003 What caused the breakup the first time? How did the friends influence your decision to call it quits? Just wonderin' Curt Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mel_still_loves_dave Posted August 11, 2003 Author Share Posted August 11, 2003 he had an addiction to the net...cyber and all that stuff. My friends said thats like cheating on me and I guess I belived them, I feel bad that I didn't support him as he said he would give up and he went to councelling for it. But I found it hard to get over it at the time, and was always suspicious..I needed time to think about it and what had been done...I love him with all my heart and would support him no matter what..I just needed time back then that I didn't get, to get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted August 11, 2003 Moderators Share Posted August 11, 2003 To me it is like cheating, especially if he is into cybersex with others, etc. It's emotional cheating to be sure. Perhaps it's still ongoing, unresolved, and therefore, he doesn't feel he can commit to you emotionally and/or otherwise. Nonetheless, it is not good in my opinion, to look deeper into the abyss, especially if he is still swirling in the depths of his addiction. Sweetie, blame yourself no further. You did what you felt you needed to do at the time, in a situation which still may not be fixed completely. It is difficult to stay with somebody if a great portion of his/her mind and heart is with someone else, real or virtual. Even if he isn't still into the cyber habit, he's made it clear that you do not factor into his plans at this moment. Wish him well, but for now, cut the emotional ties that are still binding you to him, and move on. Things will look better eventually, but for now you are hurt. Give yourself time. Peace. Curt Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mel_still_loves_dave Posted August 11, 2003 Author Share Posted August 11, 2003 Thanks curt for the great advice. I think I will do that cut the emotional ties as I don't think its doing me any favours in the long run, I will just get hurt more I think...This is the hardest part I think, Letting go! thank you so much Mel Link to post Share on other sites
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