soserious1 Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 I understand your pain, I do but sooner or later, you will have to work through that pain and let it go. Your husband did a bad thing, he did. You can't judge all men by his awful standards. Why you stayed so long and allowed him to erode your self esteem is beyond me. He is one man, stop with the victimhood, he is one man and you shouldn't let one silly man define your whole existence. That is my point. I've read your posts, yes he punished you for getting older but you also contributed to that punishment by allowing to keep doing it to you. Remember, we teach people how to treat us?. So assume responsibility for your part in it and release the anger. As long as you keep yourself the victim, he wins and I don't think that is what you want now, is it? Somehow no matter a woman does or says, there's a way found to blame her for whatever happens in a relationship. I stayed because I was married,because I took vows,because I felt that perhaps between my menopause and his own mid-life crisis that we had just hit a really rough patch,no marriage is without those. When he made his position clear I choose to divorce him and in so doing am obligated to pay him for the rest of my life. Is that enough accepting of my responsibilty and punishment enough for you? btw, he wins every time he wines,dines and beds a young gal on my money, he won, hands down, I lose! Porn is better than me in every single way and now he can have porn,chase young women and he gets to keep a handsome portion of my paycheck too. Heck, his attorney has requested that the life insurance that I've held for years be kept in force.. if I should suicide they are concerned that their won't be enough of an estate to pay him every month till he dies if the pre-existing coverage isn't kept up. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 Somehow no matter a woman does or says, there's a way found to blame her for whatever happens in a relationship. I think in this case, he's blaming the person, not the woman. You'd get the same question if you were a man and stayed in a lnog-term abusive relationship... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 I think in this case, he's blaming the person, not the woman. You'd get the same question if you were a man and stayed in a lnog-term abusive relationship... Mr. Lucky The marriage wasn't always this way and why get married if you're going to throw in the towel when there's trouble. I did what I felt was the honorable thing, I tried communicating,compromising, I tried simply riding it out thinking he was just in the throes of his own mid-life freefall. There was no drinking,drugging or gambling, he never hit me, aside from feeling I was too old for sex (a POV that's actually shared by more than a few mid-life people) there were really no grounds for a divorce.I gave it my best effort, when he finally tipped over the edge into surreal terriority, I filed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2nd-Best Posted September 16, 2008 Author Share Posted September 16, 2008 Why do you need men to look at you in order to feel good about yourself? aren't you perpetuating that very same "women as piece of meat" theory that you are arguing against? You can't look in the mirror and feel beautiful unless someone, in this case, your husband is constantly massaging your fragile ego, catering to every body image and issues you have? It's disgusting and I agree with the poster who said that kind of neediness is exactly what turns a man off and makes him seek out porn. Confidence is the most sexy thing about a woman. And no you don't have to look like a porn star. I've seen 200lb women carry themselves with such self assuredness that the sexiness they oozed surpassed any that of any pencil thin porn star. Women who know they are beautiful without any one else telling them so. If you women insist on playing victim, that is exactly what you are going to remain--victims. And you are doing yourselves a huge disservice, you just don't realize it. Other women are not jumping on your bandwagon with this topic because most of them don't feel the way you do despite your belief that they do. Most women are not that insecure and whiny. They know in their minds that a 25 year old porn star, big boobed and all doesn't belong in the same league as them. That's confidence my friends, get some. Actually my self confidence was FINE until recently, but if you havent been reading the entire thread then you should maybe keep your opinions to yourself, My confidence has been shattered because my BF who has a porno ADDICTION would rather watch porn then have sex! and he was watching TEEN GIRL PORN!! which has to do with the age thing! I'm not jealous of porn stars, Even though I dont like the idea of alot of porn.. I actually have Porn Stars as freinds/Aquaintences, like not the cheap ****ty porn but like Jessica Jaymes! who is dating my ex bf who is actually jealous of ME! so, no its not about being jealous of a porn star in regards to my views its the innapropriateness of watching violent, underage porn and not having sex with his GF not wife.. but thansk for your opinion.. even though you do not know what you're talking about Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2nd-Best Posted September 16, 2008 Author Share Posted September 16, 2008 Sounds like you've conducted quite the little survey !!! Mr. Lucky Well, I've glanced at the porn my ex husband would watch to see what he was looking at and also my bfs porn to see what he was looking at so i've unfortunately seen them and its not very attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
Agoraphobianebula Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Actually my self confidence was FINE until recently, but if you havent been reading the entire thread then you should maybe keep your opinions to yourself, My confidence has been shattered because my BF who has a porno ADDICTION would rather watch porn then have sex! and he was watching TEEN GIRL PORN!! which has to do with the age thing! I'm not jealous of porn stars, Even though I dont like the idea of alot of porn.. I actually have Porn Stars as freinds/Aquaintences, like not the cheap ****ty porn but like Jessica Jaymes! who is dating my ex bf who is actually jealous of ME! so, no its not about being jealous of a porn star in regards to my views its the innapropriateness of watching violent, underage porn and not having sex with his GF not wife.. but thansk for your opinion.. even though you do not know what you're talking about Actually M'aam, I did read the entire thread in my boredom which is what prompted me to post, I'm a lurker, this is pure entertainment to me. My post was NOT directed at men with porn addictions or women who suffer from that, that is an entirely different issue. But even in those cases, you still should not allow the ****ty actions of one guy erode your self esteem. A man with porn addiction is the one with the problem, not you. A man with porn addiction will still suffer from that addiction even if he was simultaneously married to 10 pornstars with perfect bodies. So it's NEVER about how good YOU look or how big your boobs are. You sell yourself short when you take on that insecurity. I'm sorry, me and mines don't put up with all that mess, if he would rather watch porn than touch you, then honey, leave his ass and find someone who will touch you instead of retreating inside and thinking it's because you are not good enough in some way. Marriage or a relationship is a contract and when a man or a woman does not hold up their end of the contract, then the contract becomes void and each party is free to walk away from it. Hold your head up high ladies, ain't nobody gonna hold it up for you. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Well, I've glanced at the porn my ex husband would watch to see what he was looking at and also my bfs porn to see what he was looking at so i've unfortunately seen them and its not very attractive. How is it that you keep getting involved with men who are addicted to porn? Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Well, I've glanced at the porn my ex husband would watch to see what he was looking at and also my bfs porn to see what he was looking at so i've unfortunately seen them and its not very attractive. The whold idea of men looking at porn is unattractive in general. It speaks nothing about if they really know how to relate to women and really know how to pleasure a woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 The whold idea of men looking at porn is unattractive in general. It speaks nothing about if they really know how to relate to women and really know how to pleasure a woman. If we all took our cues on how to act in real life from the movies, then I'd have "dynamite the vault" on my list of ways to withdraw my money from the bank... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Mr.Lucky, I have been with more then one man that used very porno-like moves that they obviously thought I would dig as much as they digged in their over inflated porno world haze. The truth is alot of men do take their sexual ques from porn and actually do want to put the "dynamite the vault" if they can convince their partner to join in. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Any man that doesn't take his sexual cues from the woman he's with is either a fool or a teenager. Which of the two have you been dating? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 Or watches porn. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2nd-Best Posted September 18, 2008 Author Share Posted September 18, 2008 How is it that you keep getting involved with men who are addicted to porn? I don't know! I don't have a questionair that I hand out before I date them, and alot of the time I don't notice until I've already gotten in emotionally too deep and find it harder to just dump them when I have feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2nd-Best Posted September 18, 2008 Author Share Posted September 18, 2008 Mr.Lucky, I have been with more then one man that used very porno-like moves that they obviously thought I would dig as much as they digged in their over inflated porno world haze. The truth is alot of men do take their sexual ques from porn and actually do want to put the "dynamite the vault" if they can convince their partner to join in. in agreeance with this, my bf sometimes grabs my hair if im giving him oral sex and he grabs my head and expects me to be able to put his penis down to the back of my throat, and not that you guys wanna know but thats like .. a good 8 inches long and 4 inces around or so... and really not easy for us NORMAL, non porn star girls who dont have daily practice on random massive penises to be able to shove down our throats without throwing up all over the place! bleh Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 I don't know! I don't have a questionair that I hand out before I date them I thought all women interrogated the candidate, ran him through Google and did a 3-bureau credit report ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 The whold idea of men looking at porn is unattractive in general. To you, yes. But not to ANY of the many women I've been involved with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2nd-Best Posted September 19, 2008 Author Share Posted September 19, 2008 I thought all women interrogated the candidate, ran him through Google and did a 3-bureau credit report ... Mr. Lucky None that I know of, well.. not the kind that I assosciate with anyways. Those are called Hookers, Strippers and Pornstars.. some woman actually look for other things in their partner then sex and money. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 in agreeance with this, my bf sometimes grabs my hair if im giving him oral sex and he grabs my head and expects me to be able to put his penis down to the back of my throat, and not that you guys wanna know but thats like .. a good 8 inches long and 4 inces around or so... and really not easy for us NORMAL, non porn star girls who dont have daily practice on random massive penises to be able to shove down our throats without throwing up all over the place! bleh Yeah, I don't get how men want to use the argument that porn is "just fantasy". Yet most men seem to want to do what they see in porn. Is it really still just a fantasy when men actually want to do the thigns they see in porn and actually do do them with their partners? It's kind of pathetic that we have let seuxality be defined by what some sceevy porn director has made up in his head to be "sexy". Is it really sexy to men to make them chock on their dick? I don't get all this hate. To you, yes. But not to ANY of the many women I've been involved with. I don't know one woman that has found her boyfriends porn use an attractive quality in him. And instead have found it to be a weak one and one that is harmful to her turst and respect in him. No little girl grows up saying " gee, I really hope I fall in love with a man, bare his children, wash his laundry and can sit next to him snuggled up on the couch while he watches Debbie Does Dallas and stars longingly at her huge boobs. that's what love is about" *sigh ends day dream*. Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 I don't know one woman that has foud her boyfriends porn use an attractive quality in him. Well we've all seen how you completely disregard the posts from the many women who have told you that they are fine with porn or that they enjoy it also. Do those posts/people exist or not? Because by my count they vastly outnumber the amount of posts/people saying 'yeah Jersey Shortie, you're right.' Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Not true Collector..there are many that have agreed with me and have told me that I actually do make good points. But don't worry, I will never forget that men love porn. And that they love it over having any kind of real relationship with real women. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 No little girl grows up saying " gee, I really hope I fall in love with a man, bare his children, wash his laundry and can sit next to him snuggled up on the couch while he watches Debbie Does Dallas and stars longingly at her huge boobs. that's what love is about" *sigh ends day dream*. Just as no little boy grows up saying "I want to marry a girl, go to work every day to support her and our children, mow her lawn, maintain her car, repair her appliances, stay faithful through our entire marriage, cheer her victories, console her defeats and have her tell me that I don't really love her because I don't exercise enough mental control of my thoughts" Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Not true Collector..there are many that have agreed with me and have told me that I actually do make good points. Ok. But I really want to get an answer on the first part of my post. Do you accept that there have been plenty of female posters here that tell you they don't care about porn and/or enjoy it themselves? Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Ok. But I really want to get an answer on the first part of my post. Do you accept that there have been plenty of female posters here that tell you they don't care about porn and/or enjoy it themselves? I agree that there are some women that don't care. I disagree that it's the majority. Either way, we still live in a man's world and most men don't really care if what they do effects women in a negative way. Just as no little boy grows up saying "I want to marry a girl, go to work every day to support her and our children, mow her lawn, maintain her car, repair her appliances, stay faithful through our entire marriage, cheer her victories, console her defeats and have her tell me that I don't really love her because I don't exercise enough mental control of my thoughts" Mr. Lucky No one is making men men have relationships! If you can't be loyal that's fine. But don't get into a committed relationship and then punish the one woman that actuallly loves you because you don't think she is deserving of your monogomy. I guess the message men want women to have is that no matter what a woman does, no matter how she is there for him in his life, he will always think and want whatever is newer, brighter and *better*. Because that is what matters to most men. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2nd-Best Posted September 19, 2008 Author Share Posted September 19, 2008 Well we've all seen how you completely disregard the posts from the many women who have told you that they are fine with porn or that they enjoy it also. Do those posts/people exist or not? Because by my count they vastly outnumber the amount of posts/people saying 'yeah Jersey Shortie, you're right.' actually those are the same like two woman who keep saying they agree with it, and as both JS and I are both woman and we both KNOW woman and know how other woman feel and act do to communication wiht eachother I think we are better suited to defend our points in regards to the female species than you are! Woman pretend to like porn, most of the time and you know why that is? because it turns men on... its pathetic, its just like the sudden increase in bi sexuality with woman, how often is it that those woman are making out with other woman infront of their men or just guys in general and for what reason to turn the men on! Link to post Share on other sites
sxyNYCcpl Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Woman pretend to like porn, most of the time and you know why that is? because it turns men on... You're projecting. You don't like porn. That says nothing about what what "women" think about it. its just like the sudden increase in bi sexuality with woman, how often is it that those woman are making out with other woman infront of their men or just guys in general and for what reason to turn the men on! You're projecting again. Just because you are not bi does not mean others are not. It's certainly more out there today than it used to be, but that goes back to my hypothesis about societal evolution. It's out there more because it's more socially accepted. Oh, God, did I really just post in this thread?? Link to post Share on other sites
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