Volunteer with a crush need suggestions/insight

[Lady_J]

I've got a bit of an interesting situation going on here that i'm not sure what to do about.

 

Recently I started working as a volunteer for a political campaign. The person that I work the closest with, I've developed a huge crush on.

 

Just for reference, about a year ago my 10 year marriage ended, so i'm in the suddenly single and actually loving it stage.

 

Anyway, i'm not sure if i'm misreading this person's body language and cues or not. We have a lot of meetings where we talk about and plan events and projects. So there's naturally plenty of eye contact and conversation in general.

 

Its hard for me to tell whether he's just really nice or if he's actually interested in me.

 

He gets playful at times and makes jokes, sticks out his tongue at me. Once when he was making a call he gave me a wink.

 

I have caught him looking at me when I was on the other side of the room and he looked away when I looked at him.

 

Mind you, flirting is not something i've ever really done, but i'm trying to kinda go with it. I suspect he is flirting a little but that doesn't mean he's interested in doing more than flirting.

 

A couple of times he's called and left me messages telling me what a great job i'm doing and how he appreciates my work. This could just be his pattern that he does with everyone, but I don't really know.

 

He says "Look forward to seeing you on Tuesday" or whatever day rather than "I'll see you Tuesday". Is this just politeness, professionalism or what? I'm just clueless here.

 

We will only be working together for a few months on this campaign so I don't think the normal "don't date where you work" stuff applies. I'm not his subordinate and we are roughly the same age.

 

I'm asking for a little nudge here because I really find myself drawn to him, but at the same time I don't want to make a fool out of myself if he's just generally nice.

 

Any thoughts here on what I could do next would be appreciated.

[whichwayisup]

You need to find out if he's single and available. If he has a girlfriend or is married, don't bother letting your crush turn into something more serious, that's just asking for trouble.

 

Either way, I wouldn't do anything while volunteering..maybe once you've finished, then ask him out. Getting involved on a personal level while working with him isn't such a good idea..

[Tomcat33]

Hmmm calls and leaves you "great job" messages, he sticks his tongue out at you and jokes with you at work, you catch him checking you out?" He is definitely flirting with you, I know flirting I am quite good at it when I want to flirt.

Too bad he left you messages and you didn't get to talk to him live...Do you call each other outside of the work scenario? I met an exboyfriend volunteering it was a lot of fun working together and falling in love, we ended up together. Meeting someone volunteer is GREAT. It is the ideal situation, because you are working together but in your spare time, your life does not depend on it.

 

I say up the ante, never ask a guy out or do something desperate like that, just start putting out the vibe. The way you give him hints that you are interested and want him to ask out is start to ask him more personal stuff when you talk, ask him what he does on weekends for fun. Ask him where he likes to go. Bring up a new hot spot read about or you've been to and ask him if he's been there. Talk about a place that is a bit of a "meat market" or a restaurant lounge that attracts a lot of single people but not of the type you enjoy being surrounded just to see what his reaction is. If he is single and available he will respond a certain way and if he is taken and settled down and not flirting with you he will let you know right away that he and his significant other don't get out much to those places etc...A decent guy who is not flirting and is taken will put that out there right away.

[EnigmaXOXO]

He gets playful at times and makes jokes, sticks out his tongue at me.

 

No matter how old they get, they all turn into little boys when they get a crush. First Clue.

 

I have caught him looking at me when I was on the other side of the room and he looked away when I looked at him.

 

... Well, sometimes puppy love turns them into shy little boys, too. Second Clue.

 

Its hard for me to tell whether he's just really nice or if he's actually interested in me.

 

Does he interact with others in the same way? If not, that would be your third clue.

 

No matter how long you’ve been married, or how awkward it feels for the first time in years, the art of the “flirt” never really leaves you. Eventually you’ll become less apprehensive and reluctant about the whole thing. I think if you fancy this guy, it may be time to reciprocate on some level. Or at least do something to try and break the ice.

 

Good luck ... and I hope love and joy find you again!!

[Lady_J]

Thank you for your replies everyone

 

Tomcat: The only thing we talk about on the phone is work. Let me rephrase, if I call him its for work...I have been trying to keep it casual etc but inevitably he does some teasing or joking and I join in, but its usually work related.

 

I found out he's a vegetarian and he likes apple juice, so i've been bringing him fresh juice everytime I go in. I've even mentioned mixing some fruits together in my juicer for him, he seems receptive but I haven't gone that far yet. OMG does that mean i'm flirting too ?

 

Enigma : He has already mentioned that he's shy so i'm just being extra careful. Thing is that he's a team leader, so its kind of his job to be inspirational I think. I have not seen him interact with many others...particularly females but I will be in a position to watch that soon.

Fortunately or unfortunately for me, there is a plethora of men at work here....few women.

 

whichwayisup: I haven't had the courage to just ASK if he's single. I sort of feel like if I do that, then i'm revealing way too much. I've made conversation attempts with him that would leave room for him to say whether he was dating or not without being OVERT and so far, i'm guessing single. No ring, no outline where a ring would be.

 

Silly me, when I first met him, I totally was not thinking about him like that. I think I made a few blunders in how I behaved with him in the beginning. Of course a few weeks later i'm having desktop fantasies . I'm hoping I didn't derail the whole thing but I guess time will tell.

 

We are having a party this week and i'm going shopping for a new outfit. I'm planning a wink from across the room if I catch him checking me out.

Too bold?

[Tomcat33]

Sooo? Did you wink?

 

I totally support that action and I hope you went for it!

[Lady_J]

Party hasn't happened yet, not until later this week.

[Ariadne]

I suspect he is flirting a little but that doesn't mean he's interested in doing more than flirting.

 

Men and their stupid flirting.

 

(I've gotten myself in so much trouble before because of that that I decided never to take men seriously in flirting and leave it at that.)

 

You start misreading every little flirting thing as a sign that he likes you and get confused as heck.

 

In this case I think that he is just flirting and not interested in anything else, since you've worked with him for so long and nothing further than that ever happened.

[Lady_J]

Men and their stupid flirting.

 

(I've gotten myself in so much trouble before because of that that I decided never to take men seriously in flirting and leave it at that.)

 

You start misreading every little flirting thing as a sign that he likes you and get confused as heck.

 

In this case I think that he is just flirting and not interested in anything else, since you've worked with him for so long and nothing further than that ever happened.

 

 

You might have a point here, I thought about this quite a bit.

We had a meeting today and he threw me another wink, this time in front of a whole group.

 

Even though i'm kinda liking him i'm getting weary of the situation. I have decided not to make any moves at all for now.