Crush after crush after crush...

[highlibidolady]

I'm a 31 yo lady who had been married 1 year and is now separated 6 months.

For most of our marriage we didn't have much sex and since separating I found myself getting quite sexually frustrated with no outlet. My ex lives in another country but recently came to visit and although we're separated I couldn't control my urges and invited him to come over for sex. However, it wasn't very fulfilling as I think I had no emotional interest in it and as a consequence wasn't really even that turned on in the heat of the moment and didn't feel much at all...

 

I've found myself thinking about getting a friend with benefits (FWB) but I'm also quite against the idea as I would feel dirty, feel like a slut, and really I just wouldn't enjoy it at all... But I've even been reading ads on Craigslist and almost feel tempted...

 

Then a few weeks ago an old male friend whom I met 10 years ago contacted me out of the blue and we began chatting online (he lives in another country now although when we met we were living not far from each other).

 

We found ourselves talking about catch up stuff and had some really

interesting, in depth conversations about all sorts of topics but it sort of

degenerated I guess.. or got juicy depending on your outlook and the conversation turned into sex related stuff and then I guess you could say we sort of had cybersex and since then have done it 2 more times.

 

Now, I find myself not wanting to talk to him anymore as none of the conversations are interesting or indepth or about any other topic other than sex. However at first I almost found myself falling for him despite not even being that close to him before and never having any romantic feelings for him before. I think the reason for that is because I was always with someone else for most of the time that I've known him.

 

Then, I started a (2nd) degree where there are people in my class 10 years younger than myself. Now, I've never dated a guy younger than me (OK there was one who was 4 months younger than me.. not sure if that counts) but I've always had a fantasy of being with a younger guy! Most of my past boyfriends including my ex-husband were around 2-4 years older than me.

 

A few years ago while I was working for this company there was a guy who was 8 years younger than myself and I found myself having some weird feelings for him and fantasies about him. I would have never taken it any further though and even joked about it with my bf (now ex-hb) at the time... he knows that it's my fantasy to sleep with a younger guy!

 

Anyway, so back to this degree.. and anyway, I've found myself having

feelings for this guy in my class who is 10-11 years younger than me.

I'd never take it any further because I know it would be wrong and I don't

think my feelings are reciprocated (although we do kinda flirt with each other in class) but I am going a bit crazy..

 

I'm not sure if there is something wrong with me or what but basically my problems are these:

 

1. From the time I was 14 years old I have developed crush after crush.. in high school, university, work, courses I did.. anywhere where I met people and had regular contact with them, there would always be some guy (or sometimes even more than 1 at the same time) who was my object of affection and I would become obsessed or infatuated with him. Sometimes the feelings were reciprocated and sometimes they were not. Usually they were not, and if they were I would get hurt all the time.

 

So basically whenever I'm single I find I am always somehow 'looking'.. even though I don't even realize that I'm doing it!!

 

2. I'm just so horny and craving affection, intimacy, love, sex, all of it. If I'm standing close to a guy (example in an elevator or crowded train) and he is tall and around my age and reasonably attractive and well dressed I really really really want to lean on his shoulder, or put my hand on his back/hand/whatever, or hug him or something like that. I know he is a stranger and I'd never actually do it but I keep having feelings like that wherever I go...

 

I find it hard to concentrate on my work and studies (or when I'm driving) as I'm constantly having fantasies about intimate moments with some guy - kissing, hugging, sleeping together, sex.. all of it.

 

 

So, I just don't know what to do anymore.. I know I'm totally not ready to jump into a relationship and I don't want to.. but I just miss it all so much. I almost cry myself to sleep at night and hug my pillow because I just want the warmth of another body and someone to kiss and hug me goodnight. I know I also keep having uncontrollable and 'bad' feelings like wanting to touch a stranger, or sit in their lap, or hug them or kiss them.. the craving is so strong and I don't know how to stop it.

 

I know that I lacked self esteem in the past and low confidence etc and I'm working on that. I know I don't need a man to be happy.. but another thing I should mention is that I'm the healthiest I've ever been, my skin looks great, I think I look pretty hot and I feel really really sexy.. and I guess... I just want to be noticed, and I love the attention I get (which I do get sometimes) but I just want something 'more' and I don't even know what that 'more' is.. does this even make sense?

 

Thanks!

[Green]

yeah you need to get laid, I wonder what you look like... if your hot should be to hard to find a twenty something friends with benefits