And the problems ensue...

[lovestruck818]

My boyfriend and I have had a number of ongoing problems in our relationship. I often wonder why I have been with him so long. Sometimes I am so happy to have him and other times I'm not.

 

One of the biggest ongoing problems we have is my usage of the BCP. I didn't want to go on it ever. I had no problems with my cycle and to me, it's "if it ain't broken, don't fix it." I would have just preferred to use condoms b/c the thing is with the BCP, he doesn't want to use condoms- that's why I am on it.

 

In the beginning of the relationship he would literally whine and whimper like a child when he had to wear a condom. It drove me f'n crazy. I probably should have just dumped him then but stupid me I agreed to try the pill in order to please him so he didn't have to wear a condom. The first pill I was on made me crazy emotionally, raced my heart and nearly caused a life-threatening bloodclot (I don't smoke). Now I am on a new pill. It has been 3 weeks so far and I have gained 10lbs.

 

I don't want to be on the pill anymore. There are other ways to have safe sex, ie. condom, and he refuses to. I don't want this to lead to our breakup, but he is being such a baby. He has no compassion for me or body and refers to the pill as no big deal...yeah, I almost died, no big deal.

 

:::sigh::: I don't know what to do. I sent him an e-mail finally standing my ground and saying I'm not doing the pill thing anymore. I am scared to lose him, but at the same time if he is not going to change, maybe it for the best.

 

I am open to trying any other form of non-hormonal birth control. def. no injections though.

 

Any help, advise, anything would be great.

[Mag]

Well you seem to have made the first step towards addressing the issue in my opinion. I would have done it face to face but thats my preference, anyhow I can understand his POV on this being a guy myself on the other hand i can understand your beef with it. If sex is so important to him refuse him unless he uses a condom, he may not like it but if theres a shred of love/care then he will agree.

 

If he ends up breaking up with you for that reason then there was no real point to the relationship, since it would seem that he was only after the sex. Thats my take at least.

[Walk]

My ex was like that (hated condoms). We had both agreed we didn't want children so we had to have some form of birth control. He felt I should be on birth control. I told him to go get a vasectamy. He refused. I got on birth control. First I gained 30lbs, then I went into a severe depression that lasted months, then I tried to kill myself. I bled for 3 months straight on the shot. I tried both pills and injections.

 

I finally just told him he could forget sex, cause I wasn't going to take birth control substances anymore.

 

A few weeks passed (after me taking a stand) and he agreed that condoms were an acceptable alternative.

[lovestruck818]

Well you seem to have made the first step towards addressing the issue in my opinion. I would have done it face to face but thats my preference, anyhow I can understand his POV on this being a guy myself on the other hand i can understand your beef with it. If sex is so important to him refuse him unless he uses a condom, he may not like it but if theres a shred of love/care then he will agree.

 

If he ends up breaking up with you for that reason then there was no real point to the relationship, since it would seem that he was only after the sex. Thats my take at least.

 

I already tried face-to-face but he doesn't want to hear it...e-mail is the only way I seriously communicate my issues to him- he doesn't want to have "relationship talks."

[lovestruck818]

My ex was like that (hated condoms). We had both agreed we didn't want children so we had to have some form of birth control. He felt I should be on birth control. I told him to go get a vasectamy. He refused. I got on birth control. First I gained 30lbs, then I went into a severe depression that lasted months, then I tried to kill myself. I bled for 3 months straight on the shot. I tried both pills and injections.

 

I finally just told him he could forget sex, cause I wasn't going to take birth control substances anymore.

 

A few weeks passed (after me taking a stand) and he agreed that condoms were an acceptable alternative.

 

the problem is that men think it's no big deal- birth control is not for everyone...so many women take it, yes, but that doesn't mean they aren't having problems. To me it, it caused more problems than it solved.

[Art_Critic]

 

Didn't it solve the whole getting pregnant thing ?

 

Honestly... it is your body.. you don't want to take the pill then just don't take it and make him wear a condom.. or get an IUD...

 

If the guy doesn't want to respect that then maybe he isn't the right guy for you..

 

You could also tell him that the most effective form of birth control to date is 2 bricks.. whack... see if he wants to try that type

[BELLAONE1]

I have gone through the same thing, i was on the depo shot for years and it caused 9 blood clots in my left lung, i spent a week in the hospital on heprarin (blood thinners) to disovlve the clots the doctor told me one more would of killed me and i wouldnt of woke up,this was a over a year ago and i am still on blood thinners every day of my life, i am getting my tubes cut an tied in october, i have a beautiful 14 year old daughter so i want to make sure i am here for her for along time. Your boyfriend should understand what you are going through if he loves you and be willing to use a condom if your health is at stake, please from my experience dont do it to yourself, get off birthcontrol and tell him either its a condom or no sex, my daughter was born from the pull out method so that does not work....please take care of yourself blood clots are nothing to play around with you are worth more!!

[lovestruck818]

Didn't it solve the whole getting pregnant thing ?

 

Honestly... it is your body.. you don't want to take the pill then just don't take it and make him wear a condom.. or get an IUD...

 

If the guy doesn't want to respect that then maybe he isn't the right guy for you..

 

You could also tell him that the most effective form of birth control to date is 2 bricks.. whack... see if he wants to try that type

 

haha lovin the brick idea, lol. IUD def. not happening- I don't need any unnecessary pain or discomfort. It's not like condoms aren't available...that's why I don't understand the need for the pill if you're not using it for your period...b/c condoms are just as effective and they don't cause any discomfort, pain or side effects. PLus, they prevent STD's!

[Mag]

PLus, they prevent STD's!

 

This may simply be old/bad information but I have never heard a condom state it prevents STDs.. also the discomfort would be on the guys side of the condom if anything.

[Art_Critic]

This may simply be old/bad information but I have never heard a condom state it prevents STDs.. also the discomfort would be on the guys side of the condom if anything.

 

You might want to read this...

 

http://www.cdc.gov/condomeffectiveness/latex.htm

 

While condoms don't guarantee that HIV or other STD's aren't passed they certainly provide a barrier for transmission and do prevent them form being passed.

Here are a few clipped paragraphs..

Sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV

Latex condoms, when used consistently and correctly, are highly effective in preventing transmission of HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. In addition, correct and consistent use of latex condoms can reduce the risk of other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), including discharge and genital ulcer diseases. While the effect of condoms in preventing human papillomavirus (HPV) infection is unknown, condom use has been associated with a lower rate of cervical cancer, an HPV-associated disease.

HIV, the virus that causes AIDS

Latex condoms, when used consistently and correctly, are highly effective in preventing the sexual transmission of HIV, the virus that causes AIDS.

 

Discharge diseases, other than HIV

Latex condoms, when used consistently and correctly, can reduce the risk of transmission of gonorrhea, chlamydia, and trichomoniasis.

[lovestruck818]

This may simply be old/bad information but I have never heard a condom state it prevents STDs.. also the discomfort would be on the guys side of the condom if anything.

 

wow really? It's the only method that does!

[trubella]

haha lovin the brick idea, lol. IUD def. not happening- I don't need any unnecessary pain or discomfort. It's not like condoms aren't available...that's why I don't understand the need for the pill if you're not using it for your period...b/c condoms are just as effective and they don't cause any discomfort, pain or side effects. PLus, they prevent STD's!

 

there are different types of bc, maybe you should talk to your dr about an alternative, i get why he hates the condoms, my bf doesnt like to wear them so i recently got the nuvaring, change it once every 3 weeks seems to be doing the trick.

 

edit: i just noticed you said nonhormonal, if you wont try an iud- maybe consider spermicides, sponge, diaphragms

 

some men would disagree with you on discomfort, not to mention it ruins the sensation from his perspective.

[lovestruck818]

there are different types of bc, maybe you should talk to your dr about an alternative, i get why he hates the condoms, my bf doesnt like to wear them so i recently got the nuvaring, change it once every 3 weeks seems to be doing the trick.

 

edit: i just noticed you said nonhormonal, if you wont try an iud- maybe consider spermicides, sponge, diaphragms

 

some men would disagree with you on discomfort, not to mention it ruins the sensation from his perspective.

 

spermicides, sponges and diaphragms are not really all that effectives...as compared to other methods. I'd be afraid to have sex solely relying on that.

 

Tell me more about the NuvaRing. I am thinking also maybe a Mini-pill would better for me, as they have less hormones.

[4dviceJunki3]

Why are you with this guy again?!?!

 

 

Listen sweety, if this guy isn't willing to be considerate of your body, life, whatever it is you're risking on the pill, then you need to tell him to go take a hike, honestly!

 

I mean it will be hard letting go of a relationship that you've been in for a long time and especially if you have feelings for him, but it seems to me that this guy cares a little too much about himself and not so much about you.

 

I'm a guy and heck I HATE using condoms but If I have to, I will. I'm responsible and very understanding of other people's feelings so if my girlfriend says hey I don't want to get on some freaking medication that a lot of other girls have had problems with, then I would say "Okay sweety, that's fine!" Use a condom, so be it. It's good to stand your ground like you did but what I would do is next time you guys come to have sex, pull out a condom and make him use it. If he doesn't want to, throw the condom away, get under your sheets, and go to sleep.

[lovestruck818]

Why are you with this guy again?!?!

 

 

Listen sweety, if this guy isn't willing to be considerate of your body, life, whatever it is you're risking on the pill, then you need to tell him to go take a hike, honestly!

 

I mean it will be hard letting go of a relationship that you've been in for a long time and especially if you have feelings for him, but it seems to me that this guy cares a little too much about himself and not so much about you.

 

I'm a guy and heck I HATE using condoms but If I have to, I will. I'm responsible and very understanding of other people's feelings so if my girlfriend says hey I don't want to get on some freaking medication that a lot of other girls have had problems with, then I would say "Okay sweety, that's fine!" Use a condom, so be it. It's good to stand your ground like you did but what I would do is next time you guys come to have sex, pull out a condom and make him use it. If he doesn't want to, throw the condom away, get under your sheets, and go to sleep.

 

Update: so while he is not happy about it, he has agreed to use the condoms without a fight. I told him he has a choice- either condoms or else he can dump me. He chose condoms, which is really a test of our realtionship b/c I know, despite what I think, he really does love me.