women: would you give your number to a man you like (without him asking for it)?

[lovely_linda]

Hi to the people here. Newbie, but long time lurker. Been in and out of great and bad relationships so its good to share experiences with other people.

 

I currently work as an assistant in a male/female workplace and couldn't help but notice today that one of my female workmates willingly gave her number to one of my male workmates (without him asking; gossip went around quickly).

 

This didn't come from my female workmates mouth but from the male and he has this small paper to prove that she willingly gave her number (dedication from her and all).

 

My question is: have any of you girls ever done this with a guy your highly interested in? Myself personally, I wait for the guy (that I like) to ask for my number before giving it to him.

 

I'm just a bit surprised that women today are taking more initiative in relationships and gender roles are indeed balancing out (Yes Im that old and yes I'm aware that we have just as much equality as men nowadays but this really surprised me). Would like to hear your opinions.

[Angel1111]

I wouldn't do anything like that under any circumstances. Women who think equality has anything to do with being pursued are just kidding themselves. I can't tell you how many times I've seen women do this kind of thing and how badly it can backfire on them. I keep telling them over and over to stop pursuing men but they just don't listen. And then when they get no response or things turn out badly, they're always baffled. I'm baffled that they can be so clueless.

[Trialbyfire]

Nope, why would I bother doing that? If the guy's not interested enough to ask for my number, it's okay.

 

I don't understand this concept of women giving men their numbers. Why not ask him for his number, then call and ask him out? If women want to reverse roles, either do it or don't bother. I'm of the latter camp. I won't bother.

[lovely_linda]

so it does happen. I was really surprised with this type of behavior because it can really backfire on the woman.

 

Angel1111, the types of women you remind to stop doing the pursuing, do they have a certain personality disposition (clingy, attention wh*re, manipulative etc)?

 

Do you think my workmate did this out of high interest or is there an underlying motive to this? (from the gossip I heard, she did this in full view, with other staff watching her).

 

**really am surprised that women would engage in this behavior, this isn't what feminism is about**

[Angel1111]

so it does happen. I was really surprised with this type of behavior because it can really backfire on the woman.

 

Angel1111, the types of women you remind to stop doing the pursuing, do they have a certain personality disposition (clingy, attention wh*re, manipulative etc)?

 

Do you think my workmate did this out of high interest or is there an underlying motive to this? (from the gossip I heard, she did this in full view, with other staff watching her).

 

**really am surprised that women would engage in this behavior, this isn't what feminism is about**

 

I don't know about the personality type - maybe somewhat self-sufficient and thinking that they take things in their own hands in all other aspects of their lives, why not in this one? Really, it's about not trusting themselves to be appealing enough to elicit that kind of response from a man, or thinking that they should take advantage of a situation since the guy obviously isn't bright enough, or extroverted enough, or 'whatever' enough to do it himself.

 

It's a form of control coupled with an act of desperation a lot of the time. They tell themselves it's anything but that but the bottom line is they don't analyze it when they get negative results. They just keep on doing it. Granted, every now and then I hear stories from men who say that's what their wives did and theyre happily married - and of course there are those few cases. I'm just speaking generally, it doesn't work. And the worst part, the woman will always wonder if the man would've ever been attracted enough to her to have pursued her.

 

Why the woman at your office did what she did is something I can't answer because it was an incredibly dumb move from a few perspectives. It will be interesting to see how it plays out. I hope you'll keep us posted. I'm not optimistic for this girl. The guy is already bragging and his ego is pumped - but this will bottom out very quickly because she killed the pursuit.

[D-Lish]

For the first time in my life- I gave my number to a guy who served me at the home depot. I posted about it actually. I had never done anything like it before EVER. He was cute- and gave me all thr right signals- and I knew work policy would probably frown on him for asking me for his number- I gave him mine.

 

He did call- 6 days later... and we had dinner.

I wasn't interested after spending a couple hours with him. He asked for another date and I politely said no. End of story.

 

Would I do it again? I don't know.

Probably not. I always enjoy being pursued- and that's what I am used to.

[lovely_linda]

I don't know about the personality type - maybe somewhat self-sufficient and thinking that they take things in their own hands in all other aspects of their lives, why not in this one? Really, it's about not trusting themselves to be appealing enough to elicit that kind of response from a man, or thinking that they should take advantage of a situation since the guy obviously isn't bright enough, or extroverted enough, or 'whatever' enough to do it himself.

 

It's a form of control coupled with an act of desperation a lot of the time. They tell themselves it's anything but that but the bottom line is they don't analyze it when they get negative results. They just keep on doing it. Granted, every now and then I hear stories from men who say that's what their wives did and theyre happily married - and of course there are those few cases. I'm just speaking generally, it doesn't work. And the worst part, the woman will always wonder if the man would've ever been attracted enough to her to have pursued her.

 

Why the woman at your office did what she did is something I can't answer because it was an incredibly dumb move from a few perspectives. It will be interesting to see how it plays out. I hope you'll keep us posted. I'm not optimistic for this girl. The guy is already bragging and his ego is pumped - but this will bottom out very quickly because she killed the pursuit.

 

Yeah I'll keep an update here.

 

I think your points nail it ("not appealing enough, desperate"). It seems though she's also trying to extract attention because it baffles me as to why she would do it in full view of other workmates (all men apparently).

 

I feel for her because she's a very attractive young woman (18-20 years old) and she's jeopardizing herself by doing this (again, there could be an underlying motive, I'll keep watch. Also, she's attractive, why would she do this?).

 

The guy she likes is a nasty piece of work-"narcissist". He gives off this glib charm and false humility persona which I saw right through when I started working.

[lovely_linda]

For the first time in my life- I gave my number to a guy who served me at the home depot. I posted about it actually. I had never done anything like it before EVER. He was cute- and gave me all thr right signals- and I knew work policy would probably frown on him for asking me for his number- I gave him mine.

 

He did call- 6 days later... and we had dinner.

I wasn't interested after spending a couple hours with him. He asked for another date and I politely said no. End of story.

 

Would I do it again? I don't know.

Probably not. I always enjoy being pursued- and that's what I am used to.

 

Why didn't you wait (not condescending, just questioning)? The repercussion on his part wouldn't be grave.

 

Were you highly interested in him?

[Lizzie60]

Hi to the people here. Newbie, but long time lurker. Been in and out of great and bad relationships so its good to share experiences with other people.

 

I currently work as an assistant in a male/female workplace and couldn't help but notice today that one of my female workmates willingly gave her number to one of my male workmates (without him asking; gossip went around quickly).

 

This didn't come from my female workmates mouth but from the male and he has this small paper to prove that she willingly gave her number (dedication from her and all).

 

My question is: have any of you girls ever done this with a guy your highly interested in? Myself personally, I wait for the guy (that I like) to ask for my number before giving it to him.

 

I'm just a bit surprised that women today are taking more initiative in relationships and gender roles are indeed balancing out (Yes Im that old and yes I'm aware that we have just as much equality as men nowadays but this really surprised me). Would like to hear your opinions.

 

 

Wow.. I find it soooo 'old fashioned' to think that this is a gender role..

 

my gawd... what's wrong with women these days? Why always leave the freedom, the initiative, the power to men...

 

come on.. ladies.. give your head a shake.. and 'affirm' yourselves.. geeezzz...

[lovely_linda]

Wow.. I find it soooo 'old fashioned' to think that this is a gender role..

 

my gawd... what's wrong with women these days? Why always leave the freedom, the initiative, the power to men...

 

come on.. ladies.. give your head a shake.. and 'affirm' yourselves.. geeezzz...

 

it is gender role in play and going through the motions of courtship "norm". There is no "power struggle" here in terms of this type of behavior. Women who engage in this behavior are still in a no-win situation. Why?

 

> if the woman gives her number with the man asking, it definitely indicates a level of interest. Man wins.

 

>if the woman gives her number without the man asking, gender role playing comes in with societal pressures. She is deemed "aggressive", "promiscuous", "desperate", puts out etc. Man wins again but woman berrated.

 

I take it you've done this before, can you share some insight instead of posting sarcastically?

[Capricciosa]

Wow.. I find it soooo 'old fashioned' to think that this is a gender role..

 

my gawd... what's wrong with women these days? Why always leave the freedom, the initiative, the power to men...

 

come on.. ladies.. give your head a shake.. and 'affirm' yourselves.. geeezzz...

 

Well said. I learned this in my teens. In most of my more serious relationships, that lasted 4 years plus, I was the initiater--even introducing myself to the man I found appealing. That's called confidence!! I am also the one who left these relationships eventually. It did me absolutely no harm at all the initiate. It ain't the 50s anymore, though loveshack shows me that many people are still living there.

[Kamille]

I've done it before or at least I think I did. I know I asked one of my exes out and, based on that experience, I wouldn't do it again. He was too wrapped up in being "flattered" by the invite and fell into traditional roles of "oh you are so much more into me then I am into you". He decided to break up over it, I was fine with it, he asked for a second chance, I went for it - he continued acting wishy-washy and I dumped him. It came as a surprise to the guy.

 

But I might give my number out to a guy - and let him do the chasing after that.

 

Hell, I just had a ONS this summer and the guy is keeping in touch long-distance.

 

I think the trick is to not act vulnerable just because you give out a number or put out early - and also to keep your expectations in check - and let them be known. If I gave out my number or ask a guy out it would be because I would like to get to know the guy... Not because I am desperately in love with him.

[Tomcat33]

I've done it before or at least I think I did. I know I asked one of my exes out and, based on that experience, I wouldn't do it again. He was too wrapped up in being "flattered" by the invite and fell into traditional roles of "oh you are so much more into me then I am into you". He decided to break up over it, I was fine with it, he asked for a second chance, I went for it - he continued acting wishy-washy and I dumped him. It came as a surprise to the guy.

 

 

 

I can totally see that happening!! Though I have never and would never make the first move on a guy and hit on him first or give him my number I can totally see a man becomeing totally fixated on himself if I were to do so. What a nightmare!! There is only one room for the princess role in the rel. and that's mine!! :lmao:

 

I am very good when it comes to flirting can play the game very well, I am proactive and I can definitely "lead a man to water" but he has to reach out and take that drink all on his own. No way in hell I am cupping my hands and feeding him that water.

That seems so emasculating to me.

[Jersey Shortie]

I one time gave my number to a guy from my art class that I liked and thought was somewhat intersted in me. I ended up running into him after the class ended and gave him my number. Dude never called. I never gave another guy my number first again.

[tinke]

Well, I have asked men out and would do it again.

nope, never just gave out my number....I would want to see them show some interest and pursue.

[lovely_linda]

I don't know about the personality type - maybe somewhat self-sufficient and thinking that they take things in their own hands in all other aspects of their lives, why not in this one? Really, it's about not trusting themselves to be appealing enough to elicit that kind of response from a man, or thinking that they should take advantage of a situation since the guy obviously isn't bright enough, or extroverted enough, or 'whatever' enough to do it himself.

 

It's a form of control coupled with an act of desperation a lot of the time. They tell themselves it's anything but that but the bottom line is they don't analyze it when they get negative results. They just keep on doing it. Granted, every now and then I hear stories from men who say that's what their wives did and theyre happily married - and of course there are those few cases. I'm just speaking generally, it doesn't work. And the worst part, the woman will always wonder if the man would've ever been attracted enough to her to have pursued her.

 

Why the woman at your office did what she did is something I can't answer because it was an incredibly dumb move from a few perspectives. It will be interesting to see how it plays out. I hope you'll keep us posted. I'm not optimistic for this girl. The guy is already bragging and his ego is pumped - but this will bottom out very quickly because she killed the pursuit.

 

I'm not really sure how this situation has played but as an update all I can give you is that, from gossip, one of my co-workers told me that they're not intending anything serious and are just "friends". the relationship is mostly out of bounds because neither want to say anything about it. Thoughts?

[Trialbyfire]

it is gender role in play and going through the motions of courtship "norm". There is no "power struggle" here in terms of this type of behavior. Women who engage in this behavior are still in a no-win situation. Why?

 

> if the woman gives her number with the man asking, it definitely indicates a level of interest. Man wins.

 

>if the woman gives her number without the man asking, gender role playing comes in with societal pressures. She is deemed "aggressive", "promiscuous", "desperate", puts out etc. Man wins again but woman berrated.

Each woman has to decide how she wants to address her love life. It's not for societal conditioning to define what she wants. That's the beauty of life right now, that women have choices, instead of predefined roles. While I won't be the aggressor with men, that's my choice and I do stand firmly that other women have their choices.

 

I will state that giving a guy your number is passive-aggressive. Piss or get off the pot. If you're bold enough to ask the guy out, do it. Beyond that, let him make the first move. I stand at assertiveness.

 

Btw lovely linda, are you certain you're not a lovely larry?

[Rooster_DAR]

Nope, why would I bother doing that? If the guy's not interested enough to ask for my number, it's okay.

 

I don't understand this concept of women giving men their numbers. Why not ask him for his number, then call and ask him out? If women want to reverse roles, either do it or don't bother. I'm of the latter camp. I won't bother.

 

Exactly!! I could not agree more.

[lovely_linda]

Each woman has to decide how she wants to address her love life. It's not for societal conditioning to define what she wants. That's the beauty of life right now, that women have choices, instead of predefined roles. While I won't be the aggressor with men, that's my choice and I do stand firmly that other women have their choices.

 

I will state that giving a guy your number is passive-aggressive. Piss or get off the pot. If you're bold enough to ask the guy out, do it. Beyond that, let him make the first move. I stand at assertiveness.

 

Btw lovely linda, are you certain you're not a lovely larry?

 

no larry between the legs hun